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Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (August 8, 2008)

SOCCER OVERTAKES SOFTBALL HANDBALL AS WORLD’S MOST LESBIAN SPORT Today, Aug. 8, 2008, the luckiest day in China, marks the official launch of the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing. The world of sports, though stereotypically filled with dykes, is in actuality rather homophobic; there have rarely been more than a handful of openly gay and lesbian athletes in any Olympics. But this year, due to my unexpected obsession with the Olympics (I chalk it up to its location, which I spent years studying in grad school, and don’t get me started on the often inaccurate and even imperialist Western media coverage of China) – wait a sec, where was I?

Oh yeah: I have uncovered 10 – 10! – out lesbian/bisexual athletes from around the world for us to watch Aug. 8—24. By “out” I mean women who have said something on the record about their sexual orientation; sure, there’s plenty of gossip online about many, many female athletes, but these precious 10 (so far!) are the ones who have stepped up and said, “Yes, I am.” If I’ve missed someone, please let us know! The 24-year-old second baseman just came out as bisexual in the Aug. 26th issue of the Advocate, where she also revealed that she is currently single. She is a graduate of the University of California, Berkeley, where she played on their softball team. Find out more about her here. Catcher Lauren Lappin, 24, told the Advocate that she credits teammate Galindo with inspiring her to come out herself. Lappin played softball at Stanford and was an alternate on the 2004 U.S. national team. Find out more about her here. As Outsports just noted, the 24-year-old Hawaiian off-handedly came out in a June interview with NBCOlympics.com when she mentioned breaking up with her girlfriend. She’s a forward on the U.S. women’s national team, and yes, she has 19 tattoos. Here’s her official bio. The 31-year-old team captain and forward recently talked to Swedish newspaper Expressen about her sexual orientation (thanks to Bente for the link). This is Svensson’s third Olympics; you can visit her website here (in Swedish).

Beijing will be the fourth Olympics for women’s doubles player Rennae Stubbs, 37. Being out isn’t new to her, either; in fact she used to date her former doubles partner, Lisa Raymond. In 2006 she told Australian newspaper The Age:
I always say to my friends, “Wouldn’t it be great if everybody who was gay said they were? If we said: February 21, or whatever, this is the coming out day. So, if you are, you have to come out to everybody you know.” It would be phenomenal. And it would be nice if everybody could just accept that it’s not a choice, this is who you are. … I don’t hide who I am any more. Everyone in the tennis world pretty much knows who’s gay and who’s not; the only reason I would like it spoken about publicly more is that I wish everybody would realise that, “See all those people you admire? Out of 10 of them, four are gay, and I just want you to know that your child can still idolise them.”
Read her official bio here.

Next page: Norway and Germany

The 28-year-old is captain of Norway’s handball team, which is favored to win the gold medal in Beijing. Hammerseng is in a relationship with teammate Katja Nyberg, and if you want to know anything else about these two women, you should make yourself comfortable and get started reading the 10,000+ posts about them in AfterEllen.com’s Gro Hammerseng and Katja Nyberg forum.

Nyberg (pictured above in the red jersey), 28, was voted Most Valuable Player in the 2007 Women’s Handball Championship. Judging by the photo above, MVP apparently includes the ability to freak out the opposing team’s players with the fiercest scowl ever. For even more discussion of Katja, Gro, the Olympics and handball, go to this fan forum. Arndt took home the Silver Medal in the road race at the 2004 Summer Olympics in Athens, which prompted her to flip off the German cycling officials for not nominating her girlfriend, cyclist Petra Rossner, to the German team. “Of course, we’re happy about the silver medal,” she said, “but if the nomination had been given to Petra and she had been on the start line then things would have been different. We wouldn’t have had to race so recklessly and after all she is the fastest sprinter in the world.” Go to her official website here (in German). Duplitzer, 33, is an épée fencer who won the Silver Medal at the 2004 Summer Olympics; Beijing is her fourth Olympics. In protest of China’s Communist government, Duplitzer has decided to skip the opening ceremonies. She said: “I am not blaming 1.3 billion Chinese. There is a big difference from the Chinese people who are looking forward to celebrating the games, and the government, which is using the opening ceremony as a platform to show how perfect everything is in China.” Visit Duplitzer’s website here.

The 23-year-old midfielder has most famously been involved in a soap opera-like love triangle with former teammate Inka Grings and coach Holger Fachs (a man). If you’re more interested in her stats than her love life, go here.

In case you’re keeping score, that’s three soccer players, two softball players, two handball players, one cyclist, one tennis player and one fencer. And judging from the amount of gossip online about various women’s soccer teams, I think that soccer just might have scored a goal as the dykiest sport ever.

Discuss these ladies and more in the Summer Olympics 2008 forum thread.

– by Malinda Lo

AND LO, THE LESBIAN DID GIVE UP HER SALACIOUS READING MATERIALS This Sunday, the U.K.’s Channel 4 will begin airing a three-part documentary called Make Me a Christian. Among the show’s participants are a lap-dancing manager, a womanizer, a biking tattooist and a lesbian. (It’s practically a circus!)

The premise of the show is that all the volunteers will give up their normal lives and follow the teaching of the Bible for three weeks. They will be led by the Reverend George Hargreaves, who told the BBC that he hopes to rescue Britain from its severe moral decline. First stop on the Morality Express: York Minster Cathedral.

Says Channel 4: “The mentors then visit the volunteers in their own homes, to get a picture of their lives and to give them guidance. The lesbian is ordered to get rid of her explicit pictures and books.” The lesbian has it easy. The womanizer was ordered not to even look at a woman lustfully!

I trolled around some forums yesterday trying to gauge public reaction to the promos for Make Me a Christian. Most people – even conservative Christians – seemed skeptical, saying that modeling one’s life after Jesus has little to do with rules and regulations. One forum in particular had descended into complete chaos with the members tossing out ideas for an entire series of Make Me a [fill in the blank] programs. One forum poster wanted to see a show called Make me a Pop Star. Another wanted to participate in a show called Make Me a King.

I’ve been to York Minster, and I’ve worked through an entire lifetime’s worth of master’s degree theology classes, so I wouldn’t be interested in participating in Make Me a Christian. I would, however, happily appear as the token lesbian on a reality show called Make Me a Sandwich.

HIT ME BABY, WITH YOUR CAR This week, the Los Angeles Times reported that Britney Spears was set to play a lesbian stripper/killer in Quentin Tarantino‘s forthcoming remake of the 1965 cult classic Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

Go ahead, I’ll give you a minute to reread that sentence. Word was that Britney would play the character of Varla, a role that would afford her the opportunity to [SPOILERS!] kill a man with her bare hands; bind, gag and kidnap his girlfriend; make out and talk dirty with her own girlfriend; literally stab a fellow go-go dancer in the back; and mow down a man in a wheelchair, before finally getting herself squashed by a pickup truck.

Before being pummeled, though, the character of Varla loses her girlfriend, Rosie, to knife wounds inflicted by a guy named The Vegetable.

A source told British newspaper the Telegraph: “Quentin is convinced Britney will be brilliant. She’s delighted. She thinks it could turn her career around. It is perfect Tarantino material. He wanted to get Britney first. She’s playing the most important character.”

I’ve got to tell you: When I first heard this news, I was sore afraid. You spend your whole life fighting the stereotype of lesbians as bloodthirsty go-go dancers with a penchant for reckless driving, and then a hard-hitting film like this – with a serious actress like Spears – comes along, and what do you do? Throw up your hands in defeat, I guess.

Lucky for everyone, the news was fake. Oh, Tarantino’s still going to remake Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! – he just isn’t going to cast Britney Spears in the lead (a rep for Britney has denied the report).

The tagline for the Russ Myers original was: “Don’t race the fastest pussycats – they’ll beat you – to death.” Which is much better than the rumored alternate choice: “Just another Thursday Afternoon in Lesbo-ville.”

by Stuntdouble

SLAP ME, I MUST BE DREAMING Last week the trailer for the new modern-day B-movie Bitch Slap caused quite a stir in these parts, what with its nonstop cleavage baring, guns blazing, Xena and Gabrielle reuniting, and girl-on-girl kissing action. You paid attention, and I’m happy to report that the actresses of Bitch Slap paid attention back.

Erin Cummings, who plays the red-headed corporate power broker Hel, sent a gracious email thanking readers for their enthusiastic response to the film. Fans of Dante’s Cove will recognize Cummings as Michelle from Season 2 of the here! series. “I was blown away by the overwhelming support and excitement that your readers offered in their comments,” Cummings wrote. “Thank Goddess – women who get it! Yes, this film has gratuitous cleavage shots. Yes, sexual innuendo permeates every line of dialog. Yes, it is reminiscent of all those terribly trashy B films that are so obviously driven by a male point of view. And that’s why this film is so much fun – we’re in on the joke too!” Cummings also promised that AfterEllen.com readers would get more than the split-second shots seen in the trailer of her and fellow actress Julia Voth (who plays hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold Trixie) kissing. Fellow co-star America Olivo (leather-wearing drug runner Camero) also gets in on the action.

“Yes, that is me kissing Julia in those shots,” she explained. “However, I also kiss America. And America kisses Julia. We each kiss each other. It’s complicated …”

Now that’s the kind of complicated I like. Read Cumming’s full email here. Watch with bated breath for film updates (or just rewatch the trailer, for the 100th time) here.

NOT EVIL, NOT SKANKY, NOT EVEN KIND OF GAY Oh, Buffy. I miss you still. This week a promo clip from the never-completed Buffy the Vampire Slayer animated series was leaked onto the web. The show would have been set back when Buffy and the Scoobies were still in high school. This means Willow wasn’t yet the lesbian witch we’ve all come to know, love, be frightened by and love some more. The short spot was effectively the series’ pilot episode and shows the slayer and friends battling vamps and other beasties while discussing – what else – parties and apocalypses. We see not-quite-gay-yet Willow flash her old crush on Xander, her softer-side-of-Sears fashion and her geeky side. (“Am I panicking out loud?” Adorable.) While the promo doesn’t show Dawn, the little sister formerly known as The Key would have appeared in the series as well. So, um, is the show then all just false memories implanted by monks? The physics of this is making my head hurt, but the clip’s familiar quippy dialogue is helping to soothe my confusion.

The project, which was greenlit by Fox in 2002, was never produced despite the pilot featuring almost all of the live-action show’s original actors voicing their roles including Alyson Hannigan, Nicholas Brendon and Anthony Stewart Head (minus only Buffy herself, Sarah Michelle Gellar). Alas, no network bit and the series went into permanent mothball status. Bummer, because how much do you want to bet Joss Whedon and Co. would have slipped in some sly references to Willow’s burgeoning sexuality?

ONE MARGARET, TWO CHOS Queer comic Margaret Cho has not one, but two new shows coming to a TV near you. Cho’s new reality series The Cho Show premieres Aug. 21 on VH1. And she has also landed a role on the new scripted series Drop Dead Diva for Lifetime. The latter is a pilot about a dead model/actress named Deb whose soul ends up in the body of a brilliant but frumpy lawyer named Jane. Cho will play Jane’s assistant. With that setup and Cho’s presence, I’m expecting some form of hilarity to ensue.

Meanwhile, Cho’s reality series chronicling her life, friends and family got its first promo trailer.

While the series is unscripted, it is also admittedly not-quite reality. In an Advocate interview, Cho said situations were planned out beforehand and her entourage plays versions of themselves. For example, 3-foot-10-inch actress and comic Selene Luna plays her assistant on the show but is actually just a longtime friend. But at least Cho’s parents, particularly her often-imitated mother, are refreshingly themselves. As is the sentiment of self-worth and acceptance that runs through all of Cho’s comedy.

by Dorothy Snarker

WHEREVER THERE’S REALITY TELEVISION, THERE’S A LESBIAN Thanks to TV producers and the colorful, “real-life” characters who eagerly line up for the 15 minutes they so richly deserve, reality show audiences have enjoyed watching back-stabbing, bitch-slapping, smack-talking, drunken lesbian hot tub-kissing shenanigans for years. And that’s just Tila Tequila.

Not to be left out on the fun-slash-train wreckage, Hydra Properties, a United Arab Emirates company, has joined forces with Showtime/Infinity TV and created The Hydra Executives, a business reality show featuring eight American entrepreneurs competing against eight British counterparts in oil money—drenched Abu Dhabi. And what global reality show would be complete without an obligatory lesbian?

Meet 26-year-old personal trainer, sports nutritionist and gym owner, Shawnee Harkins. Harkins and the other contestants were challenged with creating and implementing a business plan based on their original idea for a real estate venture. While certain Abu Dhabi citizens enjoy ridiculous wealth and opulent lifestyles, the U.A.E.’s culture can be downright medieval – homosexuality is illegal there and could be punished by death.

Undeterred by U.A.E.’s craptastic gay rights record, Harkins kept it real by using her “natural head for business” and a “strong commitment towards educating the people of Abu Dhabi about health and fitness,” according to her website. While the Long Beach, Calif., resident didn’t flaunt her lesbian ways during her four months on the show, Harkins didn’t hide them either. She told me: “I don’t look at being gay as taboo; it’s just my life. I met a lot of Arabs who came to find out that I was a lesbian. Everyone knew.” The CEO of Hydra Properties, an Arab gazillionaire, acted as the show’s Donald Trumpesque host and ponied up the winner’s prize: $1,000,000 in venture capital – roughly equal to his monthly budget for champagne.

Harkins told me that The Hydra Executives is slated for the Fox fall lineup, with a projected airdate sometime in late September or early October, and will also air internationally on Showtime in October.

If real estate isn’t your thing, Harkins reports she also had throw-down with a male contestant who had a crush on a female one, who had an interest in her. Lesbian drama – now that’s what I’m talking about.

by Dara Nai

DID WE INVENT LESBIAN CHIC? YES, LISA. This week, the Los Angeles Times ran a brief interview with lesbian icons Wendy Melvoin and Lisa Coleman, formerly of Prince and the Revolution and, of course, famous for their own band, Wendy and Lisa.

For the last 15 years, the duo have have found success in composing for film and television, most notably for Heroes, and will soon be releasing their first studio album in 10 years, White Flags of Winter Chimneys (you can preview tracks from it here). The Times reporter, Choire Sicha, asked them all about their musical influences, if their history with Prince opened any doors for them (not so much), and how they’ve managed to work together for so many years without coming to blows (turns out they’ve had their moments).

But the most interesting part of the interview, in my opinion, was left on the newspaper version of the cutting room floor, so Sicha posted it on his own site upon discovering the omission.

Choire Sicha: Do you think the surprisingly long-lived lesbian-chic, or bi-chic, trend is directly traceable to [Prince and the Revolution song] “Computer Blue”? Wendy: Holy mackerel! Lisa: Can I just say, yeah, why not? Wendy: Yes. “Lisa, is the water warm enough yet?” You mean that shtick? Lisa: Definitely. And that’s what we intended. We wanted to create The L Word. And I want credit.
Why would the reporter even ask such a question? Oh I don’t know, maybe because of images from back in the day like this: Or this: I will say that when I saw Purple Rain in the theater, Wendy and Lisa’s collective keyboarding made me a bit uncomfortable in that “Oh no, I think I’m gay” kind of way. And when I did finally come out, their first record was in heavy rotation on my CD player. (I am so gay that I still own the 12″ single for “Honeymoon Express”)

But have either of them ever officially come out? Should you be able to claim credit for inventing “lesbian chic” and pre-creating The L Word without being an out lesbian? Isn’t it kind of like Al Gore claiming to have “invented the internet” without ever actually owning a computer? (OK, he didn’t really say that, but that’s a different story altogether.)

I suppose that these are all minor concerns, when the bigger mystery is why the L.A. Times didn’t print this juicy part of the interview. The Wendy and Lisa and “lesbian chic” question is the veritable “fruit at the bottom.” Wouldn’t you agree?

by Karman Kregloe

GOING GAGA FOR THE LADIES Electro-pop singer and hit songwriter Lady GaGa is on the cover of gay rag HX Magazine this month, and in the interview, she vaguely described herself as bisexual.

When asked if she is boy-crazy, she said:

Well, I’m girl-crazy too. I really depends on where I am. I love men, I love women and I love sex, but I’m actually pretty introverted right now because I’m so enveloped in my work, and it’s hard to let anybody near that. People f— with your energy, and it’s very hard to find people that are supportive of your art and don’t want to take time away from it. A lot of times, boyfriends and girlfriends get jealous and want all your attention, and I really don’t have time for that.
In response to if she considers herself bisexual, she answered:
I mean, I don’t really consider sexual orientation in general. It’s like, people are born the way they are.
This seemed like a rather blasé way to come out. But upon doing some further research, I found a totally different interview from June that confirmed Gaga’s gayness for me. Regarding her writing a song for the Pussycat Dolls‘ new album, she said:
Well you know, I love a girl in her underwear, first of all. Secondly, I’ve been writing for them, so Nicole Scherzinger has been in my head for probably the past three months.
I’m visualizing a duet of PCD’s “I Don’t Need a Man” starring Gaga, Nicole and underwear on a future episode of Brunch With Bridget. Someone please make this happen.

by Trish Bendix

IF THE APOCALYPSE COMES, BEEP ME There’s a really big, really freaky secret revealed in the latest issue – #17 Time of Your Life, Part Two – of the Buffy Season 8 comic series.

If you’re a Buffy fan, you must go buy it.

Right now.

Here’s a panel from early on in the issue, in which we learn that Willow’s spell has transported Buffy into the future (don’t worry, that’s not the big secret). For those of you wondering, yes, that’s supposed to be Kennedy in the blue top. I’m not really digging the art for this arc – it’s hard to tell who anyone is – but the story is fascinating.

And did I mention there’s a big reveal? Still. Reeling. (For a teaser, look at the third photo here.)

ITTY BITTY TRAILER CONTEST AfterEllen.com has partnered with POWER UP to offer a trailer/fan video contest for their feature film Itty Bitty Titty Committee.

POWER UP has created a page with official clips, photos and music that you can use to create a trailer for the movie. Cut, mix, match and add your own art, text and voice-overs to make this a trailer/fan video for the story in the movie – or make it seem like another movie altogether. Instead of a movie about women protesting a plastic surgery clinic, for example, you could make it look like a movie about protesting the lack of lesbians on TV. Or a love triangle in an all-girl band. Or a 1950s cautionary tale about the perils of women being allowed to think for themselves. You get the idea. Here are the rules:

1. The video can be as short as you like, but not longer than 1 minute 30 seconds. 2. You may add original art work, photos and/or music, as long as you own the copyright of all added material (and please, no profanity). 3. You must upload your entry to AfterEllen.com via the upload form at www.afterellen.com/video/upload (a link to this page is now listed under the MORE section on the left nav of every page) by Monday, Aug. 25 for judging. Please provide contact info in the message box, and put “Itty Bitty Contest: [your name]” in the subject field. 4. You may not post, share or do anything with the video created with official IBTC clips other than submit it to AfterEllen.com for possible inclusion on the site.
We’ll choose the most interesting, entertaining and creative trailers as the winner(s) and post the videos on AfterEllen.com sometime between Aug. 29 and Sept. 2. The winner will receive an autographed copy of Itty Bitty Titty Committee, an autographed cast poster, and the praise and adulation of AfterEllen.com readers around the world. (The runner-ups will just receive praise and adulation.)

You can pre-order the movie on DVD now at www.ittybittydvd.com to receive it on Sept. 2nd. (The movie is also being released in Germany, France, Australia and New Zealand on that date.)

by Sarah Warn

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson were spotted laughing at Tila Tequila and her latest hookup, Yahoo! heiress Courtenay Semel.

Ilene Chaiken will now control all “brand integration,” aka product placement, in the final season of The L Word and on its possible spin-off, according to an Advertising Age article entitled “On Ad-Less ‘L Word,’ Brands Become Part of the Plot.”

Interlude, billed as “the print magazine for chicks … who like chicks,” has relaunched after a three-year hiatus.

After its 31st episode this Sunday, Brunch With Bridget will be going on hiatus for a month – OK, five weeks – so Bridget McManus can gear up for her second “season”, which begins September 21. Bridget will also guest-star this fall in a new web series for Warner Brothers called Joni & Susanna which stars Joni Leftkowitz (whom you might remember from the very first BWB) and Susannah Fogel as two passive-aggressive friends. In the series, Joni is gay, Susanna’s straight, and Bridget plays a gay comedian named Bridget. (Talk about stretching credibility!) We’ll pump Joni for more info give you more details about the series as we get closer to its launch date.

Next week’s episode of This Just Out with Liz Feldman has a very special guest you won’t want to miss. Look for that on Monday Monday Monday!

That’s it for this week! Got the inside scoop on a hot new lesbian/bi actor/musician/TV show/film? Tell us at [email protected]. Check back next Friday for another edition of Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever.

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