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Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (June 20, 2008)

WAIT, WASN’T THERE ALREADY A MOVIE CALLED THREESOME? The first poster and a new trailer for Woody Allen‘s upcoming film Vicky Cristina Barcelona have been released. Now, I don’t know if you’re picking up on the one-sheet’s subtle imagery, but I think what it’s trying to say is, uh, “threesome!”

Yes, threesome. As in these three people are going to have sex. As in, men (and assorted lesbians), ignore Javier Bardem and focus on the fact that Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz are going to have sex. Heck, they even cropped Penelope to look kind of like Angelina Jolie. And we all know that Angie likes the ladies. Nudge nudge, wink wink.

The new trailer, unlike the earlier teaser trailer, actually features words. And, who’d a thunk it, a lot of those words are about sex. Who is having it, who is not having it, who is perpetrating violence because of it – you get the picture. Oh, Woody, must you be so literal about living up to your name?

DUMB QUOTE OF THE WEEK ABOUT LESBIANS “Women have started to become lovers of each other as a result of not having enough men.” – Usher, in an interview with Vibe magazine

I WANT MY 5 MINUTES AND 30 SECONDS BACK Out actor Saffron Burrows appears in the third season premiere of the Wainy Days, a web comedy series by David Wain. The short, called “Nan and Lucy,” follows Wain’s fictitious self as he juggles a date with two women on one night, one of them played by Saffron. OK, I get it. Ha ha, isn’t it funny that this schlubby guy has dates with two beautiful women on the same night. And yes, I know it’s meant to be ironic. But this is from a guy who is hailed by some as a comedy genius. He wrote and directed Wet Hot American Summer and The Ten. And his series Wainy Days took home a Webby this year.

Wait a sec – nope, I don’t get it. I think I’ve just lost all patience with comedies where the dorky dude lands the hottie girl. Or perhaps I’m just jealous he gets to be that close to Saffron.

by Dorothy Snarker

ILENE CHAIKEN HEARS YOU, SHE’S JUST NOT LISTENING In an interview with the U.K.’s Digital Spy this week, Ilene Chaiken cleared up some rumors regarding The L Word and its sixth and final season. She said that Paris Hilton will not be making a guest star appearance, leaving us all unfazed and uninterested (or were we already?).

Chaiken confirmed “that all of [the] major characters are returning”: “We’re deeply and obligingly in their lives – but we’ll see a lot of highs and lows for each of them.” And while she does know how she wants the show to end, she has yet to write the final scene, so there’s still a chance your opinions could be heard. She also noted that while she doesn’t seem to do anything productive with it she pays attention to viewer response:

In the beginning I said – and was given a very hard time for saying – “I don’t listen, I write what I want to write.” But another way the world has changed since I started doing the show is that the internet has become a big part of our lives. Anybody who writes a TV show would be a fool not to interact with her audience. Our audience is particularly passionate and engaging, so I talk to them and I listen to them. I can’t always do what they want to do, but there’s an effect of hearing their voices and then deciding what stories to tell.
So who was the one posting on the internet how Dana was better off six feet under? Anyone want to ‘fess up? I think we’ll chalk that one up to Chaiken.

THE HARDEST WORKING BANDS IN LESBIAN SHOW BUSINESS We queer women must be a demanding audience. Tegan and Sara have announced the last leg of their never-ending tour in support of their 2007 album, The Con. The twins will be touring the U.S. yet again, this time paired with Texan trio Girl in a Coma, who have also been touring non-stop for their 2007 album, Both Before I’m Gone. The T&S/GIAC tour kicks off at the end of September, but both bands will (of course) be playing shows all over North America throughout the summer. Someone give these ladies a day off! And perhaps a soothing massage. Any volunteers?

by Trish Bendix

A RUSH OF SUGAR TO THE HEAD Here! TV announced this week that it has acquired the rights to broadcast the acclaimed British series Sugar Rush on its all-gay, all-the-time premium cable network.

With a lineup that consists mostly of the man-meat platters Dante’s Cove and The Lair – both of which feature more than their share of wood (which is also one way to describe the acting) – the addition of Sugar Rush to here! TV’s programming schedule will give it a much-needed lesbian boost, starting this fall with Season 1. As many of you know, the first season of Sugar Rush introduced 15-year-old lamb on wry Kim (Olivia Hallinan) to outrageous and outrageously hot Maria Sweet, aka Sugar (Lenora Crichlow). Before you could say “sexual awakening,” Kim dove head-first into the sweet, deep abyss otherwise known as lesbian obsession, and became immersed in a new world of sex, drugs and tandem bathing with underwater footsie, all thanks to the object of her desire. Sugar is what my mother very erroneously called a “bad influence.”

Sugar Rush won the 2006 International Emmy Award for Best Children & Young People program, which sort of blows my American mind. While Kim showed the world other interesting uses for an electric toothbrush, in the U.S., Spencer and Ashley spent most of their time playing with each other’s hair. Which one is the “misspent youth” again?

Season 2 will also air on here!, giving audiences the opportunity to meet Saint (Sarah-Jane Potts). While Sugar languished in the big house, having been arrested for being awesome and kicking ass, Saint and Kim realize their chemistry is undeniable. Later, Kim cheats on Saint with a “psycho bitch” named Anna. What here! press releases call a “highly-compelling character-driven series,” we call juicy lesbian drama. Sex, stealing, drugs, violence, prison and lesbian infidelity. It’s unbelievable Sugar Rush was never renewed for a third season.

Until fall, here’s a clip of Kim and Saint, so you can see what’s in store for here! audiences. **You can not trust everything you read on the internets, which is what this clueless American did while researching this post. The kissy-face image shown is not Kim and Saint, it’s Kim and Montana. And Kim was with Anna before Saint came along. Thanks to everyone who caught those inexcusable errors. I’m still learning about this show, but one thing is becoming clear to me; Kim gets around. I like her already.

The only girl named Montana I’ve heard of is Hannah. And the only Saint I know is the wacky-weed on Dante’s Cove, which is what I’ve clearly been smoking. I need to be watching this show!

by Dara Nai

THE OPPOSITE OF A SHOTGUN WEDDING File this item under the category of “Finally!” Lesbian activists and partners of 55 years Del Martin, 87, and Phyllis Lyon, 83, were the first lesbian couple to be married in San Francisco on Monday, June 16 at 5:01 p.m., just one month after the California Supreme Court ruled that gays and lesbians have the right to get married.

San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom did the honors, which was only fitting since he was the one who defied state law and ordered marriage licenses be issued to gay and lesbian couples back in February 2004. The state later voided those licenses, including the one issued at that time to Martin and Lyon. At the time, Lyon said, “Del is 83 years old and I am 79. After being together for more than 50 years, it is a terrible blow to have the rights and protections of marriage taken away from us. At our age, we do not have the luxury of time.”

Luckily, they didn’t have to wait too much longer. Their most recent ceremony was held this Monday. After the couple exchanged vows and rings in Newsom’s office at City Hall, Newsom told them: “You’ve always been destined to enjoy this blessed and extraordinary day. … It is my extraordinary honor to pronounce you spouses for life.”

After the ceremony, Newsom said: “No couple exemplifies what marriage is all about more than these two extraordinary people. … The institution of marriage has been strengthened.”

Martin and Lyon formed the first national lesbian organization, Daughters of Bilitis, in 1955, then one year later published the first nationally distributed lesbian magazine, The Ladder. In her AfterEllen.com column Back in the Day, Malinda Lo wrote about The Ladder: “Until it ceased publication in 1972, The Ladder was the preeminent source of information for lesbians across the U.S., teaching them how to dress to avoid police arrest, encouraging them to accept themselves, and providing a positive message to counter the overwhelmingly negative coverage in the mainstream heterosexual media.”

In the first issue of the magazine (October 1956), Lyon wrote, “It is to be hoped that our venture will encourage women to take an ever-increasing part in the steadily-growing fight for understanding of the homophile minority.” Lyon and Martin edited the publication until 1963.

I like to think of The Ladder as the grandmother of AfterEllen.com, and women always aspire to take after our grandmothers, right? Malinda wrote, “Early issues of The Ladder published personal essays, fiction, editorials, reports of research on homosexuality, lists of books and publications about homosexuality, and letters to the editor. It avoided publishing anything that was sexual in content, advocated a relatively conservative tone – advising women to conform to heterosexual fashion norms, for example – and soon began to publish news about lesbians and the homophile movement.”

In keeping with our lineage, AfterEllen.com has published book reviews (read books by Ariel Schrag!) and personal essays (Angela Robinson says we don’t need The Man to make lesbian movies!), and given fashion advice (Tank tops? Yes! Ties worn over T-shirts? No!).

(We do write about things that are “sexual in content,” but Sarah never lets me write about Lindsay Lohan. If I had known the ban was a way of honoring my journalistic grandmothers and not just a despotic display of power by the Editor in Chief, I wouldn’t have defied her!)

Here’s a clip from The Daily Show in which host and friend-of-the-gays Jon Stewart celebrates Lyon and Martin and gay marriage in general while skewering all the homophobes who have a problem with it: Maybe Jon Stewart would see The Ladder as the grandmother of his rebellious Daily Show, too. If that’s the case, I hope they give him the lint-covered butterscotch candies from the bottom of their collective purse.

by Karman Kregloe

NOTE TO GAYS GETTING HITCHED: REGISTER AT SEARS, PLEASE Obviously, the biggest gay news this week was the legalization of same-sex marriage in California, but unlike the so-called “Winter of Love” in San Francisco in 2004, this time there was no frenzied rush to the altar – or at least that’s what the mainstream news media is saying.

From the New York Times to the San Jose Mercury News, news outlets have been reporting that the gay marriages are historic, yes, but exceedingly calm and even staid. Everyone, it seems, is on a mission to prove that gays getting married is totally, completely ordinary.

Kate Kendall, executive director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights, explained: “There’s a time to party, there’s a time for celebration, there’s a time for flamboyance. And then there’s getting married.” Kate, I love your work, but did you really have to make marriage sound like a funeral?

The Los Angeles Times claimed that LGBT rights groups cautioned gay couples that “sometimes less is more, especially when it comes to cross-dressing.” Damn! You mean no drag queens will be getting hitched?

All of this serious-minded marriage material is part of a concerted effort to block an anti-gay marriage amendment from passing this fall in California. So if that’s the case, I’m all for presenting gay weddings as totally, mind-numbingly boring. I’m really, really bored now. I think I might pass out from boredom. How about you?

– by Malinda Lo

WHEN DID YOU KNOW? Having worked at AfterEllen.com since 2003, I’ve seen my share of coming-out stories (and TV episodes, and books, and – you get the point), but a new documentary, When I Knew, which presents ordinary people talking about the moment they first realized they’re gay, is unexpectedly entertaining, funny and moving.

Directed and produced by Fenton Bailey and Randy Barbato (The Eyes of Tammy Faye, Party Monster), the 35-minute documentary airs on Cinemax on June 25 and is also screening at Frameline this weekend in San Francisco.

This documentary works because it keeps the pace quick, has a sense of humor, and includes a real diversity in the people interviewed. That includes equal numbers of men and women, people of all ages and races, and stories that range from super-serious to quite lighthearted. When I Knew reminded me of how much we as gay folks still need to get together and share our stories, since we almost always come out alone.

To aid in this process, the filmmakers have set up a video booth at Frameline this weekend where anyone can go in and record their own “when I knew” story (select videos will be edited into the June 22 screening).

I actually don’t like recalling the moment that I knew, since that moment was kind of depressing. But the documentary did make me recall the moment that I should have known I’m a lesbian.

Let me set the scene: It’s 1992, and I’m in high school physics class. I and several other classmates are sitting at our desks before class starts.

Me: I got into Wellesley! Annoying yet prescient girl: You know that like 75 percent of the girls there are lesbians. Me: [shocked and utterly horrified] That is not true!! Annoying yet prescient girl: Yes it is.
In fact, 75 percent of the girls at Wellesley are not lesbians (bummer), but perhaps part of the reason I was so upset was because her claim (though outrageous) was intriguing. Very intriguing.

If only I had known that Wellesley breeds super lesbians, I might have come out a lot sooner!

MOTHER, MAY I DANCE WITH ARMY WIVES? Renee O’Connor. Lesbian relationship. Army Wives. That was the plan before the Writers Guild strike, and that was one of the reasons many of us were excited about the second season of the popular Lifetime show, which began earlier this month.

Unfortunately, plans change, and it looks like Renee’s lesbian/bi character won’t be making an appearance this season, after all.

Series creator Katherine Fugate gave this explanation on her website:

renee herself is not the issue. she has fans all around. when we returned from the strike, the scripts hadn’t even been written yet. there was a long discussion with many different important players on what season 2 should be about. storylines are being revisited and some have changed – as can be expected when the scripts haven’t been written and one discovers what “feels” right and what doesn’t for an entire season. as always, i will be on the lookout for a part for renee. as i have always done. it will happen. don’t lose faith.
Call me jaded, but I’m not surprised. Between the strike, Army Wives‘ showrunner turnover (it’s currently on its third), and the increased sappiness of the story lines so far this season – pregnancy, an absent husband, a daughter’s death – my guess is that someone at Lifetime wants to play it safe with their highest-rated show ever.

Femming up the female lieutenant colonel in the ads and on the show is another telling sign.

Unfortunately for Lifetime, and for us, a lesbian relationship is exactly what Army Wives needs right now. The show that dealt with edgy topics in its first season – surrogacy, a son hitting his mother, and a female soldier facing post-traumatic stress syndrome – is suddenly starting to feel more like a Lifetime movie of the week. The reason the series earned such high ratings in the first place is because it broke the sappy Lifetime mold – why revert to form now?

Renee did comment on making AfterEllen.com’s Hot 100 again this year, though, telling us, “I am Woman, hear me Roar!!! Thank you ALL. I’m feeling sexy and lucky today!”

Renee in this month’s issue of New Zealand’s Next Magazine You can still catch Renee in her upcoming movie Monster Ark (formerly Genesis Code), debuting Saturday, Aug. 9, on Sci Fi, and at the Toronto Fan Expo Aug. 23—24.

You can keep up with our weekly Army Wives mini recaps here. Just don’t expect any asking, or telling, anytime soon.

SORDID LIVES – NOW LESS SORDID Contrary to what we previously told you (and what other media outlets have also reported), Olivia Newton-John‘s character Bitsy Mae in Logo’s upcoming series Sordid Lives is not a lesbian.

Turns out Logo’s publicity department (yes, we get info about Logo shows through their publicity department just like everyone else) initially made a mistake in telling us she was gay. Although Bitsy Mae does have a relationship with a woman late in the series, her character “doesn’t like labels” and is more accurately described as bisexual. Either way, her sexuality doesn’t figure prominently into the show until the second half of the season.

The good news is … she’s still a country singer! With hair like that, you know Bitsy Mae’s got to be at least a little bit gay.

by Sarah Warn

AFTERELLEN.COM MEET-UPS: SAN FRANCISCO, PARIS, LYON – AND NOW SEATTLE! Our AE San Francisco Meet-up is this Sunday, June 22, from 2-4 p.m. at the Lookout in the Castro. Go here for more details. Karman, Bridget McManus, Malinda and Sarah P. will be there.

We finally have a place for the Paris AfterEllen.com Meet-Up on June 29th: L’Imprévu café, located at 9 rue Quincampoix, 75004 Paris, from 2pm to 5pm. Go to this forum thread to post questions or get more info about the Paris event.

Details on the Lyon Meet-Up on July 4th Thursday, July 3rd will be available soon. In the meantime, go here to ask questions/make suggestions about it.

We’ll be holding a Seattle AfterEllen.com Meet-Up on September 6th. No details yet, but put the date on your calendar!

Finally, a little background info about our meet-ups: we don’t have a large travel budget, and we can’t afford to send staff or vloggers all over the country/world (as much as we wish we could)! So we generally hold these meet-ups whenever there are going to be at least a few AfterEllen.com staff and/or vloggers in one city at the same time for other reasons. We had the New York City one last month because there were several folks already planning to be in Manhattan for the NewNowNext Awards, and we’re holding the San Francisco one this weekend because Karman and Bridget are going to be in town shooting an episode of their travel show You Can’t Take Them Anywhere!, and Sarah Pecora and Malinda already live there. But I’m not attending the latter, for example, because I don’t have a business reason to be in San Francisco – that’s the same reason Malinda didn’t attend the New York one, and why only Bridget, Karman, Lori and I will be at the France ones (and not, say, Jill Bennett, or Trish, or Jenn and Dee).

So apologies in advance if we have a meet-up in your city and your favorite vlogger/staff member isn’t there, but until lesbians run the world and start printing our own money, that’s just how it has to be!

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! In the next episode of Morgan Spurlock‘s documentary series 30 Days, airing June 24 at 10 p.m. ET on FX, a 41-year-old mother of two adopted sons, who believes that children should be raised by a mother and a father, spends a month with a pair of gay dads and their adopted kids. She also hangs out with a bunch of lesbian moms.

The 22nd London Lesbian and Gay Film Festival is going to be touring the U.K. from June through September (thanks Simone!).

AE reader Jaden let us know that the EW.com list of 28 TV Castmates With Perfect Chemistry was not actually an ordered list, so TiBette and Spashley were not ranked higher or lower than anyone else. Sorry for the error!

Fans of Blood Ties, the Lifetime drama series which stars AfterEllen.com Hot 100 #24 Christina Cox as a kick-ass private eye who is bisexual in theory (if not in practice), took out an ad in Variety trying to save the show. No word yet on whether it worked, but look for Christina in the upcoming Spike TV movie/pilot SIS – and in a future episode of everyone’s favorite fake lesbian detective series, Ladycops.

Both 3Way and Laughing Matters…Next Gen (which features AfterEllen.com vloggers Bridget McManus and Gloria Bigelow) will be screening at Outfest in L.A. on Saturday, July 12th. Get your tickets at outfest.org.

A new episode of Cathy DeBuono‘s vlog What’s Your Problem? will debut this Monday on TheSmockingCocktail.com.

Due to unforeseen circumstances, there will be no new Lo-Down vlog this week, but Malinda and Sarah P. will be back in two weeks with a review of the new Angelina Jolie movie Wanted. The U People vlog will also be on a break this week, and both Gay Girls Who Game and She Got Me Pregnant will be taking the next two weeks off, and We’re Getting Nowhere will be returning with weekly episodes on June 26th (in the meantime, you can see two out of the three WGN vloggers in the recent “Movie Trailers” episode of Ghostella’s Haunted Tomb).

This weekend, look for the Retro Reviewers’ take on If These Walls Could Talk 2, another installment of our new WNBA vlog From the Cheap Seats (barring technical difficulties), and a new Brunch with Bridget.

AfterEllen.com now averages over 700,000 readers (unique visitors) a month. Yikes! That man shortage Usher identified must be worse than we thought – quick, someone call Tila Tequila and tell her to take credit for it!

– by Sarah Warn

That’s it for this week! Got the inside scoop on a hot new lesbian/bi actor/musician/TV show/film? Tell us at [email protected]. Check back next Friday for another edition of Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever.

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