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“Work Out” Recaps: Episode 3.4 “Hit the Wall”

Briana, you’re a fine girl – The Olivia Cruise featuring the Sky Sport ladies is back from a week at sea. Renessa got her swerve on, Rebecca and the boss got in a smack-down, Erika got an intervention, and Agostina got a tan. Guess who had the best week.

The trainers’ illustrious leader, Jackie, is sick of all of them and is happy to be back on dry land with Briana; her life, her love and her lady are definitely not the sea.

Briana: Did you have fun? Jackie: Uh, no. Briana: OK … Jackie: I had it kinda up to here with the trainers. Briana: Why? Jackie: Just … you know what? I’m not used to being in such small quarters with them. I can take them in doses, but to have to force socializing morning, noon and night, dinner after bad dinner, I got to the point where I was just like, “Oh please God, transport me outta here on a beam.” And I missed you.

Meanwhile, all around town, the same conversation is taking place at Erika, Rebecca, Renessa and Agostina’s houses. Over at the home of the woman who was thrusting Rebecca like a porn star, someone has some ‘splaining to do.

Briana asks Jackie if anyone hooked up with anyone. Jackie pauses for a small eternity while she considers replying, “Define ‘anyone.'”

Briana asks point-blank if anything interesting happened with Rebecca.

Jackie: She was a little, uh … we … we … there was a lot of tension between us. Briana: Examples? Jackie: She doesn’t really have fully appropriate boundaries yet.

Well, that’s a bit like the pot calling the kettle inappropriate, isn’t it? Jackie’s answer is suspiciously vague, but it’s clear that Jabecca playtime is over. Jackie’s finding Rebecca’s needy charms more annoying than alluring these days.

Wise beyond her years, Briana tells Jackie to “take responsibility” for the situation. Finally. Someone who’s in a relationship with Jackie Warner has some common sense.

Jackie assures her she has nothing to worry about and furthermore, the next time she has to go away on business, Briana is coming with her. So, no hard feelings, Briana. You missed the free lesbian cruise to Mexico, but the next time Jackie has to appear at a mall opening in Nebraska, you are so there.

Drop and give her 20 – Back at SkyLab, this year’s group of chublicious folks are mingling about, waiting for Jackie to begin leading them in yet another grueling boot camp. While they wait, Deenie shows everyone a nasty bruise on her cankle.

I think I see the Virgin Mary.

Jackie emerges from her office to start the session. But before they begin, Jackie admonishes everyone for not coming to the gym as often as they should. Jackie then asks everyone for a critique of the trainers she’s matched them with. Natalie gushes over Jesse, saying he’s her new BFF. Fat straight girls and gay guys – still working.

Paisley reports she’s loving how hard Rebecca is pushing her, but never forgets to encourage and cheer for her. Deenie tries to be diplomatic when she describes her experience with Gregg.

Deenie: Maybe it’s just me, but he seems so focused on his music career, which is awesome, but he’s like: “Oh, we can’t meet this day because I have rehearsal. Oh, we can’t do this because I have a show …”

Jackie nods as she listens. Somehow, from Deenie’s comments, Jackie decides she needs to remind everyone that a trainer is an instructor and a mentor – not a best friend. Natalie, you got the bonus plan.

Maybe Deenie said something off-camera about Gregg not coming to her slumber party, but on-camera, all she seems to want is for Gregg to show up at work. But what do I know about such things. Jackie says clients are emotional and needy and always end up taking out their frustrations on the trainer. No wonder everyone there is crazy.

Jackie’s boot camp begins with an audition for a new play called My Pretty Pony: The Musical.

Because of her injury, Deenie is cut from the herd and told to do a bazillion ass lifts all alone. After it’s over, everyone has a good vomit and gets a coveted high-five from the Mistress of Pain.

Coming soon on DVD – The next day, a producer named Andrea from ExerciseTV, a fitness video website, visits the gym to give Jackie one more reason to wink at herself in the mirror each morning; she wants to produce a Jackie Warner workout DVD.

Andrea: You come across as sort of sexy and cool and [as having] a Hollywood thing … I want to capture that experience for [the viewers], make them feel like they’re part of the party.

There’s a party in Jackie’s pants, and we’re all invited to come.

Jackie: I want to get my most experienced, my strongest, my best-looking trainers involved. Andrea: Right. Jackie: I want to get my sexiest trainers.

If there’s one thing Jackie understands, it’s the aspirational mindset of the consumer. Your garden-variety couch potato will never look like her, Greg Plitt or Rebecca, but for $14.95, they’re welcome to try.

Andrea tells Jackie they only have a month to shoot the video. Jackie balks. Can her over-flowing schedule of gossiping with Lisa, fighting with Peeler and gossiping some more handle one more commitment?

Jackie asks for a week to think it over, but Andrea says she needs an answer right now. Jackie considers her options. The idea of her trainers fighting over who gets to be on the DVD is just too delicious to pass up. She’s in.

Was there ever a question?

Another offer – Erika is training with her SkyLab client, Damon. She sensibly uses a towel and mounts him.

As any woman who’s ever been to the gynecologist knows, being flat on your back in a vulnerable position is the best time for making small talk. Damon and Erika chitchat for a while until he lets her in on a secret: He’s afraid of her. She laughs in disbelief.

Erika: Don’t be scared. Damon: Queen of the Gym. Erika: I cry all the time. Damon: You cry all the time? Erika: I’m the biggest crier. Damon: I love that. Erika: Yeah, I do. You can’t embarrass me, but you can make me cry. Damon: Well, I’ll just make ya laugh.

Erika needs to laugh until she cries. Or cry until she laughs. Either way, watching the show should do the trick.

Just as they’re wrapping up, Plitt peeks into the gym through the glass door, looking for Erika. After Damon leaves, Plitt tells her that he’s going to be on yet another fitness magazine cover, but this time, they want a couple. He invites Erika to be his photo shoot girlfriend because he thinks she’s perfect for it. And she is: those arms, those eyes, that delicious aversion to drama.

Low self-esteem Erika doesn’t think she looks like “some of those girls,” and is more shocked and nervous at the offer than anything else. She doesn’t squeal with delight while jumping up to wrap her legs around him like Rebecca would have.

Erika: Thank you. Greg: I’ll have [the photographer] call you and set it up. Erika: I’m glad you came to me. Greg: Yeah! You’re the first one I thought of … I’m like, “I got it.” If you said no, I’d be all, “I don’t know what we’re gonna do.”

Could it be Plitoris is actually a nice guy?

The narc – Newly embedded with the troops this year, Lisa files a report with her boss about which mice played while the cat was away. While Brian sits nearby and listens to Renessa describe her harrowing lesbian cruise and the girls who gave her “a really hard time,” Lisa tells Jackie about Peeler’s passive-aggressive comments to Don Scott during his unauthorized phone call.

“He was very pissy that you kind of shut him out of the meeting,” Lisa says with casual satisfaction, “and he made it clear that he was upset about that.”

Jackie does a slow boil and wants to know who the hell Brian Peeler thinks he is. To make matters worse, Jackie looks out at the gym floor and notices Brian isn’t wearing his SkyLab uniform – he’s wearing his own “PeelerBuilt” T-shirt. Again. Jack Daddy is not happy.

“I’m this close to letting him go, Lisa,” Jackie says, “this close.”

Little Miss Lisa Schadenfreude is clapping her hands and jumping up and down, if only on the inside.

Pass the ketchup – Lisa, Erika, Rebecca and Agostina go out to lunch at Ketchup, a splashy yet stark WeHo (that’s West Hollywood to you) eatery that doesn’t serve many things a trainer will touch during the week.

Refreshingly untethered to any form of dieting, Lisa shoves fries in her mouth while the others nibble on bits of chicken and lettuce. Girls being girls, they all dish about Brian’s Mud Run disaster and what a sweetie pie Greg Plitt has turned out to be. Erika and Lisa, the first two SkySportsters to mock his grotesquely over-bouldered body, have reconsidered their opinion of Plitt and now think he’s the shizzle.

Lisa adds leadingly that Greg was asking about Erika earlier, prompting a round of girlie gasps and giggles. Rebecca says, “Shut up!”

It’s enough gossipy hetero glee to send any self-respecting lesbian running for the door.

Erika deflates their hopes of a wedding by clarifying he just wanted to talk about the photo shoot, although she’s still not sure why he chose her. Rebecca starts stealing fries from Lisa (it’s not cheating if you didn’t order it) and offers Erika her sincere support.

Rebecca: That could be huge. Erika: Yeah, but I don’t … my gut just, like, hanging out … Rebecca: What gut?

The table tries in vain to convince Erika’s body dysmorphia to take a hiatus. “The girl is hot. She needs to be on the cover of something, immediately,” Rebecca says simply.

Rebecca: So, do you think there’s any kind of crush situation going on? Or do you think that it’s just purely friendship? Erika: Who? Rebecca: With you. Agostina: You! Erika: [shocked] Me? No! Friendship.

Rebecca declares without a hint of irony that Erika’s smart to not “go fishing off the company pier.”

Rebecca then laughs the laugh of a woman who knows all too well how stinky things get when the tide goes out.

Save the drama for your mama – Back at the gym, Jackie calls SkyLabber Tyra into her office to scold her for being habitually tardy as Renessa looks on with her saucer eyes. J.W. should also be scolding Tyra for wearing a one-size-fits-all T-shirt for a pie company to a gym, but whatever. Product placement doesn’t really work. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go buy more Propel Fitness Water.

Tyra gives Jackie and Renessa her sad saga about many people, one car. Jackie suggests Tyra “snap the whip” with her car-sharing bitches, or she’s not going to be allowed to continue with the program. SkyLab has a structure that must be adhered to.

Oh, sure. If a client is MIA, she had better get their act together. But if a trainer like Gregg pulls the same thing, everyone should stop being so goddamn needy. Jackie Warner has standards. And they’re all double.

Out on the floor, Erika is on an elliptical machine, doing emergency cardio in preparation for the shoot with Greg.

Lisa pops out of her hole to sniff the air. She approaches Erika over by the elliptical machines.

Lisa: So, do you like him? Erika: He’s a sweetheart. He’s really sweet. Lisa: You get this little smile when you talk about him. And your blue eyes get bluer. Erika: I don’t date anyone I work with, you know that. Lisa: Sometimes you have to break the rules. For him, I would.

Erika’s personal policies are more strict than Sky Sport’s, which may not be saying much, as Sky Sport doesn’t seem to have any policies. Lisa may want to write an employee handbook, just as soon as she’s done tattling on people and playing yenta.

Meltdown – Meanwhile, Deenie is sitting around waiting for Gregg. She could be on the treadmill or doing stretches on her own, I suppose, but really, why tax yourself if the meter isn’t running?

After 15 minutes or so, Deenie goes to tell Lisa she’s been abandoned like an overweight baby on the church steps, and it’s not the first time – Gregg’s late for every session. As they both go in search of someone else to train her, Gregg saunters off the elevator without a care in the world.

Deenie wants to hash it out right there in the lobby. She tells Gregg all the other SkyLab kids talk to their trainers every day, get more attention and feel 59 percent more love than she does. Where’s the love, Gregg? Gregg doesn’t feel he owes his client any more than whatever he’s giving her now.

Gregg: The truth of the situation is, this is entirely your journey, independently your own. I’m just a here as a piece of the puzzle. Deenie: I think that’s bulls—. Gregg: It’s not bulls—. Deenie: I’m sorry, but I do. Gregg: It’s not bulls—. Deenie: For Jackie to sit here and say, “Your trainer is your mentor. Your trainer is going to hold your hand every step of the way. That’s why we’re here …”

Yeah, well. Jackie never said that, not on-camera, anyway. But J.W. does oversell everything; that’s her special gift. You don’t start and co-own the third top-grossing cellular company in southern California at age 22 by being low-key and honest. Hell, even that biographical tidbit might be a bunch of bull.

Gregg calmly tells Deenie that given her injury, she can’t do cardio, and he’s shown her all the other exercises she can handle. Deenie seems to want more than a list of exercises from Gregg. She wants the personalized attention and special, sweaty bond the others are getting from their trainers.

Unfortunately, this season Gregg’s head is in his music career, so unless she wants to sing a duet with him, undivided attention from her trainer is just not going to happen.

As the most morbidly obese client, Deenie needs a dedicated trainer more than anyone. Deenie needs Jesse, the Super Gay, if you ask me. But Lisa steps in and suggests what Deenie really wants is a hug. Deenie goes ballistic.

Deenie: It’s my life! It’s my “journey,” as you call it. So why the f— can’t I have a suggestion about …

Gregg smirks.

Deenie: Don’t look at me like that, I’m serious! Why do you have the need to cut me down? Gregg: I’m not cutting you down. Deenie: Yes you do. Every time that you sit here and say, “I don’t care what Jackie thinks.” Gregg: How is that cutting you down?

Deenie starts crying. OK. What the hell just happened?

Gregg tells Deenie she can call him any time, but she yells at him, “And you don’t call me back!” I was going to say Gregg is phoning it in these days, but it sounds like he’s not even doing that. Deenie’s dreams of shopping at the Gap are doomed.

Do my nerves make me look fat? – Over at the fitness magazine photo shoot, Erika sits nervously as the makeup people make her even hotter.

Greg stands nearby and tells Erika she looks fantastic. Erika says she’s hasn’t eaten all day because she’s worried she looks “thick.” You’re thick all right. Thick in the head, girl.

They change into fitness clothes and stand around waiting to start. Greg tells Erika they need something to make their chemistry pop on camera. He proceeds to concoct a backstory for them: They’re married to other people and are having an affair with each other. This seems to make her smile for some reason.

The photographer understands that Erika isn’t a professional model and helps her with her poses, telling her where to place her hands and how to turn her hip for maximum boom-pow. Greg is an old pro and knows just how to present his lobster tail abs.

Behold the results.

Afterward, Greg asks Erika out to lunch, which she’s more than eager to do because she’s fricking starving. During their celebratory meal, Greg tells Erika good-naturedly that he’s got her all figured out: She’s the alpha dog in her relationships.

Greg: I imagine most guys who try to date you, or date you, are told what to do a lot. Am I right? Erika: [laughing] I’m very particular about certain things. But once you get those things right, then it’s easy. Greg: [smiling] No, no, no, no. Once you get those things right, then you come up with a new list.

I think I dated Erika.

Their lunch ends up being a very nice little meal together. Erika gives Greg her seal of approval, which she doesn’t do for just anyone. The last time a guy made the cut, Monica Lewinsky forgot to go to the dry cleaners.

Is cringing considered exercise? – Back at Sky Sport, Gregg tells Jackie about Deenie’s tearful meltdown. Jackie takes Gregg’s side, natch. Dr. Warner theorizes that Deenie may, in fact, be unstable. Nobody talks to one of her trainers like that. That’s her job.

Later that night, the gym is empty save for Brian and his client, a fitness model. Jackie and Lisa are in the office, watching them, when Jackie notices that Brian is out of uniform. She sends Lisa out to give Brian a SkyLab shirt.

While Brian works with his client, Jackie and Lisa continue spying on them through the window. Always the professional, Lisa starts cracking wise about the woman’s breasts: They look fake and stupid.

From around the corner, a guy sticks his head into the office, identifies himself as the woman’s boyfriend, and she is – wait for it – a breast cancer survivor. Gulp.

Tune in next week as Lisa complains about handicapped people getting all the good parking spots and how deaf people are impossible to understand.

After she’s extracted her big ol’ clodhopper from her even bigger yap, the Employee of the Year apologizes to the boyfriend for the “accident,” which is good enough for Jackie and her stupendous ability to deny fault of any kind.

“OK, a couple of bad jokes were made and that’s it. And we all left and forgot about it,” Jackie says as she picks up the edge of the rug and gives everything one last sweep.

Critical mass – Too bad Brian didn’t sleep like a baby like other people, who shall remain Jackie and Lisa. The next day, he wants to talk to Jackie about the incident. But first, Jackie assembles her trainers on the roof deck to talk about the workout DVD for ExerciseTV.

Jackie is grinning from ear to ear with excitement as she tells the group they have a chance to audition to be one of her backup dancers. Brian sits stewing. He could care less.

After the meeting breaks, Brian goes straight to Jackie’s office to talk about Lisa’s gift for gab, but Jackie is not in the rehashing mood. Don’t they all know by now nothing good ever happens in that office? Brian presses on anyway, and says his client was disrespected last night.

Jackie: We already handled that, and I’m not going to discuss it. Brian: No, you didn’t. You may have handled it with her boyfriend … Jackie: I just said to you I am not discussing that with you. Brian: OK. Well, you disrespected my client. Jackie: Is that what you want? Is that what you want to talk about? Any more and I’m going to fire you right now.

Brian: OK, fire me then. Jackie: Then get the f— out. Brian: OK, peace out, bitch. Jackie: All right. Goodbye.

Brian stands up and rips his mic and transmitter off as Jackie watches with a brittle smile.

Jackie: Seriously. When I say I’m not going to discuss it with you … Brian: Well, then don’t f—ing disrespect my goddamn client, bitch. Jackie: Take your client elsewhere. Brian: I will. Jackie: Thank you.

As Ghandi hangs in the background musing, “You must be the change you want to see in the world,” Brian mutters “f—ing idiot” at Jackie and throws his audio gear on her desk, giving the sound man a blown eardrum.

Breaking news – As Brian angrily storms out of her office, Jackie calls out to her s—starter henchwoman Lisa, “I want Brian outta here right now,” as if it’s her idea he’s walking out.

Erika and Rebecca stare as Brian grabs his belongings from his cubby and heads for the elevators, red-faced. The girls rush into Jackie’s office in shock.

Jackie tells them calmly that she’s tired of Brian being disrespectful, and they’ll talk about it later. Mouths agape, Frick and Frack grab each other’s hands and run outside to tell the others that Brian got fired.

Rebecca’s version casts her ex-playmate, Jackie, in a very flattering light: “He went into her office … something happened with them. [He said] ‘I want to discuss something that happened,’ and she was like, ‘I’m not ready right now, I’m busy,’ and he’s like, ‘No, you’re going to f—ing discuss it…'”

Disbelief sweeps the roof deck (and my living room). Already the story is spun.

Gregg claims he saw that train wreck coming a mile away. Renessa, who was friends with Brian before she joined the show, rushes inside to try and catch up to him. Plitt leans forward and offers up what he knows.

Greg: I’ll tell you what. Peeler told me a story. And I don’t know the whole story, and I don’t want to take sides, but it looks like one person was totally unprofessional.

Renessa returns to the roof deck; she missed Brian’s elevator. Instead, she calls him to conduct his exit interview because Managing Director Lisa is too busy mocking the way people with Parkinson’s disease dance and then hiding behind Jackie.

Brian: [on phone] I’m fine. If I ever see Jackie Warner again, I’m gonna knock her f—ing head off her block. If she wants to walk like a man and talk like a man, then she can get f—ing beat like a man.

Rebecca’s jaw practically falls clean off. She tells him to chill that “like a man” crap.

Brian: [on phone] She’s so disrespectful. She disrespects you, Rebecca. She disrespects everybody. It’s all about what’s good for her. I don’t want to work for somebody like that. She’s not a good leader.

Everyone throws Brian their sympathies. Gregg tells him he’ll call later. Renessa closes her phone. The gang slowly disperses.

Meanwhile, Lisa is listening in and scribbling notes as fast as her dirty little paws will allow.

So long, Michelangelo. We’ll miss you.

Next week on Work OutBrian’s loss is J.D.’s gain. Deenie proves to be her own worst enemy. Someone is crushing on Plitt, and it’s not Jesse. Bummer.

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