SkyLab 2.0 — Last year, Jackie introduced SkyLab, her intensive boot
camp and retreat for clients looking for that special jump-start that only gobs
of money can buy. This season, SkyLab has a whole new class of plus-size folks
who have willingly signed up to get their asses kicked.
Jackie and company have
their hands full, so to speak, with clients ranging from experienced gym-rats
like Jackie’s existing client, Shannon, to Paisley,
a lazy spaz who doesn’t know how to do simple jumping jacks and, furthermore,
would rather not know.
Jackie barks, “Straighten
the arms,” repeatedly, and Paisley
ignores her. Jackie ends up doing them with her, which seems to be what she
Jackie says Paisley “doesn’t want to lift a finger, wants things
done for her” — like there’s something wrong with that. But I guess if you’ve
committed to being there, the least you can do is try to learn what most 10-year-olds
Then there’s Deenie, the
heaviest and youngest of the group. During her screening interview, Deenie tells
Jackie she went to her first Weight Watchers meeting while in the third grade. Third
grade. Where was her mother? A third-grader doesn’t jump behind the wheel of
the family minivan and drive to Baskin Robbins all by herself, if you know what
Deenie’s goal, to “walk
into the Gap and buy a pair of goddamn jeans,” may sound modest to most of
us, but for her, it’s going to be a long journey filled with bitter protein
powders, major chafing and possibly an oxygen tank.
But before Deenie can
walk, she has to learn how to crawl, and Jackie’s all over that with her
patented exercise, “See a Penny, Pick It Up.”
According to Jackie,
Natalie, at 244 pounds, is the “most normal” of the SkyLab bunch
because her obesity hasn’t affected her daily self-esteem. Is anyone on this
show really in a position to judge who’s “normal”? Tune in next week
when Jackie starts dispensing relationship advice.
It’s Natalie’s first
wedding anniversary, but married life isn’t as good as it looked in the
brochure. She tells Jackie they’re having problems.
Jackie: Do some of them have to do with
Natalie: A lot of them have to do
with my weight. He’s been with me for five years and has seen my struggle, up
and down, up and down. And at one point, ya know, he just said, “I can’t
take it anymore.”
Nice. Thanks to Mr.
Wonderful, Natalie’s self-esteem is well on its way down the crapper.