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Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (March 14, 2008)

A SIGN OF INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE Newswoman Lesley Stahl, publisher Joni Evans and bisexual gossip columnist Liz Smith are just three of the co-founders of a new website for women over 40, www.wowowow.com. In her official “Welcome” post on the site, Evans describes wowOwow as “a party – disguised as a website. … Here, we can talk to our readers, invite the most interesting guests, share experiences, tell tales out of school, exchange gossip and news – and make some of our own.”

The site, which was launched on March 8, the 100th anniversary of International Women’s Day, boasts an impressive list of contributors, including Candice Bergen, Whoopi Goldberg, out actress Lily Tomlin and her partner, writer Jane Wagner. (Tomlin and Wagner have been particularly busy of late, recently joining the producing team of Off-Broadway’s Beebo Brinker Chronicles.)

As one would expect, Tomlin and Wagner are supplying the funny with wry posts about feminism and pop culture. Wagner’s recent post “Confessions of a Couch Potato” is about her pesky addiction to the tube. In it, she confesses: “My life seems fulfilling – enriching even – not nearly as empty as it seems anyway. Of course, that’s helped by the fact that I have a wonderful partner who, luckily, I guess you could say, has the same addiction as I do. In fact, I think of us sometimes as the Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown of TV addiction.”

Unlike Whitney and Bobby, though, it is nearly impossible to find a photo of Jane Wagner and Lilly Tomlin together. After decades of partnership, how can this be? The best I could do was this still photo from Moment by Moment, circa 1978: I’m beginning to think that Wagner and Tomlin are the same person. Don’t underestimate the deceptive power of hats and wigs!

BRINGING CZECH-Y BACK Thirty years after defecting from what was once Czechoslovakia (now the Czech Republic and Slovakia) at the height of the Cold War, out tennis champion Martina Navratilova has regained her Czech citizenship. Communist authorities revoked her Czech citizenship in 1976. Navratilova did not become a U.S. citizen until 1981. At a recent press conference in Tokyo, Navratilova announced that she will maintain dual nationality and plans to open an academy for young lesbians tennis players in the Czech Republic.

SO THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED TO ALANTIS … As you’ve no doubt seen on TV or online this week, state Rep. Sally Kern of Oklahoma (a Republican) was caught on tape saying some not very nice things about gay people during a speech to a Republican organization earlier this year.

Before you watch the video below, see if you can guess which one of these statements she did not make about us:

(a) We’re a bigger threat to America than terrorists. (b) Improving early childhood education in America is our sneaky way of trying to indoctrinate 2-year-olds into the homosexual lifestyle. (c) We have the power to topple civilizations – and have! Lots of times! (d) The rise of the radical homosexual agenda is the reason no one has ever been able to determine how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

If you guessed (d), congratulations! You’re queer and smart! Yes, and you’re pretty, too. That outfit looks really good on you. It does, I swear! Geez!

Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, gays are a cancer.

The Victory Fund posted the audio recording of her rant online, along with their own visual response.

My favorite line? “Studies show that no society that has totally embraced homosexuality lasted more than a few decades.”

According to those same studies, societies that have partially embraced of homosexuality developed baby-soft skin and were less likely to contract gout, but Sally conveniently neglected to mention that.

On Wednesday, Ellen DeGeneres – the gay one- weighed in on the matter, telling the audience, “I think Sally’s been misinformed.” She also called Sally’s office live on the show.

Since Sally is sticking by her comments, I hope Ellen isn’t waiting by the phone.

FUN WITH HEADLINES: THE CYNTHIA NIXON EDITION Cynthia Nixon told reporters this week that she’s in a “fantastic relationship” with her partner Christine Marinoni, a relationship in which they “shop and cook and raise children – we both pitch in.” (Quick! Someone call Sally Kern before their radical homosexual agenda sinks the entire island of Manhattan!)

Nixon went on to explain (no doubt in answer to some boneheaded question from a straight reporter): “I’m in love with [Christine] because she’s her. If she were a man, would I be in love with her? I don’t know.”

When asked if her children had trouble adjusting to the news, Nixon said: “They were fine. My son was very little [when it happened], but my daughter has a gay uncle [and her godmothers] are lesbians.”

Now let’s take a look at how the media is headlining this news:

Nixon thanks family for helping her come out (Contact Music) Cynthia Nixon lauds gay role models (Denver Post) I’m in love, says City star Cynthia (The Press Association) Cynthia Nixon: “I’m In Love With Her!” (OK magazine) Alec Baldwin gets Lyme Disease (CinamaBlend)
OK, so that last one wasn’t about Cynthia, but it came up when I Googled her name because she’s co-starring in Lymelife, an indie movie set in the ’70s that is described as a “coming-of-age story [that] follows two families who fall apart when precarious relationships, real estate problems and Lyme disease converge in the heart of suburbia.”

Um, what?

You can’t find a movie with a decent lesbian character at your local theater, but a movie about Lyme disease is attracting A-list actors. Does that mean if I write a script about a lesbian with fleas, I can get Julia Roberts to star?

LESBIANISH QUOTE OF THE WEEK “You know who I think is flawless? Alicia Keys. I think she’s absolutely beautiful, such a sweetheart, down to earth. So maybe Alicia Keys.” – Janet Jackson, when asked by Gaywired.com who would be her celebrity girl-crush.

THE COMPLICATED LIFE OF CONVOLUTED INTERVIEW QUESTIONS Jodie Foster graces the cover of this week’s Parade magazine, talking mostly about motherhood and childhood, since she’s promoting her new family movie Nim’s Island. Dorothy Snarker wrote a funny blog post about it that includes a scan of the cover: As always, the reporter tried to get Jodie to discuss her personal life, and as always, Jodie declined:

Jodie has never admitted to any romantic involvements. When I ask why she has not yet fallen in love, she gets irritated and explains, perhaps disingenuously, “Oh my life is basically from the head up. I’m definitely not proud of that. I’m very analytical.”
This then led other publications to trumpet the news that “Jodie’s never been in love!” Never mind that this isn’t really what she said, and never mind that even Parade – one of the most widely read mainstream weekly newspaper inserts in America – clearly isn’t buying it, since they ran a photo of Foster and Cydney Bernard along with the article.

Granted, they did cover their bases a little by describing Cydney Bernard as “a longtime friend,” but since when do newspapers publish photos of famous people with their un-famous “longtime friends”? That’s like Parade running a photo of “Salma Hayek and longtime friend Karman Kregloe.”

Uh, I mean, if Salma and I were romantically involved. Which we are absolutely not. Those photos of us leaving that hotel together don’t prove anything. I’ve never even heard of her. I’ve never been in love! I’m very analytical! I like Funyuns and Mountain Dew!

MAMA SAID THERE’D BE GAYS LIKE THIS Actress/pop singer Mandy Moore has long been a friend to the gays. She has been vocal about her support for gay marriage, and in 2005, she presented the Vanguard Award to Liza Minnelli at the 16th Annual GLAAD Media Awards in Los Angeles:

In 2006, she guest-starred on a couple of episodes of Scrubs and enjoyed a lesbian kiss with Sarah Chalke:

And now it seems that Ms. Moore may have yet another opportunity to commingle with our people. According to the National Enquirer, Moore’s mother, Stacy Moore, has been in a relationship with tennis pro Claudette Laliberte since 2006. The Enquirer reports that Moore’s mother left her father to be with Laliberte, and the two are currently living together. When asked to comment on the story, Laliberte said, “It’s nobody’s business why we’re together.” Mandy Moore’s representatives have not yet responded to this or explained her involvement in the horrible train wreck that was Because I Said So.

SHE WANTS CANDY AE reader Trudy (thanks Trudy!) tells us that the largest television channel in Mexico has introduced a lesbian character, Cecilia, in the popular soap opera Las Tontas No Van Al Cielo (Dumb Women Don’t Go to Heaven). Trudy wrote, “Lesbian story lines are unusual in Mexican television, and when they exist, the histories are not developed and they only serve as filler in the plot.”

Here’s a clip from the show in which Cecilia’s lesbianism is discussed:

Trudy was also kind enough to provide a translation of the scene (to which I added a few of my own edits, so send all complaints to me, not Trudy):

Barbara: Is Candy … Cecy: She isn’t. She went to the bathroom and immediately returned. Barbara: Then I can tell you that your secret is safe with me. Cecy: I don’t understand what you’re talking about. Barbara: About the flowers for Candy! Cecy: There is no secret. I have seen Candy very sad, and thought it would be a good idea to leave a rose in her office every day. Barbara: But she thinks that she has a male admirer, not a female admirer. Cecy: Watch what you say. Barbara: Relax, Cecilia, I am a very discreet person. I already told you that your secret is safe with me. Candy: What secret is safe? Barbara: That Cecilia doesn’t like men! Barbara: Why do you both have that look on your face? What, didn’t you like my joke? Candy: No, no problem. In fact I don’t discriminate. I know how is to live with a gay person. [referring to her uncle]
Funny, living with a gay person didn’t seem to enlighten Sally Kern.

We’ll keep you posted as the lesbian story line as it develops on Dumb Women Don’t Go to Heaven. (Don’t you just love the brutal honesty of telenovelas?)

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! The second season of The Big Gay Sketch Show will be released on DVD April 29, 2008.

CNN.com recently ran an interview with k.d. lang

VH1 has greenlit a new Margaret Cho celebreality sitcom, The Cho Show.

The Wire‘s Felicia “Snoop” Pearson plans a biopic about her life and career as a rapper.

Katherine Fugate talks about Army Wives, Xena, and more.

Sassy Pants Radio interviews Michelle Paradise

Check back tomorrow for the inaugural episode of our new biweekly lesbian movie review vlog, Retro Reviews. (First up, Basic Instinct!)

That’s it for this week! Got the inside scoop on a hot new lesbian/bi actor/musician/TV show/film? Tell us at [email protected]. Check back next Friday for another edition of Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever.

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