Interview With Kristanna Loken – Bisexual Difficulties

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One of very few openly bisexual actors, Kristanna Loken is passionate, outspoken and unflinchingly honest — about everything. In a recent interview with AfterEllen.com, the Painkiller Jane and T3: Rise of the Machines star was as candid as ever about her experiences on the set of The L Word, her nonprofit work around the world and her recent engagement to actor Noah Danby.

AfterEllen.com: Well, first, I understand congratulations are in order for your engagement.
Kristanna Loken: Oh, thank you, thank you. It definitely came as a surprise to me, but it was one of those things. … As you know, I’ve always been open about being bisexual and it could have been a man, it could have been a woman. It just so happens it was Noah.

AE: You met him on the set of Painkiller Jane?
KL:
Yeah.

AE: Have you gotten any reaction from fans?
KL:
No, I mean, I kind of kept it quiet for a while because you sometimes want to do things quietly. So, no, not really.

AE: You’re one of a handful of actresses who have come out as lesbian or bi. Did that put added pressure on you when it came to announcing your engagement?
KL:
Maybe subconsciously I felt a little bit because you never know who’s going to react to what how. Probably the toughest part for me about being bisexual is the lines are dotted, and you don’t fit into one group or the other, and so people tend to be very judgmental. That can be really difficult.

I didn’t know how people would react [to my engagement], but frankly I don’t really care at the end of the day. It’s my life and I’m going to love whom I choose, but I would hope in the end people would just be happy for someone else’s happiness.

AE: So, to be clear, you’re still openly bisexual.
KL:
Sure, I mean, it’s not like something you choose. I certainly didn’t choose it, so I think that’s always going to be part of who I am and what I’m about. It was just a matter of the person. It could’ve been a woman just as easily, and it wasn’t. But I also think it was where I was in my life that I really was ready to find a life partner. I was with a woman when I met Noah, so I really wasn’t expecting something like that to happen, but who knows? Such is life.

Loken and fiancé Noah Danby

AE: I think your engagement could be a little challenging for some of your lesbian fans, just because so few celebrities are openly partnered with a person of the same gender.
KL:
Well, I never came out and said I was strictly a lesbian. People can always choose how to read in between the lines. Certainly me having relationships with certain women in the public who didn’t want to be out in public didn’t really make it easier for me.

But in the end, you just hope people are going to support your happiness. It shouldn’t really matter. I think that was the biggest thing about coming out, is being accepted to love whom you want. I guess it’s kind of the ultimate test of that: Are people in the gay and lesbian community going to accept you if you love another gender?

AE: Being bisexual rather than lesbian puts you in an especially difficult position.
KL:
Definitely, because you’re not going to always please everybody by being with one or the other. It’s hard. If you’re in a straight relationship, it’s really easy: You find someone and you get married, and people think that’s great. Or if you’re strictly in the lesbian community, fine, then you have your life partner and that’s that. But as a bisexual, it’s tough.

And it’s tough for me. This is something that I’m going to have to deal with within my relationship on a personal level, and for me it’s day to day because I’m never, ever not going to be attracted to women or want to be with women. But I’ve made a choice with a person who fulfills most of my desires — and I’m not talking sexually, I’m talking compatibility.

I think the more truthful you are with yourself and with the public, then there’s less judgment that’s going to be made because it doesn’t become about guesswork or lying. It’s just the truth, and people should accept your truth. Isn’t that what everyone strives for in life?

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