“The L Word” Recaps: Episode 5.8 “Lay Down the Law”

THIS WEEK’S L WORD VOCABULARY:

Spaghetti: Shane’s favorite dish.

Magazines: Prehistoric artifacts.

Tszuj/zhoosh: A not-very-hip word we’ve heard twice in two episodes. What year is it again?

THIS WEEK’S GUESTBIANS: Malaya Rivera Drew weaves her web, Patricia Velásquez has one line, Kate French hits the big time, Clementine Ford rebels, Angela Gots makes a play for Shane, Deanne Bray feels sorry for Bette, Kelly McGillis freaks out.

Ready for her close-up — Woo, hot chick on a motorcycle! And now she’s doing super-cool spy stuff. Hey, is this D.E.B.S.? Or, let’s see, is it another Charlie’s Angels movie? Or is Bette stealing a sign again? Or is Dawn Denbo doing dirty deeds dirt cheap? Or has Kit finally hired an assassin to take out double-D and her lover Cindi?

Sigh, no; it’s not half as exciting as any of that. Niki and her manager and agent are screening Niki’s new film, Liquid Heat, in which Niki plays a sexy spy whose husband is also a sexy spy. Haven’t we already seen this movie?

Niki’s people are so thrilled, they decide she’s on the verge of becoming a major star, and thus they can now ask for 8 or 12 million per picture. And it just gets better:

Agent/manager: I have a call in to Stuff, and I think we have the cover.

Did she make that call from a time-traveling phone booth or something? Because Stuff folded last August.

Jodi is not Snuffleupagus — Hey, look! Someone other than Bette can see Jodi!

Shane and Jodi are training for the Subaru Pink Ride — yeah, remember that? It’s so ineffably refreshing to follow up on something from an earlier episode, instead of dropping it like a gay hot potato! Not that they’ll really follow up — the discussion is all about Molly, because the Fonz thinks her straight-girl crush might actually come to something.

Shane: I like her. But she’s different.

Jodi: It’s called heterosexuality.

Is Jodi way more interesting when she’s away from Bette, or what?

Jodi: Maybe she’s a spaghetti girl.

Shane: Hmm?
Jodi: Straight until wet.

Snicker. And eww. Shane insists she likes all the mind games Molly is playing, but Jodi is skeptical at best.

Shane might take Molly to the theater, even though Shane herself hates the theater. It’s not cool to like the theater? Somebody should have told me that before I started peppering the BLWE columns with theater reports. I like the theater, and I never bother with people I hate.

I do wonder when Shane learned the bits of sign language she’s using in this scene. It would have been nice to get a glimpse of her extracurricular activities (other than the obvious one). Regardless, I’m happy for Marlee Matlin: A scene with someone not-Beals must have felt like an entirely new and exciting job.

Jodi decides she’ll have a dinner party and invite Shane and Molly. But Jodi can’t think of other “couples” to invite, so Shane suggests Sam (the D.P. on Lez Girls) and Tina. Uh, bright idea, Fonz.

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