“Cashmere Mafia” Recaps: Episode 1.6 “Yours, Mine and Hers”

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Previously on — Last week was all about the haves and have-nots.

Zoe hired a manny and Mia had a taste of what he was cooking. Dream husband

Davis was having his cake and eating it too, but when he had his way with their

joint bank account, Juliet wasn’t having it and finally decided to divorce his

ass. Alicia admitted she’s having a baby. Caitlin admitted she had a man. Had

enough?

The last to know — Mia is just arriving at her swanky office when

she gets a string of phone calls from her fellow mafiosa. Zoe wants to know if

she’s OK. Juliet tells her she’s there for her. Caitlin asks if she’s taking a

sick day.

Mia informs Caitlin that

“Mia Mason does not do sick days.”

Mia could be in a coma and still be approving photo layouts — one

squeeze of the hand for yes, two for no and three for get Annie Leibovitz on the

phone.

Even her assistant brings

her a muffin, so she can eat her pain away. Mia has no idea what’s with the

interventions. Obviously, she has not read this week’s issue of Your Ex magazine, which hit newsstands

that morning. Jack Cutter, former fiancé and sore loser, has just been named

publisher of a competitor, putting them back on the same level battlefield.

That’s yours, this is mine — Meanwhile, Juliet and Davis are

lawyered up, sitting across from each other at a conference room table.

Juliet’s attorney proposes that they each keep the money they earned

individually while married; that they share custody of their cranky daughter,

Emily; and that Juliet and said progeny keep the awesome residence on Fifth

Avenue. Sounds fair to me.

Davis’ attorney, the

shark Rafe Gropman, scoffs on behalf of his client. Apparently, Mr. Wonderful

feels he sacrificed so much of himself while Juliet pursued her

“craven” ambitions, he wants not only to keep his earnings, but also

to receive manimony. And he wants the apartment.

“Do you know where

I’ve been living? In a studio, east of

Lexington,” Davis says, as if he’s been banished to the long-term parking

lot at LaGuardia.

After Juliet picks her

jaw up off the table, she suggests they get Jimmy Carter to build a shack for him.

Excellent idea. Habitat

for Humanity requires future occupants to help build their new homes, and Davis

could use something to wipe that look of entitlement off his well-moisturized

mug. Although I can tell him from firsthand experience that it will definitely

ruin his forty-dollar manicure.

Juliet is floored by the

vitriol in the room, as if she’s never seen one episode of Divorce Court.

Davis: Rafe has helped me see that you

had just as much to do with this marriage failing as I did. I am not going to

be the bad guy here.

Juliet: Oh, really; what are you

being now, the ingénue? You stole money from our mutual account.

Rafe: If it was mutual, he didn’t

steal.

Juliet: You cheated on me!

Davis: And you cheated on me.

Juliet: Hardly.

Davis: And you rubbed it in my face.

At least I had the decency to try to keep my affair a secret.

Juliet: Yes, the first word that

springs to mind when I think of your affair with Cilla is “decency.”

Rafe sits comfortably

next to Davis and encourages everyone to keep sniping — the meter is running

and their side expects Juliet to pay all the legal fees. Cha-ching!

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