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“Cashmere Mafia” Recaps: Episode 1.5 “Stay With Me”

Previously on – Mia started dating an Asian brain surgeon, to the double happiness of Chinese mothers everywhere. Zoe continued to defend her corner office from invasion by Katherine and her marauding C cups, which was nowhere near as fun as it sounds. Juliet finally told Davis to take their marriage and shove it. Too bad her smoky, wavering, patrician delivery lacked the knee-to-ball impact I was so looking forward to. And lastly, Caitlin went to a lesbian wedding shower with Alicia and oops, accidentally gave her phone number to the first penis she ran into – literally.

Regarding the debate about Caitlin’s line being “making out,” “hanging out” or “waking up” with Alicia, it seems there was a critical deleted scene showing Caitlin and Alicia waking up in bed together. Thanks to WindRyder X and Broadway Baby for that. If we had seen that scene, there would have never been a question.

Apparently, that scene was cut for time. Thanks, ABC. We don’t want to see Caitlin waking up in Alicia’s bed. No. Give me more Clive anytime. More. Clive. Naked.

Pencil me in – Zoe and Eric are lazing around in their bed, sharing quality time and exchanging morning breath. Yes, that’s the bedroom scene we needed. Thanks once again, ABC.

Their son calls out from the other room, “Mommy, Mommy!” because there’s a caterer in the house. By all means, little boy, let the strangers in.

Eric, always the last to know anything his wife is up to, learns they’re having a party later that night. Zoe went to a school auction a million years ago and ended up winning a chef. Tonight is the night of the $1,000 dinner. It’s all for the kids.

Zoe, always the last to remember anything not having to do with work, is reminded by Eric that Thursday is her 10th wedding anniversary. They both consult their respective crackberries to find five minutes to celebrate. Maven of Money and Mergers that she is, Zoe’s calendar is full through 2020. This is a woman who probably scheduled the birth of her children around her conference calls. What to do?

Kids today – Since she has no one to cuddle with since Davis started forwarding his mail to the nearest five-star hotel, Juliet’s already hard at work, pouring her heart and soul into her career.

Speaking of the cheater, liar and future joint-checking-account-raider, Davis walks into her office, still smug and manipulative as all get out.

Juliet: How are you? Davis: Well, I’m living in a hotel, and I am lonely and I’m homesick and I’m still trying to understand how this punishment fits the crime?

Let’s review. He’s had his Cheaters Club card punched so many times, he’s qualified for one free latte; he used large chunks of her money to cover his business failings; and self-serving lies roll out of his mouth like gumballs. And for all that, he’s been banished to the Ritz-Carlton. I, too, am trying to understand how this punishment fits the crimes.

Then, natch, Davis throws the old girl a bone because he knows most straight women are always just a wee bit starved for a compliment from a man.

Davis: You look great, by the way. Juliet: Well, I don’t feel great, if that’s any consolation.

Juliet does look great, in fact, having recently lost 185 pounds of dead weight. Why she feels compelled to cheer the bastard up is a mystery. And so very, very Juliet.

Davis tells her he wants to get their stories about their recent split straight, to keep up the Central Park West facade, ya know.

Davis: I’m telling everyone that it’s just a trial separation. That we’re not lawyered up, that we’re trying to work it out. What are you telling them? Juliet: The same.

He did not just say “lawyered up.” Davis orders room service and watches a lot of Law & Ordernow, apparently. Meanwhile Juliet only ever talks to Zoe, Caitlin and Mia, so who is she lying to, other than herself, I mean?

The real reason Juliet called Davis to her office is revealed. She shows him a charming picture of their daughter in front of her school banner on her MySpace-type home page.

Emily belongs to the same after-school clubs I did.

Their daughter is suspended for the rest of the week, and Juliet wants to talk strategy before the meeting with the headmaster of Emily’s private school, Ascot Lockjaw Day Academy. Davis’ idea is for the family to start fresh by moving to the lush suburbs of Westchester County, New York. Yeah, because there are no bongs or booze in Scarsdale.

Juliet doesn’t have a plan, per se. She’ll do what she always does: wish on a star for a better world, while things go from bad to worse. Meanwhile, it sounds like Emily just wants to get away from her kooky parents, because Davis reports she wants to be shipped off to boarding school.

What’s yours is mine, what’s mine is mine – With Davis sitting right in front of her, Juliet gets a call from Zoe, who has some interesting news: Davis has “a lot” of her accounts in private capital at her company, Skirtchaser, Backstab & Gross. Zoe wants to know if she should do more of that sleuthing she’s so good at.

Juliet: I want to know, and I don’t want to know. Zoe: You have to know.

How did Juliet rise to the top of a cutthroat business world being such an emotional ninny? I want to know, and yet, I don’t want to know.

A work husband – Zoe doesn’t have time to school Juliet on the finer points of being a grown woman because her work husband, Nicholas, is on the video conference screen, calling in from Zurich. Zoe fluffs up her hair self-consciously.

A work spouse of either sex, in case you were wondering, is just as it sounds: the person you spend most of your time with, who knows everything about you, fights with you, helps you, and you’re not having sex with. Just like a real marriage.

This is Zoe’s version of cheating – a safe, mild attraction to someone 4,000 miles away whom she talks to about foreign markets and rising silver futures. The value of this yen remains artificially low, and she likes it that way.

Work husband Nicholas look familiar? He was Josh Myers, the writer who quoted Anaïs Nin and ended up Kissing Jessica Stein.

Zoe and Nicholas discuss the Deal of the Century (Zoe’s biggest to date) until the conversation turns to family. They commiserate about how their jobs keep them from their loved ones; Nicholas missed his son’s first soccer goal, and Zoe forgot to tell Eric there’s a man in a giant paper hat coming to the house tonight. Zoe fails to mention she also forgot her own wedding anniversary, because why be a show-off?

And yet, Zoe and Nicholas have never missed a deadline, and that’s what really counts.

Just before ending a totally useless international video conference call, Nicholas says he’ll be coming to New York tomorrow and they’ll finally get to meet in person. Zoe goes into a mild giddy panic.

Clive, my man – Over in Mia’s neck of the concrete jungle, the editors of her magazines are bombarding her with complaints about Clive, her boss. Todd, the woolly editor who used to work with Jack-ass, is up in hairy arms because Clive won’t stop riding him about his circulation figures.

Some other editor had things thrown at his head because he didn’t see why Jennifer Aniston would make a good cover for a car magazine. Seems Clive’s taking out his pent-up sexual needs on his staff while his wife is out of town. And by “sexual needs,” I mean he mistook his Viagra for his Geritol.

Mia gets her own taste of Clive’s wrath when he barks at her about some interview with the Wall Street Journal. Another worthwhile scene. Caitlin? Caitlin who?

Dinner party – Later that night, the mafia convene at Zoe’s house to help eat gourmet stuff. Mia is walking over with Jason, her trophy Asian.

Jason: Is Jack going to be here? Mia: [laughing] No. Jason: Any other old boyfriends? Mia: No. Just my closest girlfriends. Jason: Anything else I need to know? Mia: It’s a dinner, not a procedure. Jason: Everything’s a procedure.

Is Jason a lesbian?

Arriving at the house, the girls meet Jason for the first time and are impressed.

And Mia finally meets Alicia and is impressed as well.

Ethnic partners are all the rage.

The mafia gives Jason the once-over. He makes a joke about feeling like he’s meeting his date’s parents. Alicia cracks, “I know exactly how you feel.” Well, I don’t. If only there was a scene where everyone admired the lesbian and Caitlin’s good taste. Oh, well.

With all the bimbo shenanigans at Zoe’s office, the colorful characters within Mia’s empire and the engrossing dynamics of Juliet’s daughter’s angst, there’s no time to explore mundane plot points like Caitlin’s first ever lesbian relationship. There will be no watching Alicia finally meeting Caitlin’s best friends, or seeing Caitlin leaving Alicia’s apartment after their first overnight, or hearing all the processing that is surely going on in private. Because we need that time to devote to Clive.

So, we’re left to fill in the blanks ourselves. In my mind, Alicia has introduced Caitlin to the versatility of detachable toys, they’ve adopted a cat, and now spend a few nights each week feeding each other popcorn and watching The Big Gay Sketch Showin their socks.

Anywho. Jason disappears into Zoe’s kitchen under the guise of wanting to watch a top-name chef at work, when really, he can’t bear to sit around making small talk with five women unless they’re also doctors.

As soon as he’s out of earshot, Mia admits Jason is a little too intense. If she wanted that kind of pressure, she’d just stay at the office and get verbally flogged by Clive.

Caitlin chimes in that Mia needs a no-strings-attached “tension tamer” sex date to get Jack out of her system for good. Alicia turns a little green and excuses herself. Is it the foreshadowing that’s making you ill, honey?

Zoe’s new manny appears out of nowhere and hands Mia a dirty martini. The manny is a 20-something cutie named Adam. When did “manny” come to mean bartender and butler? Everyone needs a manny.

Zoe puts Mia on the spot and asks her to look at Adam’s photography, because like most mannies and nannies, he’s formally trained in something that does not involve sippy cups. Mia is impressed with his photographic composition, his mixology skills and his youthful little denim butt.

Zoe then turns to see if Eric is nearby. She talks quietly to her posse.

Zoe: Nicholas is coming to town. Caitlin: Ooh, work husband! That’s a first, isn’t it? Zoe: Thousands of emails and teleconferences, but we’ve never been in a room together. Juliet: Now there’s a marriage I could’ve made work. Mia: Oh, Jules. Zoe: And I gotta say. When he told me? I got a little shiver. Juliet: She wouldn’t actually do anything … would you? Zoe: No!

Jason returns to the room to say with regret that he just got paged. Mia asks, “What does that mean?” as if she’s never heard of a doctor getting paged before.

Mia and Jason start speaking Mandarin for no reason whatsoever. My Mandarin is for crap, but I know he apologizes, and she says, “No problem, thanks.” And he might have told her the chef spit in the risotto. Jason flies off to perform a craniotomy, his cape fluttering in the wind.

Caitlin: OK, he’s a little intense. Juliet: In two languages! Caitlin: Maybe he’s a cunning linguist.

Bah dum bump. With that, Caitlin suddenly remembers Alicia and goes to check on her. Now that was funny.

While that’s going on, Mia goes out on the balcony to take yet another frantic call from Clive. Adam finds Mia and sucks up to her a little more by handing her a second martini and giving her his puppy dog eyes and talking some more about his going-nowhere photography career. And because Asians can’t hold their liquor, Mia gives Adam her business card. He may be several years and IQ points her junior, but Mia needs a tension tamer.

Back in the living room, Juliet confides in Zoe about Emily’s school troubles and Davis wanting to buy a house. Zoe asks delicately, why does Davis control the big C.O.O. money Juliet is making?

“It’s just the way it always was,” Juliet says without a hint of shame.

Ever the voice of good advice and reason, Zoe practically begs Juliet to get a D-I-V-orce ASAP before Davis spends all her money on broads and mannies.

In the bedroom – Caitlin sits down next to Alicia, who’s made herself comfortable on Eric and Zoe’s bed. Caitlin guesses it was a bad crab cake that’s taken Alicia away from the party. If only.

Alicia: Sweetie, I didn’t want to tell you until I was a hundred percent sure it was for real this time. I’m pregnant.

Make sure it’s yours before you marry her, Caitlin. That’s all I’m saying.

Meanwhile, a lesbionic confession to her brother the priest: five Hail Marys. A lesbian shower gift for Alicia’s friends: $100. The look on Caitlin’s face: priceless.

Caitlin: How? Alicia: A donor. My ex and I had been trying for a while. And after we split up, I was still in such a place of wanting a child, I tried one last time. [pregnant pause] Aren’t you going to say something? Caitlin: Uh. Congratulations?

The whole time this bomb is exploding in Caitlin’s lap, the music playing underneath is twinkly and cutesy. Because it’s just so crazy! Wacky, even!

The work husband – Over at Magazine Central, Clive is still on the warpath. If the missus isn’t home to do his, uh, laundry, he should do a load by hand, if you get my drift.

Adam calls and makes an appointment to come see Mia because as a manny, he can make her a dirty, dirty martini and do her laundry, too.

At Zoe’s office, the long-awaited moment has arrived. Work husband Nicholas is there, in the flesh. He remarks he’s never seen Zoe’s legs before and my, what nice legs they are. As Zoe and Nicholas sit smiling at each other in her office, bizbo Katherine sticks her boobs in to say hello.

Nicholas isn’t the horny rube Clayton is, and after a cordial greeting, practically tells Katherine and her girls to get lost. Awesome.

Nicholas: How many of the guys in the office has she been through? Zoe: One that I know of. How did you know? Nicholas: It’s a type. In my office, there’s a Claudia and a Joelle.

Zoe has chosen her work husband well. Meanwhile, Zurich sounds like fun!

The bathroom man – Over at Caitlin’s office, a meeting is breaking up. Her gay assistant tells her a man is there to see her and “it’s personal.” She looks out at the waiting area and sees Sam, Sam, the Bathroom Man. Ugh. At least she doesn’t look terribly giddy about it.

Sam says he was in her neighborhood. Making house calls to check on cases of sexual confusion among lipstick lesbians is Sam’s creepy specialty. Caitlin acts like she doesn’t remember his name. I like that.

Sam tells Caitlin he’s Sam Morgan, “the playwright … a playwright.”

Caitlin: You say “playwright” like you were saying “pedophile.” Sam: Well, it’s just sort of an awkward job description out here in the civilian world.

Dude, it’s not like you’re an astronaut. In New York, every sixth passer-by between 51st Street and the Bowery is a playwright. Although, not just any hack could pen a three-act extravaganza called Our Lady of Great Neck. Someone alert the Tony nominating committee at once.

Sam: How about dinner? Gay Assistant: [interrupting] Alicia’s on two … Caitlin: Call her back! Sam: I will get lost, if you say yes. There’s a dinner for Tom Stoppard at Mike [Nichols] and Diane’s [Sawyer] tonight. It might be kinda fun. Caitlin: Uh, I think you dropped a couple of names there. Sam: Thank you for noticing. Caitlin: And be the invisible woman? I think I’ll pass. Sam: OK, then. How about tomorrow night, just you and me? Caitlin: My life is a little complicated right now.

Sam the Playwright is as gracious as he is humble and says he won’t go away until Caitlin agrees to have dinner with him.

Find this kind of persistence flattering and charming? You’re straight. Find it annoying and uncomfortable? You’re gay. Caitlin seems to be uncomfortable and flattered. I smell a play here.

The lioness – Outside of Emily’s private school, the Drapers’ juvenile delinquent is having a meltdown right there on the sidewalk. Using that loud, high-pitched, whiney tone favored by teenage girls and spoiled gay boys everywhere, Emily tells her parents in no uncertain terms how terribly, terribly unfair her life is. She wants to go away to school.

Emily: I’m not a bad kid! I’m not and you know that! But I hate it here, and home is worse! Davis: Dad’s been really busy and away at work … Emily: Dad, I know about you and Brian’s mom, Cilla Gray! Davis: Whoa, whoa, whoa … Emily: Don’t! Please don’t!!

Nice going, Dad! Juliet stands there, paralyzed, mentally redecorating her beautiful castle in the sky.

Emily says if she were away at school, she wouldn’t have to know about her father’s cheatin’ ways. Finally, Emily begs: “Please, Mom. I’m not like you! I can’t pretend everything’s OK!”

That one hurt. Juliet hugs young Emily as her inner lioness stirs.

The cougar – This week’s other persistent man, Adam, is in Mia’s office, showing her his book. She likes his composition and his capture. His naked girlfriend, not so much. Nevertheless, she offers to show his book to her art directors. He thanks her for her awesomeness and leaves to go do some skateboarding or, perhaps, get a tattoo.

At Zoe’s office, Nicholas tells her they both have to work Thursday through Friday, at least, at the client’s house in Southampton. Zoe blanches because that’s her wedding anniversary.

Eric is not a happy camper when Zoe tells him Nicholas is in town and she’s going to miss the festivities they never really scheduled. Adam walks with Zoe and Eric because two adults can’t possible manage two children on their own. Eric states what they need is a wife. I agree. Everybody needs a wife, especially wives.

Zoe stands back, feeling disconnected from her own family.

Adam, Eric and the kids look like the happiest gay family on earth.

Later that night – Mia and Adam meet after hours to “talk” about his photos. Off in the distance, Clive is screaming: “No, no no! You bloody, stupid cow!” He could be ripping into an editor, could be the cleaning lady. Who knows? Who cares?

Clive bellows for Mia next, so she shoos Adam out of her office. He thanks her for her time and advice by kissing her.

Rarr.

Elsewhere, Sam the Playwright and Caitlin the Confused are having dinner. She spends most of the time talking about Alicia – ordinarily a first date no-no but in this case, fricking awesome. For his part, Sam is practically sitting in her lap.

Caitlin: So, like a month into it, my first real girl thing, she turns to me and goes, “I’m pregnant.” Sam: Whoa. You don’t see that coming. Caitlin: No, you do not. And isn’t that something you share with someone before getting in a relationship with them? Sam: Did she just find out or was she trying to hide it from you? Caitlin: She’s like, three months along! Sam: And you didn’t notice any weight gain or … Caitlin: I thought it was, like, “I’m so in love” poundage. There is nothing in the self-help section for this particular twist, I’ll tell you that right now.

“I’m so in love” poundage is almost a verb to me.

Caitlin wonders why she’s telling Sam any of this as she throws back another brandy. He leans over and kisses her with his cooty lips.

Caitlin says, “Wow,” and then, “Ya think?” I don’t know what that means. Not really. Give me Mandarin any day.

Sam tears his eyes off Caitlin long enough to see a man walking into the restaurant. He panics; it’s a producer who’s waiting for his script. Then Caitlin panics because the producer’s companion is … wait for it … Alicia.

What are the odds! Alicia and the producer don’t seem to be looking across the room, so Sam’s strategy is simple: Hide under the table, sneak out the back, and run like hell. And who among us hasn’t done that at least once?

Having made their great escape, Caitlin leans against a brick wall across the street from the restaurant as Sam presses against her. He asks, “No?” To which Caitlin replies without missing a beat, “Yes.” He kisses her.

St. Alicia makes a house call – Zoe is on the phone with Juliet, practically demanding she hire a divorce lawyer, if for no other reason that Davis is raiding her bank accounts. Juliet allows Zoe to talk to an attorney for her, but insists the consultation be kept anonymous for now. Oh my gad, someone hit her across the back of the head.

Accomplished C.O.O. with advance degree from Ivy League business school seeks housekeeper to clean large castle in sky. Realists need not apply.

Meanwhile, Caitlin is getting her own dose of reality. Lying on her office couch with a wicked hangover, she’s forgotten Alicia was coming for lunch.

Alicia walks in and sets down a bag of sandwiches. Barf. Caitlin sits up and looks as guilty as humanly possible.

Alicia: [suspiciously] Long night last night? Caitlin: Yeah. Alicia: What ya do? Caitlin: I went to dinner with a friend and somehow, I was over-served. Alicia: Look, I’m going to leave you to your hangover. I’m gonna run. Caitlin: You just got here. Alicia: [studying Caitlin’s face] I went out to dinner with a friend too, last night. [slowly] Only, you already knew that. [pause] Because you saw me there.

Whoa.

Caitlin hangs her shameful head and admits she got drunk and slept with Sam, a guy she met at the shower.

Alicia: Why is it so hard for you to be straight with me? Caitlin: No pun intended? Alicia: No jokes, Caitlin. Caitlin: Excuse me, I like joking. It saves the people I care about from hearing what I really think, like, I dunno, say, somebody’s trying to bust me for not being straight with them, when meanwhile, she knew she was pregnant way before she let me in on it?

Alicia: All right! Caitlin: I mean c’mon! Alicia: All right, all right! Look. It’s perfectly normal for you to do the going-back-and-forth thing. And you throw in that I’m pregnant, and I’d have been shocked if you hadn’t. Caitlin: Wait. So now you’re cool with it? Alicia: I don’t want to own you. I just want to trust you. No, I’m not cool with it. I’m a little crushed, to tell you the truth. And, it also took me about an hour and a half to figure out what I was going to wear to lunch with you, so …

Alicia sits down next to Caitlin and looks at her soulfully.

Caitlin: Look, I’m trying to find my way here. Really, I am. And I can’t tell you how much it means to me to have someone who’s not “cool” about me. I’ve never been here, not really.

No? We have. Here’s how this goes. Caitlin dates Bathroom Man a few more times but misses Alicia because women are more intuitive and better kissers. Meanwhile, Alicia meets a woman at Lamaze class who shares her love of children and womyn’s poetry.

After two months, Caitlin leaves Sam because she can’t orgasm without imagining breasts in her face. She shows up drunk at Alicia’s house one night, begging her to take her back. But it’s too late, because Alicia and her new girlfriend are moving to Provincetown to open a candle shop and raise their child in a nurturing and empowering environment.

Caitlin resorts to dating models she meets on her advertising shoots and ends up on Page Six after her affair with a female district attorney is leaked to the press.

Three years later, Alicia and Caitlin reconnect at a feminist rally and discover their love is as strong as ever, and they move in together. One morning over breakfast, they read that Sam was killed in a freak lightning accident in upstate New York while rehearsing his show, Darfur: The Musical! They live happily ever after.

Important stuff that didn’t get cut for time – Juliet sets up a meeting for Emily with her high school alma mater, Shelter Rock. Shelter Rock sounds more like a private vacation island than a high school, but they are Drapers and can’t have their princess attending anything called P.S. 115.

The woman running things at Shelter Rock is an old classmate of Juliet’s. “Do your friends run everything?” Emily asks. Yes. Everything but their personal lives.

Juliet’s former classmate, Fiona, informs Emily that her mother was also a hell-raiser back in the day. Not that you’d know it to see her now, all head-in-the-sandy and petrified at the idea of being the single mother, the blind date, the third wheel.

But all that’s about to change. Juliet feels like Wonder Woman now and has the superhero outfit to prove it.

In the end, Juliet doesn’t want Emily at boarding school because she doesn’t want to hear about her day “in a text message,” and won’t she please live at home?

Work husbands and real ones – Zoe and Nicholas are out in Southampton working out of the Hotel New Hampshire. If you look closely, you can see Jodie Foster making out with Nastassja Kinski in her bear costume. Its called being a Furry. I do not judge.

Zoe ends yet another late-night conference call by telling her unseen minion to run currency fluctuation models and have it ready by morning. Everyone on the other end groans but kisses Zoe’s ass nonetheless.

Nicholas sits on the couch in Zoe’s room, admiring her. He invites her to dinner with wine, and Zoe giddily accepts. Until, that is, she opens her suitcase and finds a photo Eric’s left in there.

Suddenly reminded she has a real husband, Zoe decides she can’t entertain the idea of harmless flirting with her work one. Women. Zero to 60 and back again in three seconds flat. Nicholas needs a neck brace for his whiplash.

Zoe tells work husband Nicholas that she’s going home for her anniversary.

Slumming it – Mia and Jason are on another date. They agree to take it slow because life is hard and how can they possibly date when he could get paged at any moment? Jason jumps in a cab and disappears.

Mia gets a text message from Adam inviting her to a booty call. She races over to Zoe’s house at the speed of light.

Back at Juliet’s, Emily climbs into her mommy’s bed and floats the idea of going to a public school. Newly supportive and engaged in her daughter’s life, Juliet offers to set up an interview. Emily laughs and informs Juliet you don’t “interview” for public school, you just show up. And walk through some metal detectors. Note to Emily: They don’t serve sushi in the cafeteria at P.S.115.

Meanwhile, Mia and Adam are making out like horny kids in the front hallway when Zoe walks in on them. “What the hell?” she exclaims.

Mia jumps guiltily out of Adam’s arms and closes the front of her dress. “It’s not what it looks like!” she says through her fruit punch mouth. And then, “It is what it looks like.”

Zoe finds out Eric isn’t even home – he went to surprise Zoe in Southampton. Zoe jumps back in her chauffeured town car and races back to the Hamptons. How kooky in love are those two?

Neat-o – The next day, Clive is still walking around with an ache that only his wife or screaming at his staff can relieve. Mia tells him to go get laid and kicks him out of her office. Now, why can’t I have a boss like that?

Zoe and Mia meet for a midday meeting to lay out a cougar feeding schedule. All encounters have to take place outside Zoe’s house, and weekend nights need to be cleared at least a week in advance.

Caitlin joins them on the park bench, and without any lead-in blurts out, “OK, so I slept with a guy on the first date, and Alicia’s pregnant.”

Zoe: What? Mia: OK, we need to talk about the birds and the bees, OK? Caitlin: That came out wrong.

Mia and Zoe laugh at Caitlin’s life because drama is hilarious as long as it’s not your own.

Caitlin: It’s not funny. I feel like a train wreck. And I don’t feel like joking my way around it, and I can’t be all neat about it like Juliet can. And I just need that to be all right with you, OK? Mia: Of course it is. Caitlin: I know there’s a lot to say, and I got plenty, but this just feels so good right here, like this.

Caitlin snuggles within the protective bosom of the cashmere mafia, because sometimes snuggling bosoms dressed in cashmere is not enough.

Lawyering up – The girls arrive en masse at the offices of Rafe Gropman, the best divorce shark in Manhattan with a funny name. I know many women like to go to the ladies’ room in groups, but these girls have taken the concept to a whole new level.

Zoe introduces Juliet to Rafe, played by underappreciated actor Harris Yulin.

Rafe recognizes the name Draper and asks if Davis is her husband. Juliet says, “why, yes he is,” with a little too much happy surprise. Zoe hangs her head.

Rafe: Sorry, I can’t have this conversation with you. Zoe: Juliet, it seems that Davis has already retained Mr. Gropman. Rafe: [pushing a box of tissues at Juliet] Would you … ? Juliet: [amused] Does anyone here need a tissue?

And that’s what you get for waiting. But Juliet has stopped wringing her hands now; she’s just begun to fight. She strides out of Rafe’s office, head held high, the others trailing behind her. Juliet is cliqued-up and she’s going Denbo on Davis’ ass. It is on.

Next time on Cashmere MafiaJust as Caitlin wraps her head around the baby thing, Alicia drops another bomb. Juliet’s divorce makes the War of the Roses look like a church picnic. Mia has a sex tape she’d like back from Jack.

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