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“The L Word” Recaps: Episode 5.4 “Let’s Get This Party Started”

THIS WEEK’S L WORD VOCABULARY:

Self-defense class: A form of group therapy. Nicorette: A projectile weapon, when it’s in Jenny’s hands. Er, mouth. VIP: Someone who gets more than she bargained for at SheBar.
THIS WEEK’S GUESTBIANS: Kate French lives up to her last name; Malaya Rivera Drew feeds Jenny’s addictions; Elizabeth Keener introduces herself and her lover, Alicia Leigh Willis.

Previously – Did you hear that? Was that just Helena’s voice saying, “Previously, on The L Word“? Am I going to have to cling to little crumbs like this now? Her voice is nice, but it’s not enough. We want her bod, too.

An actual casting couch – Tina and Jenny, perched on a couch, are trying to find the perfect starlet to play Jessie in Lez Girls. So, wait – the director and the V.P. of development are also handling the casting? Tina and Jenny seem to be responsible for everything. It’s like they’re Barbra Streisand, with total control over every phase (but not half as much brilliance in any phase). But I know next to nothing about the process of auditioning for a film, so this could be totally normal.

In the audition scene, Jenny/Jessie confronts Marina/Karina for breaking her heart, and then they make out. Ah, memories. Who wouldn’t want to revisit the heady days of Season 1? But the first contender for the role of Jessie can’t take us back to those times; Jorinda Garber just isn’t up to the task. She’s amateurish but not atrocious, and, as we all know from American Idol, atrocious is far more interesting. But she does sort of remind of Kristen Wiig’s character Penelope on Saturday Night Live. The second starlet, Niki Stevens, is not amateurish, but she’s not exactly a virtuoso, either. A dyspeptic film critic might call her “histrionic.” She seems to really like the word “absolutely,” (but not abso-abso-absolutely) and she emotes most fervently. I can’t tell whether Kate French, the actress playing the actress, is trying to be a scenery-chewer or thinks this is good acting. I mean, it can’t be easy – she has to pretend to be a lesbian and a thespian. Acting! You fooled me! (By the way, Kate French was also on a few episodes of South of Nowhere.)

I feel like these auditions should have been more extreme, inducing guffaws instead of chuckles. They should have been more along the lines of Jennifer Tilly’s “Candy Man” audition in The Fabulous Baker Boys, or the many bad auditions captured in Moments: The Making of Claire of the Moon. OK, that last one is the wrong kind of extreme.

But the second starlet does veer toward the extreme in one way: She really goes for the kiss. A startled little “oh” escapes Tina’s lips, and then she says “cut” and clears her throat. Hee. And then there’s Jenny’s embarrassed grin: These two are great together. As forced-together co-workers, I mean; not anything else!

The final candidate, Luchi Santis, wakes up the room (I think Tina actually is nodding off at this point). This Jessie is raw and angry, and instead of giving Marina/Karina a stage slap, she hauls off and smacks her like she’s on Dynasty.

   

Jenny is transfixed.

Jenny: That was awesome. That was totally amazing. I loved it.
I wonder: Is this how Jenny wishes she had treated Marina – with more rage? There was that time she threw the bottle at Marina and Francesca’s house, but maybe she wishes she had smashed it over Marina’s head instead. But anyway, I agree with this interpretation of the character – the more unhinged the better, for both Jenny and Jessie. Bring on the bitch-slapping!

Defending themselves and attacking each other – Our heroines are taking a self-defense class. It seems impossible that we’ve never seen a self-defense class on this show before. I guess I must be thinking of every other show about women.

The class is a way for the group to support Kit, who was robbed at gunpoint in the last episode. Pam Grier has the moves down already, having learned them years ago for all those blaxploitation films. The trainer works with Kit while the others watch. Shane and Jenny are kind of hanging out, not very eager to participate. I’m glad Jenny still gets invited to these group activities. And I guess this means she and Bette are at least able to be civil to each other now? They’ve made some progress since the season premiere.

Bette and Jodi are discussing the grand opening of SheBar, “L.A.’s first super-hot, girls-only club, straight out of Miami.” Jodi wants to check it out, but Bette thinks it will be boring. Alice seizes the opportunity to tease Shane.

Alice: Are you gonna go, Shane? Shane: Uh, I don’t know; I haven’t decided yet. Alice: Oh, come on – when’s the last time you missed a club opening? Jenny: [flatly] It’s gonna be torture for her. Shane: I never said that. I just said I haven’t decided yet, and that’s all.
Shane is trying to stay above it all, but she’s flustered and it’s very charming. I find funny Shane sexier than sexy Shane.

It seems Alice won’t be going to SheBar anyway, because “Tasha can’t be out in a lezzie bar.” Plus, Alice has been invited to some super-secret party for closeted stars. A big-shot entertainment lawyer named Barry Bird is hosting it. With a name like Barry Bird, he was destined to be part of the velvet mafia.

It’s time for the gang to line up and land some punches. The discussions continue as they put on their gloves and punching pads. Jodi the free spirit really wants to go to SheBar – but if she’s such a free spirit, how do you explain this line?

Jodi: I’ve never been to one of the L.A. lesbian clubs before.
I thought Jodi was one of those girls who get around – no monogamy, plenty of parties. Help me, Mama Chaiken: I’ve fallen into Inconsistent Character Land again and can’t get up!

Bette doesn’t want to go to a club that could take business away from The Planet. Kit insists there’s enough room for everybody and reminds them that it’s important to support women’s businesses. They stop chitchatting when the trainer says it’s time to hit and yell “No!” Tina asks who owns SheBar.

Alice: It’s those girls from Miami. You know, they’re a couple – Dawn Denbo, Cindy something-or-other. They’re, like, infamous party girls.
Is this supposed to make us think of Girl Bar owners Robin Gans and Sandy Sachs – and also the dueling Dinah parties (with Kit standing in for Mariah Hanson)? Oh, wait, let me answer that for myself: Indeed, Sandy Sachs and Robin Gans occasionally “present” a dance night called She Bar – the next one is Feb. 9 in Los Angeles, and Brandi from A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila will be there. Whew; the connection is so subtle, I almost missed it!

Alice continues to tease Shane:

Alice: Don’t you think she’s hot? The trainer? She’s got the abs, she’s got the ass … Shane: [with a hard punch to Alice’s pads, yelling] No! I don’t.
Everyone freezes. Bette and Jenny are both impressed. Seeing the odd look on the trainer’s face, Shane tries to shrug it off:
Shane: “No,” right? No.
I love funny Shane!

Meanwhile, Jenny, I’m sorry, but there’s only one way to say this: You hit like a girl. I guess a would-be mugger would get a friendly punch on the arm from her. “You joker, you! Stop pretending to attack me and sit down so we can have a nice chat about how amazing I am.”

Jenny thinks SheBar will be full of Hollywood lesbians who want to be in the movie, and she looks forward to telling them that Natalie Portman has the job.

Tina: Natalie passed; we’re going with Niki Stevens.
Jenny does her own punch-with-shout – who knew self-defense moves could be so useful in disagreements? Jenny slaps Tina’s punch pads a few more times, proving she can use force when she needs to, until the trainer makes them all switch places. Aw, it was just getting good!

Oh, but there’s one more pseudo-fistfight. Alice, still in provocateur mode, asks Tina whether she’s meeting Brenda (she of the augmented bosom) at SheBar.

Bette: Who’s Brenda? Tina: Just this girl I went out with last week. Alice: She’s a heart surgeon. She’s hot, talks dirty in bed …
Tina gives Alice a look and mutters, “What?!” – but I think she’s kind of amused, too.

Bette: Dirty talking? Nice. You slept with her on the first date? Tina: [brazenly] Yeah, I did, actually. Bette: Now you’re gonna go to SheBar with her? Tina: I don’t know; she’s going anyway. I just thought I’d meet her there, since we’re both going. She’s hot. I like her. Bette: [punching and yelling Jodi’s pads] No! Jodi: What the f—, Bette?! Bette: I’m sorry; I’m just playing.
Mm-hmm. With Tina-shaped fire!

The trainer asks Shane if she can “use” her for a demonstration. Shane jokes, “Someone’s in trouble,” saying “troublllle” like Tootie did on The Facts of Life.

This demo requires some “nice and tight gripping” and ends with a knee to the groin.

Kit: What if this m———er has a gun?
Shane doesn’t care what the answer is to that query; she’s too busy staring at the trainer’s breasts.

Bette and Tina somehow end up being partners for the demo, which doesn’t thrill Jodi. Alice caps it all off with one more round of goading:

Alice: I think Summer [the trainer] likes you. Shane: Would you please shut the f— up? God, frickin’ mouth. Alice: Has anyone seen Shane’s vagina? ‘Cause I think she dropped it somewhere.

The OurChart nerve center – Max and Grace are reading comments on Max’s blog.

Grace: You have 17 messages already. Max: Oh, that’s nothing. I mean, Alice gets, like, 50 in the first hour that she posts.
Careful, Max – counting comments is like throwing acid on your self-esteem. Trust me.

Grace notices a particularly nasty comment from an OurChart user who wants Max to vacate the “lesbian space.” Max tries to focus on the educational aspect, but he’s a little wounded.

But forget all that: Why is Max wearing that scarf thingie? It looks more like something Maude would wear. And just in case Max isn’t feeling like enough of an outcast already, Alice calls to scold him for blogging and podcasting in the first place.

Alice: Max, you invaded my space to put out your own agenda, and it wasn’t cool at all. But … here’s what I’ll do. You can blog once a week. I’ll put you in your own little box with the homepage – not with the guestbians – Max: Why not with the guestbians? Alice: Because it’s a lesbian site, Max. And I just don’t want to get bombarded with a bunch of dykes, you know, flipping out about this transgender thing.
Hold up. As the coiner of the term guestbian (and yes, back then it was spelled with a hyphen, but time marches on; remember when email was e-mail?), I hereby overrule her. I mean, I call every guest star on this show a guestbian, even male actors playing straight men. When did you get to be such an excluder, Alice?

On the other hand, I guess she’s focusing on crowd control. But that’s no excuse for her bad attitude toward Max this season.

Max says trans people shouldn’t be segregated. But before Alice can argue, she has matters of her own to deal with, in the form of two Army dudes walking steadily toward her.

A brief aside: In the last recap, I said, “Hi, Grace!” without mentioning her memorable sex scene with Max, so I feel compelled to bring it up now. I still think Grace is great and that scene was pretty hot, and I thought maybe these two were going to date for a while. I mean, Grace even met Max’s family! See how cute they were last season? Oh, well. By the way, did you know there’s a movie called Max and Grace? The cast includes Natasha Lyonne, Rosanna Arquette and Karen Black. Clearly I should see it, and clearly two of those three should be guestbians on this show (since one already has).

Fort Pieszecki – Note to self: When the big scary men come to your door, do not let them in.

Apparently Alice did not get this memo. She lets them in, and they proceed to scare the bejeezus out of her, homing in on the latest issue of Velvet Park and her copy of Gay L.A. She doesn’t say anything specific about Tasha, and eventually decides they should leave because they don’t have a search warrant. Better late than never, Alice!

Before they go, though, they look at the big whiteboard version of the Chart and wonder who “T” is. Alice insists that they leave immediately, but her freaked-out face has probably told them everything they need to know. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how adorkable you are in glasses. Dean Porter’s office – Hey, is that a new painting on the wall behind your desk, Bette? I know you often convey messages with your choice of art – like that time you had a painting that said “so sorry so very sorry” after you slept with the carpenter – but I don’t know what to make of this one. A girl brushing a horse … are you longing for your halcyon youth in the English countryside? Oh, right; you grew up in Philly.

And you grew up very well. A very agitated student, Lani Shipman, is complaining about a provocative student art piece that involved a soapstone gun. Provocative – remember the Provocations exhibit? This isn’t quite like that, but the student did hold the fake gun to his head as if to off himself in front of the class.

Hold on a minute: Lani Shipman is real?! Her name was bandied about last season, but I thought she was the art school version of Snuffleupagus. But it seems even Philistines like me can see her.

Bette assures Lani that she’ll talk to Professor Lerner about the incident. Oh, right – Professor Lerner is Jodi. Brilliant name, by the way; why not just call her Professor Teecher?

Casting about – Aaron, Tina’s boss, is very happy with the idea of casting Niki (starlet No. 2, of the eager kissing and egregious emoting) as Jessie. Jenny does not approve.

Jenny: She looks like she just walked out of Maxim magazine.
Look, the feminist English major is still in there somewhere! Jenny still prefers the third candidate, slap-happy Luchi Santis.
Aaron: That girl is too weird; she’s too intense – Jenny: That’s the character.
Way to embrace your weird intensity, Jenny!

Aaron and Tina refuse to cast Luchi because she’s “not f—able.” This makes Jenny cover her ears, which in turn makes me squeal with delight. Jenny takes a piece of gum from Adele, who is dutifully taking notes. Jenny tells Adele to stop writing and get William on the phone. But Aaron and Tina insist that William loves Niki. Jenny finally has enough:

Jenny: [to Aaron] You got the f—in’ DGA card. Why don’t you direct the whole movie? Aaron: Yeah, I’ll direct the movie. Why don’t you f—in’ pay for the movie?
In a fit of eloquence, Jenny spits her gum onto the conference table. Ha ha! Pardon me while I rewind to laugh at that a few more times. It does get her point across, doesn’t it? And if people can “spit nails” in anger, why not gum?

As she exits, she tells Aaron he has a small dick. After she leaves, he wonders how she knows that.

Adele tries to assure Tina and Aaron that Jenny will come around – and explains that Jenny is quitting smoking, so she’s “really fragile” – but they don’t want to hear from Adele either. Jeez, the movie business is so dramatic!

And so is Adele’s mysterious Mona Lisa smile.

A meeting with the dean – Jodi knocks on Bette’s door and sweetly asks, “You wanted to see me, Dean Porter?” It’s cute, and Jodi looks good in that T-shirt, but Bette isn’t really paying attention. While Bette finishes up a phone call, Jodi eats the grapes on Bette’s desk. That seems unwise. After all, Bette labels the food she stashes in the communal faculty fridge – remember the “Dean Porter” milk last season?

I’m sure you’ll be surprised to hear that Jodi and Bette have very different views of soapstone gun art:

Bette: Lani Shipman has been traumatized by it. Jodi: Lani Shipman’s traumatized by her shadow.
Bette tries to get her message through: In the climate of Columbine and Virginia Tech, freedom of expression sometimes has to be reined in.
Bette: I want you to be just a little bit more thoughtful sometimes.
Wow, what a loaded statement.
Jodi: I think about my students all the time.
Bette’s being far too parental with Jodi, even though I do tend to agree that a circumspect approach is only reasonable in these trying times. Case in point: Cloverfield. Do I really want to see a movie in which New York City is attacked and the head flies off the Statue of Liberty? Not so fictional = not so fun.

Bette eventually apologizes, and Jodi goes off to find some more food. Bette asks for a goodnight kiss first. I still love the way Beals commits to kissing, even when others don’t meet her halfway.

Just before she goes out the door, Jodi makes some signs that seem quite obscene.

Bette: I think I’m gonna be working late tonight. Maybe tomorrow? Jodi: If you’re lucky.
She’s totally going to SheBar without you!

Shell-shocked – Tasha arrives at Alice’s apartment to find Alice madly erasing the big whiteboard with the original Chart on it. (As we know from the new issue of Wired, this is why whiteboards suck – they degrade and never erase properly.) Tasha tries to stop her, but Alice is frantic and insists on “degayifying.” I used to call that “de-dyke-orating,” before I came out to my parents. Alice has a bag of gay things to toss out, but I can’t quite see what’s in the bag – The Whole Lesbian Sex Book, I think, and a pink something that defies my imagination and my own toy collection.

There’s also a picture of Tasha and Alice.

Alice: You should keep this somewhere safe.
Sigh. Alice, stop this! Not just the erasing of the Chart, though that’s bad enough. I could make a comment about how it symbolizes a painful contemporary phenomenon: One boneheaded government policy can destroy everything you’ve been building for the last five years. But I don’t need a sobering metaphor when the thing itself is so sad.

Anyway, I’m more concerned about the notion that Alice can somehow be scared back into the closet. I know she’s doing all this for Tasha, but, well, I’m not sure it’s ever worth it. For anyone or anything.

But Alice is sorta funny when she’s freaking. I half expect her to check the back of her neck for an X-Files—esque microchip.

Tasha tries to calm her down. But who will protect the soldier from her own Army?

More proof that Shane is a 14-year-old boy – It’s closing time at The Planet. Shane is mashing the buttons on her Nintendo DS, still seeking an outlet for her sexual frustration. Kit asks her whether she’s heard from Helena.

Shane: She told me to tell everyone not to worry about her. Kit: Well, she must have a hidden treasure somewhere. Shane: Nah, I don’t think so.
Wah. Come back, Helena!

Kit brings Shane some chocolate and they both agree that food is a good substitute for sex. Then Kit asks Shane what she’s playing.

Shane: I’m playing Lara Croft: Legend. Kit: [peering over her shoulder] Oh, she’s a hottie. Shane: That is not why I’m playing this game, Kit. Kit: Mm-hmm. Shane: I’m not! Kit: Look how fast your thumbs are going.
And then Shane looks up at the cleaning crew and hallucinates them right into complete nudity.
Kit: Earth to Shane!
How silly. I’m glad Shane’s DS is white, though – so is mine, and I always think white is the uncool color. Because I, as an adult who plays video games, am obviously concerned about looking cool.

Captain Beech’s house – Tasha pounds on the door until Beech answers. He looks neat and tidy. I wonder if he re-gels his hair before he goes to bed?

Tasha screams at him for a while – not that I disagree with anything she’s saying – and then calms down when Beech’s wife comes to see what the fuss is about.

Tasha: Excuse me, ma’am. I’m sorry. I’m sorry to bust into your house like this without any warning. You’re not any part of this; you’re not even in the service. And it was wrong of me to disrupt your home and your family, and to probably frighten and confuse you. I hope I didn’t wake your son. Please forgive me.
That’s a very nice way to make a point. She turns and goes, with quiet conviction.

The next morning – As the sun sneaks into their bedroom, Alice begs Tasha to go to the secret star party with her. Tasha says she doesn’t want Alice to stop “living her life.”

Alice: Living my life would be living it with you. Come on, what’s the point of going to a secret love party without my secret love?
How infectious is Tasha’s laugh? And these two are, as always, adorable. But now I have “Secret Lovers” in my head.
Tasha: I definitely don’t want you to feel like because you’re with me, that your life is on trial.
No, but it is, though.

Suddenly there’s a knock on the door. Alice starts to freak out again, but Tasha lets Captain Beech in.

Tea for three – Alice serves coffee or tea or something while the boys talk business. I’m not happy that Alice has slipped into housewife mode at the slightest hint, but at least she’s not wearing the prairie wardrobe from last season. Or is she? That confrontation at Beech’s house seems to have done the trick – he is suddenly on their side. And he’s sweet on Alice. When she steps out of the room, he tells Tasha that Alice is “smart, pretty and funny.”

Tasha can only shake her head at the weirdness of it all. Not to mention the abrupt change of heart, I’m sure.

Jenny’s boudoir – Jenny is trying to find something to wear to SheBar. Shane votes for the see-through number. How cute is Shane in this scene? Jenny interrogates Adele for a while. Adele gives her a present from William. It’s a very expensive watch, and it includes a note in which William expresses his excitement about Niki Stevens. Hmm … was that note there originally, Adele? Can I get a handwriting sample? For that matter, who bought the present?

Jenny gets even more irritated when Adele tells her she “has to” go to the big SheBar party. How irritated? Well, yet another projectile piece of Nicorette finds its way out of her mouth and onto the carpet. Shane is befuddled.

Jenny: I need a moment.
Is there a warning on the package? “May cause sudden, inappropriate expectorating.”

Shane begs Jenny to go to Shebar. Jenny accuses Shane of “leering” and then exposes one of her own breasts and gives it a good squeeze. So weird. And so funny!

Kitty’s got a gun – This is like a parallel universe version of The Brave One: Kit is buying a gun. And what a cartoonish gun it is! It’s a .357 Magnum, which seems like overkill, and it also looks a lot like the one Pam Grier used in Sheba Baby. Kit is a little nervous about the gun at first. But when she gives the trigger a test squeeze, she seems to transform fear into rage.

The secret party – At the gate of an impressive mansion, Alice gives the password: “Aunt Sally.” At least it’s not “Fidelio.”

The public party – Bette, Jodi, Tom and Kit arrive at SheBar in Bette’s sensible car. Bette looks annoyed already. But she’s their ticket in. When they get to the door, Kit announces herself, but her name is not on the list. Luckily, someone important sees Bette and lets her in – with her plus-threes.

Whoa, look who’s shimmying on the dance floor: Grace! Hot. Tina’s out there too, with the heart doctor. She waves when she sees the others. They all wave back, though from Bette it’s really more of a wince than a wave. Remember when Bette and Tina preferred their cloak of boringness to raucous parties?

The important person who let Bette and her crew in turns out to be one of their hosts:

Dawn: Hi, I’m Dawn Denbo. How’re you doing? This is my lover, Cindy. Welcome to SheBar.
Dawn is played by Elizabeth Keener, sister of Catherine. Can you see the resemblance, right down to the blondes on their arms? Bette introduces everyone, and Dawn and Cindy assure Kit that they’re not trying to take any business away from her.
Dawn: It’s just that what we’re doing here is in another league entirely, you know what I mean?
Yeah, she does. And that’s what worries her.

Tina comes over to say hello and introduce everyone to Brenda. As Bette and Brenda shake hands, Tina gives Bette an up-and-down look. It’s OK, Tina; I think I’m the only one who noticed.

Shane wanders into the fray.

Shane: Jesus Christ, it’s like South Beach threw up.
Dawn introduces herself and her lover.
Shane: Lover Cindy, how are you?
Hee!

Dawn gives them all VIP passes but only has eyes for Shane.

The velvet mafia party – Tasha. Could you be more dashing? No.

Alice: I hope we see some famous closet cases. It’ll be fun!
Alice, it’s a party, not an amusement park ride. Tasha points out Daryl Brewer, an NBA point guard who is married and has kids. Something’s brewing, all right.

Their host, Barry Bird, says hello and warns Alice not to do any podcasting while she’s there. Ouch. Hang on while I get something for my anvil-shaped headache.

SheBar – Jenny is hanging out in a chair she has obviously stolen from Mork from Ork. Adele brings Jenny a drink and some news: Niki Stevens is there. And soon she’s right there next to them.

Nearby, Tina figures out that Adele arranged all this.

Tina: Oh, my God, you’re my hero!
Jenny and Niki go off to talk somewhere else. Oh, and yes, Niki is a lesbian in real life, too.

On the DL – Tasha and Alice slow-dance next to Daryl the basketball player. He is ridiculously flamey (but, according to Tasha, is nothing like that outside of velvet mafia parties). He accidentally steps on Alice’s foot and expresses his approval when she offers that old line, “It’s OK; I’ve got two.”

And then Alice does something both unbelievable and inevitable: She reaches for her phone and takes a picture of the basketball player and his boy toy. Alice! No! And wait, why do you have both an iPhone and a Razr? Sheesh, share the wealth a little.

An impassioned plea – It turns out Niki is just as dramatic off camera as she is on. She tells Jenny that Lez Girls is her story, a true story, and she has never wanted a role this badly. She goes on a tearful tear about how guys look at her and how she wants to be more than just a Hollywood type.

Niki: I will give you everything that I have inside of me for this role.
Amazingly, Jenny seems to buy it. I think her ponytail might be a little too tight; that always muddles the brain. The VIP(er) room – During the audition, there was some horrid dialogue (rightly called out by Ms. Snarker) about vipers and venom. But maybe it wasn’t as hyperbolic as it seemed, because I think Shane has just walked into a nest of vipers. Dawn and Cindy are interested in some three-way action, and I don’t mean the upcoming web series.

Dawn and Cindy promise Shane they won’t bring her any drama – just fun. And Shane finally gives up the celibacy thing. Um. I’m sure some viewers are completely turned on, but I’m actually turned off. Dana Delany had more chemistry in a single finger (especially when it circled that glass while she was trying to seduce Bette) than I can find in all this writhing, wriggling, wiry flesh.

(Hey, this reminds me of that party scene on Life recently – can we get a crossover episode so Shane can hang out with Sarah Shahi again?)

Boogie fever – On the dance floor, Max is doing one of those junior-high bouncing-in-place-with-stiff-arms dances, sort of like I did to “Who Can It Be Now?” and “Edge of Seventeen” back in the day. But Tom doesn’t seem to mind. Nearby, Kit says she’s ready to go. Bette says she has to find Shane first. Hey, Bette has a cold – aww. She has also put her wristband (the VIP pass – thanks, DebbieH, for explaining its purpose!) around her glass, rather than on her wrist. That’s pretty smooth.

Bette wanders over to the VIP room but isn’t allowed to go in. So she saunters to a smaller bar off the main space – where Tina just happens to be trying to squeeze some advice from the lime at the bottom of her glass.

Bette enters the room quietly, seems to consider whether she should stay, then takes some tentative steps toward Tina. When Tina finally notices her, Bette waves in a sweet way – sweet and awkward. Tina confesses that she’s hiding from Brenda because she “can’t keep up with her.” Bette takes a seat. Hey, doesn’t her hair look tons better in this scene?

Tina: This is … is so not my scene. Just, bars. Bette: I know. It’s just … Tina: You’re lucky. You are really lucky that you have Jodi. Bette: Yeah. I really am.
Tina gets up to go, but Bette stops her. And then they kiss. Bette sobs, just for a moment, but long enough to break any nearby hearts wide open, mine included. Next time on The L Word: Another party, this time at Chez Shenny; Cindy takes another lover; Bette and Tina face facts.

Can’t get enough of The L Word? Check back Wednesday, when the We’re Getting Nowhere vloggers offer their take on this episode, and keep up on the latest L Word forum topics, news, articles and interviews in our main L Word section.

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