TV

Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (January 25, 2008)

FORGET YOUR TROUBLES, COME ON, GET GLAAD

This week, the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation announced the nominees for the 19th Annual GLAAD Media Awards. The awards cover film, television, music, theater, comic books and journalism in various media.

Among the major TV networks, ABC once again leads the pack, with nine nominations. The recognized ABC series include Brothers & Sisters, Dirty Sexy Money, Desperate Housewives, Ugly Betty, Boston Legal and All My Children. Let’s see: That’s a handful of gay male characters, zero lesbian characters (maybe 0.5 if you count Bianca on AMC) and one Zarf. At least the pseudo-lesbian episode of Kyle XY (ABC Family) got a nod. Other TV nominees include The Sarah Silverman Program, Work Out, The L Word and Exes & Ohs. Is this a list of nominations, or the list of recordings on my DVR? Nominees in the film categories include The Jane Austen Book Club, Stardust, Across the Universe, Itty Bitty Titty Committee and Nina’s Heavenly Delights. I have an itty bitty opinion about who should win in the Limited Release category. Music nominees include The Cliks for Snakehouse and Melissa Etheridge for The Awakening.

   

But never mind all that: Our brother site, AfterElton.com, was nominated for Outstanding Digital Journalism Article for “Gay Newsmen – A Clearer Picture.” Congrats, bros! But don’t get comfy; we’re totally gonna beat you next year. I think the most recent episode of The L Word proved that lesbians know how to play ball. And by that I mean refuse to play ball and get thrown into a lake instead.

We’ll have full coverage of the Los Angeles, San Francisco and New York GLAAD Media Awards presentations in March and April. Remember last year, when Laurel Holloman said all sorts of fascinating things about Bette and Tina? Here’s hoping there are more revelations this year – not to mention more than two out lesbians/bi women at the events. Jodie, are you free that night? If you want to bring a plus-one, I’m sure they’ll let you.

WORST LESBIAN MAFIOSA EVER? On this week’s episode of Cashmere Mafia, Caitlin (Bonnie Somerville) and Alicia (Lourdes Benedicto) attended a lesbian bridal shower. And, as you might expect at any lesbian event, the conversation eventually turned to that ever-fascinating topic: sperm.

   

Check, please! But the lesbian pregnancy talk (which is so very fresh and original) was almost preferable to Caitlin’s flirtation with Sam, a man she met at the restaurant where the bridal shower was held. When she later confessed her attraction – and confusion – to Zoe, she characterized herself as “the worst lesbian ever”:

   

After that revelation, Zoe declared, “You need cake.” I need some cake, too. Send me one with a remote control in it.

Where to begin? We could talk about the fluidity of sexuality and why Caitlin shouldn’t concern herself with labels. Or we could focus on her disloyalty to Alicia, regardless of the gender of the flirtee. Or we could just read the buzz around the interweb, because even sites that don’t concern themselves with LGBT visibility are commenting on this story line. Here are some highlights:

Yes, Bonnie Somerville, you are the worst lesbian ever. And I am so glad that this pretending you’re doing with Alicia will soon be over. Or at least I hope it will. I can’t take the I-don’t-know-if-I’m-really-gay storyline anymore. TV Squad‘s Kristin Sample
Last night, Caitlin … spoke the truest words I’ve yet to hear on this show: “I am the worst lesbian ever.” Hallelujah! You got that right, sister! Honest to goodness sparks flew between her and a fella named Sam who she barged in on in a unisex restaurant bathroom while she was at a lesbian bridal shower. Not sure where her girlfriend was while she was at the bar slipping him her card, but I’m happy to let that, and her plotline with Hot Chocolate, go for the sake of something that promises to be much more steamy. – EW.com‘s Erin Stevenson
I was shocked when Alicia didn’t follow Caitlin when she excused herself from the table. They really needed to have the two women interact after that scene because it just left me frustrated. The lesbian content of this episode was crap. – AfterEllen.com reader silentecho in the forums
Well. At least everyone’s talking about a lesbian character for once – when’s the last time that happened? And no, we can’t count Tina Fey‘s character on 30 Rock, no matter how much we want to.

Even more worrisome than Caitlin’s fickleness is her dwindling screen time. For example, in this week’s episode, she talked about “waking up” with Alicia. But did we get to see any actual waking up? Noooo. Why, ABC? First you make us GLAAD, and then you drop us like a hot gay potato. Why?! Let’s all try to be strong, though. Sarah assured us last week that Caitlin will soon be back on the straight and narrow – er, the gay and not-so-narrow (although that doesn’t necessarily mean a bridal shower for Caitlin and Alicia; just that Caitlin won’t be dating a guy).

I for one haven’t given up on Cashmere Mafia yet, though I don’t exactly protest when my girlfriend fast-forwards through the Zoe and Juliet scenes. And no matter what happens in an episode, bad machine’s recaps make me feel better about all of it!

SIA PUSHES OUR BUTTONS NewNowNext.com blogger Colin Schoenberger recently came across an interview with Australian singer Sia in which she reveals that she has a girlfriend. She told Attitude magazine that she’s having “love problems.” And then it got interesting:

Is he an American boy? Sia: It’s a girl, and yeah, she’s American. She’s kind of like a boy. An immaculate transition.

Is it serious? Sia: It is for me. For her, I don’t know.

An “immaculate transition”? Is that what happens when the Pope and Max from The L Word walk into a bar?

Sia’s new album is called Some People Have Real Problems, and the album art captures what happens when you’re a person who has real problems with a marker: Here’s the video for the single “Buttons” from that album:

   

Since that pretty much terrified me, here’s the video for “Day Too Soon” as an antidote (also from the new album):

   

We’ll have an interview with Sia sometime in the next few weeks. And her North American tour starts in February; check her MySpace page for details. You can also catch her on Jimmy Kimmel Live on Jan. 25. I hope they hide all their writing utensils and cellophane tape before she gets to the studio.

SHE KISSED THE GIRL, BUT YOU GOT STUCK WITH THE TAB Singer-songwriter Jill Sobule, best known for that catchy tune “I Kissed a Girl,” would like you to finance her next CD. On her new website, JillsNextRecord.com, she and her mom (yes, her mom) ask you to help them raise $75,000 for a new record. So far she’s collected more than $25,000 – Jerry Lewis, eat your heart out! You can donate at various levels, from “Polished Rock Level” to “Weapons-Grade Plutonium Level,” which offers this reward:

You get to come and sing on my CD. Don’t worry if you can’t sing – we can fix that on our end. Also, you can always play the cowbell.
Here’s that classic song if you need a refresher:

   

I need more cowbell!

HELLO! MY NAME IS “THE LESBIAN” In March, the series High School Reunion will debut on TV Land. (This is not to be confused with the WB series of the same name. Way to be creative, people.) The show reunites alumni of a Texas high school in Hawaii for a two-week getaway. The cast includes Kat Feller, who is identified in the press materials as “the lesbian.” I wonder if they’re going to put that on her nametag?

Kat is a Hollywood voiceover artist who hasn’t seen her classmates in 20 years and hasn’t yet told them she’s gay. Here she is alongside her high school yearbook picture: Aww. That’s not bad for a yearbook picture. Some of mine would probably earn me the nickname “the Patrick Nagel poster gone horribly wrong.” And I guess her nickname isn’t as bad as some of the others, like Kirstin “the spoiled girl,” Steve “the backstabber” and Justin “the pipsqueak.” Still, it’s the only nickname that is based on a contestant’s identity, rather than his or her personality. What’s next: a wedgie?

Tune in March 5 to see how the reunion works out for Kat. If they challenge her to an air-guitar-via-pool-cue contest, she’s totally gonna win. Look for our interview with Kat in March.

IS THAT WHAT THEY MEANT BY “CLEANING”? A few weeks ago, Malinda gave us the low-down (I mean, the Lo-Down) on the queer films at the Sundance Film Festival. I was especially interested in Sunshine Cleaning, starring Emily Blunt, Amy Adams and Mary Lynn Rajskub (the latter plays a lesbian who is the lucky object of Blunt’s character’s affections). The film is produced by the same crew that brought us Little Miss Sunshine – I guess they really like that word.

This week we got good news and bad news about Sunshine Cleaning, all at once. It seems there was originally a kiss between Blunt and Rajskub, but that scene has been cut from the film. I don’t think Mary Lynn approves. Still, early reviews are positive, so I haven’t lost interest in Sunshine Cleaning. I’ll just have to imagine the lesbian kiss – just like I do, oh, every single time I go to the movies or watch TV.

BISEXUAL QUOTE OF THE WEEK “I played Maureen the bisexual so I got to kiss girls and run around on stage grabbing t–s. A whole new experience for me.” – Denise Van Outen on MonstersandCritics.com, of her role in Rent in London’s West End

BRAVA FOR BRAVO The cast of Season 4 of Top Chef was announced this week. Bravo told us yesterday that one of the contestants is a lesbian, but did not give us details in time for our deadline (we’ll let you know who the lucky lady is as soon as we find out). So let’s follow Dorothy Snarker‘s lead and speculate, shall we?

Jennifer is 35, hails from Brooklyn and lives in San Francisco: And Lisa, 27, comes from Toronto and now lives in New York City: Those two seem like the most obvious candidates, based on hair and headwear alone, but there are some other possibilities:

Nimma is 26 and lives in Atlanta: And Zoi, 30, lives in San Francisco: Oh, I can’t decide. Can I just get the four-course meal? Or can I at least talk to the soup chef?

UPDATE!! Believe it or not, I wasn’t even being greedy! We’ve heard from Bravo, and it turns out there are THREE lesbian contestants on Top Chef 4. Jennifer, Lisa and Zoi are all gay. I swear I didn’t know that when I first wrote this! If only I could use my powers for good … anyway, Top Chef premieres March 12.

Meanwhile, Bravo’s Make Me a Supermodel featured some flirty model-on-model posing this week. Here’s a clip – skip ahead to the last 20 seconds unless you’re feeling rather omnisexual today:

   

Maybe it’s because I was just talking about Top Chef, but for whatever reason, that didn’t turn me on – it made me hungry. Make me a sandwich!

THESE DAYS ARE SHA-AH-AH-AH-AW’S This week, I had the distinct, if somewhat disorienting, pleasure of seeing out actress Fiona Shaw in Samuel Beckett’s Happy Days at the Brooklyn Academy of Music. If you’re not a fan of absurdist theater in the first place, that photo has probably already put you off. But if you’re even slightly interested in the quirky musings of a woman who is stuck in a mound of earth, this is the play to see!

Shaw, whose partner is Saffron Burrows, has been getting rave reviews for her interpretation of Winnie, a role she has played for over a year now in various productions. Time Out: New York bestowed its first six-star review on Happy Days – and since the play is almost a one-woman show, those six stars are really for Shaw. Critic David Cote called Shaw “heart-stoppingly brilliant” in a recent episode of NY1’s theater show On Stage. She’s also heart-stoppingly stunning in the production, and nothing like Aunt Petunia in the Harry Potter movies. Happy Days isn’t easily summarized, but here are a couple of clips. First, Act 1, in which Winnie is feeling very positive and still somewhat mobile:

   

Yeah, that didn’t make much sense. But it’s marvelous in context, I swear! Anyway, in Act 2, things take a decided turn for the worse:

   

That last part freaked me out a lot, and also reminded me of how our own Sarah Warn looks on the weekends after one too many late nights online. Absurd doesn’t begin to cover it!

All joking aside, Shaw’s performance in Happy Days is magnificent. I can’t even find enough adjectives for it: mind-blowing, inspiring, dazzling, sublime – there is no superlative super enough. If you’re anywhere near Brooklyn, see it while you can – its run ends Feb. 2. (Purchase tickets here.)

LENDS NEW MEANING TO THE TERM THEATER QUEEN Theater is often thought of as the purview of the G in LGBT, but there’s even more than Shaw to love onstage right now.

First, Laurie Metcalf (Roseanne) is currently playing a lesbian in November – read our review here. Meanwhile, out director Leigh Silverman will direct Julie White (who played a lesbian in The Little Dog Laughed) in the upcoming play From Up Here. Sadly, White’s not playing a lesbian in this one.

And in Los Angeles, the musical Prove It on Me centers on a star-crossed love affair between two women during the Harlem Renaissance. Sweet Baby J’ai plays saloon singer Georgia Brooks. Aynsley Bubbico plays Lindsey, the flapper who swoons when Georgia croons. According to Variety, the title comes from Ma Rainey’s 1924 “ode to lesbian love,” the “Prove It on Me Blues.” Who knew there were odes to lesbian love in 1924? I’m guessing there weren’t many, and they probably all had the word “blues” in the title. Prove It on Me runs through March 2 at the Stella Adler Theatre in Hollywood. Purchase tickets at the official website.

And finally, out playwright Paula Vogel is the new chair of the playwriting department at the Yale School of Drama. Are we taking over the theater world or what? Next thing you know, there’ll be an off-Broadway show based on lesbian pulp fiction novels. (Previews of The Beebo Brinker Chronicles begin Feb. 19 – look for our story about the play next month.)

TOO MUCH ROCK FOR ONE HAND The upcoming documentary Girls Rock! captures the awesomeness of the worldwide Rock ‘n’ Roll Camp for Girls. The film focuses on four girls, ages 7—17, and features out musicians Carrie Brownstein (Sleater-Kinney) and Beth Ditto (The Gossip).

Here’s the trailer:

   

The film demonstrates that “the act of picking up a guitar and making noise becomes a truly revolutionary act.” Where was this camp when I was 14? I had to go to regular old band camp instead. Not that it wasn’t revolutionary – Mussorgsky is an uprising of the best kind. And now I conjure small revolutions in my own living room when I shred the crap out of “Crazy on You” on Guitar Hero. Mosh!

Girls Rock! opens March 7.

LESBIAN QUOTE OF THE WEEK “I thought she was reading too much.” – Ellen Kameya, who had “never heard of Asian gay people” until her daughter Valerie came out to her; their stories are told in the documentary Anyone and Everyone

STRIKE A SUPERSPY POSE The WGA strike is old news (and the news of it is getting old), but NY1, my local cable channel, offers updates daily. And the coverage cracks me up, because the station’s stock footage of the strike includes a glimpse of out director Angela Robinson. There she is on my TV every night, smiling and picketing: I like to think she’s marching with a superspy soundtrack in her head, à la D.E.B.S., so I’ve helpfully added a groove – as well as some “Bev’s Lesbians” hair-tossing – to the news footage:

   

See what happens when writers strike? It’s not pretty when I’m forced to make my own entertainment!

TWO TRIBUTES Ellen DeGeneres turns the big five-oh on Saturday. In honor of this momentous occasion, Us magazine assembled a little montage of Ellen’s wardrobe over the years. As Christian on Project Runway might say, it is fierce. Happy birthday, Ellen! We’d be nothing without you. Well, we’d be AfterRosie.com, I guess.

On a much more sorrowful note, Wednesday’s episode of The Ellen DeGeneres Show included a tribute to actor Heath Ledger, who died this week.

   

We’ll miss you, Heath.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! Cynthia Wade, the director of the Oscar-nominated documentary Freeheld, will be featured on the XM radio show The Agenda With Joe Solmonese on Jan. 28 at 6 p.m. ET.

Logo (AfterEllen.com’s parent company) just announced they’ve signed Jill Bennett to a development deal due to her popularity on We’re Getting Nowhere. Don’t worry, that doesn’t mean she’s going to stop doing the video blog; just that soon you may see her on her own TV show, too. Here’s hoping she gets a series that involves her saying, “Whaaaaat?”

Next week is lesbian week on VisibleVote08.com. Women from across the blogosphere will share what matters most to them in the coming presidential election.

The Paley Center for Media announced this week that a Buffy the Vampire Slayer reunion will take place at PaleyFest08. Tickets go on sale to the general public Feb. 10. Visit the PaleyFest08 website for more information.

Eden Riegel will be returning to All My Children (yes, again) as Bianca, the lesbian daughter of Erica Kane. We’ll bring you more details as soon as we get them. (Thanks for the tip, Pyewacket!)

Kate Clinton‘s new DVD, Kate Clinton: The 25h Anniversary Tour, was released this week. It’s the perfect Valentine’s Day gift for … well, for just about anyone.

On Jan. 29, openly gay TV righter of wrongs Judge David Young hears the case of Waudda and her partner Carol, who blame jeweler John for a poorly made class ring. Waudda drama.

This week on her blog, the inimitable Dorothy Snarker featured a gallery of women in tuxes. Try not to drool all over your keyboard.

On the Jan. 27 episode of the U.K. show Wife Swap, naughty girl Samantha Fox and her partner, Myra Stratton, trade spouses with comedian Freddie Starr and his wife.

The new Come With Me If You Want to Live video blog (which focuses on Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles and formerly called Terminator Talk) will run sometime this weekend. And on Sunday, Karman and Jill play “truth or dare” in their pajamas on Brunch With Bridget.

BREAKING NEWS: Since this column first went live, we’ve heard from Bravo about the lesbian contestants – that’s plural – on Top Chef 4. Go back to page 5 and see for yourself!

That’s it for this week! Check back next Friday for another edition of Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever.

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