It’s a chick thing — As we begin a new day in Cashmere Sex and the Mafia City, the girls are gearing up to go into battle. For fashion-forward, fat-check paycheck, femme women, “gearing up” means arming themselves with just the necessities: wallets, cell phones and Crackberries, makeup, nail polish, enough hair product for three different weather conditions, appointment books, condoms and breath mints. The whole mess then gets tossed into a luxurious designer purse that cost more than my first car.
To celebrate her promotion to publisher at Barnstead Media, Mia has treated herself to a new Gucci bag. She lovingly opens the box, peels back the tissue paper and removes the dream purse from its protective cloth bag. Yes, her bag has a bag.
I, on the other hand, tend to travel light. Anything I can’t fit in my pockets goes in my girlfriend’s purse. And that’s the world as it should be.
For Mia’s first day as Publisher, she’s also chosen a bob hairdo that reminds me of the toe-sucking scene in The Last Emperor. And her chiffon blouse? Captain Jack Sparrow called. He wants his shirt back.
First day on the job — At her new office, Mia is greeted by her assistant, a very cheerful young woman named Tracy. Tracy beams supportively as Mia swings open the glass door and surveys her new surroundings.
There are congratulatory flower arrangements and gift baskets everywhere. One creative well-wisher has sent a selection of sunglasses, arranged as topiary. The card reads, “Your future’s so bright, you have to wear shades.” Damn. Now I have to think of something else to send Sarah for Christmas next year.
The sunglass tree was a gift from Mia’s former mentor, now subordinate, Grant, a tall, dapper fellow who has the head of the Muppet Guy Smiley.
Mia tells Guy Grant their first order of business is to secure exclusivity for one of the magazines with a hot, hot, hot photographer named Ian Weber. Mia’s frantic to hit the ground running as publisher. Grant coolly assures her it’ll all work out fine.
Just then, Mia’s boss, Clive, stops by. He’s heard that Jack called off the wedding and thanks her for not making him drink “stale champagne at some office baby shower” someday. Word.