THIS WEEK’S RAP SHEET:
Let’s start at the very beginning — Did you see the title of this episode? Oh my.
Pining and pins — Josh is pining for Crystal. Crystal is pining for Josh. See what happens when you let your morals (or your kleptomania, depending on whose perspective we’re taking here) interfere with love?
Meanwhile, Virginia is stepping carefully out of her cell on those miraculously healed pins of hers. She’s accompanied by much whistling and taunting, so Tina comes to her defense.
God? I’m just waiting for Nikki and Helen to pay a visit to the same room at the same time; that’s almost as unlikely these days.
After the crowd has dispersed, Tina asks Mark whether she can move to a different cell. He looks over at Maxi for guidance, but she just stares. I’ll say this for Maxi: She knows how to stare.
And still Maxi just stares.
Now I’m staring — Fenner passes Helen in the hallway. But he doesn’t pass up the opportunity to taunt her.
Yes, I’m going to indulge myself one more time: Oh, the cleavage. (It could have been worse — I considered writing a Keatsian ode to it. To me, it’s that profound.)
A swath of tension and doubt spreads over Helen’s face. It’s accompanied by a sound effect that’s half suspense and half Fozzie Bear saying “wokka wokka.”
More doubt, more tension, more wokka wokka — Fenner still knows how to make people squirm.
Ouch — Maxi beats Tina with a bar of soap in a sock. Whoa! She doesn’t seem to feel great about it, though. She actually knits her brows a little, which is quite something in such an expressionless face.