Bad Girls Recaps: Episode 3.15 “Cat and Mouse”

THIS WEEK’S RAP SHEET:

The spy: Helen catches Fenner in the act. So he catches her, after the fact.

The swooner: Thomas is head over heels in love. The stoic: Nikki knows she must go on without Miss Stewart.

A damsel in distress – It’s another day at Larkhall, just outside the big door. And there’s Helen, getting out of her impish red Peugeot and juggling all her papers and important governor-y things. Do you need help carrying your books, Helen? I know a con who’s pretty buff from all the gardening she does. We haven’t seen her around lately, but I bet she’d come running if she knew you were in need of assistance.

Mark and Di are arriving for work too. Di inquires about Gina’s health, and Mark sarcastically replies that Gina’s just fine now that she has lost the baby.

Di: Oh, Mark, I’m really sorry. Mark: Save it. Di: Look, I know you’re angry, but it was her who attacked me. Mark: You had it coming to you!

Di reminds him that they have to find a way to work together. He recommends that she stay away from him. That’s a good start, Mark; you might also try knocking her down or poisoning her tea.

Sleepless – Inside, Helen is still dropping papers and binders. A voice calls out, scolding, “Helen. I thought you were gonna take the morning off.” It’s Dr. Waugh, and I don’t like the way he talks to her – as if she’s 12. And also as if he’s spent the last several hours boinking her and thus isn’t sure she’ll be able to function today.

But that’s just my cynicism talking; apparently they didn’t spend the night together. Or if they did, he was passed out while she tossed and turned.

Helen: I couldn’t sleep. I’ll be fine once I get some caffeine. Thomas: I’ll bring you up a dose of vitamins.

And then he kisses her and she grins and I’m back to being gloomy and cynical. Naturally, Fenner is around the corner, pondering how to use their flirtations against them. For the first time in my life, I’d rather hang out with Fenner than Helen. That kiss and the accompanying flirty, girly behavior made my stomach turn.

The wing office – Karen is going over the day’s duties. It seems Crystal is off to court again. Oh, and a lifer named Nikki Wade – who’s that? – will be taking her Open University exam this morning (remember the good old days, when Helen still cared and convinced Nikki to sign up for the English course?). After the exam, Nikki will need an escort to the lifers group.

Fenner: Leave it with me.

Such seemingly innocuous words never sounded so ominous. The music gets ominous too, as Josh stays behind to check the mail. Yes, he’s checking the mail! Duck and cover!

Surprise, surprise: There’s a package for him. It’s marked “PRIVAT.” The handwriting is no better than the spelling – you might even say it looks like package was addressed by someone who barely knows how to write. And those stamps … they’re not U.K. stamps. Who could the sender be?

Josh rips open the package. It’s a videotape. The label on it reads “For Crystal.” Oh boy.

(BTW, if you’ve ever wondered where Larkhall is, apparently it’s on Battery Road, London, SW9 6KM.)

Morning calisthenics – Virginia is doing some stretches. With her legs. You know, the ones that supposedly don’t work. In the hallway, a screw warns, “Unlocking,” so Virginia hustles back into her wheelchair.

The unlocking screw is Fenner. He assures Virginia that he’s taking good care of her businesses.

Virginia: I hear everything’s running as smoothly as a bishop up a verger‘s arse.

Whoa. Sometimes it becomes very clear that this is not an American show.

Also taking care of business – In her luxe office, Helen is yawning and perusing the list of brothels, compliments of Yvonne. Thomas interrupts with those vitamins he promised. Helen downs them easily, sorta like I do. It amazes my girlfriend when I swallow five giant pills at once. Is this the only common ground I can find with Helen these days – the lack of a gag reflex?

Thomas: Do you ever wonder if Yvonne Atkins might just be jerking your chain with all this? Helen: [sharply] She’s not.

Dude, she just used her governor voice on you! Sit in that chair!

Thomas: OK, only asking … for my own selfish reasons, thinking, you know, it might be nice to spend the odd evening in, instead of parked in a car outside a massage parlor. But call me conventional. Helen: [still in governor mode] I’m gonna nail him, Tom. Even if I have to sit outside one of those dumps every night for a year. For two years. By the law of averages, he’s gotta show up sometime. Thomas: The law of averages says we’ll probably all get wiped out by a meteorite. But I don’t see anyone running for cover. Helen: [turning away, moping] You don’t have to go with me. Thomas: [leaning close] Helen. I wanna go everywhere wth you. And I wanna help you lynch Jim bloody Fenner. I just … I don’t know if this is the way.

Helen says it’s the only way she has, so Thomas suggests confronting Virginia and threatening to bring in the police. But Helen knows Virginia would only cover Fenner’s tracks.

Helen: [seething] She’d know if I had any evidence, I woulda gone to the police already, wouldn’t I?

Thomas doesn’t like her spitfire tone – he much prefers her giggly and girly. So he stomps out, muttering, “Forget it.” Just this once, Helen, I’d advise you to do as he asks.

An old friend – Josh has found a VCR somewhere, probably in the room marked “Clandestine Videotape Viewing.” He pops in the tape, and guess whose semi-literate face appears? Denny’s. Denny says that Crystal is innocent. She explains that Shell planted the drugs because Crystal wouldn’t let them stay with her after they escaped. I’m not exactly sure who’s going to benefit from this tape – it’s not like it can be used in court. But Josh seems happy, and now we the viewers know that Denny is still out there somewhere.

Denny:Tell Bodybag thanks for puttin’ us up. And tell Shaz Wylie … tell her … love you, man.

Aww. How pointless, but aww.

Fists of puny – Denny’s love can’t protect Shaz from Big Gay Al. I know there’s bullying going on, because I can see Al shoving Shaz and I can see the fear on Shaz’s face. But I really have no idea what Al is saying, so just imagine some sort of mean dialogue here.

Yvonne shows up in her fetching leather pants to help Shaz do a little demonstration.

Yvonne: You picking fights again, Shaz? Big Gay Al: glurrgleabaneneaoao Yvonne: Turned into a right little scrapper since she started on her new hobby. Big Gay Al: What? Yvonne: Come on, Shaz. Let’s give ’em a demo.

Yvonne and Julie S. hold up a lunch tray and Shaz kicks it in half. It’s Kung Fu Panda! Even Maxi seems impressed. She and Yvonne stare each other down a little and then go their separate ways, to fight another day.

Yvonne’s cell – Helen unlocks the door and shyly asks whether she can come in. Wait, whose cell is this again?!

Yvonne: You OK? You look knackered, Miss. Helen: I’ve been spending far too many nights outside those addresses you gave me. Yvonne: And? Helen: And sod all. Yvonne: Well, don’t give up now. Fenner’s in with her, I promise you. Helen: Promises aren’t enough, Yvonne.

Yvonne insists that Fenner is helping Virginia run her brothels – “He’s in and out her cell like a candle in a convent” – but Helen wants something more specific, like a time and a place.

Helen: Can’t you get O’Kane to open up to ya? Yvonne: What’s she gonna tell me? Helen: Then scare something out of her. Quick.

Sheesh! Helen’s using her governor voice with everyone today, whether they deserve it or not. I think I know why she’s cranky: Bad sex with pseudo-sensitive guys will put you in such a pissy mood. Well, not that I know that from experience, but so I’ve been told.

She lives – Wow, there’s Nikki! She’s taking her Open University exam. The proctor looks sort of like Rosemary Clooney in her later years.

Proctor: The examination is now at an end. Finish your sentences, please.

Nikki seems to find this amusing and shakes her head. But there are worse demons to deal with in the hallway: Fenner is there, glibly asking whether she spelled her name wrong on the exam.

Nikki: Take the piss. Probably the only thing you could pass an exam in.

Fenner says he’s a big supporter of education, especially for no-hopers like Wade.

Fenner: No, I mean it. The more you can learn, the better. For instance, did you know that your girlfriend, Miss Stewart, is shagging the new SMO?

Nikki just sort of freezes, then walks away. Not a good way to get that little piece of news – not that there is a good way.

Sisterly love – Out in the yard, Maxi and Tina discuss Tina’s newfound friendship with Virginia O’Kane. Maxi says they need to focus on dethroning Yvonne.

Maxi: You gonna let our name down after all Dad’s done to give it ya? Tina: Dad named me Tina Purvis, not Tina Peckham Boot Gang. Maxi: If you ain’t with the gang, you wain’t no proper Purvis. Now think abut that.

I sometimes wonder whether Tina thinks much about anything at all.

The no-hopers – Shaz does a few moves to show the lifers group what she’s been up to. Well, it’s not terribly impressive if you’re not actually kicking anything, is it? It’s more like disco than defense.

The other lifers cheer her on, except for Nikki, who’s just moping.

Helen: Very impressive, Shaz. But what I really meant was developing skills that’ll help you find future employment. Shaz: That’s what it is, Miss. I’m gonna be a world champion kickboxer. Nikki: Yeah. Shaz Van Damme.

The way Nikki says it, Damme rhymes with, well, dame, as in Dame Judi Dench. That kinda makes the joke fall flat, on American ears, anyway.

Shaz: Yeah, well I’ll get work in it somehow. And I’m going for it. Helen: Then I wish you lotsa luck, Shaz. Nikki: [to Helen, bitterly] What I wish is that the bloody Home Office would make up its mind what prison’s for. ‘Cause if they really want us to improve ourselves, they’d stop paying us less for doing education than all those s—-y prison jobs, wouldn’t they? Helen: [calmly, to the group] Is there anyone thinks I don’t agree?

Nobody makes a peep. Helen gets all rah-rah about education. Nikki offers the only possible response:    

As everyone files out, Helen has a chat with Nikki:

Helen: How did your exam go? Not good? Nikki: Went great. Helen: So why’re you being so nippy? Nikki: [brightly] Is it true you’re shagging the new SMO?

Helen’s face confirms. You could say she looks stricken.

Nikki: Just thought you might tell me yourself, instead of letting Fenner do it for you.

She turns on her heels and goes. Finally, a dramatic exit for Nikki! Helen can only stand there and feel terrible, or at least I hope that’s what she’s feeling.

A shakedown – Yvonne tells Virginia that she knows all about her little empire. What’s more, she says Lauren (her daughter, who’s the source of all this info) thinks Virginia is being ripped off by a “John Farmer.”

Yvonne: It ain’t exactly hard, is it, taking advantage of you? Being banged up in here, in that thing …

Yvonne finally gets to the point: She thinks Lauren could do a better job running the brothels. At first Virginia resists, but then she tells Yvonne where tonight’s pickup is.

Another cell visit – Helen is once again asking permission to come in (like a vampire?), but this time she’s at Nikki’s door. Nikki half-nods, still looking pretty unhappy, but definitely less nippy.

Nikki: I’m sorry about what I said to you. Whoever you’re with is none of my business. Helen: No, I’m sorry that you found out from Fenner. I owe you more than that. Nikki: Yeah, well. Trust him not to miss a good kick, eh? Helen: I don’t want him scoring anything over you, Nikki. Ever.

And they have a moment. It’s brief, but it’s there, even though Nikki laughs it off. I love her for always trying to be the bigger person – she does it so very well.

Nikki: [cheerfully] So, you managed to find the one nice guy in this dump, eh? The doctor? Helen: [half-heartedly] Yeah. He is. Nikki: Is it serious? Helen: Early days. Maybe. Nikki: Well, don’t feel bad for me. I’ve got a new life waiting for me once this appeal’s out of the way. Helen: Hey, now you’re talkin’. Nikki: So … good luck, I guess. Helen: Yeah. Thanks.

And Helen leaves. Nikki just leans back on her bunk, looking like she doesn’t quite know what to do with all that. I do: It’s crap! I hate it. It sucks.

The common area – Crystal is back from court. Nothing much happened; sometimes it’s all about procedure.

Nearby, Nikki and Barbara chat about Nikki’s upcoming court date.

Barbara: But you should be looking forward to your appeal. Being with Helen. Nikki: Helen’s got someone else. The dashing Dr. Waugh. Barbara: Oh, Nikki. Nikki: Still. Gotta look forward, I s’pose.

Barbara goes back to scribbling in her diary. I go back to saying it’s crap, I hate it and it sucks.

About those details you wanted – Yvonne gives Helen the brothel address for tonight’s pickup. It’s the shortest scene ever, but I like seeing these two conspire against Fenner.

The evidence mounts – Josh tells Crystal about the tape from Denny. Apparently he has sent it along to Crystal’s lawyer. Really? The word of an escaped con is useful at a hearing for the con who harbored said escaped con? Hmm.

The pickup – Helen is staking out the massage parlor, hoping to catch Fenner. She yawns in a very exaggerated way. I don’t know why I’m pointing that out – I guess in an effort to acknowledge that occasionally Lahbib isn’t the best thespian.

A miracle – Maxi concocts a way to expose Virginia as a dissembler. As Virginia sits below, reading a magazine, Maxi and Al throw a bucket of water down on her from a floor above. Virginia jumps out of the wheelchair, of course, and immediately starts proclaiming, “I can walk again! It’s a miracle!”

Hollamby: A miracle, my eye. Now I’ve seen everything. Bang her up!

The prisoners, feeling duped and betrayed, start to circle around Virginia. It’s almost as bad as “nonce, nonce, kill the nonce!”

Still on stakeout – Tom calls Helen, who’s still sitting in her car and yawning. He tells her to leave, and she agrees – but right on cue, Fenner shows up to collect tonight’s profits.

When he exits the brothel, Helen is there. She steps forward – wearing her leather jacket of many-colored governing governor superpowers – as he unlocks his car.

Fenner: Helen. What’re you doing here?

Helen: I heard you got a new interest. Fenner: I’m sorry, Helen, you’ve lost me. Helen: This place is owned by Virginia O’Kane. You’re running things while she’s inside. Fenner: You’re in fantasy land, love. Here, hop in. I’ll give you a lift home. It’s not safe out here on your own. Helen: Oh, I can look after meself. It’s you that should be s—tin’ it.

Fenner goes into a rage and pushes her against a wall, saying it doesn’t mean anything that she saw him coming out of a “knocking shop.”

Fenner: Big bloody deal. I’m a man. I’ve got needs. Even you understand that, don’t you? Helen: That’s right. You get as close as you can. I’ve got a friend across the road; he’s got a camera. He’s already caught you coming out of O’Kane’s, and now he’s getting all this. [chuckling] You’re so predictable, Jim.

Wha? She does? Is she bluffing? Or has Thomas actually made himself useful for once? Not likely.

Whether it’s a bluff or not, it seems to work; Fenner backs off. He says Helen can’t prove anything, so Helen threatens to tell Karen all about his “massage parlor tarts” unless he resigns.

Helen: Think about it. But don’t take too long. I’m getting the photos developed tomorrow morning.

And then she strides confidently away. One thing you can say about Helen Stewart: She talks (and walks) a good game.

The next morning – Fenner is in a tizz. He marches right to Virginia’s cell. But someone else is already there.

Helen: Mr. Fenner. What a surprise. Have you come to gawp at the miracle?

Fenner just stands there, frozen. Finally Helen forces the issue and asks whether he wants to discuss last night’s takings with Virginia. He turns on his heels and goes, and Virginia denies doing business with him. But after Helen leaves, Virginia looks nervous.

A confrontation – You know how Jack Donaghy is always telling Liz Lemon she dresses like a lesbian? So does Helen. The button-down, the trousers, the boots, the chain (wallet) … so gay. Anyway, Helen is chasing after Fenner and demanding his resignation again.

Fenner: Listen. I love Karen. Whatever you think I was up to last night, I don’t want her hurt. Helen: Then you know what to do. Fenner: And I want those negatives. ‘Cause I’m warning you: If you go back on your word – Helen: I don’t do that.

Never? Not ever?

Fenner finally concedes and says she’ll have his resignation by the end of the day; he needs time to explain things to Karen first. Something flickers in Helen’s eyes, as if she’s remembering that love and ethics don’t always make good bedfellows.

The morning screw meeting – Apparently I was channeling Hollamby earlier when I expressed my surprise that Denny’s videotape could be of any use to Crystal’s case.

Hollamby: Hmmph. Getting off on the say-so of another con. And one on the run, at that. If that’s what passes for British justice, I’ve half a mind to emigrate.

Ah, Sylvia. Sometimes you kind of rock.

Helen interrupts, insincerely apologizing as she does. She wants Virginia O’Kane to be put in solitary, presumably for her own protection. Virginia is not to have any contact with anyone, prisoners or officers, other than the doctor. Helen stomps off again, no doubt leaving Karen feeling completely undermined.

Hollamby: Hmm! What was all that about? Anyone would think she didn’t trust us.

As everyone disperses, Fenner asks Di to stay behind.

Fenner: It’s a bit delicate. I can trust you to be discreet, can’t I? Di: You know you can. What’s wrong? Fenner: Well, I’ve had … information. There’s something going on between Nikki Wade and the No. 1. Di: Something going on? Fenner: Come on, Di. I don’t have to spell it out, do I? Di: [chortling] That’s ridiculous. Miss Stewart’s seeing the new doctor, isn’t she? I mean, she’s not …

Not what? Did you see her chain and boots and button-down?

Fenner says his source is a suit who wants help gathering evidence against Helen. He asks Di to search Barbara’s cell and swipe her diary, because it’s sure to contain some allusions to Nikki’s affections. Di, I know you think evil is an end in itself, but does this make any sense? What would be the point of doing all this unofficially? But of course Fenner knows her deep dark secrets, so she agrees to help.

The miracle of betrayal – On the wing, everyone’s discussing Virginia’s wheelchair ruse. Well, almost everyone. The sassy one with the lovely brown eyes begs to differ, as usual.

Nikki: To be honest, I don’t really care. I just wanna tune in to life, you know? Music, films … basic bollocks, so I don’t sound like some kind of freak when I get out of here. Barbara: Looking forward, then? Nikki: Phoned Trish last night. Barbara: And? Nikki: It was good to talk to her. She’s on her own again.

Before we can get more details about that juicy little tidbit, a letter arrives for Barbara. Seems the Crown Prosecution Service has dropped the murder charge against Barbara (for the mercy killing of her ex-husband). Barbara just stands there, stunned, so Nikki pulls her into a hug.

Still passing notes – Sometimes there are such visual delights on this show. First Yvonne slithers down the stairs in her black shirt and leather pants, and then Helen saunters by, giving Yvonne a furtive report on the Fenner investigation:    

Sigh. I can’t help it: That was adorable.

A testament – Virginia tries to convince the doctor that she has been touched by the hand of God.

Thomas: Some might think that this whole wheelchair business was a charade.

Ya think? Gosh, this guy is whip-smart.

Close, but so far – Crystal is off to court again. Everyone lines up to tell her goodbye. The Julies are so good at this sort of thing; it’s like they’re the etiquette keepers, against all odds.

But first Crystal has to go see Miss Betts. She is possession of one formerly missing clock that was given to Sylvia on the occasion of her anniversary. An officer found it for sale in a second-hand shop.

Crystal: I dunno why I done it. Hollamby: I do. Because you’re a born criminal.

Kinda hard to argue with that. Karen doesn’t know how she can give the court a positive character report now. That clock was like a ticking bomb. And also like a ticking clock.

Barbara’s cell – Di can’t find the diary. Fenner’s not pleased.

Di: Look, Jim, are you sure this is on? That diary is her own personal property.

Oh, now you’re questioning it? And she questions him even further when he suggests that she snoop around in Helen’s office.

Di: Sorry, Jim, but I don’t care who’s trying to prove what she did with Nikki Wade. Or who finds out.

She tries to leave, but Fenner slams the door shut (practically slamming her in it) and reminds her about the recent mama-bashing incident. It works.

Di finds something odd in Helen’s filing cabinet: a nurse’s uniform. Before she can make sense of it, she’s interrupted – by Karen, who is looking for Helen. Di pretends to be dropping off some papers and follows Karen out.

Wait a minute. Helen kept a trophy from Nikki’s night out? And she’s keeping it in her office? That is the least plausible thing I have ever seen on this show, and that’s really saying something. Anyone with a brain would have burned it like Sean burned his wedding suit. Well, maybe less publicly.

Back again – Crystal’s back. Everyone’s shocked. Josh is disappointed: “You’re a feef!” Crystal tries to use depression as an excuse, which reminds me of A.J. on The Sopranos: “What do you want from me? I am depressed. I’m supposed to go around looking for piles of leaves?”

Still digging – Fenner makes Di search Nikki’s cell.

Nikki: So what am I s’posed to be hiding in there today? Illegal immigrants? Lord Lucan?

That was amusing even though I had no idea what it meant. I blame the fetching sweatshirt and the way Nikki leans. She leans great.

Di finds the copy of Sophie’s World with Helen’s inscription in it.

Fenner: You get a sniff of freedom, you think you can go back to your old habits. Just like you’re home already. Nikki: All I think about in here is why I wanna stick bottles in men in uniform. Fenner: Glad to see you’ve still got your sense of humor, Wade. Nikki: ‘Bout the only thing you can’t get your hands on, innit?

Di finishes her search. She and Fenner go about two steps away to have a private conversation. Di shows Fenner the book and a bus ticket. He’s like a dog with a bone now, and he really wants Barbara’s diary.

A premature celebration – Thomas is toasting Helen’s imminent victory over Fenner. But Helen doesn’t want to celebrate until she has Fenner’s resignation letter in her hand.

Thomas: So maybe you and me can get back to normal, yeah? Helen: What do you mean, normal? Thomas: Well, you know. Helen: Are you trying to say I’m abnormal, wanting to get Fenner by the balls? Thomas: I’ve got a girlfriend more interested in massage parlors than spending the night with me. It’s not what my mum would call normal.

So, you’re a mama’s boy and you’re more interested in your sex life than your significant other’s quest to rid herself of the bane of her existence? Yeah, you’re a real catch, Tom. Also, I can assure you that Helen is not normal.

To prove him wrong, or perhaps to shut him up, Helen kisses him, holding his face the way she once held Nikki’s.

Helen: And what would your mum call that?

Wait, I know this one: gag-inducing? I guess I haven’t lost my gag reflex after all.

Thomas: You know, you really are an amazing woman. Helen: [amused] Yeah. Thomas: Seriously. Um … I don’t do this sort of thing normally – not when I’m sober, anyway, but I s’pose I’ve gotta tell you sometime. I am totally in love with you.

Sounds awfully familiar. And I do mean “awfully.” But Helen’s response is much more encouraging than it was when Nikki said those words: She kisses him again and tells him she’ll see him later. She even does that damn tongue thing again. But she didn’t say those three words back to him, did she?

Gasp – Barbara is incensed: She wants to know why her cell has been searched, without her knowledge and thus illegally.

Nikki: Another entry for your diary.

Barbara gets a horrified look on her face and runs to the chapel, where the Julies are trying to comfort a sobbing Crystal. Barbara opens up the organ bench and sees the diary isn’t there.

Guess who’s reading it? Fenner and Di, of course.

Fenner: [reading the diary] No problem for Nikki to ascend. The screws think she’s an angel. Surprised to find her back next day. Di: Surprised to find her back … she got out?! Fenner: Yeah, looks like it. Di: That bus ticket.

They mull over the “angel” thing.

Di: Wait a minute. She means a nurse. There used to be a program about nurses on the telly. It was called Angels. Fenner: Wade was a nurse? Di: She disguised herself as a nurse to get out. There was a nurse’s coat stuffed in Miss Stewart’s cupboard.

“Stuffed in Miss Stewart’s cupboard.” Can I please see that episode instead?

Fenner runs back inside, where Yvonne is there to taunt him, thinking he’s about to resign – or rather, “fall on your bastarding face.”

But instead, Fenner goes to Helen’s office and does not give her a letter of resignation.

Fenner: Ah. There’s a problem. There is no resignation. Helen: We had a deal. Fenner: We did. But now I [bring the diary out from behind his back] have this. Barbara Hunt’s diary. Helen: [looking nervous] So? Fenner: Quite a thriller. Especially the part where Nikki Wade breaks out of prison on the night of Sylvia’s party and, ah … [pausing for dramatic effect] spends the night in bed with you.

Fenner’s actually pretty funny when he’s playing a bilious version of Sherlock Holmes.

Helen: That’s nonsense. Fenner: Why would Hunt lie? Helen: I don’t know. Fenner: Then there’s this bus ticket, found in Wade’s locker. Helen: [mocking] A bus ticket? Fenner: Dated the same night Dockley attacked me. Helen: And who planted that there, I wonder? Fenner: Well, if you’ve really no skeletons in your closet, you won’t mind if I take a look.

He goes right to the filing cabinet, and Helen jumps up to block his way.

Fenner: I thought you had nothing to hide. Except for that nurse’s coat you’ve got bundled up in there. Helen: [trying to catch her breath] Fenner: I think we both know who’s in deep s— now, love. [holding up a pen] Do you wanna start writing? Or should I take this to Area?

Ah, the camp! I mean, no, you can’t, this is wrong! Oh, it’s tough to be torn between laughter and horror. Tough, and kind of delicious.

NEXT TIME ON BAD GIRLS: Helen must make a choice. Nikki must make a new life. And we must somehow make the week go by more quickly!