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Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (December 14, 2007)

OUT OF THE CLOSET, INTO THE FIRE It’s been over a week since we wrote one of the first stories about Jodie Foster sort of outing herself at the Women in Entertainment Power 100 breakfast on Dec. 4 by thanking her partner, Cydney Bernard, when accepting the Sherry Lansing Leadership Award, but the mainstream media is only just starting to take serious note of this story. Yesterday, CNN aired a segment anachronistically titled “The Homosexual Taboo,” in which entertainment reporter Kiki King actually offered a surprisingly balanced report (for a mainstream news channel) on the state of homophobia in Hollywood today. . Other news stories about Jodie’s statements, many of them from the U.K. (those Europeans – they’re always ahead of us Americans), imply that the press has been sitting on this story for years. Here’s a sample of some of my favorite headlines:

  • “Jodie Foster Comes Out (Duh)” (Gay City News)
  • “Jodie Foster comes out … finally” (The Times)
  • “Jodie Foster comes out – at last!” (The Guardian)
  • In the category of bad writing, we have: “My Beautiful Lover, By Gay Jodie Foster” (Daily Express)
  • And my favorite headline, from the scrappy Blogger News Network: “Jodie Foster Nearly Admits Being Lesbian” – because even though Jodie thanked “my beautiful Cydney,” she didn’t actually come out and say “I’m a lesbian.”
This is something that Andrew Gumbel picked up on in a thoughtful story published in the Belfast Telegraph titled ” The day Jodie came out (and became the Accused).” He wrote:
What was striking was not the acknowledgment itself. (Websites that breathlessly proclaimed Foster had “come out” were surely overstating their case.) Rather, it was the sadness of everything that had gone before and the peculiar agony of being anything other than a straight up-and-down heterosexual in a town as supposedly progressive and forward-thinking as Los Angeles.

Here was one of the world’s most successful women, with an enviable and growing body of work to brag about, and she couldn’t – except in the most roundabout way and after 14 years – feel comfortable acknowledging her life partner in public.

Imagine Gordon Brown never being able to acknowledge Sarah, or the Queen being unable to talk about “my husband and I.”

When you put it that way, that really does make me sad. We still have a long way to go, don’t we? In a sign that Jodie’s low-key statement is blowing up big-time, Joan Rivers recently stopped by the Today Show, where she sneakily got co-hosts Hoda Kotb and Natalie Morales to state that they knew all along that Jodie is a lesbian: It seems pretty clear to me that the cat is so far out of the bag now that it’s beyond the time for lesbian cat jokes. It’s time for Jodie to call Barbara Walters. Or Diane Sawyer. Or Oprah (if she has time off from campaigning for Barack Obama).

‘Cause something tells me that Ms. Foster isn’t going to give her long-awaited coming-out interview to AfterEllen.com. But if she does, I’ll bet Sarah would consider changing the name of the site to AfterJodie.com!

EVEN MISTREATED LESBIAN DAUGHTERS COME HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS As dedicated Bianca and Eden Riegel fans may already know, Bianca (Riegel) is scheduled to return to Pine Valley for a holiday visit on Dec. 26 in All My Children. From the photos that have been released of her visit, it looks like Bianca’s bringing her daughter, Miranda (Haley Evans), along with her. The last time we heard from Bianca was in August, when she phoned in from Paris, where she is living with her daughter. It wasn’t clear if she was still interested in Zoe, the transgender, lesbian rock star formerly known as Zarf (and no, I can’t believe I didn’t make that up, either), or whether she had renewed her on-again, off-again endless pit of angst with ex-girlfriend Maggie (Elizabeth Hendrickson), who is also living in Paris.

Will Bianca’s visit home for the holidays clear up any of these mysteries? Will Maggie follow her to Pine Valley and try to sweep Bianca off her feet all over again? Will Zoe/Zarf chose a new name that starts at the beginning of the alphabet? Tune in on Dec. 26 to find out!

Even better news? Soap Opera Digest and SoapOperaNewsNetwork.com are reporting that Riegel is in talks to return to the soap in February for a longer-term storyline – hopefully one that doesn’t suck. Now that would be a Christmas miracle!

NOW THAT’S A POWER LESBIAN! An anonymous L Word fan has just made a $1 million donation to the Dr. Susan Love Research Foundation – the largest private donation in the Foundation’s history – in honor of actors Erin Daniels and Leisha Hailey. As many of you well remember, Erin Daniels’ character, Dana Fairbanks, died of breast cancer in Season 3 of The L Word. The donor, according to the press release, “wanted to honor these two actresses and the intense love and friendship that existed between the characters they played.” The $1 million will establish the Erin Daniels and Leisha Hailey Fund for Breast Cancer, and the mysterious benefactor has also pledged to match every dollar donated to the fund in 2008 and 2009.

“It is an honor that our breast cancer story line touched someone in such a tremendous way that she so generously gave to such a tragic illness,” said Leisha Hailey in the press release. “I am awed by her gesture and it inspires me to act with my conscience and give of myself.”

According to Dr. Susan Love, who made a guest appearance on The L Word after Dana’s diagnosis: “After I was on the show, the donor visited our website and began to educate herself about the intraductal research we are doing. In our work, she saw the potential for cure, and she recognized the difference a significant donation could make.”

And by “significant,” she wasn’t kidding! What a way to turn a devastating story line into something much more positive. If you’d like to make a donation to the Erin Daniels and Leisha Hailey Fund, visit the Dr. Susan Love Research Foundation.

WHAT A TEASE! A recently released teaser for the second half of Season 3 of South of Nowhere has appeared, and I learned several shocking things from it:

1. Chelsea appears to be getting intimate with, um, Glen. 2. Spashley lives! 3. But so does Spencer, who appears to make time with a different cute girl. Or Zac Efron. But don’t take my word for it – watch the grainy video footage for yourself: What does this all mean?! Who is this new chick? Does she actually have cute short blond hair like it seems in the fuzzy video? What will be the new nickname for this potential disaster couple? Splondie?

Well, whether you’re a dedicated Spashley fan who has just freaked the heck out or whether you think Spencer should continue to enjoy her quality years as a baby dyke, you’ll have to wait until April 2008 to find out.

The N confirmed to AfterEllen.com this week that the premiere date for the second half of Season 3 has been pushed back from February to April, though they don’t yet have a definite date pinned down. We’ll let you know as soon as they tell us.

LESBIAN HEADLINE OF THE WEEK “Lesbian Sex with Aliens Apparently Not That Fulfilling” – from a review of the video game Mass Effect on the website Gaming Today

HEY, QUEEN LATIFAH: WE ARE FAMILY Earlier this month, scribegrrrl briefed us on the rumors of Queen Latifah‘s supposed nuptials to her trainer, Jeanette Jenkins. In case you hadn’t heard, Queen Latifah is not an out lesbian, and has recently done all she can to prove that she’s straight (short of dating an actual, um, man). In fact, when she talked to the Chicago Sun-Times to promote her latest film, The Perfect Holiday (also starring perennial lesbian fave Gabrielle Union of Bring It On fame), Latifah responded directly to the rumors, saying: ”When you’re famous these days, it’s just part of the deal – unfortunately. People will make up all sorts of things that are not true. … There ain’t gonna be no wedding.”

But she quickly fanned the gay flames again in an appearance on The View, when she talked about what she looked forward to during the holidays: “food, football, family and fun,” and View co-host Sherri Shepherd responded, “A fine man wouldn’t help.”

Obviously she meant “A fine man wouldn’t hurt,” but Whoopi Goldberg, quick on the uptake, commented from the sidelines: “A fine man wouldn’t help.” (Nervous) laughter ensues.

Here’s the video itself (apologies for the problems with the sound syncing): I’m betting that when Queen Latifah’s family gets together to play football, she’s the one calling the plays. It’s which team she plays on that has everyone guessing.

THAT’S WHY I KEEP FORGETTING TO DO THINGS Last week, Tegan and Sara were interviewed by ABC News, where they chatted amiably about being on tour, why it’s OK for them to be rude to each other (but not to their band), and how being out about their sexual orientation has affected them. The best part of the interview? When Sara says jokingly, “I’m so distracted by being gay all the time that it’s hard for me; I have to have a personal assistant.”

Watch the video here:

You know, that’s the best excuse for needing a personal assistant I have ever heard. And goodness knows, nobody is more distracted by being gay than I am – I mean, look at my job! Sarah, can I have a personal assistant, too?

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHO’S GONNA BE MISS GOLDEN GLOBE THIS YEAR? Early yesterday morning the Hollywood Foreign Press Association announced their nominees for the Golden Globe Awards, which will be held on Jan. 13, 2008 (as long as the WGA gives actors a pass to actually go to the event). Among the nominees for Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture — Drama are: The only lesbianish film nominated is Across the Universe, which features T.V. Carpio as lesbian character Prudence, who spends most of her precious screen time pining after straight women. The film also includes Staceyann Chin in a small role, but, as scribegrrrl told me, “I stand by my statement that Across the Universe sucks.”

That’s right – tell it like it is!

A PARIAH MOVES TO CENTER STAGE After much careful scrutiny of press releases, it appears that there won’t be any feature-length films or documentaries with lesbian or bisexual story lines at the Sundance Film Festival next month in Park City, Utah, besides The Guitar, the drama starring Saffron Burrows as a bisexual woman that Sarah mentioned in last week’s BLWE.

Apparently Sundance is following the disappointing trend set by the broadcast networks. (If we are wrong, and you know of another film that has a lesbian/bi story line that will screen at Sundance, please let us know!)

However, last week Sundance did announce its program of short films, and among them is Pariah, the short from director Dee Rees and producer Nekisa Cooper that we first told you about back in August. When we interviewed the two of them in September, they said they were working on turning the film into the feature that it was originally intended to be. Let’s hope that screening the film at Sundance will bring Rees and Cooper some mainstream recognition – and maybe even the financial resources to make their dream a reality. Goodness knows we’re not swimming in well-made features about African-American lesbian teens. That is, unless I’m so distracted by being gay that I somehow missed them all. Nah, I don’t think so.

IF THAT WAS YOUR GIRLFRIEND … Speaking of films about lesbian African Americans, there’s a new independent film called She Wasn’t Last Night, produced by Griot Soul Films, the brainchild of writer-director Darice Jones. “Most low-to-no budget films are independent, while ours is decidedly inter-dependent and connected with a larger vision of healing & holistic expression within Black and Black-connected communities,” Jones told us.

In She Wasn’t Last Night, which Jones characterizes as a “dramedy,” Shantel Crockett (Anissa Primus Aslton) discovers that all is not well in her three-year relationship with Reyna (La Shanda Armstrong), a woman 10 years younger than her who is also being pursued by the town player, Jack (Janae Brumby). Here’s the trailer: Jones said that they are currently in pre-production, but they already have most of their cast and crew in place and are hoping to begin principal photography next month. You can find out more about the film at Griot Soul Films or by joining their social network. And watch for more on the movie right here in the near future.

LAST CALL As we all I gear up for the grand finale of A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila next Tuesday night, the great Tila Promotional Machine has kicked into high gear. Well, sort of.

Tila made an appearance on Chelsea Lately on E! the other night to talk about how she got her name and how she feels about the tabloid rumors that she’s faking her bisexuality. Though she started off by saying that she didn’t feel the need to prove that she’s a “lesbian” (she said “lesbian,” not “bisexual”!), she wound up offering to “motorboat” host Chelsea Handler. (Imagine some wheels spinning.)

Miss Nguyen (her real last name) also talked about some of her first experiences with girls, which included role playing at age 10 (so that’s when she first played “hospital”) as well as the classic checking out of cheerleaders in the locker room. Tila even reveals that she didn’t know she was interested in guys until high school. Watch her giggle right here: One of Tila’s two romantic finalists, Dani Campbell, has been in the news herself lately, with a New York Post article about her reprinted in the unlikeliest of places: FoxNews.com. In the original story, Dani talks about her new clothing line, to be called Futch (of course), that she describes on her MySpace page as “more aggressive (if you will) cut/styled shirts, jeans, jackets, belts, etc.”

Perhaps Dani will model some of her new “aggressive” wear (are uniforms involved? please?) to Tila Tequila’s New Year’s Eve Masquerade 2008, which MTV just announced will air on – you guessed it – New Year’s Eve. Apparently several of Tila’s scorned suitors will show up to party down with her and listen to performances by Mary J. Blige, Kid Rock and others.

What I want to know is: Who is Tila going to kiss at the stroke of midnight? I just hope that if Vanessa and Ashley show up, they are both physically restrained when that ball drops in Times Square. We wouldn’t want to start Tila’s fairy tale romance off with a spot of manslaughter.

LESBIAN QUOTE OF THE WEEK NO. 1 “Explain to me again how gay marriage is going to tear this country apart?” – Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) to her parents on 30 Rock (NBC)

 

LESBIAN QUOTE OF THE WEEK NO. 2 “I always thought that lesbians were like truck drivers, like hard women. Like all of them had to be that way or they weren’t gay. But there are soft girls, middle kind of girls and hard girls. Usually, the hard women are after me! When I got my divorce, the women jumped on me like white on rice! I said, ‘Look, I ain’t ever did fish, I don’t intend to do fish so leave me alone.’ I said, ‘I’m looking for a man and you’re not a man!'” – Patti LaBelle to HX

LESBIAN QUOTE OF THE WEEK NO. 3 “I think gays absolutely should have the right. For the same reason Taylor [Hackford] and I got married – to be able to say, by law, ‘This person is important to me.'” – Helen Mirren to Us

YO! MERRY HANUKKAH! Jill Bennett took the time from her holiday travels to send us this hilarious music video from the “Sappho Sisters,” aka Lil Mitzvah (out actor Coley Sohn) and MC Jew C (actor Meredith Scott Lynn). In the video, titled “Merry Hannukah (A Jewish Christmas Rap),” MC Jew C and Lil Mitzvah point out some highly pertinent issues, such as: “You think that God’s so smart, creating heaven and hell? Then why’d He make a holiday we can’t even spell?” That’s way more fun than spinning a dreidel!

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! Out Air America radio talk show host Rachel Maddow recently taped a pilot for cable news channel MSNBC. No word yet on whether the pilot is ready to air, but we’ll let you know when we have more details.

Jackie Warner dropped by Chelsea Lately to reveal that she is no longer dating trainer Rebecca Cardon, who is once again dating men. We’d show you the video, but we can’t find it!

In last week’s Top Chef holiday special, bisexual chef Tiffani Faison (with a last-minute assist from fellow out chefs Sandee Birdsong and Josie Smith-Malave) won the $20,000 prize.

This week, Karman kicked off AfterEllen.com’s look back at the year in lesbian and bi entertainment with her 2007 Naughty or Nice List, and next week we’ll be bringing you in-depth analysis of lesbian and bi women in TV, movies and music in 2007, culminating in the fourth annual AfterEllen.com Visibility Awards on Thursday. Who will be crowned the best and worst TV and movie characters this year? The break-out musical group? The best high-profile queer woman in entertainment? The best lesbian entertainment website named after a famous lesbian with her own talk show? Stay tuned!

And the in the meantime, read our 2006 Visibility Awards and recall when Amelie Mauresmo was the top-ranked women’s tennis player in the world, Lena Headey was kissing Piper Perabo instead of shooting Terminators, and the most scandalous lesbian moments on a reality TV show involved biting people, not bull testicles.

That’s it for this week! Check back next Friday for another edition of Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever.

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