Ahhh, lesbian hair. That much-maligned
subject of punch lines everywhere. Historically, gay women’s
hairstyles haven’t always had the best reputation. And I’m not even
going to mention the dreaded M-word. While I have no problem with business
in the front, party in the back when it comes to your personal life,
I refuse to accept it on your head. But I believe we’ve turned a corner
here in the hair club for women. Why else would so many stars be rocking
the lesbian hair of late?
I’m not just talking seventh-grade-gym-teacher hair either. I speak of all the chic, often cropped
cuts the ladies of TV and film have been sporting everywhere. It’s
gotten to the point that even seemingly straight stars have started
suffering from lesbian twin syndrome. I’m dying for Women’s Murder
Club and Bionic Woman
to do a crossover episode so these two can scream: “Lesbian Twins
activate! Form of — haircut!”
So with that, let’s examine,
and of course rate, the trend of lesbian locks.
Mena Suvari: The
American Beauty and Six Feet Under
star’s short blonde crop almost begs you to rub it. Or, er, maybe
that’s just me.
Lesbian Quotient: 9
(like a fuzzy Sinead O’Connor)
Mariska Hargitay: The
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
star keeps it sensible and sleek.
Lesbian Quotient: 6
(bonus points for carrying her own groceries)
The first time I saw her hair, I did a double take — it was that gay.
10 (it’s a chic version of The Rosie)
Even Sarah Corvus took one look at that hair and asked if she was a
10 (that’s some bionically lesbian hair, people)
Alana De La Garza:
The Law & Order A.D.A. lays down the law with her take-me-seriously
7 (case closed)
The Criminal Minds sleuth is working Bettie Page bangs, pink
streaks and hipster glasses.
6 (for accessories alone)
Jennifer Love Hewitt:
Since she is a Ghost Whisperer, you have to figure at least 10
percent of those ghosts are gay, right?
2 (but just for the bandana)
Cote de Pablo:
The NCIS star sports one of the all-time lesbian staples — the
5 (we split this one 50-50 with sporty gals)
The Hellboy and Cruel Intentions
actress looked more the part earlier this year in those Gap ads.
4 (sometimes a pixie cut is just a pixie cut)
The spawn of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore
gets extra credit for putting the moves on the spawn of Lenny Kravitz
and Lisa Bonet.
8 (hands, hands!)
I have no idea what’s going on with the Cold Case
star’s hair this season and, to be honest, I don’t think we should
1 (should it look like a mushroom?)
Posh brunette or Posh blonde — these are the central questions of our
3 (with a point for the cap)
Oh, wait; he may not be in the right category.
10 (Daniela Sea, your stunt double has arrived)
In The Brave One, the Oscar winner was working a haircut circa
her Freaky Friday days.