“Exes & Ohs” Recaps: Episode 1.5 “Pole Dancing and Other Forms of Therapy”

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An interview

Last week Jen turned down a big fat check from a woman named

Lauren because she found Lauren’s body more irresistible than her money.

But today Jen’s taping an interview with a pole-dancing instructor for

her documentary, so I guess she found her shooting funds elsewhere.

(Maybe she sold her Complete Works

of Shakespeare


on eBay?)

The pole-dancing instructor

proudly tells Jen and her camera that she stripped her way through college.

Showing up at the bursar’s office with 5,000 singles is no way to endear

yourself to your future alma mater, but hey, whatever it takes, right?

She not only got out of college debt-free, she had enough money left

over to start a school for pole dancer wannabes.

While a student does something

slightly gynecological to a brass pole, Jen asks the woman to address

the idea that this kind of dancing exploits women. The woman smiles

and argues that it “teaches women to put themselves out there and

express themselves in whole new ways.” I can think of a dozen other

ways to express myself that do not include a leotard and Handi Wipes,

but that’s just me.

Jen is also skeptical about

the Power of the Pole.

Pole Woman: You

know, I usually find women that hold back in one area usually hold back

in lots of other areas.

Jen: One day I should take a class and find out.

Pole Woman: Well, how ’bout now?

Jen glances at the student,

who is now upside down with the pole nestled in her ass crack. Uh, rain

check?

A helping hand

Sam is helping Jen set up the reception area for a rough-cut

screening of her skinumentary, Sex, Inc.

She rushes in late and plops three large sandwich trays down on the

bar. Smoothing her hair several times, she eyes Jen like a nervous squirrel.

Jen notices right away and comments that three cases of bed head in

one week is fairly ambitious, even for Sam.

Sam tells Jen not to worry

about her bed status and asks instead about the interview with the pole

dancer. Jen tells her about the offer to take a class, which makes Sam

guffaw in disbelief and say, “Yeah. Not with a million dollars

and Mia Hamm’s phone number.” OK, but if her husband answers, hang

up.

A question

Meanwhile at the ChKrisses, the childless couple discusses the

do’s and don’ts of a biological father. Chris seems to be leaning toward

the A Child Needs to Know Their Father school of thought, while Kris is

from the Thanks for Filling the Cup, Now Get Lost camp. It’s dawning

on them that they might be scrolling through their cell phone contacts

for a donor.

A fan

At the Muff-In, Crutch is complaining to Emmy that her new part-time

gig as a consultant “blows.” Crutch tells her it’s frustrating

they don’t heed her suggestions to give the people what they want. It’s

been two solid weeks since the squishy muffin meeting and still no change.

Apparently they did not teach coma-inducing concepts like “implementation

gap” at Bakersfield Junior College, where Crutch spent over a year

majoring in “various things.”

All Emmy wants to hear is that

Crutch has gotten her first paycheck, because Crutch is still showering

in the ladies’ restroom.

As Crutch bemoans working for

The Man, she suddenly notices a young girl with a strangely full mop

of hair and big doe eyes staring at her nervously. Is that Tatum O’Neal

from Little

Darlings
?

Crutch gives her an impatient

“What?” Tatum says with awe, “You’re Crutch!” Crutch

is getting fanned for the first time.

Tatum tells Crutch she heard

her amazing music on the internet and adds, “And I think I’m gay,

like you.” Before you can say “baby dyke,” Crutch’s face

goes from happy surprise to alarm.

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