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“Bad Girls” Recaps: Episode 3.11 “Battle Lines”

THIS WEEK’S RAP SHEET:

The Norma Rae: Nikki stands up for the rights of the (literally) downtrodden. The newbies: The Peckham Boot Gang tries to take over G Wing. The naysayer: Helen denies Nikki’s every request.
Bad-mouthing the new boss – Hollamby is back, despite the advice of “her Bobby.” She blames her strong sense of duty, which I think must be code for “I miss being a petty tyrant.”
Gina: You know Stewart’s been made new No. 1, then? Hollamby: Huh! Amazing where a few clever words whispered in the right ear’ll get ya.
I don’t know whose ear she means, exactly (not Nikki’s, unfortunately), but if she had said that two seconds later, Helen would have been whispering in her ear instead. Almost busted! As it is, Helen is strolling up behind them and calling out to Sylvia.
Helen: You feeling better? Hollamby: As can be expected, ma’am. Helen: Enough to be Acting Principal Officer when Jim’s away? Hollamby: [preening] Oh, well! That’s very good of you, ma’am.
Helen’s pretty good at this management stuff, isn’t she? She makes even the crappy employees feel valuable. I wish I could work under Miss Stewart. For! I totally meant for.
Helen: Good! You’ll have your work cut out. Hollamby: Oh? Helen: Well, with Jim and Miss Betts away, and now Di Barker’s on compassionate leave … Gina: What’s up with Di? Helen: Her mother’s in hospital. She took a nasty fall at home.
I love it when they use dialogue to tell us what happened between episodes or explain a character’s absence. But mostly I love to watch Helen walk and talk. And isn’t that a convenient lie for Di, the “nasty fall” thing? Wonder how she got Fenner to agree to keep silent about her mother-beating hobby? No, wait; I don’t want to know.
Hollamby: Don’t worry, ma’am. I’ll be running a tight ship. Helen: Good.
Smarm and smirks as far as the eye can see!

A failure to communicate – There’s a new inmate on G Wing. Her name is Femi, and she doesn’t understand much, if anything, of what the two Julies are saying to her in the breakfast queue. Seems she has six kids back in Nigeria and cries for them every night. Nikki is outraged, simply because Nikki has a good heart and cannot abide injustice. We knew that, but we haven’t seen it in a while, what with all the moping and pining.

Nikki: Good to know there’s another dangerous criminal off the streets, eh?
Wouldn’t Nikki and Yvonne make a great couple? Well, not as great as Nikki and She of the Cleavage Collage.

Oh, it’s time for some other newbies – those kids who were yelling at the end of last week’s episode. They are Maxi Purvis, Tina Purvis (yep, they’re sisters) and the very butch Al McKenzie, and they call themselves the Peckham Boot Gang. Maxi is their leader, and she’s kind of scary even when she’s just standing around. And Al’s Scottish accent (which is pretty much the opposite of Helen’s, in that it grates the aural receptors instead of caressing them) is almost incomprehensible to American ears. I’ll do me best.

I’m ashamed of myself – I just spent several minutes rewinding seven seconds’ worth of Helen clomping down the stairs. I can’t help it; that green shirt is very fetching!

Helen has some news for Charlotte, the posh girl: She’s being transferred to an open prison near where her parents live. Seems dear old dad has taken pity on her after all.

Shaz: That ain’t fair. Why can’t I be moved to an open prison? Buki: Uh, ’cause you’re a mass murderer, stupid.
Snicker. Poor Shaz, though; she must really miss Denny. How long are Blood and Dockley going to be off the show, anyway? I’m starting to miss the psycho and her pup.

Facing off – Helen goes about her business – that is, until a certain indignant inmate interrupts.

Nikki: Miss Stewart. Helen: Hiya, Nikki.
Who wouldn’t love to see that beaming face in response to the sound of her voice? But Nikki can’t even register it while she has her hackles up. Well, maybe she registers it a little. She starts out calm and nice as she explains her concerns about Femi. But she gets upset when Helen toes the bureaucratic line.
Helen: If she’s got a specific problem, she has got access to the language line. Nikki: Well, how does she know that? She needs a translator on hand, at least till she gets her routine sorted. Helen: [staring, her mouth a thin, disapproving line, almost daring Nikki to keep talking] Nikki: C’mon, Helen. I thought you were meant to be all-powerful these days. Helen: [not taking the bait; turning to go] I’ll look into it. Nikki: [loudly, as Helen walks away] Is it right she got eight years? Helen: The judge said he wanted to set an example. Nikki: So some bastard drugs trafficker pays her a pittance to swallow smack, and she gets hung out to dry. Helen: I don’t make the bloody law, Nikki.
Sigh. These two. Nikki just stands there, thwarted again. She looks like she wants to grab Helen by the shoulders and shake her, but she also seems to know that Helen has a point, as far as it goes. And maybe that’s the real problem: Helen just doesn’t go far enough these days. On any front.

Or maybe Nikki is just watching Helen go, like I am.

Two PBGs – The Peckham Boot Gang are trying to figure out who rules the prison. They’ll watch her, and then they’ll smack her. Ingenious.

Meanwhile, Peanut Butter Git (aka Dr. Thomas Waugh) is flirting with Helen again. I think maybe he loves peanut butter so much, he has put it in his hair in lieu of product. How else can we explain the state of his pate? He invites her to a conference on drug abuse and mental illness. She says she’s not interested in “dry academics,” not realizing he’s presenting a paper – ha-ha – but to him, the point is the conference facilities, complete with swimming pool, bar and other opportunities for fun. And for more bed-headed flirting, no doubt.

She shifts the conversation to business, asking for advice about Femi. But it soon shifts back to flirting again when Dr. Waugh offers to help:

Helen: You would be doing me such a favor. Thomas: Which you could always return … by coming to the conference. Helen: Oooh, I walked straight into that one.
Straight being the operative word. Helen’s sort of mocking him, but he doesn’t seem to realize. He’s like a little kid around her.

Did you see the way Helen put her hand on his arm when she said he’d be doing her a favor? Sorta like that time she put her hand on Nikki’s arm when she asked her to keep an eye on Monica. Back then, Helen’s hair – not to mention Helen in general – was more pent-up, more stern. If only she could be like that when Thomas is around, instead of all friendly and open. Sigh.

A farewell – Yvonne is saying goodbye to Charlotte. She even gives Charlotte her ring back, figuring (correctly) that it’s under Buki’s mattress because Charlotte traded it for drugs.

Yvonne: This hit’s on me. Charlotte: Listen, Yvonne … Yvonne: It’s OK. I know.
You know what, exactly? Why are these two so subtexty? I know all the unspoken stuff is really just maternal, but it’s hard to remember that sometimes. They shake hands and that’s that, but it’s already enough to prompt some fan fic.

Al McKenzie takes Charlotte’s bed, bumping into Yvonne on the way.

Yvonne: When you bump into someone like that, it’s usual to apologize.
Something tells me there’s nothing “usual” about Al.

Al: [noticing Maxi watching her and trying to stick with the game plan] Musta been my mistake, hen. Yvonne: Oh. Very nearly was, cock.
Whoa! I sense a barnyard fight on the horizon.

Getting through – Dr. Waugh is trying to talk to Femi about her family. He shows her some photos from his childhood. He seems to be doing a good job with her. Fine; he can be the consummate professional. I just don’t want him to consummate anything with Helen.

Before we go on, I must say something about that name, “Femi.” I guess it doesn’t bring to mind notions of butch and femme in the U.K.? Because it sure does bring them to mind for me. It’s just weird, and distracts me from what might otherwise be a touching story line.

Femi notes that Thomas was a pretty chubby kid. He laughs, but not as much as I do.

Back on the wing, Femi finds she’s among friends: Barbara, Nikki and Yvonne lend her some phone cards so she can call her kids. She does, but immediately panics, and of course nobody can understand why. Nikki is beside herself with frustration, but Hollamby’s not concerned about the “jungle telegraph.” Yow.

Making friends – Shaz and Crystal introduce themselves to Al. Shaz makes the mistake of mocking Al’s ununderstandable accent, so Al gives her face a squeeze and threatens to cut her tongue out. Maybe I’m just a cynic, but I’d expect that kind of reception in prison. Shaz and Crystal were so friendly, it was like they were chatting with their tablemates at bingo or something.

Out in the common area, the Peckham girls watch as Yvonne and Shaz bicker with Buki. Maxi tells Al to go ahead and thump Shaz whenever she feels like it.

So the next morning, as Shaz is perfecting her spiky hairdo, Al kicks her around a little. Shaz is so tiny next to Big Gay Al! What goes on in here – Nikki and Yvonne watch from above as Femi tries to call her family with empty phone cards. Nikki says she’s sick of the s— that goes on and can’t believe everyone just looks after themselves, but Yvonne says it’s just survival.

And survival is no doubt why Shaz is hiding under Yvonne’s bed.

We’re gonna make our dreams come true – The Julies are talking about life after Larkhall. I forgot they were about to get out. Or maybe I just didn’t pay attention when that was announced. I blame the sublime distraction that is Miss Stewart.

Julie J. is excited about the vast opportunities that await them via Monica’s halfway house, but Julie S. seems lukewarm about her prospects. To be more precise, she seems to be hiding something.

But, generous souls that they are, what they’re mostly feeling is sympathy – for Femi.

Desperation – Shaz tells Yvonne about the Al attack. Yvonne examines the bruises and says she now knows why the newcomers are called a “boot” gang. And she wonders whether Shaz just happened to wind Al up a little. Shaz insists that Big Gay Al is “dead hard,” but Yvonne is unimpressed.

Meanwhile, Femi notices that Hollamby is on the phone in the guard booth on G1. Femi is desperate to talk to her kids again, so she pretty much forces her way into the booth and onto the phone. Hollamby freaks out and calls for backup. Next thing you know, Femi is being punched and kicked by guards. They slam her face against the bars and carry her off to solitary. Upstairs, Nikki and the others are shouting, “You bastards!” at the punching-and-kicking prison officers. Hollamby herself seems shocked, probably because she knows all too well what can happen when a prisoner is mistreated.

The next morning – Nikki is bright-eyed and furious. She wants to know what they’ve done with Femi, but Gina doesn’t care to inform her.

Nikki: I wanna see her. Gina: Yeah? And I want Ricky Martin in my shower every morning. But life’s a bitch like that, isn’t it?
Ricky Martin? Really? Him?

Gina’s next task is to take Helen to see Femi. Helen wants an explanation for Femi’s badly bruised face.

Gina: She was out of control. They had to restrain her. Helen: What with? Size nines?
That’s size 10.5 to us Yanks. Just to lend some painful perspective.

Helen is wearing her leather jacket again. Does she ever take it off? Well, once you’ve found your power suit, you should stick with it, I guess.

She promises Femi no one will hurt her again. Even if Femi could understand that, she probably wouldn’t believe it.

Recruiting – The PBG ask Shaz whether they want to join them. What? First we’ll beat you up, and then we’ll ask you to join our gang? Shaz politely declines.

Translating – With the help of a translator, Helen talks to Femi about her situation. Am I the only one who has a sudden urge to play pilot and flight attendant?

Helen tries to ask Femi whether she’s suffered bad treatment, but Femi doesn’t want any trouble so she doesn’t answer.

Drawing lines – Out in the yard, alliances are being made. Buki is all too happy to side with the Peckham Boot Gang, mostly because Yvonne betrayed her by giving the ring back to Charlotte. So Buki happily agrees when Maxi asks her to find a way to get Shaz to the laundry room later that night.

Nearby, Shaz and Crystal stroll along with Yvonne. Shaz laughs about the PBG, sure that she’s safe now that Yvonne is taking care of her. But Yvonne warns her not to get too cocky.

And there’s one last alliance at stake: Nikki asks Helen for some information about Femi. Helen tells her it’s being “dealt with.”

Nikki: Your officers kicked the s— out of her. Now I wanna know exactly how badly hurt she is, what, if any, treatment she is getting, and when she’s gettin’ off the block. Helen: It may come as a huge surprise to you, but I’m the one running this prison, not you. Nikki: Look, I’m worried about that woman! I’ve a right to know how she is, haven’t I? Helen: Actually, no, Nikki, you haven’t.
Ouch. What was the title of the very first episode, again? Them and Us? Seems like we’re right back where we started. Nikki just watches Helen stomp away. She looks heartbroken as usual, but maybe not for the usual reason. Being rejected by Helen is one thing, but watching Helen reject her own principles is something else entirely.

Top dog – Shaz tells Yvonne and Crystal about the “party” in the laundry room tonight. Yvonne asks where she heard that, and is immediately suspicious when Shaz says Buki told her about it.

So instead of letting Shaz go to the laundry room and right into the PBG trap, Yvonne decides to teach Al (who is lying in wait for Shaz) a lesson – by introducing her to a different pair of boots. I know this is wrong, but watching Yvonne head-butt and kick the s— out of Al was a very enjoyable (even erotic) experience for me. Rarely do kick-ass characters actually get to kick ass!

Afterward, though, Yvonne is exhausted. It’s hard out here for a gangster.

Al goes right back to PBG HQ and tells Maxi that Yvonne is “no pushover.” Yeah, to say the least.

Playing games – Over a game of pool, several of the usual suspects discuss staging some sort of protest in support of Femi. Nikki says they all have too much to lose.

But before you know it, Nikki is standing on a table and calling for everyone’s attention. She makes a speech about Femi – her voice and style reminding me of Rachael Stirling in Tipping the Velvet – and rouses the rabble into a frenzy. They decide to “sit out,” which is the apparently same as “having a sit-in” in the U.S. – except, well, they’re out of their cells, so thus the change in preposition.

The PBG join the chanting circle, hoping to show some solidarity and grow their ranks. And then some other ranks show up: 20 or so unsmiling prison officers wait for things to get out of hand.

Maxi says they should all go up to G3 and get the advantage on the screws. She makes a run for it and a lot of people follow, and soon it’s a full-scale riot, with the screws in punch-and-kick mode again. Nikki, having been slapped and pushed by a guard, eventually runs up to the third floor too – everyone ends up either on G3 or down the block.

Helen arrives and marches onto the wing. She demands an explanation, peering up at the crowd, her eyes settling on Nikki. Remind you of anything?

Nikki insists it’s a peaceful protest, but the howling inmates don’t sound very calm. Helen tries to explain that as Acting Governor, she doesn’t have the power to move Femi or talk to the court.

Nikki: Well, what about the way she’s being treated in here, then? Surely you’ve got some influence over that.
Clearly Nikki’s not even trying to play nice now. She’s choosing justice over love. Helen tries to assure them all that Femi is fine, but while she’s talking, the Peckham girls decide to take things to the next level: They pour a cup of water right down onto Helen’s head. For a moment I half hope it turns into a Larkhall version of Carrie, with cell doors slamming shut and Hollamby getting what she deserves. Instead, the screws retreat behind a gate and the inmates start to throw down furniture and everything they can get their hands on – including the proverbial kitchen (OK, prison cell) sink. It all ends up on that wire netting, despite the presence of the verbose sign that says “Nothing to be placed on the safety netting.” (The camera keeps helpfully showing us that sign.)

Nikki looks longingly after Helen and tries to get everyone to calm down, but it’s pretty much out of control. She, Yvonne and Barbara watch the fray from above, like the three fates beholding the folly of mortals.

Barbara: Oh, my God, what have we started? Nikki: There isn’t a hope in hell they’ll listen to us now. Yvonne: You might as well just sit back and enjoy the ride, girls. It’s about time those bloody screws had a good scare. And that prat Stewart and all.
Nikki’s face gives new meaning to the term “pained expression.”

The whole thing is the Peckham show now, as Maxi and her new followers break into the servery to secure weapons and then run around like crazies.

Nighttime – The prisoners still have the run of the place. The screws are gathering in the library to put together a plan of action. Helen gives a little speech about containment and maintaining the status quo – Hollamby, of course, thinks it’s a crappy strategy.

Helen: We are professionals doing a professional job. And while this incident continues, I’ll thank you all to remember that.
Hmm. It’s not very inspired, but she says it with great conviction.

Meanwhile, Al teaches the rioters how to use a knife. The three fates continue to discuss the situation: Barbara waffles, Yvonne hopes a screw gets stabbed and Nikki still wants to do things peacefully. So she marches down to the crowd and calls them “stupid bitches,” warning them that someone’s going to get stabbed.

Maxi: Watch out, everyone: It’s the head bloody prefect.
While Nikki encourages negotiation, a blonde woman we’ve never seen before (well, except for little glimpses in this episode) gives Al a lesson in weaponry. She slams Al’s knife out of her hand and tells everyone the first rule of self-defense: “Never use a weapon an assailant can turn back on you.” She also reminds them all that they’ll get extra time, as well as a long stretch in solitary, if they do manage to stab a screw.
Unidentified hottie: Just telling you how it is, girls.
Everyone – especially Nikki – seems impressed. Maxi tells her hooligans to ditch the knives.
Nikki: [to Barbara] Where the hell did she come from?
Nikki follows the blonde (who looks sort of like a cross between J.K. Rowling and Catherine Keener) and makes small talk about self-defense.

Nikki: You got me out of a tight spot there. Thanks. Weapons expert: It’s my pleasure. Nikki: You been on G Wing long? Weapons expert: Couple of weeks. Nikki: Only I’ve not noticed you before. Weapons expert: Oh. Pity. I’ve definitely noticed you.
And – oh, yes – she gives Nikki another meaningful look as she walks away. Well! The second look is always a good sign. Perhaps a weekend conference (in a cell rather than a hotel) is on the horizon for Nikki too.

I guess I should be as upset about this new woman as I am about Dr. Waugh, but, well, she’s kinda cute.

In their cell, the PBG celebrate their victory and plan the dethroning of Yvonne.

NEXT TIME ON BAD GIRLS: More of the same – the whole thing is “to be continued”!

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