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Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (November 9, 2007)

CHERRY JONES’ PRESIDENCY DELAYED, BUT LENA HEADEY TO PINCH HIT; LESBIANS RELIEVED Yesterday Fox became the first network to revise its 2007-08 season in light of the Writers Guild of America strike, which officially began on Monday and may stretch into 2008. One of the unfortunate results of the strike is Fox’s decision to pull the seventh season of 24 from the schedule until the strike ends, so that the entire season can air uninterrupted.

But though this does mean we’re going to have to wait awhile longer to see Cherry Jones as President Allison Taylor, there is a silver lining: Fox has moved Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, starring Lena Headey, into 24‘s premiere slot. The Sarah Connor Chronicles will now launch with a two-night premiere on Jan. 13 and 14. This news comes just days after Jones slipped some inside info to New York magazine about President Taylor.

“I find her to be an honorable, courageous, upright kind of gal,” she said of the first woman president on 24.

“I think she’s very much her own person. And the situations are very much like something we’ve yet to explore as a nation.

The president makes a very bold move, which then sets off the cataclysmic events.” Ooh, another nuclear disaster scenario?

I haven’t watched 24 for a couple of seasons, but I do have fond memories of being glued to my couch as I watched hour after hour of the first season of 24 on DVD. After that mind-numbing stimulating experience, I vowed to never watch the show again unless I had the entire DVD set available to me along with take-out menus, gallons of water and a clear social calendar for at least, well, 24 straight hours.

Cherry Jones’ commentary, though, makes me hope the WGA strike is quickly resolved. Although lesbian/bi representation on TV isn’t going to be significantly impacted by the strike (because, duh, we’re marginalized, people!), I really do want to see President Jones Taylor.

Also, one of the shows that Fox is slipping into the schedule to counter the lack of scripted programming is a reality show called When Women Rule the World (the press release assures us that’s a working title, probably because legal’s still mulling over Feminist Smackdown! Bitches Fight Back), due to premiere March 3.

This is how it’s described: “Set in a primitive, remote location, this unscripted series explores what happens when a group of strong, educated and independent women, tired of living in a man’s world, rule over a group of unsuspecting men used to calling the shots.”

Yeah, theoretically it sounds good, but I’m a little scared. It reminds me of a little show that’s based on the groundbreaking premise of a bisexual woman choosing her true love from a group of suitors comprised of both men and women, thereby delivering a stereotype-smashing portrayal of sexuality on prime-time television.

We all know how that turned out.

BECAUSE GAY SKETCH COMEDY IS FOR STRAIGHT PEOPLE, TOO This week our parent company, Logo, sent us a bunch of behind-the-scenes clips of The Big Straight Sketch Show. No, you weren’t suddenly inflicted with a vision problem – yes, they are making a special “straight” version of The Big Gay Sketch Show. I think.

Actually, after watching the first four episodes, it seems more like a mockumentary about making a fake sketch comedy show. And it channels just enough of The Office (complete with idiotic, deadpan boss and ridiculous corporate job titles) to be smartly funny. You can watch them all on this page, but if you haven’t seen them yet, check out Episode 2 (the funniest one so far) right here:

I’ve missed you, Julie Goldman!

JAPANESE (LESBIAN) SCHOOLGIRL ALERT! At the American Film Market this week in Santa Monica, Calif., LGBT distributor Wolfe Video acquired two lesbian-themed films, Taiwan’s Spider Lilies and Japan’s Love My Life.

The Japanese film, which is based on a manga by Ebine Yamaji, is about the relationship between two college girls. That’s about all I can tell you about the movie, because other than some pretty pictures, everything about the movie seems to be in Japanese (including the official website). I’ve taken the liberty, though, of captioning some of the images.

Girl 1: Why didn’t I bring mittens? It’s cold out here on the beach in the middle of winter! Girl 2: Because mittens don’t go with the shapeless-dress-over-jeans look, that’s why. You should know better. That’s why I’m wearing fingerless gloves! Stylish yet bizarrely warm – just like fishnets.

Girl 1: Wait! I can’t run that fast! Even though I’m wearing a dykey studded belt, I decided to pair my distressed jeans with high heels! Girl 2: Queer fashion is such a challenge, isn’t it?

Girl 1: Kiss me. Girl 2: Hang on. Let me hit the snooze button again.
I did find this trailer, and it even has subtitles, but they’re in Japanese (hint: help us, Japanese readers!):

PORTIA REVEALS SECRET TALENT AS POOL SHARK This week Portia de Rossi finally arrived on Nip/Tuck, making her entrance by sneaking in and kissing Joely Richardson on the cheek. In the episode, which had way more naked Dr. Christian Troy in it than any lesbian can appreciate, Joely’s character, Julia, comes out to both Christian and Sean, explaining that she and Portia’s character, Olivia, are moving in together. (Yes, yes, U-Haul, I get it!)

I even did my duty and watched the show, quickly remembering why I had never fallen for it in the first place: graphic scenes of plastic surgery. Ugh. Thank God Portia got to play some pool, thus demonstrating her lesbionic skill set. Portia was also the subject of Entertainment Weekly‘s Spotlight section in their Nov. 9 issue, in which she talks about taking on the role of Olivia Lord in Nip/Tuck:

“I had a conversation with Ellen, who was 100 percent behind me playing this role, asking her, ‘What if I get typecast as a lesbian?’ She said, ‘So what?’ And I thought, ‘Yeah, it has to be so what.'”
She also revealed that she’s pitching a sitcom to networks called Butch and Fay, about a man and woman who marry each other in order to preserve their acting careers. I’m assuming this implies that the man and woman are also gay? Let’s hope that writers’ strike resolves itself right away! Over the next few weeks, things between Portia and Joely’s characters on Nip/Tuck are going to heat up, and believe me when I tell you there’s going to be a twist that is worth waiting for. So get over your squeamishness about surgery, or just cover your eyes when it occurs (I admit it: I did!), because I think this is the year I’m going to become a Nip/Tuck fan.

I’D LISTEN TO EARTHA KITT’S “I WANT TO BE EVIL,” DEFINITELY Sleater-Kinney may be over, but former S-K guitarist Carrie Brownstein is far from leaving music behind. This week she launched her very own music blog, Monitor Mix, as part of NPR’s brand-new music site. In Carrie’s FAQ about the blog, she explains the purpose of Monitor Mix thusly:

The blog will feature writing and musings on music, but since music is often terrible, the blog will also delve into topics such as film, books, dogs, and television. There will be interviews, video, photos, and podcasts (someday).

It aims to be an entertaining, insightful, and not too serious take on music and culture. I think fellow cynics and curmudgeons will relate and optimists will learn how to tone it down. Feelings of hopefulness will be encouraged but not nurtured.

She’s quick to start off on a quirky note by asking readers: “If you carry a cat around on your shoulder when you go out, or a bird, or a lizard, what music do you listen to?

Or, if you’re not any of those people, ask someone who is.”

Uh, gee.

If Carrie’s question leaves you scratching your head, don’t worry – you can just click on over to the many, many hours of procrastination available on NPR’s music site, where you can find such rarities as Lea DeLaria singing from her album Double Standards, concerts from Kaki King and the Indigo Girls, and even take a trip back in time with some old Sleater-Kinney performances. You also may have noticed that we recently debuted a monthly music column, Sound Check, which will cover live shows, new releases and other music news from the perspective of our Chicago-based contributing writer, Trish Bendix. One gal can’t do it all, though, so help us out! If you know of a hot new lesbian/bi band or musician you think we should cover, drop a note to

[email protected].

WHAT’S NEXT? BRITNEY SPEARS AS A DOWN-ON-HER-LUCK STARLET WHO HAS A FLING WITH SHANE? TV Guide reports that Wallace Shawn has joined the cast of The L Word in a four-episode arc for the upcoming fifth season, which premieres Jan. 6 on Showtime. You may be wondering: Wallace who? Maybe this picture (Shawn’s on the bottom) will jog your memory: Yes, Wallace Shawn played the evil Sicilian mastermind Vizzini in The Princess Bride. It sounds like he could bring some of that smarminess to The L Word, where he’s going to play William Halsey, the financier of Jenny Schecter’s movie, Les Girls. Wait, am I stereotyping financiers as smarmy? OK, I am.

This bit of news brought a couple of things to mind for me: (1) Jenny somehow got out of that boat! (2) Wallace Shawn, gifted character actor though he is, does not make me want to watch The L Word.

It seems to me that The L Word is relying rather heavily on stunt casting these days. We’ve already got Cybill Shepherd playing a slightly over-the-hill, kooky comedienne lesbian, and Kelly McGillis referencing her Top Gun stripes by playing a military lawyer.

Oh, wait a minute. I’m all right with that Kelly McGillis thing. Fake military all the way!

ROSIEWATCH: NO DEAL/2 BAD Earlier this week, it seemed like Rosie was about to get her own prime-time news show on MSNBC, but three days later, all that fell apart. The New York Times reported yesterday that “a principal hurdle” in the path of getting the show on the road was the length of Rosie’s contract. (Get your minds out of the gutter!) An NBC executive explained that Rosie only wanted to commit to one year, whereas NBC wanted her to sign up for two, partly so they could charge more to advertisers for the potential program. On her blog, Rosie responded in a fashion that was somewhat less cryptic than usual:

we were close to a deal almost done i let it slip in miami causing panic on the studio end

well what can u do

2day there is no deal poof my career as a pundit is over b4 it began

Every time I read Rosie’s blog it gives me the urge to write everything in free-form haiku-like verse. I wonder if Sarah would be OK with changing AfterEllen.com style to that?
no lesbians on tv writers strike makes no difference did u think it would

bummer

at least we have a shot at love

REALITYWATCH: ADMIT IT, YOU LOVE IT Last Sunday on the premiere of Season 12 of CBS’ The Amazing Race, married ministers (and lesbians) Kate Lewis and Pat Hendrickson survived the first leg of the 50,000-mile journey. They performed such incredible feats as driving themselves from the Playboy Mansion to LAX without getting lost (it’s harder than it seems), where they booked themselves on a flight to Shannon, Ireland. Once on the Emerald Isle, they were aghast to discover that they had to ride a bike on a wire suspended 200 feet above the North Atlantic. After all that, Kate and Pat came in eighth out of the top 10 teams, deftly avoiding the shame of being the first team to get kicked off. Tune in this Sunday at 8 p.m. on CBS to cheer them on through the second leg of The Amazing Race.

Also on reality this week, out lesbian Kathy got into a much-beeped fight with castmate Maurice on BET’s College Hill Interns. Watch it here, and look for an interview with Kathy on AfterEllen.com next week. Last but not least, you may have heard that MTV is now casting for a second season of Shot at Love. No, Tila Tequila will not be reprising her role as the “bi-bachelorette”; apparently she’s found her true love, and the second season will feature someone entirely new. In case you’re interested in doing some investigative reporting for AfterEllen.com, I sincerely encourage you to go to a casting call. You’ll have to prove to them that you “have the sex appeal, heart and spirit to win the love of our gorgeous Bi-Bachelorette,” and you’ll have to be 21 (because the entire show is an open bar!).

You’ll also get to fill out an application in which you get to answer such questions as “Are you a player? Hopless romantic? Shy girl?” and “Is there something in your life you’re uncomfortable talking about?”

Well, I for one am totally a “hopless” romantic. I do not hop. Ever.

As for telling them whether there’s something you’re uncomfortable talking about – hello, shooting fish in a barrel! Don’t give ’em the ammunition to ambush you once you’re ensconced in that “spectacular Hollywood Hills mansion.” If you’re totally uncomfortable talking about your

consecotaleophobia, don’t tell them or else they’ll force you to participate in a Chinese takeout challenge.

Regardless of their casting quirks, the announcement of Shot at Love Season 2 raises many questions about where quality television has gone and whether stereotypes can be overcome by piling on more of them (short answer: no). But one of the most intriguing questions came from Karman, who asked the following after hearing about Shot at Love 2: “How will they come up with a never-ending supply of bisexual models?”

Gee, I don’t know. Maybe they decided to hire the casting directors in charge of America’s Next Top Model.

WHEN KIRAN MET KAREN, THINGS DIDN’T GO AS PLANNED In somewhat bummer-inducing news, we have learned that Indian-American movie When Kiran Met Karen, which is currently in production, has changed significantly since we interviewed actress Purva Bedi almost a year ago. No, it hasn’t been entirely de-gayed, but let’s just say it’s no longer going to be the romantic comedy we were expecting.

Indeed, the story has been entirely rewritten to fit “the budget and other constraints we had,” director Manan Katohora explained to us. It now focuses on a famous Bollywood actress, Kiran, who is engaged to a millionaire music producer (a man, in case you were wondering), and then has an affair with a lesbian journalist, Karen. When the paparazzi find out, they try to ruin Kiran’s marriage and career.

In addition, the actress who plays Kiran has been recast. Bedi is no longer in the film; instead, that role is now being played by Chriselle Almeida: The role of Karen will be played by Kelli Holsopple: I know that movies change all the time during pre-production, but this movie is now starting to smell a lot more like Girlfriend than Chutney Popcorn. We’ll keep you posted on any new developments.

WELCOME BACK, CHAGMION! Logo’s first half-hour news program, CBS News on Logo, is set to premiere this Monday, Nov. 12, at 7:00 p.m. ET/PT, and will also be streamed online at 365gay.com. The weekly show will focus on LGBT issues, as well as offer coverage of the 2008 presidential election, politics, entertainment, sports and other news.

Oh yeah, and Chagmion Antoine, former She Said What? co-host and all-around cool cat, is one of the show’s regular reporters. Chagmion was kind enough to tape this little video invitation for all of you (you might want to turn up the volume, as it’s a bit low on the video): Hey, Chagm, give me a call when you’re in San Francisco! There’s room on the Lo-Down couch for you.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! Just in time to make you hungry for the holidays, Nina’s Heavenly Delights will open theatrically in Los Angeles on Nov. 21 and in New York on Nov. 30. Go to the film’s official website for more information.

BookWoman in Austin, the only feminist bookstore in Texas (and one of Austin’s primary lesbian connections for decades), needs your help to keep the shop in business through 2008. Help keep the 33-year-old business alive by visiting its website to buy some books or go here to donate money.

This weekend, two LGBT film festivals are unspooling: Chicago’s Reeling Film Festival, in its 26th year, and Dallas’ Outtakes. Who said there’s nothing to do this weekend?

Ellen’s Really Big Show, a 90-minute variety show hosted by Ellen DeGeneres and featuring Mary J. Blige, Sheryl Crow and others, will air on TBS Monday, Nov. 19 at 9 p.m. ET.

MyLesbianRadio.com launched this week; it will enable listeners to request their own favorite songs and will host the online podcast The Lesbian Lounge, which streams Wednesday nights at 9 p.m. ET.

Gabrielle Christian guest-stars on CSI: Miami this coming Monday, Nov. 12. Set your DVRs!

Exes & Ohs‘ hottie Marnie Alton will be a guestbian on Michelle Paradise‘s next vlog, which will be posted Tuesday, Nov. 13 at 10 a.m. ET.

Sarah’s in L.A. this weekend to present a special AfterEllen.com tribute to groundbreaking lesbian moments on TV at POWER UP‘s annual Power Premiere. The event will also be honoring many of the actresses who took part in these moments, like Renee O’Connor (Xena), Amber Benson (Buffy), Maeve Quinlan and Gabrielle Christian (South of Nowhere), Lisa Darr (Ellen, NYPD Blue), Jane Sibbett (Friends), Jill Bennett (We’re Getting Nowhere Dante’s Cove), and Michelle Paradise (Exes & Ohs). Sarah will be kicking off her presentation with Renee, but sadly, Michelle could not be talked into doing her Xena call as they walk onto the stage.

Look for photos of the event on AfterEllen.com next week, and in the meantime, watch a a special Favorite Lesbian TV Moments edition of Sarah and Lori’s video blog She Made Me Watch This! beginning tonight at 6 p.m. ET, and a special Worst Lesbian TV Moments edition of Who Thought THAT Was a Good Idea? on Monday at noon ET.

That’s it for this week! Check back next Friday for another edition of Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever.

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