Earlier this week, while lying in bed bemoaning an obviously alien virus that had found its way into my system, I began having what many would consider hallucinations. I like to call them figments of my imagination. Seems my twisted brain was bored with the mundane routine I was participating in while trying to recuperate from said illness. When my brain is bored, strange things begin to happen.
In this particular instance, my brain chose to conjure up images of some famous fictional characters in what I can only assume was an effort to nurse me back to health as quickly as possible. Because my therapist says acknowledging and sharing my issues are the first steps in overcoming them, you have unwittingly been invited to tour the odd recesses of my cerebrum. Here then are the fictional women who wandered through my semi-conscious mind in an effort to re-invigorate my ailing body.
1. Mary Poppins — Yes, I said Mary Poppins. I know she’s a nanny. She’s not a doctor or a nurse or anything else related to any kind of medical professional. But I can’t help it. Every time I’m ill, there is a little voice in the back of my head that sounds disturbingly similar to Julie Andrews singing about a spoonful of sugar helping the medicine go down. I’m sure my mother is somehow to blame for this.
2. Madam Pomfrey — While it is true that her bedside manner leaves quite a bit to be desired, the woman does have a magic elixir for every conceivable ailment known to human or wizard kind. What could be better than magic elixir? (Why am I hearing Julie Andrews singing again?)
3. Lt. Colleen McMurphy — I don’t care what anyone says, the only reason anyone survived at the fictional version of China Beach was because nurse Colleen was there to save the day. You don’t really think Dr. Richard was capable of handling that patient load without her, do you? In my delusional vision, Dr. Dick doesn’t exist. I blame this on too much KC/McMurphy fanfiction.
4. Dr. Janet Frasier — I did say the virus which attacked me was so insufferable it could only be attributed to some alien world, right? Well, then it makes perfect sense that Dr. Frasier would appear to resolve the issue. She may be a Napoleonic powermonger, but she knows how to cure the indescribable ailments SG1 manages to bring back to her infirmary time and time again. I’m just glad my subconscious didn’t choose Dr. Dana Scully to conquer the alien virus component. For a medical doctor, she did a whole lot of autopsies and not much healing.
5. Margaret “Hot Lips” Houlihan — Her nickname is Hot Lips. Do I really need to examine my psyche to explain this one? I think not.