“Exes & Ohs” Recaps: Episode 1.4 “Love, Money and a Six Olive Martini”


Show me the money — It’s the monthly gathering of an organization called Seattle Women in Business. Jen and Chris are there in their business attire, scanning a room full of other similarly clad women as they drink, mingle and network. As they eye one of the women, Jen tells Chris, “And she drinks single malt scotch, is a terrible golfer, oh, and just gave $60,000 to the Humane Society.”

What Jen doesn’t know is that the woman’s large Humane Society donation was reparation for an unfortunate incident involving a golf cart, her fondness for single malt scotch, and a goat they now call “Tripod.”

Meanwhile, how does Jen know so much about this person? Is she staying up all night creating dossiers on women using their tax returns and public records? If so, I can explain that Tina Fey restraining order in my file. All I can say is the people at the Rainbow Room have no sense of humor.

Chris wonders if the woman would invest in Just for Doggies because “online pet supplies are huge.” They are? In that case, I know where she can buy a cute, slightly used sock puppet mascot.

Jen reports that the woman owns three Standard Poodles — Chris should go for it. Besides, Jen already pitched the woman about her documentary, but her budget for sex movies has already been set for the year.

Jen spies another potential investor sitting at the bar. She walks over and casually orders a drink for herself within earshot of the woman.

Jen: Vodka martini with six olives, please.

I have never known anyone else to ask for six olives.

Olives make the martini.

Most people don’t appreciate that fact.

Jen: “Lord, what fools these mortals be …”

Woman: [smiling with surprise] “Stand aside, the noise they make …

In unison: “… will cause Demetrius to awake!”

It takes a special kind of nerd to quote A Midsummer Night’s Dream as a pickup line. A very special kind.

After they clink their martini glasses, Jen takes a sip and grimaces. Jen doesn’t drink martinis, she’s Faking It — It’s Impressive. Too bad the woman is on to her. Jen admits, “I read your interview on the AfterEllen website.” Get outta here! Michelle Paradise, I’m sorry I stole your pants.

The woman counters that she, too, does her homework and knows exactly why Jen is chatting her up and ordering a little vodka with her olives. She hands Jen her business card.

Hiding together at the back of the room, Jen tells Chris that the woman, Lauren, may or may not have just offered money for sex (like it’s a bad thing). As they eye Lauren suspiciously, Jen does a slow boil, and Chris agrees Lauren has quite the cojones to suggest such a thing.

Jen returns to where Lauren is now talking to another woman. She indignantly says she won’t sell her soul for any project and slaps Lauren’s business card on the bar. With those kinds of ethics, she’s never going to make it in the entertainment industry.

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