“A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila” Recaps: Episode 1.2 “Fight for Love”

You dropped a bomb on me — When we left Tila and her suitors last week, she had just shocked the hapless contestants with the news that she is "a bisexual."

She quickly assures them that she is only looking for one mate, but this does scarce little to assuage the irritated and confused men and women who’ve just seen their competition double. Here’s a sample of their comments:

  • "This just threw a wrench in the truck." — Ashley (I’m not really sure what this means; perhaps it is a saying common to elementary school teachers?)
  • "It’s kinda messed up … It’s kind of like a betrayal, in a sense." — Steffanie (Why does this comment make me think of that line from an episode of The Sarah Silverman Program when Sarah goes temporarily gay: "As a lesbian, I’m offended by your laughter … by all laughter.")
  • "I wouldn’t say the competition’s gotten tougher. The competition has gotten delayed." — Steven (This is the ass-hat who later in the show will rank himself as a "10," so clearly he’s not our best source for reliable information.)

Tila appears to be oblivious to the cranky faces peering back at her. She makes a little speech about how she’s on her "journey" and closes with: "I promise it will be a fun ride. Are you ready for a shot at love?"

The tepid, half-hearted "woo hoos" in response should tell her plenty.

Meet ‘n’ hate — The awkward mingling commences, and it’s clear that some of the players are going to be taking this new bisexual development kinda hard.

Vanessa, the "dancer" who is one of Tila’s favorites, gets some face time with the host so that they can process what’s happening. Vanessa tells her that she didn’t expect to be competing with guys, but "It’s OK, I’ve been with guys too before."

Vanessa adds that she too once had to "figure it out," but later she tells us, "The girls are gonna win because the girls will get the heart. The guys are here for p—-. Can I say ‘p—-’?"

Outside, Ashley is talking to Steffanie and Grace. And by "talking," I mean saying ignorant things that could get his ass whupped.

Eddie: So you guys are all lesbians?
Steffanie and Grace:
[in unison] Yes.
Ashley:
Are y’all exploring your sex-ya-ality, with all these …
Steffanie:
No, no. I’m a f—ing lesbian.

Steffanie later imitates Ashley for our viewing pleasure: "’Are you really a lesbian?’ I’m like, ‘Honey, what do I look like to you?’"

Actually, she looks like Kate Moennig to me. Anyone else agree?

More idiocy ensues.

Marcus: We like that y’all like women. It’s a beautiful thing.

Really? Would Marcus find it "beautiful" if two big butch lesbians were getting it on right in front of him?

And just when you thought it couldn’t get any dumber …

Ashley: If she’s gonna be in a biiii-sex-ya-al relationship, then I wanna be number one. Granted, I will let number two come in … if she wants to be a hot girl."

Huh?

Loose cannon Lala is not having any of it. Nor is she "feeling" it. I think she speaks for many of us when she says about her male competitors: "When they talk to me about stupid ass s—, I just want to say, ‘Shut the f— up, I don’t want to talk to you!’"

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