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Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (October 5, 2007)

I WAS NO. 7 ON THE AFTERELLEN.COM HOT 100 LIST AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY PHONE CALL In a blatant (and successful) attempt to win more votes for next year’s Hot 100 List, honorary lesbian Tina Fey mentioned AfterEllen.com on NBC’s Late Night With Conan O’Brien on Wednesday night.

Tina told Conan that a few months ago her dad called her and said, “‘Great news! You’re no. 7 on the lesbian crushes on AfterEllen.com.” She added, as the audience laughed, “He was really psyched!” Not nearly as psyched as I was when I found out about this mention! (Thanks to AE reader Aya for the first tip-off.) More proof that Tina rocks? She can use terms such as “ding dong” and “goober” and still sound cool and sophisticated. (Check out Dorothy Snarker’s blog for more Tina Fey adoration.)

I WAS DEFLOWERED BY TILA TEQUILA AND ALL I GOT WAS A PART ON THIS TRASHY TV SHOW MTV’s bisexual dating show A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila debuts next week (Oct. 9), and if you thought MTV’s reality shows couldn’t get any worse, this show makes The Real World look like a Ken Burns documentary. At least, that’s the impression I got from watching the trailer for the show. Aside from the usual reality TV interpersonal drama, there’s whipped-cream wrestling, pillow fights, stripper poles and trash-talking lesbians fighting with shirtless straight guys. This is quality television, my friends.

Here’s a friendly tip for you, Tila: Only a straight woman would say “I’m a bisexual” (the way my mom used to say “he’s a gay”). Actual bisexual women say “I’m bisexual” (if they adopt that label at all), not “I’m a bisexual.” But then again, you did write on your MySpace profile about the show, “will I be straight or lesbian in the end????” – as if being bisexual meant you were deciding which of two dinner entrees to order off a menu (“Will I order steak or sushi in the end????”) – so I don’t know why I’m surprised that this whole bisexual concept seems a little foreign to you.

But I digress. Here are a few of the 16 “lucky” lesbian contestants:

Ashli (pictured, far left): Ashli is a virgin – she’s never been with a man or a woman. She’s just about ready to come out of the closet and wants her first time to be adventurous and special. And she thinks Tila Tequila might be the one who’ll finally steal her heart.

Sara (pictured, middle): Sara is a drama queen who loves exotic women. She admits that she is sexually aggressive and has had threesomes with her ex-boyfriend and female friends. Will she pounce on Tila Tequila and get what she wants?

Keasha (pictured, far right): Sorority girl Keasha is a straight up party girl that isn’t looking for love – she just wants to have fun! She considers herself to be a very loyal friend and dreams of being a fashion designer. Maybe meeting Tila Tequila will make her tame her wild ways.

Wow, what a great representation of “lesbians”! I don’t know how I’ll ever choose a favorite. I do know one thing, though: After reading these bios, I’m even more excited that Karman will be recapping this show. This kind of high-quality programming is right up her alley! (Also look for weekly discussions of A Shot at Love on our women-of-color vlog The Lo-Down).

DOES THIS SHADE OF PRISON-SUIT ORANGE GO WITH MY CUTE BRITISH ACCENT? The first promo for the fifth season of The L Wordis out, and there looks to be drama galore. Tasha at war! Helena in prison! TiBette hanging in the balance (for a change)!

“Do you want to be in my movie?” Um, only if your movie doesn’t include carnivals, manatees or Max. So thanks, Jenny, but no.

ELLEN DEGENERES + RACHEL GREEN = MICHELLE PARADISE The new lesbian half-hour dramedy Exes & Ohs (based on the short film The Ten Rules), about a single lesbian in Seattle and her group of friends, debuts this Monday, Oct. 8 on Logo (and Oct. 11 on Showcase in Canada). I’ve seen the first two episodes, and aside from some cringe-worthy names (the Beever cafe? a musician named Crutch?), I liked the show. Enjoyed it, even. Why? In a word (well, two words): Michelle Paradise. Her character, Jen, is smart, appealing and relatable – the kind of ex-girlfriend person with whom I’d probably be friends with in real life. The rest of the cast is pretty good, too. I can already tell that Marnie Alton’s (Josie and the Pussycats) Sam – Jen’s ex, current best friend, and resident heartbreaker – is going to be a big hit with viewers. Megan Cavanagh (A League of Their Own, and a million other movies) is her usual funny self as Chris, but her character’s romantic partner, Kris, played by Angela Featherstone (The Wedding Singer, Soul Survivors), is a little too cartoony/over-the-top for me.

The couple does offer some funny moments, though. And as a lesbian who has dated two Sarahs (um, not at the same time, and way before Lori!), the Chris-Kris thing did make me laugh.

Then there’s the aforementioned Crutch, a musician played by Heather Matarazzo, who seems superfluous and annoying. I like her purple hair, though.

Aside from these minor quibbles (and the blinding whiteness of the cast), this is a fun show. But you can pretty much tell that from the description of the first episode: “Jennifer is trapped on a yacht where her ex-girlfriend is getting married …” (Don’t you hate it when that happens?)

Here are a few group shots: U.S. readers can download the first episode on iTunes now or hop over to logoonline.com to watch video clips from the upcoming season, and Canadian readers can find more info at Showcase.ca. The first two episodes will also be screening this month at the Seattle Lesbian and Gay Film Festival, the Tampa International Gay and Lesbian Film Festival, P-Town Women’s Week, the Portland Lesbian and Gay Film Festival, Reel Pride Michigan and Out on Film.

More good news? Dara (aka bad machine) will be recapping the episodes on AfterEllen.com starting next week, and – even better! – Michelle Paradise will be doing weekly video blogs for AfterEllen.com about each episode of the show (answering your questions, sharing funny anecdotes, etc.). Look for the first one on the blog on Tuesday.

A SONG ABOUT MY FIRST GIRLFRIEND WOULD BE CALLED “I’M NEWLY OUT, SO YOU’LL DO JUST FINE” Blues/glam rocker Megan McCauley has a new song called “Porcelain Doll” that her publicist says is about her first relationship with a girl. I’m not sure if Megan’s bi or just heteroflexible (she’s definitely not gay), but her best friend is a lesbian, her music sounds great, and I’m digging the red hair, so welcome to the club, Megan! Check out her music at meganmccauley.com or on her MySpace profile.

AH, 1960. WHAT A GREAT YEAR TO BE A LESBIAN. Several AfterEllen.com readers alerted me to an emerging lesbian story line on AMC’s original series Mad Men, a well-made but really depressing show set in 1960 about how much it sucked to be a woman back then the men who ran the big New York ad agencies. In the Sept. 27th episode (“Long Weekend”), Carol (Kate Norby) confesses her love to her roommate, Joan (Christina Hendricks), a bookkeeper at the ad firm who is sleeping with the boss (and various other men at any given time). Watch the heartbreaking scene for yourself here: Nothing whets the appetite like cruelly crushing the last romantic hopes of your closeted “best friend.”

HER NAME IS LOLA. SHE’S NOT A SHOWGIRL. There’s a new lesbian movie in the works called And Then Came Lola, starring Ashleigh Sumner, Jill Bennett, Cathy DeBuono and Jessica Graham. Filmmakers Megan Siler and Ellen Seidler describe the film’s plot this way:

In this sexy, lesbian romp, inspired by the art house classic Run, Lola, Run a talented, but distracted photographer (Lola), on the verge of success in both love and work, could lose it all if she doesn’t make it to a crucial meeting on time. But, as usual, Lola is late. With her job and girlfriend on the line, she has three chances to make it right. In a desperate race through the streets and backrooms of San Francisco she must find new ways around the obstacles and temptations in her path, including a bossy meter maid, bitter ex, bi-curious tourists, and a mysterious woman on a motorcycle. Time grows short – will Lola make it? Will she come at all?
Principal photography for the feature-length film began this week on location in San Francisco. The film is scheduled for release next summer.

Meanwhile, I’m still waiting for someone to make a lesbian version of the classic “art” house film Showgirls. Oh, wait …

NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH A SHOW ABOUT THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION Good news for Saving Face director Alice Wu, and for those of us who would like to see more TV shows run by lesbians: ABC has picked up Wu’s new series, Foobar (a reference to the popular and colorful acronym FUBAR). Foobar is a one-hour ensemble set at a fictional software company about “a lot of very smart, highly verbal people who are relationship retards running one of the most admired companies in the world.” Wu is basing the series on her experience working at Microsoft before becoming a filmmaker, and she explained to The Hollywood Reporter, “There is something very special about coming out of school and starting your adult life in that environment where you live, breathe and do everything together.”

No word yet on whether any of these “very smart, highly verbal people” will be of the lesbian or bisexual persuasion, but if it’s anything like the software/internet companies I’ve worked at, it will be almost completely run by straight white men, with a marketing department full of cool straight women and one numbers-crunching lesbian who secretly dreams of quitting her day job to run a lesbian entertainment website that Tina Fey will one day mention on national television.

Here’s Wu in 2005 with the stars of Saving Face: OK, I love Lynn and Michelle, but how cute is Alice in that tie?

LESBIAN QUOTE OF THE WEEK NO. 1 “I loved how it’s a non-issue in this movie. I think too often we see lesbian characters that fall into a cliché, and I liked that she was a just a really normal, vibrant woman who happened to be gay. It’s not the central issue and she’s pretty well adjusted and her family is pretty supportive.” Maggie Grace on how her character’s sexuality was portrayed in The Jane Austen Book Club (Comingsoon.net)

COFFEE, RAIN, REALLY BIG DORMANT VOLCANO … OH YEAH, AND A QUEER FILM FESTIVAL! The Seattle Lesbian and Gay Film Festival returns for its 12th run Oct. 12-21, 2007. This year’s festival opens with the West Coast premiere of The Walker, an “intriguing and witty murder mystery set amongst Washington D.C.’s social elite,” starring Woody Harrelson, Lily Tomlin, Kristin Scott Thomas and Lauren Bacall. Here’s a shot of Lily in the movie: Some of the festival’s feature films likely to be of interest to you: The Chinese Botanist’s Daughters, Itty Bitty Titty Committee and Nina’s Heavenly Delights. The festival’s documentaries include Kate Clinton: The 25th Anniversary Tour and Blood on the Flat Track, which profiles the local grassroots effort to form Seattle’s first all-female roller derby league.

One documentary I’d skip? The new German documentary Here’s Looking at You, Boy, which purports to be a “documentary on the history of gay and lesbian film” yet interviews mostly men and straight women about mostly gay male films. I’m sure you’ll be shocked to learn it was written, directed and produced by men. Apparently they didn’t get the memo that adding a reference to Desert Hearts and an interview with Guin Turner to a documentary about gay male cinema doesn’t qualify it as “a history of gay and lesbian films.” But then, neither has Bravo. Or IFC.

“I’M AS SENSITIVE TO PROFILING AS THE NEXT GAY WICCAN JEWESS” No. 7 in the Buffy Season 8 comic book series (“No Future for You, Part 2”) was released this week. Here are a few of the Willow-centric panels: Willow: “What did we discuss about calling me by my mother’s name?” Random slayer: “That I’d be turned into a goat if I didn’t knock it off?”

I love Willow.

ITTY BITTY’S BIG OPENING The lesbian feminist romantic dramedy Itty Bitty Titty Committee sold out its opening weekend in Los Angeles. LiveVideo was at the movie’s premiere and interviewed director Jamie Babbit, Carly Pope, Guinevere Turner and others on the red carpet. Among the tidbits of info the host picked up: Guin‘s currently working on a show about stalkers for Oxygen, Jamie‘s now directing episodes of the new ABC dramedy Dirty Sexy Money, and Carly has a role on the new season of 24. But is it just me, or does that host seem really, really straight next to all those lesbians? I kept expecting her to call someone “a bisexual.”

LESBIAN QUOTE OF THE WEEK #2 “Oh f— that. I want to be number one. I want to be the number one butch.” Gina Gershon on coming in second behind Chloe Sevigny‘s character from If These Walls Could Talk 2 on AfterEllen.com’s 15 Hottest Butches list (AfterEllen.com)

THE MUPPETS CAN HAVE MANHATTAN, AFTERELLEN READERS WILL TAKE BROOKLYN We had a great turnout for our afternoon gathering at Cattyshack in Brooklyn last weekend. Lori, Karman and I really enjoyed meeting some AfterEllen.com readers in person, chatting about the site, and actually being off the computer for three whole hours. AfterEllen.com readers Katherine and Shae were kind enough to let me post this photo of the four of us from the event: Karman would have been in the photo, too, but she was off doing gingersnap shots at the bar. (Gotta watch that woman every second!)

We’ll try to do these kinds of get-togethers in other cities, too, and with more advance notice next time.

THE LO-DOWN – IT’S FOR WHITE PEOPLE TOO! In this week’s episode of Malinda and Sarah Pecora’s women-of-color vlog The Lo-Down (tagline: “our snark doesn’t discriminate!”), Sarah explains the lesbian connection in Heroes, Malinda has more fun with acronyms, and they both discuss their favorite lines and characters on Ugly Betty. Other topics of conversation? Sarah Shahi in Life, Malinda and Sarah’s apparent fascination with uniforms, and whether hot pants equals flakiness. Watch it here now: BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! Due to time and budget constraints, there won’t be any more new episodes of She Said What?. Sorry to all of you who were looking forward to it coming back this fall!

Logo has created fun “Bad Girls Fast-Forward” clips to catch you up on each episode.

Risk/Reward, a fascinating documentary about four women on Wall Street (one of whom is a lesbian) is now available on DVD.

Jack & Diane, a lesbian-esque teen werewolf movie, is having a hard time getting financing. Oh sure, everyone and their brother will finance a lesbian vampire movie! But lesbian werewolves? That’s going too far.

GO magazine – formerly a NYC-based lesbian magazine that has now gone national – is holding a benefit for their GO For the Cure Tour ’08 on Thursday, October 18th, at Sol in New York City, with a performance by The Cliks and appearances by Margaret Cho and Michelle Paradise. Find out more at gomag.com.

Girlports.com, a new lesbian travel site, launched this week.

Diana Rigg (The Avengers) is playing a lesbian in the West End play All About My Mother. (thanks Bex!)

There’s a lesbian storyline on the German soap opera called Gute Zeiten Schlechte Zeiten (The Best of Times, The Worst of Times). More on that when I learn how to read German, or someone tells me what’s happening in English. (Thanks worksforme!)

In case you somehow missed it, the latest episode of We’re Getting Nowhere – recapping the mid-season finale of South of Nowhere – features a guest appearance by Mandy Musgrave and Maeve Quinlan, a hot tub scene, and Jill in a trench coat. ‘Nuff said.

This week’s “Lesbian Celebrity Taboo” edition of She Made Me Watch This is now live, with a funny new intro, clues to test your celezbian knowledge, and guestbian Karman. Don’t worry – we kept her away from the gingersnap shots this time.

That’s it for this week! Check back next Friday for another edition of Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever.

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