Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (October 5, 2007)

I WAS NO. 7 ON THE AFTERELLEN.COM HOT 100 LIST AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS
LOUSY PHONE CALL

In a blatant (and successful) attempt to win more votes for next year’s Hot
100 List
, honorary lesbian Tina Fey mentioned
AfterEllen.com on NBC’s
Late Night With Conan O’Brien
on Wednesday night.

Tina told Conan that a few months ago her dad called her and said, "’Great
news! You’re no. 7 on the lesbian crushes on AfterEllen.com." She added, as
the audience laughed, "He was really psyched!" Not nearly as psyched
as I was when I found out about this mention! (Thanks to AE reader Aya
for the first tip-off.)

More proof that Tina rocks? She can use terms such as "ding dong” and “goober”
and still sound cool and sophisticated. (Check out Dorothy Snarker’s blog for more Tina Fey adoration.)

I WAS DEFLOWERED BY TILA TEQUILA AND ALL I GOT WAS A PART ON THIS TRASHY
TV SHOW

MTV’s bisexual dating show A
Shot at Love With Tila Tequila
debuts next week (Oct. 9), and
if you thought MTV’s reality shows couldn’t get any worse, this show makes The
Real World
look like a Ken Burns documentary. At least, that’s the impression I got from watching the
trailer
for the show.

Aside from the usual reality TV interpersonal drama, there’s whipped-cream wrestling,
pillow fights, stripper poles and trash-talking lesbians fighting with shirtless
straight guys. This is quality television, my friends.

Here’s a friendly tip for you, Tila: Only a straight woman would say "I’m
a bisexual" (the way my mom used to say "he’s a gay"). Actual
bisexual women say "I’m bisexual" (if they adopt that label at all),
not "I’m a bisexual." But then again, you did write on your MySpace
profile about the show, "will I be straight or lesbian in the end????"
— as if being bisexual meant you were deciding which of two dinner entrees
to order off a menu ("Will I order steak or sushi in the end????")
— so I don’t know why I’m surprised that this whole bisexual concept seems
a little foreign to you.

But I digress. Here are a few of the 16 "lucky" lesbian contestants:

Ashli (pictured, far left): Ashli is a virgin — she’s
never been with a man or a woman. She’s just about ready to come out of the
closet and wants her first time to be adventurous and special. And she thinks
Tila Tequila might be the one who’ll finally steal her heart.

Sara (pictured, middle): Sara is a drama queen who loves exotic
women. She admits that she is sexually aggressive and has had threesomes with
her ex-boyfriend and female friends. Will she pounce on Tila Tequila and get
what she wants?

Keasha (pictured, far right): Sorority girl Keasha is a straight
up party girl that isn’t looking for love — she just wants to have fun!
She considers herself to be a very loyal friend and dreams of being a fashion
designer. Maybe meeting Tila Tequila will make her tame her wild ways.

Wow, what a great representation of "lesbians"! I don’t
know how I’ll ever choose a favorite. I do know one thing, though: After
reading these bios, I’m even more excited that Karman will be recapping this
show. This kind of high-quality programming is right up her alley! (Also look
for weekly discussions of A Shot at Love on our women-of-color vlog
The Lo-Down).

DOES THIS SHADE OF PRISON-SUIT ORANGE GO WITH MY CUTE BRITISH ACCENT?
The first promo for the fifth season of The
L Word
is out, and there looks to be drama galore. Tasha at war! Helena
in prison! TiBette hanging in the balance (for a change)!

"Do you want to be in my movie?" Um, only if your movie doesn’t include
carnivals, manatees or Max. So thanks, Jenny, but no.

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