“America’s Most Smartest Model” and other great moments in history

Some things make me proud to be an American. Seeing Miss Teen South Carolina demonstrate the state of education in the United States. Hearing our President assure us that we’re “pertecded from nuculer war.” And knowing that on October 7, citizens across the country will sit down with their Cheetos and Miller Lite to watch America’s Most Smartest Model on VH1.

Yes, VH1 has nobly taken on the cause of proving that beautiful people can be smart. But instead of profiling beauties like Yale magna cum laude grad Jodie Foster or Harvard honors grad Natalie Portman, here’s the plan.

“In every episode, the ‘himbos’ and ‘bimbos’ will face challenges that put both their overall intelligence and their beauty to the test. The individual or team that wins will be safe, the loser(s) will face elimination.” The winner takes home $100,000 and “the coveted title of ‘America’s Most Smartest Model.’” Now that’s something to put on a resume.

Let’s look at some of the candidates for the esteemed honor, along with their unique qualifications.

Mandy Lynn has half a million friends on MySpace, has modeled for Playboy and believes she’s a pretty good speller. She certainly looks like a, um, speller.

Jamie Everett was Case No. 24 Model on Deal or No Deal and believes her biggest asset is her sexy back. Unless she has two huge humps on her back, I kinda doubt it.

Rachel Myers has worked for Trashy Lingerie, and her signature modeling move is to place her hands on her hips. Damn, she’s good.

Sure, I admit that I might take a peek for the sheer eye candy of it all — but Ben Stein is one of the hosts. You know, the Ben Stein whose comments on the Mark Foley scandal included, “I hope it won’t come as a surprise to anyone that a big part of male homosexual behavior is interest in young boys.” America’s Most Smartest, I think we have a winner.

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