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Bad Girls Recaps: Episode 3.02 “The Turn of the Screw”

THIS WEEK’S RAP SHEET:

The shyster: Fenner makes everyone – even Helen – feel sorry for him. The sadist: Hollamby shows her mile-wide mean streak. The steadfast: Helen refuses to give up, no matter how much Nikki wants her to.
Beating a dead horse – The medics and nurses and doctors, along with Marilyn and Karen, are still trying to save Jim’s life. Karen says, “Try raising it to 360.” Uh, what? Raising what? And since when is Karen a medical professional? Not that I’m arguing; she’d look good in a lab coat. It just doesn’t make much sense. But one of the medics looks a little dykey, and I can imagine an ER crossover in which Karen and Kerry Weaver butt heads.

Gosh, I was so distracted by that little fantasy, I nearly missed Jim’s resurrection. Yes, he’s back. No rest for the wicked and all that. And no holiday for us poor viewers. But Shell probably should have thought about the size of the gut she was slashing: She’d need a whole six-pack of bottles to flay those abs. Where’s Dark Willow when you need her?

Speaking of Shell, she’s facing Hollamby’s sneer right about now.

Hollamby: You’ve gone too far this time, Dockley. You’d better pray to high heaven that Jim Fenner’s all right. Shell: I hope he bleeds to death.
And before you can say “right on,” Hollamby hauls off and backhands Shell – hard.
Hollamby: [to the other guards] If she gives you any lip, smack her again. Good and hard.
Whoa. I mean, yeah, Hollamby has always been kind of nasty, but she’s never been purely evil like this. Is this some sort of side effect of the ecstasy they slipped her during the anniversary bash? Nah, just a side effect of a small mind with too much power, I’m guessing.

Somewhere and someone we don’t care about – Crystal – remember her? – and Josh are settling into their new life together. Crystal is staying in Josh’s bedroom while he moves into the spare room, but her tenancy is free only on the condition that she wear his engagement ring. My recapping continues only on the condition that they do something interesting. Nope, not happening; let’s move on.

The wing office – Simon (Stubberfield), Karen and Helen give everyone the news that Jim is doing better and that a bouquet has been sent on behalf of all the Larkhall guards. Hollamby spews spite and bitterness; she’s much more interested in what’s going to happen to Dockley. Simon mumbles that Shell might be moved, but Helen cuts him off:

Helen: Any decision to move her is up to the lifers unit.
You know, the lifers unit. The encounter groups and the surveys and the hope for the no-hopers. Let’s see, who runs that again? Ah, right: The fetching Miss Stewart.

Hollamby continues to spit and seethe and gets right in Helen’s face. Helen tries to take the high road.

Helen: Look, I know that feelings are running high, Sylvia. Now, I’m as upset as you are about Jim. But as head of the lifers unit – Hollamby: Come off it. You’ve never given that man any support.
Karen interrupts and Sylvia sits down, but the point is taken. At least by me: I actually think Bodybag could give Miss Stewart a run for her money. Ultimately the better accent would win, but it would be a fight to the finish. Stubberfield says there’ll be an internal inquiry.
Hollamby: And who’s going to head that? Helen: [standing up, as the music swells] I am.
I love these Moments of Helen’s Power. Is there anything better than watching her stroll into the wing office to assert her authority, or turn around to face Fenner with a broad grin or a smirk of superiority? Not much, at least not when the HMS H&N is on rough waters.

More that doesn’t matter – Crystal has hocked the clock she stole (Hollamby’s anniversary gift). She and Josh both need to get jobs if they’re to make their way in the world. Bo-ring.

Baiting the screw – Yvonne, Denny, Shaz, the two Julies and a bunch of random prisoners we’ve never seen before are taunting Hollamby and asking whether Fenner’s on duty today. Never mind that – Nikki is wearing a black T-shirt. Hello! Nikki doesn’t mind the screw-taunting games; she’s glad someone’s having fun. Barbara homes in on the source of Nikki’s cynicism.

Barbara: It’s no good dwelling on it, Nikki. Nikki: Yeah, maybe not. But there’s sod-all else to do in here. Christ, I coulda been swanning round San Francisco right now. Barbara: You’ve still got your studies. Nikki: What’s the point? I’m never gonna get out of this s—hole now, am I? Barbara: But when your solicitor takes your case to the review commission … Nikki: Look, it’s all pie in the sky stuff. There won’t be an appeal. Anyway, I may as well stay in here now she’s dumped me.
And she stomps off in a huff, like the pouty adolescent Helen has reduced her to. Or maybe the writers have reduced her to it. Anyway, she scowls with the best of ’em. Cheer up, emo kid!

Back on the wrong side of the bars, the other cons continue to glare and chuckle at Hollamby. This is so very B movie. Hollamby just scurries off, running into the doctor on the way and asking him a favor. We’ll have to wait to find out what.

Down the block – Shell spins her tale of woe to Helen. She says Fenner was “in the mood” after the party and climbed on top of Shell. Helen wants to know why she had the bottle in the first place, if Fenner’s actions took her by surprise. Shell claims she had planned to slash her wrists because she was sick of Fenner’s games.

Helen: You know, Shell, I wanna make sure that you’re treated fairly in this inquiry. Shell: Thanks, Miss. Helen: Just as I wanna make sure Mr. Fenner is. So when you wanna start telling me the truth, instead of a load of bulls—, we’ll talk again.
Shell is agape. So am I, as well as a-clapping.

The hospital – Jim is already walking around?! That’s one tough tummy. He looks pretty pale and sickly, though, but then again he always has. Marilyn is there, feeling sorry she ever doubted him when he said Shell was crazy and trying to trap him. How does this weasel always, uh, weasel his way back into everyone’s good graces? I don’t have a strong enough stomach for this story line.

Worse than solitary – Hollamby tells Shell to get ready for a “change of scenery.” Look at Hollamby’s face: She’s got scary dead eyes! Helen Fraser has serious acting skills, I say – right now she seems much more diabolical than Fenner.

She escorts Shell to the “Muppet wing.” This would seem like a fun, happy place full of singing, dancing, great guest stars and bad puns, but it’s not: It’s the wing for the mentally ill. There’s lots of muttering and shrieking and pacing, not to mention a lot of overmedicating. Shell is terrified, and understandably so. One particular inmate, Pam, seems especially dangerous and easily provoked. Shell begs to see Miss Stewart, but the only one within earshot is Hollamby, and those aren’t friendly ears.

From mope to hope – Barbara is writing in her diary as Nikki sighs and stares at the wall. There’s a knock at the door: Could it be? Yes, it’s Helen! I thought these two would never talk again after last week, when Helen declared it all “over.” Speaking of over, why are there elbow patches on her sleeves?

Barbara makes herself scarce, leaving the two ex-lovebirds to talk. Nikki is curled up on her bunk, clad in little more than her underwear. In better circumstances, it could be sexy, but it’s just sort of bleak.

Helen: [rousing Nikki, forcing her to face her] Nikki, you’ve gotta keep trying. Come on. For us. Nikki: Don’t. There isn’t any us. Helen: There is if you get out of here. It’s the future that we’ve gotta think about. Nikki: You don’t get it, do you? You think you do, but you don’t. The only future you have in here is your release date. That’s what you fix your eyes on. That’s what gets you through. And I don’t have one. Helen: Listen, you didn’t have one before and you got through it. Nikki: I had you before. Do you know, I could get through a whole week just waiting for one look from you. When I got that, that’d get me through another week. See, you’re making me remember. I just wanna forget. Helen: Well, I’m not gonna let you forget. Because there is still a future. Nikki: A future that could be 12, 15 years away.

Helen: Look, your solicitor isn’t gonna make it in this week. Nikki: You warned her off, didn’t you? Helen: [gently] Oh, shut up and listen.
Heeeeee.

Helen: Look, Claire’s promised me: She’s gonna get in as soon as she can. She wants to go through your case for the review. Nikki: I thought … Helen: What? You thought I was just gonna leave you in here to rot? Look, we’re gonna do everything to get you out of here. Whether you like it or not.
I like it, I like it! But I don’t like seeing Nikki all beat down like this. Where’s that fighter we know and love? She’s never been one to bemoan her fate. Just one too many emotional roller coasters, I guess; even a notorious cop killer will cry uncle when faced with all those loop-de-loops.

And we all know I love me some Helen, but even I am starting to feel confused: How does last week’s “It is over” jibe with this week’s “We do have a future,” exactly? On the other hand, everything makes sense when presented in Lahbib’s lovely accent. She could make me think Saddam actually did have WMDs. It’s that serrrrious.

Seeing the error of her ways – Shell is trying to make nice with Hollamby – she doesn’t want to stay on the Muppet wing for one mad minute longer than she has to – but Hollamby is a pod person now and doesn’t give a toss.

Oh, look: Shell has a new Muppety roommate. Doesn’t she look familiar?

The inquiry – Some internal affairs types are interviewing Karen about the Fenner situation. They assume Karen is on Fenner’s side, but Karen is even-handed as usual and generally unflappable. The woman who’s questioning her kind of reminds me of Monica Reyes from The X-Files, only more stern and more British. Hmm, let me just imagine a Scully/Stewart crossover for a moment. (That’s two detours into fan fic land; can we conclude that this episode isn’t so great?)

About that familiar face – Shell’s new roomie thinks she’s met Shell before. Shell confesses that she’s from G wing, which sparks the roomie’s memory. That’s right: Shell’s Muppet companion is Mad Tessa Spall, the one who tried to stick Karen with an HIV-bearing syringe. Eeek. She looks even crazier now, somehow. I think it’s her hair; it’s definitely seen saner days.

Managing the mess – Stubberfield is in Helen’s office, offering her some instruction on how to handle the possible media circus around the Fenner incident. She’s not a very good student.

Stubberfield: Look, I don’t want any trouble amongst the staff, and I definitely don’t want any of this leaking out to the press. I trust I’ve got your cooperation on that. Helen: Not for a coverup, you don’t.
Do you see her expression? Such a badass when she wants to be! Simon insists he just wants her to “be discreet,” but doesn’t press the point. Karen shows up and he skedaddles. Helen still has her hackles up and isn’t exactly supportive when Karen says the police have been to see her about Fenner’s suspension.
Helen: Did you tell them that you had your own suspicions at the time? Karen: Well, of course I did. Helen: I’m sorry. Karen: You’re not the only one with standards, you know, Helen. Helen: This whole thing is beginning to get to me. Karen: Listen, if Jim was up to anything that night, I want to know about it. And I have no intention of covering it up.
You do? And you don’t? You sure? Wait, it gets even more unbelievable:
Helen: Look, to tell the truth, I don’t think there’s been anything to cover up. Shell’s obviously lying through her teeth. She brought that bottle from the party to use on Jim. He was gonna get it no matter what. She just made the whole rape thing up to protect herself. Karen: That’s how it seemed to me. Helen: [ruefully] I’m beginning to think that we’ve got the man wrong.
Yes, that’s right: Helen is on Jim’s side. Commence the apocalypse.

Shell’s personal hell – Shell tries to sweet-talk Mad Tessa, saying it’s “neat” that she chewed a screw’s ear off at her last prison. Seeing Shell suck up like this is oddly endearing and definitely amusing. How does Shell always manage to get me back on her side even when she slips into psycho mode?

Tessa starts to threaten scary things like the idea of being blood sisters, which is not something you want to try with someone who’s HIV positive. I’m just sayin’.

The hospital – Poor Jim and his giant gut. Maybe he should have had a tummy tuck while the doctors were in there sewing things up.

Karen is visiting; she interrogates him, but only half-heartedly. They reconcile, and Jim gets a smug look on his face as Karen tells him that even Helen is on his side. Karen throws a little cold water on him, though, when she says that she’s not comfortable with their affair because Marilyn is still in love with him. He dismisses that and assures Karen he wants to be with her. When she warms to him and touches his hand, my flesh creeps. (That’s the classy British way of saying they make my skin crawl.)

Tessa the torturer – Mad Tessa is doing her best to drive Shell mad too. She reminisces about her “Debs,” the girl she loved at her last prison.

Tessa: She had a lovely full figure. [eyeing Shell] Top heavy. I like ’em like that.
Yikes. Did I say my flesh was creeping earlier? I think it has flat-out crept away by now. Tessa brushes Shell’s hair and talks about her mum and even makes Shell wear one of Debbie’s old dresses and sing a hymn. This is definitely worse than being down the block. I’ve never understood why that’s so bad, anyway – if I were in prison, I’d do my best to stay in solitary and away from the possibility of being made someone’s bitch.

In an attempt to entertain Mad Tessa, Shell does some impressions. They must be impressions of British celebrities (natch) because I haven’t the faintest idea what she’s on about. Somebody enlighten us in the comments, please!

The wing office of gloating – Hollamby gleefully tells Di that Shell is on the Muppet wing, with Mad Tessa as her cellmate. Even barking-mad Di Barker (aka Di Barking, as they call her around the message boards) thinks that’s out of order, and knows none of the governors will sign off on it. Hollamby doesn’t care; she thinks it’s time they take matters into their own hands and stop worrying about making a difference. Sylvia’s officially a bitter old cynic now, and she’s definitely one of the best actors on the show. Honor among thieves – Mad Tessa and Shell bond over their troubled childhoods and eat biscuits. When Hollamby barges in, she’s stunned and speechless, not expecting Shell to be perfectly at home in crazy town.

The hospital – Gah, Fenner again? His wife wants to make amends; he’s disgusted; I don’t care.

I just figured out what the title of the episode means – Yeah, Sylvia is the screw who’s turning – turning her back on decency, turning a blind eye to the rules, turning to the dark side. She hatches a plan with one of the officers on the Muppet wing. They withhold Pam’s lithium (Pam is that scary psycho we got a glimpse of earlier) and convince her that Shell took it. Then they set her up to lie in wait for Shell in the showers.

Shell is only too happy to go off to the showers because Tessa seems to want to take the bonding to a new, even more disturbing level. Shell showers in peace for a few blissful moments, and then psycho Pam attacks her savagely, clawing and punching and shrieking. This is much more of a crime deterrent than the electric chair could ever be.

In the hallway, Hollamby and the other screw exchange a smug, heartless look. Hollamby goes back to G wing with a spring in her step. Shudder.

Speaking of heartless – Helen and Yvonne are strolling along, talking about what Yvonne heard the night Shell stabbed Fenner. Yvonne seems to have a cold, which is somehow charming (I know, I know; she could have leprosy and I’d find it charming). Helen asks Yvonne whether Fenner raped Shell. Yvonne doesn’t say yes and doesn’t say no. I guess Yvonne is ruling the roost now that Nikki’s sobbing in her cell. Can’t they share the throne instead?

Helen presses her (more accurately, she tells her to “cut the crap”), and Yvonne admits she doesn’t really know whether Fenner tried anything. She doesn’t much care; he’s a two-timing bastard in her estimation. Helen asks her to clarify the two-timing thing. Yvonne’s referring to his fling with Karen, of course, and Helen furrows her brow when she learns that Yvonne told Shell about said fling on the night of Hollamby’s bash.

Yvonne: [feigning concern] Oops. I do hope I didn’t push Dockley over the edge. I couldn’t live with myself if I thought I had anything to do with Mr. Fenner’s unfortunate accident.
It’s funny, mostly because of the congestion and sniffling. Helen says, “That’ll be all” as dismissively as she can, but I don’t think anyone’s going to put Yvonne in her place anytime soon.

The two Julies are still on this show – Julie S. has a letter from her son. He wants her to attend his school play. Who does crestfallen better than the two Julies? Awww.

Barbara suggests that the Julies apply to be released on some sort of ankle-bracelet program (aka “electronic tagging”). They’ve tried that before but were unsuccessful because they have no permanent address. Nikki encourages them to contact Monica Lindsey, the former con who got out shortly after her son died. It seems Monica now runs a halfway house for ex-cons. Isn’t it nice when you can reach into your bin of former characters and tailor one to fit your latest plot needs?

Never mind all that – look! Nikki still knows how to smile! Helen to the rescue – Miss Stewart rescues Shell from Muppet hell, in exchange for the truth, of course. Helen’s getting more and more disappointed in Karen by the minute, as Shell tells her tale of broken trust and disillusion.

Wait, scratch that “rescue” thing – she doesn’t actually get Shell out of there yet. First Helen has to confront Karen and make sure the story rings true.

Josh is back – He’s working at Larkhall again, I guess. Still don’t care.

The sad truth – Helen has just one question for Karen.

Helen: Are you having a sexual relationship with Jim Fenner?
Karen just exhales slowly and looks glum. Next thing you know, Shell is back on G wing, hugging Denny and declaring her victory over the bastard screws. From the upper level, Hollamby looks down on the reveling and declares, “We’re all out on strike.”

That’ll teach ’em. What and who, exactly, I’m not sure, but surely it’ll teach someone something.

NEXT TIME ON BAD GIRLS: The Julies go on a grand adventure; Karen tries to convince Helen that she still has standards.

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