“Gotham” recap (1.8): Wall Street 3: Murder Never Sleeps

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Welcome back to Gotham, the city where people are apparently murdered by index cards. That’s not a joke; that is literally how someone died on this show. We also don’t get any Renee Montoya in this episode, but we do get drunk Barbara with a gun, which isn’t nearly as much fun as it sounds.

We open with two men, in suits and ski masks, fighting in an abandoned office building. They use office supplies to beat the stuffing out of each other, and one man finally kills the other with that paper guillotine thing you were terrified to use in art class. The next morning, the dead man’s body is found on the Gotham docks.

Bullock and Gordon investigate the crime scene, along with Edward Nigma, the forensics expert/future Riddler. Despite everyone treating him like garbage, Nigma is actually more competent than most Gotham city police officers. He pulls a bitten-off thumb out of the victim’s mouth, and goes to run the prints. It’s Grosstown U.S.A.

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Over on the rich side of town, Oswald accosts a fancy older woman and asks for her broach. Well, first he asks, then he creepily demands. He then takes the broach pin to Fish Mooney as a reconciliation gift. Fish, who is wearing a ruffled collar made of twiglets, agrees with Oswald that there should be no more spilt blood. She then stabs him in the hand with the broach pin and LICKS his blood off the pin. We can now add “contracting Hepatitis” to the list of things/people Fish is not afraid of.

Alfred drops Bruce off at his fancy prep school, reasoning that he should probably get back into the normal childhood swing of things. Bruce would prefer to be homeschooled, but even millionaire orphans can’t escape the daily hell that is P.E. class.

Gordon interviews the mother of Deady McWallStreet, while Bullock and Esson watch him work. Bullock tells Esson that Gordon is still pissed at the entire police force, what with every single one of them leaving him at the mercy of Victor Zsasz. They agree that Gordon needs to get over it because he can’t be a one man police force…despite Gordon doing EXACTLY that for the past eight episodes. Also, didn’t he just get betrayed like, a couple of days ago? He’s gonna need a minute to get over it, guys.

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Meanwhile, Oswald re-gifts the broach pin to his mother, who is worried that the other kids in the “restaurant business” aren’t playing nice. Carol Kane continues to kill it as Mamma Cobblepot, trapping rats with camembert cheese and ratting out schoolmates to the secret police. I would watch the crap out of a Mamma Cobblepot prequel.

Gordon and Bullock shake down a black market surgeon in the filthiest office of all time. They discover the thumbless man’s clothes and the doc tells them that he left a business card from Sionis Investments. Bullock is ready to pursue the lead, but Gordon insists on arresting the doc, who is a known police informant. Turns out that Gordon is still pissed at the GCPD for abandoning him, so he’s going to take down Doctor Snitcherson.

Gordon almost gets into a fight with another cop, but Bullock diffuses the situation. You know things have gone horribly wrong when Bullock is the voice of reason. Bullock tells Gordon that he needs to play along and color within the crooked lines of Gotham, but Gordon refuses to buckle because he likes doing things the hard/impossible way. Again, I want to root for Gordon because he’s so righteous and upstanding, but his character still comes off flatter than the Penguin’s man-bangs.

Gordon comes home to a terrified (and tipsy) Barbara pointing a gun at him. She’s still traumatized from her abduction last week, despite Gordon’s limp promises that he’ll protect her. It seems like the show is trying to use the character of Barbara to humanize Jim, but his lack of care/intimacy with her only serves to do the opposite. Besides, if Renee were there, she’d make sure Barbara had a hot cup of tea, the coziest blankets and the GILMORE GIRLS box set to console her.

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Back at Office Max Pain, we see suited men in cages listening to a man in a samurai mask lecture them…presumably about TPS reports.

Back at school, Bruce is accosted by a bully named Tommy who wants to hear the gory details of the Wayne murders. Bruce walks away, obviously upset. Later on, the boys call him an orphan, and Bruce slaps Tommy across the face. Kid, don’t start a slap fight unless you intend to finish it.

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