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“Grey’s Anatomy” recap (11.5): Real Lesbian Housewives MD of Seattle

Gentle readers, I know that last night’s episode was a real doozy for Calzona shippers. So let’s do what we do best: process.

Arizona’s voiceover starts us off telling us about the “triad of death” which doesn’t exactly give you the warm and fuzzies. She tells us it’s the point of no return and, as she does, images of her and Callie’s past flash before us. Then we see that Callie and Arizona have started therapy, finally. Callie is frustrated that Arizona has, in her eyes, backed away from having another child. Arizona pipes up saying that she didn’t say she didn’t want to have another child, which is technically true, but rather unconvincing. When she speaks up about the fellowship advancing her career, Callie counters with the fact that it’s doing the opposite for their family. The therapist interrupts them, and asks Callie to sit back and let Arizona continue. The room is heavy with resentment and hurt feelings, but most of all, sadness.

In the OR, Arizona works with Dr. Herman on a mother and her newborn child. Arizona keeps looking back and talking to Alex about the baby, but Dr. Hermann snaps at her: “The baby is no longer your patient, pay attention here.” For Arizona, that must feel like the most counter-intuitive thing ever.

Therapy, another day: Arizona has the floor and uses it to tell Callie some of the things she loves about her; her empowering doctor voice, the way she bites her lip when she’s concentrating, how she smiles in her sleep. Callie cuts her off, wanting to know how come Arizona doesn’t tell her these kinds of things more often. Arizona feels that Callie is often trying to speak for her, rather than letting her speak herself. The therapist suggests that they try that little exercise again, without interrupting one another and using their therapy talk to communicate. I feel.

Arizona and Callie work on a patient together, and practice using their “I feel” statements. However, their “polite” bickering makes Jo and Meredith uncomfortable. When Arizona overrides Callie’s recommendation about a child’s surgery, Callie says, “Fine, cut into the kid’s leg.” This sends a flood of memories back of Arizona’s injury and her long road to recovery.

Therapy, sometime later: “It’s not about the leg,” Arizona tells Callie and the therapist, “It was never about the leg.” For Arizona, their troubles started way before that. Back all the way to when she got the grant to go to Africa and Callie was supposed to come along. Arizona felt that she gave up a dream to come back and be with Callie, and when she did come back, Callie was already pregnant. Callie turns to the therapist and explains her bisexuality, which she claims makes Arizona uncomfortable. For Arizona, she felt like she didn’t have any time to figure things out because she was just so damn much in love with Callie. She jumped into an instant family because she didn’t want to lose Callie. Callie assumes this means that Arizona feels like she was stuck with Sofia, a comment which horrifies Arizona: “Don’t you ever say that I don’t love my child, or that I regret my child.” For Arizona, it goes back to her feelings that ultimately, Callie wields the power in the relationship. Arizona can’t make a decision for herself without feeling like a terrible, selfish person. Callie turns cold and brings up Arizona’s infidelity, which was indeed a decision that Arizona made. Walked right into that, Arizona sweetheart. Ugh, you two! For two women in a relationship, you are terrible at processing. Callie decides to end the session, right then and there.

Back at the hospital, Callie is arguing with Jackson and Owen, who want to use a big part of her research budget to perform a reconstructive surgery on a patient. Owen can tell that Callie’s upset about something other than the request, and sits down to hear her out. “I just keep giving and giving and giving,” she says.

Aaaaaaand we are back in therapy. It’s the same conversation. Callie reminds Arizona that’s she’s done everything that she’s asked of her. She stayed after the crash and the cheating. “I do everything for you, Arizona, because I love you.” Love has never been the issue between these two, and that’s why is can be so difficult to watch them struggle. The therapist is all of us, and tells the couple that they aren’t getting anywhere. Time to reset this puppy. She suggests that the two of them spend some time apart. Callie is resistant to the idea, but the therapist points out that they are vastly different souls than they were when they first fell in love. She tells them that couples often seek out therapy to either save their relationship, or for one person to gather the courage to end it. That though makes Callie tense up, especially when Arizona shows some hesitancy. Arizona ultimately agrees with the therapist and requests a thirty day break. Originally, she wanted a much longer one but doesn’t think Callie would go for it. Callie can’t believe this is all happening. She compares it to a reality show, “The Real Lesbian Housewives MD of Seattle” which, I think we can all agree, we’d be obsessed with. That means no talking, no spending time together, and no intimacy. (Together or with anyone else.)

Day 1: Callie can literally not even last a day without breaking the no talking rule. She wants to shut the whole thing down, but Arizona is committed to the break. At the hospital, Callie works on a young woman names Emily (played by Carole Weyers of Mahnattan) who has gotten her arm caught in a pasta machine. She needs surgery on the arm, but Emily is worried that she won’t be healed in time to enroll in culinary school. In Arizona’s world, she speaks to the parents of a little boy whose esophagus grew into two pieces instead of one. She proposes a surgery to fix it, but it will involve putting the boy in a medically induced coma. She lets them know that Alex will be taking over their case, and assures them that their child is in a good hands. Alex actually wants to do a different surgery but agrees to do what Arizona has suggested.

Dr. Hermann, who is meeting with a patient, pages Arizona. She arrives late and we meet Dr. Graham, who is also under Dr. Herman’s fellowship and is a total kiss ass. The patient is worried because her fetus needs in-utero surgery to repair its heart, but Dr. Herman is kind of the best at this sort of thing. Even if she is awful. They get into the OR and Dr. Herman continues to give Arizona some serious shit. Afterwards, because she wants to practice the procedure, Arizona sends poor Stephanie to talk to Callie about switching up their Sofia schedule. Callie sends a not-so-cordial message back to Arizona with her. Meredith overhears Callie, as she waits for an ortho consult. They have a patient who has been in remission from cancer, but came in with hip pain. There is now a tumor on his femur. They will have to go in and replace the hip. Meredith then tells Callie she knows the score. Her spouse isn’t exactly speaking to her either and everything is a mess. It somehow brings Callie a small sense of relief.

That evening, as Callie tucks Sophia in, she hears laughter and commotion in the kitchen. April is over, making “jello moms” for Arizona to practice on. Callie is fuming, and starts drinking wine straight out of the bottle.

Day 10: Arizona is doing a bang up job with Dr. Hermann that day, successfully repositioning the fetus. When Herman offers her the chance to do the needle placement, she demurs, saying that she’s love too but isn’t quite ready. Herman actually appreciates her honesty about her limitations. She ends up getting the lead on the next surgery anyway. Not doing so well is Callie’s patient Emily, who is in agony ten days out of surgery. Her bloodwork is fine, but she’s getting these painful shocks a few times a minute. Callie is at a loss. She closes herself in the supply room and tosses some surgical bowls on the floor for good measure. Meredith also happens to be in the room. After a moment of awkwardness, Meredith asks if Callie is on call. She isn’t, so Meredith has a idea.

Tequila. The two saddle up to a bar and Callie explains the separation. Meredith and Derek are doing basically the same thing, but without the guidance of a therapist. They bond over shots.

Callie: So I’m bisexual! So what! It’s a thing, and it’s real. I mean, it’s called LGBTQ for a reason. There’s a B in there, and it doesn’t mean badass. OK, it kinda does, but it also means bi.
*She’s not wrong here, and as one of the few bisexual characters out there, she said what needed to be said. There isn’t enough support for the bisexual women in our community. No one loses lesbian street cred for supporting the bisexual women in our lives, even if they are fictional characters.

They talk about Ellis and Richard, and Callie’s track record of getting cheated on. Then Meredith drops a truth bomb so big, it makes you want to dance it out.

Meredith: Cristina was the third rail in our marriage. Dangerous, fully charged, could kill us. But necessary for us to keep going. She got me. You think it’s possible that the one true love in my life is a girl?

Callie: Did you get excited by her vagina? Meredith: No. Callie: Then no. Meredith: Good point. (starts to sing) Vah giii naaah. Callie: (also singing) Va-gi-na. Meredith: Sing it. (They do) It’s a weird word. Callie: I think it sounds pretty. People should say it more. Oh god, I miss sex.

Meredith: I’m hot. My husband’s an idiot.

God this scene was one of the best things that have ever happened on Grey’s. It was like, my whole life, I’ve just been waiting for Callie and Meredith to get wasted and bond. However, I do disagree with Meredith and Callie about what constitutes true love. There are many soul mates out there who don’t share a sexual attraction. Meredith and Cristina were the love story of Grey’s.

Callie arrives home, preeeeeetty tanked. She goes into Arizona’s room, and they kiss, definitely breaking the rules. A hungover Callie admits to the kiss while in her solo therapy session. Their little transgression has set them back to the beginning.

Day 1 (let’s try this again): Arizona is hovering over Alex, as he works with the little esophagus boy. As he turns the surgically implanted knobs to close the gap in esophagus, it snaps off in his hand. They have to break the news to the parents. Alex is angry at Arizona for pushing him into a surgery that he doesn’t stand by.

Day 16: Meredith and Callie work on David, their hip replacement patient. Meredith asks how the “break” is going, but Callie doesn’t want anyone else to know, so Meredith refers to is a her “diet” instead.

Meredith: No more later night binges?

Callie: Well, I almost had a cheeseburger, but then I didn’t, so. That was rough because I like cheeseburgers. God. I miss cheeseburgers. Meredith: Derek wants a cheeseburger, every single night. I told him he can’t have one until the end of the year, so he should just go and sleep on the couch. You’re lucky. At least your diet has an end date. Thirty days, right? Imagine how good that cheeseburger is going to taste when your diet is done. Callie: Whoooa. Meredith: Did I go too far?

So, by cheeseburgers, they mean (sing with me) Vah-giiiiii-nahhhh? Thank your TGIT, because cheeseburger is this week’s Eiffel Tower. Anyway, back to surgery. David’s hip is a total mess and they can’t do the replacement after all. They explain to the patient’s wife what has happened, and Meredith promises they will figure out a better solution. Meredith suggests they go out and get there cheeseburger on! (Quick, write this fanfiction!) Oh sorry, she means an actual cheeseburger. The pickle somehow sparks an idea in Callie’s brain and she now knows how to help David, by splitting his bone.

That night, Arizona finds that Callie has not returned home. She panics, bringing about an emergency break in the…well, break. She tells the therapist that she suspected Callie of sleeping with someone else. The thought of this really upset Arizona. Then she worried that something had happened to Callie, so she tracks her down at the hospital. Callie explains that she was with Meredith, and is unabashedly tickled that Arizona was jealous. The therapist reminds her that it’s not exactly the healthiest thing to be feeling, but Callie still feels pretty good. Maybe this break is working after all.

Day 29: Meredith and Callie kick ass at their surgery on David. Cheeseburgers for everyone! A call comes through for Callie, paging her to the ER. It’s Emily, who tried to kill herself by driving her car into a tree. The pain is just too much. Callie bursts into tears, and Derek follows her out into the hallway. Callie feels terribly guilty. “It’s my fault that I can’t stop the pain,” she sobs to Derek. Derek takes a look at the scans and determines that Emily has little cysts on her spine that are causing spinal epilepsy, which explains the painful shocks. It’s a risky surgery, but Derek can do it.

Arizona finds Amelia and Dr. Hermann chatting about Addison and her two year old son, and how she’s a judge now. Not a very good one, though. Kind of a bad one. Anyway, Arizona stops by to chat and finds out that she is not welcome. Dr. Hermann shoos her away, after telling Arizona that she will take lead on the next fetal surgery.

In Emily’s surgery, Derek assures Callie that she’s not at fault for missing the cysts. “It’s not your fault, ” he tells her. “This problem goes much deeper than anything you could have seen, or could have controlled. It’s not your fault at all.” Welp. Words of wisdom from Derek, often carry bigger meanings. That night, Callie watches Arizona practice on her jello moms. Arizona is stressed, and Callie approaches her and begins rubbing her neck. They soon move to the bedroom, where they break the rules (and promise not to tell their therapist) and begin having sex. Damn, why’d you have to move to the 8pm slot, Grey’s. All we see are some blurry shadows as Callie slides down the bed. People get rimmed on HTGAWM! I call shenanigans.

Day 30: Arizona gets a big shocker when she finds herself unprepared for her fetal surgery, that’s been bumped up a day. When Arizona hesitates before inserting the needle, Dr. Herman pulls her from the surgery. Later, she reads Arizona the riot act, warning her that her next mistake will be her last.

Emily is doing much better and Callie and Derek are basking in the glow of a life saved and made better. Emily’s words of not feeling sorry for herself, and freedom from pain, have an effect on Callie. Her hip patient David is also doing much better. Meredith asks how she feels about Day 30, and Callie admits that she’s nervous. Meredith pledges to be there for cheeseburgers (the real kind) and tequila if she ever needs it.

“Once the chaos subsides, we have to go back,” Callie’s voiceover tells us, taking the reigns from Arizona. “We have to ask ourselves, can this body be put back together?” As Callie and Arizona sit down in their therapy session, Arizona begins first. She’s ready to re-commit to their marriage. “I love you Calliope. Life without you, terrifies me. ” She goes on to say that nothing else makes sense and she needs Callie. Callie cries, and surprises the hell out of Arizona and her therapist, with what she says next.

Callie: The last 30 days have taught me so much. All I wanted when we first came here was to leave together. But from the minute I sat down I could feel it. I felt like I was going to be suffocated. (Arizona is crestfallen.) The last several weeks, I have laughed more. I have done more. I have enjoyed myself more than…and I finally feel free. I can see know that constantly trying to fix us is the thing that’s been killing me slowly. I don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t want to fix it, or fix us anymore. Maybe instead of loving you so hard, I should be myself for a while. I should love me.

With that, Callie ends her relationship with Arizona. She promises to co-parent Sofia with love in her heart. But what they have, isn’t enough. Callie wants more for the both of them.

Callie’s voiceover: No matter how hard we try Arizona’s voiceover: We have to realize… Callie’s voiceover: …some things just can’t be fixed.
I think what has always been so hard to swallow about Callie and Arizona’s troubles, is that they were never about not loving each other. The love is deep and passionate, and it cuts us to the core to think that love simply isn’t enough. It shatters everything we hold dear for our own happy endings. But sometimes love isn’t enough. Not if it makes you feel like you are crushing yourself to fit someone else’s mold, or stretching yourself beyond resistance to hold things together. We’ve followed Calzona for five years of pizza dates, near death experiences and things that would have broken any ordinary couple. They lasted as long as they did because they fought like hell to love each other. It’s incredibly sad to see a longtime couple fall apart, especially when they represent so much to our community. And you can rage, and cry and be really fucking upset about it. Don’t ever feel bad about that. Never feel bad about that because all it means is that your capacity to love reaches beyond the things that are expected of you. Your heart is bigger and better for being a fan. A shipper. Whatever you want to call yourself. Mourn this, because it has earned the right to be mourned.

Here are some of our favorite #GreysGays tweets from last night’s episode, Bend or Break.

 

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