TV

“Survivor’s Remorse” recap (1.2): Getting off track

In the second episode of Survivor’s Remorse, Cam Calloway learns that his newfound fame and fortune comes with a price. Not only does he have to attend charity galas and event premieres to create publicity for his team, he also has to be responsible for the kind of attention he and his family gets as a result of these functions.

Cam and Uncle Julius are chowing down on some gourmet grub from the bomb ass sandwich place down the block, when Cousin Reg and his high-maintenance wife Missy show up in formal wear. Reg urges Cam to put his pants on, but Cam explains that his pants are being held hostage in his room where his mom and sister are getting ready. Cam laments about how much money he had to shell out for their designer dresses and asks Reg if he really has to go to the event. Reg reminds Cam that he signed a contract agreeing to attend 25 events a year and that if he doesn’t show up he will be fined $50,000.

“Nine digit contracts come with some strings attached. Tonight is one of those strings,” Reggie explains.

Though Cam claims it costs him the same amount to clothe himself and his entourage for the night, he manages to get dressed and out the door.

Before they hit the red carpet, M-Chuck announces that she and Uncle Julius are on the prowl for the night. Reggie asks when isn’t she on the prowl and she responds, “When I’m on the shitter.” Then she thinks about it and changes her mind. “No wait. That ain’t true. Because if I sit down and things ain’t moving too fast, I’m scrolling for sexting partners.”

“My niece the multi-tasker!” Uncle Julius says proudly.

M-Chuck and Julius compare goals for the night. While M-Chuck is shooting for a woman with a 26 inch waist and a 34 inch shelf, Uncle Julius will be satisfied if the woman he hooks up with has a full mouth of teeth.

The Calloway family hit the town and both Cam and his mother, Cassie, are interviewed on the red carpet. Cassie Calloway is asked how she managed to raise such a charming man. Cassie’s secret? Whoopings.

Cassie spanked Cam to keep him in line when he was a kid. Not just with her hand, but with belts, hot wheel tracks and extension cords out of the junk drawer. The interview takes an awkward turn as Momma Calloway explains in detail how spanking Cam helped shape him into the man he is today. But she doesn’t seem to notice. She’s enjoying a little slice of that “Oprah life” as she calls it; She’s enjoying being in the spotlight.

Meanwhile, Uncle Julius begins talking up a beautiful young woman who admits to being a “fame whore” looking to get close to Cam. Uncle Julius praises her for her honesty and give her offers her some truth in return. He informs her that if she wants the privilege of having private time with Cam she had to earn it by spending private time with Uncle Julius. She agrees to give Julius a “taste” of her “sundae” and they disappear for the rest of the night.

The next day, Reggie gets a call from team owner Jimmy Flaherty who is pissed about all the negative publicity Cassie Calloway’s comments have caused. He’s received emails and phone calls, conversations about her controversial statements are trending on twitter, and Mattel has even issued an official statement saying that hot wheel tracks are intended for playing with miniature cars only. What’s worse is that the charity event they were attending last night was a fundraiser to benefit Emily’s House, named for a five-year old girl who was beaten so badly that she now has to wear a helmet to keep her brains in. Flaherty orders Reggie to have Cassie apologize at a press conference he has set up for 2:00 pm that day.

Reggie goes to speak to Cam but he doesn’t feel like an apology is necessary. Cam is willing to release a statement but is not about to go against his mother. Reggie is forced to go to his Aunt’s condo to convince her to say a few words of contrition; M-Chuck opens the door in her underwear. As she says goodbye to her overnight guest, we get the impression that she had a good night. “I love you so much,” she says.

Reggie comes into the living room and tries to reason with Cassie about taking back what she said at the charity event the night before, but she refuses to attend the press conference. She was just being honest and real and believes that other people are just being too sensitive: “A lot of people say they don’t whoop anymore. But a lot of people act different when the doors are closed, and they’re tired and the little shits is running around acting up.”

“What is Fuck Face trying to get you to do now?” M-Chuck asks as she enters the living room.

Reggie explains that Mr. Flaherty is upset about what her mother said on the red carpet, M-Chuck responds, “Mr. Flaherty can suck my drawer of vibrating dicks.”

“Do you have a personal goal on how much profanity you use in a day?” Cassie asks.

“Yes,” M-Chuck answers matter-of-factly. Then she goes out for a run to sweat off her hangover.

Reggie offers to pay Cassie $50,000 to apologize, she slaps him in the face. He offers her $75,00 and she tells him never to bring the subject up to her again and goes into her room. Mr. Flaherty isn’t pleased to hear that Cassie has refused to attend a press conference at 2pm but gives Reggie another chance to deliver the mea culpa. He pushes the press conference to 5pm and makes it clear that Reggie better get Cassie there. Reggie gets off the phone and notices an Oprah magazine on the coffee table. He gets an idea.

Meanwhile, Cam is out shopping when he runs into some fans – a father and his young son. The father seems very excited to meet Cam, but the kid is less than enthused. We begin to understand why when the father explains that just that morning he was inspired Cassie had said the night before and decided to hit his son to get him to behave. He was so pleased with the results that he has decided to spank his boy from now on. It works so much better than giving him a time-out or using sticker charts.

When Cam returns home he finds his mother adding some plants to his patio, in an attempt to make it a serene oasis. Cam tells his Mom that he thinks that they need to walk back what she said on the red carpet the night before. Cassie resists. She claims that he turned out well due to those spankings, but Cam is appalled that other kids are now being beaten in his name.

Reggie joins Cam and Cassie on the patio with big news. Oprah Winfrey is doing a show on the perils of parental discipline due to the controversy that Cassie words have sparked. She’s inviting Emily, the little girl in the helmet, Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, Dr. Bill Cosby and wants to know if Cassie would appear on the show.

Cut to: Cassie stands at a podium in an Olivia Pope-inspired peplum dress begging parents not to follow in her misguided ways. She explains that she didn’t know any better back when Cam was a kid, but if she could do it all over again, she would parent differently. She cries into the microphone, her two children behind her on either side. Reggie and Missy stand beyond all the cameras. Missy asks Reggie what he is going to do when Cassie finds out that he lied about Oprah. “Duck,” he says. He knows that he’s about to get a beat down.

Cassie finishes her statement, hugs her kids and then walks away from the podium to hug Reggie. She pulls him in close and informs him that she wants $100,000 for her statement. Oh, and she knows that he lied about Oprah, but expects that after the performance she just pulled off, Oprah will be calling real soon. Reggie can’t play Cassie. She was born a hustler. She smiles and kisses him on the cheek for the cameras and then walks away with her children.

Uncle Julius is about to join them when a beautiful, young woman stops him. Does he know Cam Calloway, she wants to know? And more importantly, does he know how she can get close to him? Uncle Julius asks if she likes ice cream. It looks like Uncle Julius is about to get another taste.

Later that night, Cam and Reggie are smoking out on the patio and reminiscing about all the trouble they got into as kids and all the spankings that were inflicted upon them. They admit that they probably deserved most of them. They each grab a length of hot wheel track and take turns hitting each other for old times sake.

I’ll admit that sometimes it’s hard to get past some of the sexism and misogyny written into the show, but it does have its funny moments. And Tichina Arnold is killing it in this role! Are you watching Survivor’s Remorse? What do you think so far?

Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Back to top button