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“Transparent” recap (1.10): Why Do We Cover the Mirrors?

As the last episode of this first season of Transparent begins, (which was just officially renewed for a second season!) we’re treated to a beautiful rendition of Heart‘s “Dreamboat Annie” by Bianca (Kiersey Clemens) and Margeaux (Clementine Creevy of Cherry Glazerr). Poor Ed has passed away, though I’m not totally sure it was at the hands of Shelly and Maura-he got out of the house and perhaps went his own way. I’ve been to many a Jewish funeral where there are various traditions. We cover the mirrors during a shiva-a Jewish mourning in one’s home, to take away the vanity of checking in on our appearances, our mundane concerns about the reflection of our image. In other words: At a shiva (which by the way, means “seven”-the number of days of intense grieving) death should be mourned without vanity, without concern for self. Can the Pfefferman’s be one with this tradition?

The stage is set at the cemetery and everyone has gathered to pay their last respects to Ed. The pallbearers gather around to carry him onto the plot, but Tammy decides it looks a little heavy for one of the girls in the back after giving up a spot to Len, so she wedges in behind Ali, who shoots her a look, like, “Are you kidding me, Tammy?” I want to know how Tammy grew up and why she’s such a go-getting overzealous butch about things sometimes. Maura and Davina show up with the service already in full swing, in A WHITE LIMO. An ’80s style white limo. I feel like this is a scene from Sister Act II. But once again, per usual, I love Maura’s candor and her ability to just softly enter any scene with a wave and an a simple, “Hi, everybody.”

The casket is lowered and Josh and Shelly take to the shovels to toss some dirt in the hole (another Jewish tradition). Josh leans in and asks his mom if everyone is looking at Dad, but Shelly doesn’t give a shit-“Does it matter?” She asks, followed by her quick, brassy goodbye to her longtime lover. “See ya, Ed!” I can’t help but laugh.

Syd finds Ali kneeling down by some tombstones after the service ends, attempting to cut her tie. She explains to Syd that it’s a Jewish tradition, to cut one’s tie at a funeral. Syd offers to help Ali cut it, and they continue sitting there after in awkward silence. They both see Josh over yonder with Rabbi Raquel, his newest “I’m in love with you” girl. And Ali asks Syd if Josh ever told him he loved her. Syd goes off on a monologue about serial killers wanting to see that certain look of fear in your eye, comparing the concept of death to Josh’s ideas of love. But Ali is over this topic-she claims she doesn’t care anymore. But that doesn’t mean she wants to have Syd come to the shiva. She isn’t sure what to do with Syd yet.

As everyone gathers for shiva at the Pfefferman house, Maura greets people at the doorway. A niece thinks she’s doing “Uncle Maura” a favor by letting her know there’s a little boy in her class who “suffers from the same condition.” Oh, bitch, move on. Shelly is running around in a panic over there not being enough mustard. (She’s brought a giant vat of Costco-sized mustard because “everyone loves mustard.”) There was probably a coupon with the bulk Ensure, too. Shelly, in this moment, and in every moment, reminds me so dearly of my Dad’s ex-wife. Take that how you will. Tammy, evermore the ringleader, tries to rally the troops and get everyone quiet and seated-offering that everyone go around in a circle and share a memory of Ed. It’s not really anyone’s cup of grape juice, but they go along, and an eager Tiffany (Ali Liebegott), one of the security guards at Shelly and Ed’s community who we first saw helping Ali try to find a missing Ed, shares a poem by Rumi.

Meanwhile, Ali and Rabbi Raquel take to covering the mirrors with sheets found in the linen closet. But I can see where this is going-they start talking about Josh. Raquel tells Ali how unbelievably happy she is, and I’m pulling for Ali to see this as a good thing-that she has nothing to worry about with Syd and Josh, and that perhaps Josh has actually found something real for once. Instead, as Ali leans her head against the mirror in a totally not ironic way at all, still salty from the wounds, she gives Raquel an extra dose of truth about her brother Josh-maybe he’s not quite a sex/love addict, but he’s got fucked up issues with women-Raquel looks horrified but thankful to know the truth, and they place the sheet over the mirror in silence.

Len and Sarah escape the awkward sharing moment Tammy orchestrated in the living room and run off to the laundry room. Oh, boy. It all goes south (no pun intended) so quickly when Len offers that perhaps Sarah misses his “cock.” She says “sometimes,” and then defends the evolution of dildos. Still, the tension is rising (no pun intended, seriously) and Len pushes Sarah down trouser. It all seems so weird and backwards-this is how Sarah and Tammy got their restart. It’s almost pathetic. Len tells her he loves her and doesn’t want this to be a secret, “Just because you’re from this family doesn’t mean you have to be like this family,” he says straight-faced. With that, they part ways from the Pfefferman laundry room. Did Sarah hear that the way we all did? To me, that’s a mega-insult. Go find your pen, Len.

Josh realizes that Raquel is trying to get away and hurries outside to see what all the fuss is about. One of the first things out of his mouth is, “Hey, I love you.” As if that’s supposed to be the cure-all here. Raquel doesn’t buy it. Not after what she heard from Ali. But Josh doesn’t know who she heard what from. He keeps reiterating to her that this is a big deal-that he loves someone, because that’s never happened before. I’m starting to understanding something even more complex about dear young, naïve, manipulative Josh. He thinks that love is simply saying it-like the letters he’s kept all this time in cereal boxes from Rita, like when he found out Kaya was pregnant with his baby and he rationalized that marriage was the best ticket. His world of love is all fantasy, and Raquel is a realist.

Josh runs back inside after Raquel ditches him for good to find former babysitter Rita standing in the hallway. What he doesn’t get is how far he stuck his foot in his mouth by rattling off all the possible girls who could’ve spilled his Cheerios to Raquel. Must be Rita! Ah, but who’s this? Rita has a boy with her, whom everyone just assumes is her latest young boy toy. Nope-it’s Josh’s assumed biological son. Say what? This would mean that when Josh was roughly 14 or 15 years old, he got Rita pregnant and she birthed their son, Colton (Alex MacNicoll).

In the kitchen, Tammy finds Sarah exiting the laundry room and asks her why she has such a funny look on her face. “I think we should get married,” says Sarah. Yeah, yeah-I totally assumed she would ask that. (Sarcasm.) What is Sarah thinking? Tammy just grins and laughs and shakes her head. Life is one big merry-go-round for Tam. Forget this funeral-the woman’s already imagining how the house will look for a wedding. It would just really open up.

Down in the living room, Maura is sharing with the group a story from elementary school, about standing in the girls line and it feeling right. The looks on Shelly and Judy’s faces are classic-Shelly excuses herself to “pish.” (That’s Yiddish for “piss.”) As the funeral winds down, Josh is just winding up with the news that he might have a son. He’s learning all about Colton in the backyard, who seems so innocent and excited to talk to his birth father for the first time. But Josh simply has to let him know how fucked up he is. “I’m not sure you’re gonna like me,” Josh says. “No matter what happens, I’m always going to like you,” Colton responds. Now that-that’s a kind of love Josh has never known.

Ali isn’t done for the day, not yet-she has a question for mom. Why was her Bat Mitzvah cancelled? Shelly tells her the true reason why: Dad went to “dress-up camp in the woods.” Ali marches into the sitting area where everyone is carrying on and confronts Maura. We all know how Maura masterminded that weekend back in 1994, to make sure she could go, we all know that Ali was perfectly capable of reciting her Torah, but Maura decides she won’t see through that and explains she left the decision up to Ali.

The discussion turns to money, and things just get messier and messier-Ali chucking money in Maura’s face, telling her she doesn’t need the handouts. But, she so does! And Maura knows it. She has to wonder, if it weren’t for the money, did Ali ever even like her? Ali storms out with tears in her eyes. Shelly, ever so considerate and (for once) quiet, comes to Maura’s rescue, carefully removing the money from her dress and hair and fixing her up. I love them together as ex partners, they totally respect and stand behind each other now that they can be themselves.

Night has fallen on the Pfefferman house, and here’s an image we’ve seen earlier in the season only in flashbacks-the entire Pfefferman family around the dinner table, Shelly, Maura, Sarah, and in walks Josh, who has Colton alongside him. “Who is he?” Shelly asks. Josh isn’t quite ready to share that news; he needs a few bites of chopped liver first. Colton offers a prayer, and even though it’s out of Jewish tradition to say a prayer before a meal, everyone is down for it anyway. I mean, hey, it’s been a whole day of traditions, why not bring a new one into the mix. Suddenly a familiar, sullen face comes walking in from out of left stage. It’s Ali (Ali, Ali McNally!) I want to start chanting with Shelly and maybe we can add in, “What does the doctor say? What does the doctor say?” I have a soft spot in my heart for Ali, even after that terribly awful fight she had with Maura.

This moment is a true testament to the Pfeffermans. Everyone saw how shitty Ali was acting, but they welcome her back in with open arms anyway. Especially Maura. She reluctantly walks over and grabs a strand of her sister’s hair to join in the circle of prayer. After Colton finishes, he says, “In Jesus’ name, we pray.” And Maura responds in kind, like any good Jew would. “Oy gevalt.” Translation: Oh, God!

You can put the sheet over the mirror, but you can’t take the vanity out of Josh Pfefferman. No mirror can show Josh how painfully unaware he has been-he’s had a grown son all this time and yet he thought the extent of his concern lay in whether or not he could ever keep a girl around, playing fiddle to her life choices: Kaya wanting to have an abortion, Raquel hoping her eggs don’t die-and Josh at the center of it all, assuming his every move will somehow aid them in their quests. You can go behind closed doors for a secret blowjob with your recent ex who you’re now cheating on with your girlfriend who you cheated on your ex with, but you still have to sit with that shame and own up to the possibility that you have false images in your mind about what’s principal to your true self. You can assume you’re doing your brother’s girlfriend a big favor by outing his fucked up-ness, when all you’re really doing is being self-serving because you are unwilling to settle the shitstorm with Syd, your best friend, and you only want to stew in your own sadness. No-none of the Pfeffermans need to look into a mirror to see what’s right in front of them. But someone please hand Maura a hand mirror or something-girl’s got lox stuck in her teeth.

I love when a season ends with a big gathering-a wedding, a birthday, a graduation, or in this case, a funeral. A Jewish tradition I love has to do with the part after a funeral, when you go to visit the grave of the person who passed. You leave a rock or a stone of some kind on their grave to signify that you were there. It has a more permanent message than leaving flowers, which wither and die. Season One’s finish leaves plenty of cliffhangers for next season. What will become of Ali? What kind of transformation is she going through? Will she patch things up with Syd? How will the Pfeffermans take to Josh’s surprise news of a son? How will this effect the stories we’ve already been told about Josh’s relationship with Rita back when he was a teenager? Are Sarah and Tammy really going to get married, or will the laundry room tryst with Len be outed? What will Shelly do with all her free time now? Will Maura stay at the spicy, lively Shangri-La and continue to meet new people and connect even further into the transgender community?

How will everyone’s dynamics change-the dancing duo, Ali and Josh-they’re bond is broken because of Syd. Then there’s Maura and Josh-who has yet to accept that his father is a woman, and that’s perfectly okay. There’s always a cycle with this crowd. For all we know, Ali and Josh could be back to dancing to “Barracuda” in no time. And so this concludes our first glance into the cabinet of Pfefferman family secrets. See you next season!

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