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“Transparent” recap (1.9): Looking Up

It’s obvious why 1994 is the seminal year for the flashbacks throughout the season-it was the foundation for Maura transformation into her true self, including her admission to Shelly that she attended a cross-dressing camp. She has hopes that Shelly could even conceive of attending with her next year. Shelly is flabbergasted at the idea of straight men parading around in dresses. The truth is she’s just done.

In the aftermath of the Josh/Bianca pool and pot evening, Tammy has Sarah flushing her newly purchased medical marijuana down the drain. Tammy mentions the fact that she’s an addict, and though cocaine was her pick of the trade, anything in the house that could be a trigger for her is bad news. Sarah obliges and apologizes. Tammy can be a little bit overdramatic but I’m glad it’s all she can do to let out a chuckle as Sarah flushes the last of her bud. Meanwhile, Bianca is kicked out of the house for her bad behavior and hopes she can take up couch residency at Josh’s pad for a few nights. He’s down, so long as she doesn’t fuck with his vinyls.

While Maura and Shelly are getting cozy at Shelly’s place, quietly figuring out what to do with Ed, who is now in a hospice situation where he’s seemingly at his end, Sarah takes the kids over to Len’s where she vents about Tammy’s mod style and how much she misses her plush couch (and her plush kush.) Len whips out a vaporizer pen, because, duh, Len smokes, too, and apparently after years and years of marriage, Sarah never knew. Or maybe it’s just a new thing he’s trying out. Either way, Sarah’s wheels start turning. Upstairs in the old marital bedroom, the two get stoned off Len’s pen. (Ew.) Len has a hot date with his secretary, Melanie Torez. Sarah wants all the details-especially on her tits, and if Len’s wanted to “toss it in” for the last four years she’s been working for him. Len gives up the goods and explains they’re small-ish, and Sarah asks if he couldn’t handle her big boobs. Len throws back a little sarcasm. And then Sarah rolls over, grabbing herself and shouting:

Sarah: Tammy loves these mammerjammers! Len: Tammy and I agree on one thing, well, we agree on two things-both of your tits.

Over at Syd’s (Carrie Brownstein) place, she’s making fancy coffee while hearing about Ali’s warped night with Dale. She believes Ali went there to learn-and while Syd is a tactile learner, she calls Ali a “vaginal” learner. Ew. “You have to stick stuff in there in order to understand it, that’s what it seems like, at least,” she adds for good measure. Keep pouring. In fact, I don’t know-pour something into Ali’s vagina while you’re at it, Syd. I full-heartedly believe it’s your turn to teach Ali about you. Things get weird when Syd fesses up to Ali that the Heart record sitting there at the table is actually Josh’s-remember, she swiped it on her way out after they boned down. She can’t lie to her best friend, so finally, it just comes out-and now Ali knows the ugly truth. Syd and Josh had a minor thing, a momentary lapse in judgment, a sexual fling that Syd only intended to keep in her Pfefferman cabinet of family secrets. Ali’s reaction is strong-she’s hurt. But why? I mean, I get it-that’s damn gross. But is her hurt something more?

The whole thing gets even worse, because Syd decides to unload on Ali-about how Ali has never been a good friend to her, inviting her up to school only to leave Syd alone while she went off with some guy, or ditching her when Syd provided the MDMA, but she would have rather spit roasted than hang with Syd in Joshua Tree. Ali goes on the defense, saying, “I don’t know why you’re acting like some jealous girlfriend.” Funny you should mention that.

Syd explains that she just feels terrible constantly, and they sit down and lowers her voice with the ultimate of confessions. it’s obvious this moment has so little to do with Josh; this is about Syd. She admits to having more-than-friends feelings for Ali. YES. Syd has feelings for Ali! And she literally doesn’t know why Ali has never noticed those feelings before. Ali is still confused about why, if Syd has more-than-friends feelings for her did she sleep with her brother. Fair enough. But we all know that was a one-time thing that Syd probably did out of frustration-or maybe she’s just as fucked up as Ali. She tugs at Ali’s ear and asks if maybe Ali has the same feelings, but the girl needs time. She feels a betrayal has taken place. She just doesn’t know how to process the hurt, and why it hurts so much.

Back in 1994, we see Maura show herself to Shelly for the first time. She’s dressed to the nines in a purple skirt and jacket set, with beads on the shoulders and her shoulder-length blonde bob. Shelly asks how long this has been Maura-if it was her when they first met, or her on their wedding night, and Maura says without hesitation, with total knowing: Yes. Shelly throws in the towel and tells Maura she’s finished. The wound is fresh and the moment is brand new for both of them-which is why I love the juxtaposition of our current state of affairs (though I’m terribly sad for poor Ed) because Maura and Shelly have long since made peace with how things are. They’ve come a long way, baby.

Over at the Pfefferman house, Tammy is planting two bright burnt orange chairs in the new living room while Sarah lounges on the hard (so not plush) couch (without her kush.) Tammy loves enthusiasm and throwing celebratory punches in the air-it’s like her go-to lesbian move. (That and hiking up her pant legs.) So, when Sarah realizes she doesn’t sound convincing enough, she just lays it on thick, but dead pan for Tam: “I fucking love it, I wanna fuck that chair.” As she keeps munching on her Whole Foods trail mix, or whatever, Sarah brings up Len and his Melanie Torez date and Tammy questions if she’s jealous. Sarah swears she’s just venting, buuut yeah she’s sort of, kind of jealous. And anyway, Tam totally gets it…

Tammy: I know a little something about being jealous because people have been jealous of me my entire life.
This is Sarah saying, “Where’s Len’s pen when I need it?” Over at Josh’s love pad, his latest lady isn’t Bianca, Tammy’s ex’s teenage stepdaughter, or that long forgotten Asian real estate agent, no-of course, it’s Rabbi Raquel, who he’s managed to reel once again, after standing her up to play slip and slide with Bianca. Oh Raquel, you so keep ignoring your very real and very important women’s intuition about what a jerk Josh Pfefferman is.

Ali is pretty hot when she’s mad. It’s reality. She confronts Josh outside of Shelly’s house after the gang arrives to find Ed in poor health and Maura there by Shelly’s side making Arnold Palmers-because in times of trouble, the Jews need to stay hydrated. (Remember, I can say these things, I was raised Jewish.) Anyway, Josh is like, “Don’t fucking worry, I’m in love with Rabbi Raquel.” And ain’t that just the funniest thing Ali’s ever heard? He’s in love! Josh, the serial dater and obsession riddled lost boy, has found true love. It’s a scream. Ali’s fuming, burning a whole in Josh’s head with her eyes-making me think she’s got it bad for Syd.

Ali jets, but the rest of the Pfeffermans have a murder to plot-I mean, Ed’s peaceful passing. Shelly truly believes he is at his end. She breaks down and expresses her aloneness, a vulnerable moment the kids don’t take too seriously, as if they are used to their mother’s embellishments and diatribes. Part of me wants to believe in Shelly though, the glue of the family who always has to hold things together. The idea is that they can crush pills and feed them into Ed’s IV and he’ll die. Ali is way against this, because she’s always cared more for Ed than the other kids and she sees he’s just as normal as he’s ever been, at least lately.

In a flashback, we see Ed circa 1994, talking and telling jokes-waving his arms around next to a doting wife, Shelly, the kids staring on from the couch in a daze because this is their mom’s new man. As the episode ends and I realize the next one is the last of the season, I’m starting to imagine how Season 2 will look, and how desperately I need to know about how 1995 and 1996 were, how Sarah and Tammy were in college, how Josh and Rita fell apart, how Ali met Syd, how Maura and Shelly navigated their divorce, how Maura became more and more acquainted with herself.

Ready for the finale? Lez do this. And by “lez do this” I mean-Ali and Syd should replace the hot lesbian couple of the hour because Sarah and Tammy need to call it a quits!

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