It dawns on me early on that what Maura said about her kids in the pilot holds true-I’m not entirely sure we’re supposed to like any of them. In so many ways I love each of them because they’re so damn entertaining, but imagine if we were face-to-face with Josh’s antics? I wouldn’t be charmed. And not just because I’m an intuitive lesbian. At the start of the episode, he’s already bedded another lady, a real estate agent he picks up at a club (and I can hear Syd’s voice echoing about him really not wanting to be alone). Sarah and Tammy’s honeymoon phase is so weird-regardless of Tammy’s commitment issues, there’s also Sarah talking about the kids’ summer camp plans. I want to step in and tell her to slow her roll for a moment; before she scares off the former college co-op girlfriend who it didn’t work out with the first time around.
Suspiciously, Shelly/mom (Judith Light) admits to Ali that Ed is missing. Instead of going out and looking for him, she’s cleaning out her fridge of Greek yogurt (her “last stop before the Ensure train”), and mentions a Rabbi is coming over later so she has to keep Ed’s status a secret otherwise she’ll be the “talk of the temple.” She says Ali will have to search without her because she can’t cancel a doctor’s appointment she waited for three months to get. (I’m sorry, but are we related?)
Back at the Shangri-La, Maura is learning all about hormones from Davina. She even helps Davina with her injections. She pops a little estrogen and makes a funny remark about how she can already feel her boobs getting bigger. Speaking of boobs-Sarah and Tammy are expecting a guest, it’s Bianca (Kiersey Clemons)-Tammy’s ex, Quinn’s daughter, who she was already pregnant with when she met Tammy. Sarah’s like, “I don’t want to be a part of your lesbian underground railroad.” And Tammy assures her they are never, ever breaking up. Bianca is a sweetheart, and she immediately hugs Tammy and then Sarah and runs out to the pool, ’cause it’s about to be summertime, baby. Also, nice constellation tatt, Tam. Sarah has a brilliant idea: Bianca should be the new “summer girl”-aka a nanny for the kids so that Sarah and Tammy can do whatever they please. Bianca looks less than impressed.
Namaste-hey, girl, hey! We meet Shea (Trace Lysette), a gorgeous transwoman who’s teaching a yoga class at the LGBT center. Maura and Davina hang back with her after class and bring up the Trans Got Talent show. “It sounds beautiful,” Maura says, after telling Shea this new Premarin that she’s on is making her body feel totally different-to which Davina points out, only just started a few hours ago! I like where this is going though. Maura needs an outlet, a way to rechannel some of this disappointment she’s been faced with in the past few days-a talent show is just what the doctor ordered.
Things are heating up at the old Pffeferman compound, and it’s not just the sun by the pool. It’s Josh (and his real estate agent/last night’s hook-up in tow) sizing up the house and getting into a bit of a confrontation with Tammy. Lest we forget, Maura did say she was going to give the house to Sarah and Len. We’ve gotta wonder if that offer still stands, and with Tammy in place of Len. Tammy tells Josh that the place needs a little updating, and he’s clearly offended. It’s a Buff & Hensmen house! That said, I feel like I get where he’s coming from. I mean, this architectural design company even has a damn book! The two have a passive aggressive handshake on it. Tammy won’t touch the house before getting a hold of Josh to let him know, so long as he doesn’t call her Tam (woops, I have) and she doesn’t call him Bro (woops, that’s what they said when he was fired.)
Meanwhile back at the marina, Ali has now enlisted the help of both Sarah and Josh to come join her on her search for Ed. Both Sarah and Josh, who hours before were just bickering about the house, are avoiding the search by chatting away on a ladder. Ali is not amused, she seems to be only one who’s taking this search for Ed seriously. Josh realizes the marina restaurant, the Warehouse, is right nearby. “Bloody Mary?” He suggests. “I love you!” Sarah says, giving him a meaningful high five.
Sara: Ali, wanna get some bloodies? Ali: You guys are sociopaths.Raquel (Kathryn Hahn, who you may recognize from her deadpan awesomeness on Girls or Parks and Recreation) arrives for the purposes of reading to Ed in his lonesome state. It’s all Shelly can do to distract her, keep her energy high, and ramble on and on (not hard.) Inside the Warehouse, Ali throws a mini tantrum about everything from the woman in the corner who she imagines going home with her to-go box to watch some Dateline (hey, don’t hate-Dateline is the jam), to their mom’s sagging, leaky breasts in the 1980s that doctors told her not to offer to her children because feeding them formula would be a way better idea.
It’s a major buzzkill, but she’s clearly going through something huge, her rant leading her to the undercurrent at hand: Dad-Moppa-Maura. “We have to tell him,” she says to Sarah, with Josh sitting right next to her.
That’s all Josh needs to hear-now he needs to know what the hell is going on. So, like that, Ali tells him. (I take back what I said about Ali not being selfish and doing the right thing. She probably should’ve let Maura come out to her son, in fact-she absolutely should have.) They order another drink and head back to Shelly’s where Rabbi Raquel is still sitting, still waiting, for something to happen. She squeals with Sarah, as she hands her a takeout bag. “Do they make a great wedge!” Shelly says as she sits down at the table. Something is about to erupt. Ali notices Shelly’s toenails are painted and asks her about how her doctor’s appointment was. Shelly pretends not to hear her, and moves on to more important matters, like introducing Rabbi Raquel to her very single, handsome son Josh. (I don’t care if it’s endearing, innocent or cute-I hate when mothers try to set up their children with other people. My mom did it, your mom did it-and every time she mentioned a young man home from college, running laps in the neighborhood, I’d imagine she was more excited than I was.)
Sipping on martinis and laughing about this and that, Maura, Davina and Shea are three girls out to lunch. Davina notices the attention of a man at the bar who’s set his eye on Shea. But I get it-Shea may be a looker (she has that 1970s high-class stewardess look) but this man is way too square for Shea. She shoots the unwanted attention down immediately. Too late, he’s on his way over. And Maura apparently knows him. Gary struts over and introduces himself to Shea, smoothing her over with a pick-up line about Liz Taylor eyes, and then his eyes gloss right over to Maura.
“Hi, Gary,” Maura says in a low voice. Gary’s like, “Jesus Christ, Morty?” Maura asks Gary how his wife is doing (she has the new Lap-Bend in, good for her)-I love Maura’s calm and cool candor, in pretty much every awkward, impromptu situation she’s been in yet, and just like her old friend Marcy once said, elegant. She points to her ring, her wrap, her necklace-it’s all stuff, it’s an outfit, it’s made out of fabric and metal and string and pearl.
Josh, a little too buzzed off bloodies decides to break the big news to mom, about Maura. This is so not okay. “Dad’s a transvestite.” Sarah intervenes and shouts at Josh for using the wrong word. Seriously, Josh? After a little more back and forth, the message is made a little more clear, but mom already knows about her ex-husband’s ways.
“It’s his thing, it’s his little private kink! Everyone has one,” says Shelly.
This woman cracks me up. I love it. I want to get toasty off Mogen David with her and sing songs. Right after they call the police to report Ed as missing, a dopey, smiley-faced looking Ed walks in, mute per usual, holding a half-eaten cone of cotton candy and a caricature drawing someone made for him at the pier.
At once, everyone is relieved and stunned. What more is there to say? Everything that could be said, has been said, and yet, I know the Pfefferman’s will have much more to say as soon as the moment passes again. Now everyone knows about Maura, sort of. Not the way Maura probably would have liked it, but it’s out. Here’s to hoping Josh gets his head out of his ass, Ali continues to do the right thing for others when no one else will, and Sarah stands up for her Moppa.
Hey! Follow me on Twitter at @the_hoff.
