I’ve been hearing stirrings from friends, who are now as hooked on Transparent as I am, that they’ve binge-watched the entire first season. I can’t stress enough how much will power it has taken me to not do that for the integrity of my recaps. I don’t want to get too far ahead and then be like, “You heard Sarah, Tammy made her female ejaculate and she compared it to the water (brackish yet clear) from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride!”
But I digress. I totally watched this episode after the third one, because how could I not? I had to know what would happen when Maura showed up at Ali’s apartment to come out to her, as she’s tripping balls. And it was maybe my favorite Maura coming-out moment so far on the show. Whether Maura is aware of Ali’s high state of mind or not, Ali is beyond enamored by his Maura-she sees her completely now, including her tiny polished nails which bleed out onto her toe skin because she doesn’t have much to work with. Ali later tells Sarah that she nicknamed him Moppa-the sweetest nickname, ever.
Meanwhile, Josh and Syd (Carrie Brownstein) are-wait, hooking up? Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop! It ends, and Syd promises not tell Ali.
“I’m just gonna store it away in my cabinet of Pfefferman family secrets.”
Uh huh. Josh knows all about boxes of secrets. Syd confronts Josh about the inappropriate babysitter relationship he had with Rita-we learn he was only 15, 10 years younger than Rita at the time. Josh doesn’t seem to think it’s weird at all-but his expression changes when Syd poses the question of role reversal, had Rita been the 15-year-old, and he the older man. With that, Syd snags his “Dreamboat Annie” Heart vinyl and she’s out. I like where her head’s at.
Over at the enchanting Shangri-La, Maura is getting hair extensions and trans woman guidance from Davina (Alexandra Billings)-who says Maura needs a little work on her walk. “Find your center,” Davina instructs.
In a flashback thereafter, we see Maura checking into a hotel in 1994. She and the trans woman she met a few years earlier in the X-rated book section are showing each other themselves for the first time-“No one’s ever seen me,” they both say to each other. Marcy (Bradley Whitford) extends her hand to Maura, but Maura introduces herself as Daphne Sparkles. Marcy stops their bejeweled, shoulder-padded excitement and tells her that sounds so-strippery! After a few moments, Marcy says the name needs to be elegant, and there it is: Maura. The two reintroduce themselves, this time, Maura using her new name. Consider me a pool of tears. This scene is everything-it’s the day Maura was born.
Sarah finally gets Tammy to show up/return her calls/give her some answers. It seems Tammy was going to tell Barb about Sarah in therapy, but Barb’s sister’s lupus is affecting Barb, and Tammy really wants to wait until Barb is in a more together place. Blah, blah, blah. Sarah isn’t having it. At all. But then Tammy does that thing-that whispery save-face thing, “Come here-come here-come here,” she says extending her hand. And Sarah is like putty to her every move. They end up getting busy and putting off the impending issue once more. Yo, Tammy, tell Barb!
Let’s talk about the trip Josh takes to Rita’s place. He confronts her at first, demanding she explain what kind of relationship they had, if his parents knew, if they cared, if they fired her. Next thing you know, he’s apologizing at the reminder that they were once in love, and they end up having afternoon sex to forget the whole thing. Rita’s like, “You always make it harder than it needs to be.” I wonder if she was using the same line back when he was fifteen. As he’s leaving, Rita asks him to see about that guy who was supposed to come by to fix the air conditioning. They’ve been doing this thing for a while-it’s Josh’s dirty little secret, even as he was throwing fits over Glitterish, Kaya and screwing his sister’s best friend Syd. Oh, Josh. Your shit is chaotic.
Sarah meets up with Ali who tells her about the events of last night and her moment with Moppa. Low and behold, Moppa is downstairs ready for brunch! My stomach goes into a nervous spell because of the look on Ali’s face coupled with the fact that they’re all about to go to the mall together. They end up getting suckered into a makeover at a cosmetics counter. I feel like we’re all waiting for something to just go wrong-for someone to make a remark at Maura, or for the girls to clam up and feel embarrassed. But none of that happens and they just help themselves to a shit ton of cucumber water. Sarah is sending selfies of her new hot look to Tammy and Ali is only requesting layers of creamy foundation to cover her face.
Sarah: Tammy’s coming over tonight and I just want her to see how hot I look. Ali: You lesbians are weird.
On their way to get pancakes, they make a pit stop to the ladies’ room. My heart sinks. The ladies’ room at the Beverly Center.
Inside the ladies’ room, a gaggle of teenage girls hear Sarah ask her dad if he needs to use the toilet. They immediately tell their mom (Elaine Hendrix), who you may recognize as mean Meredith from the Lindsay Lohan Parent Trap movie. The mom confronts Maura and asks her what she’s doing in there-demanding she leave, calling her a pervert. Sarah immediately steps in, mocking the snickering girls who are less bothered by the harmful possibility of perversion and more humored by it all. (Also: Gross points for tattling on someone in the bathroom and letting your mom handle it.)
Sarah: This is my father, and he’s a woman, and he has a right to be in this bathroom. Cunt Lady: No he does not, and I’m calling security because there are young women in here who are traumatized- Sarah: Oh really, you mean those little snickering bitches? They look really traumatized. Cunt Lady: Your father is a pervert. Sarah: You are a fucking cunt.This scene is so uncomfortably important. And it should make you mad, too. Fuck the gender binary and fuck basic, heteronormative standards that without authority, without soundness, assign boundaries to gender-to sex-to sexuality-to our deep, real, and valid sense of self. The one thing I hold onto in this moment is that our queer paradigm is shifting and must continue to shift by illustrating hard moments like this. We have to deliver the message: That to be queer, to be connected to a queer person, whether identified or not, is no longer the minority. We’re everywhere. A friend of mine, years ago, told me that she was ignorant to the topic of equal rights because it “doesn’t affect” her. My thoughts immediately went to: “But it does affect you-because you’re my friend, and I don’t have the same rights as you. Doesn’t that upset you at all, doesn’t that affect you too?” By Maura coming out, she’s contributing to the open, honest, and courageous narrative that Transparent continues to deliver about queerness and the very real issues that transgender people are faced with every day. What I love about this moment is Sarah; this affects her in ways she perhaps hadn’t realized would. She steps up to the plate to defend her dad-this moment seals her support of Maura.
Maura ends up going to the bathroom in a Porta Potty and then she tries to unwind back at the Shangri-La only to discover that the manager of the building is having a wild party right next door to her unit. She tries relentlessly to get the party to quiet down, at first sweetly, and then with fists of fury. But she eventually gets tuckered out and sits down on her patio, feeling overly defeated by the day’s events. All signs point to: Get the hell out of the Shangri-La, it’s not nearly as mysterious and enchanting as I thought it was. (But at least we all know where the party’s at now?)
Everything culminates when Sarah ends up at the front steps of Tammy and Barb’s house. Tammy races out with a bag of trash in her hand (what a cliché excuse, Tam.) “You’re like a stalker, babe!” Tammy says, pulling Sarah’s arm away from the front of the house. But Sarah doesn’t give a flying fuck anymore-she’s laying herself on the line right now, man. She knows how she feels about Tammy and she’s tired of sneaking around and she wants to solidify this once and for all. She says she’s “ready and open” and hope she isn’t making all this shit up her in head. OH, I FEEL YA, GIRL. We’ve all been there. The moment has come: What will it be, Tammy? Is Sarah making this all up in her head? She realizes Tammy doesn’t have the answer, so she starts to walk away and tell Tammy off when, surprise, surprise-Tammy pulls her back in. Sarah asks point-blank, “Do you love me?” And Tammy says, “Yes.” Then, it’s time to tell Barb-go inside, and do it. I’m sure Len and Barb can still play golf together.
Josh is feeling down, so he visits Ali, who’s also feeling down-or something. (Blame it on the drugs/she should’ve taken Syd’s Ibuprofen advice.) Ali has a new hair cut (which is so well-suited for her) and to pick up the down mood, she puts on a record and encourages Josh to dance with her. He reluctantly obliges, but it lifts their spirits and they start laughing with each other in no time. I love this moment exponentially and want to store it in my cabinet of Pfefferman loveliness. Their bond as sister-brother, the youngest of the trio, is really special. Sarah, being the oldest, is able to self-soothe and figure out her way, while Ali and Josh need to lean on each other for reassurance. It’s a thing of beauty: our relationships with our siblings. In the end, sometimes all you can do is dance it out and hope tomorrow will turn out better.
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