“Face Off” Mini-Cap (7.10): Insane Clown Posse

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We all float down here. Either you’re really scared right now or you never saw It. Now, I’ll admit I’ve never been overly scared of clowns. But then I’ve never really been overly fond of clowns either. I’d put them about mid-way through my “things I’d never want to be trapped in a closet with” list of terrors. Now spider-clowns. Yeah, that’s another story altogether.

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THE CHALLENGE:
The challenge, as you’ve probably guessed, is to make a terrifying clown. But these can’t just be any terrifying clowns. They had to be terrifying clowns based on each of the contestant’s self-professed worst nightmares. They range from tornadoes to dark water to–dammit–spiders.

THE TWIST:
Oh, did I mention the terrifying clowns have to dance? And juggle and jump and perform like clowns.

THE GOOD:
Dina’s tornado struck clown, Cig’s dark water clown and Sasha’s old doll clown were all excellent. But, really, nothing was cooler than Sasha’s porcelain-doll creation with its cracked face and plug hair. I’m pretty sure that thing is going to haunt me in my dreams tonight.

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THE BAD:
Damien and Drew both had (very understandably) arachnophobia, but their spider clowns were sadly (or maybe is that a good thing for fellow arachnophobes) not remotely scary. Damien’s clown was uninspired. And Drew’s was, um, well–I don’t really know what it was. But in the end Damien was sent home because he was basically The Joker with a box of fake spiders thrown on him.

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THE RANDOM:
While Damien was sent home, I feel like the judges were also really baffled by Drew’s sculpt. Particularly the nose, which he had intended to make into a spider leg, but ended up being deemed “the worst nose” Glenn said he had ever seen on the show. And that, my friends, is because it looked like a penis. Admit it, it was very, very phallic. Well, at least it was scary.

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THE WTF WERE THEY THINKING:
Poor George. He ended up being safe, but his clown looked like rotten hamburger meat.

THE GAY:
Stella’s fear was monsters under the bed. Her creation was whimsically frightening, which I didn’t even know was a thing. And it was good enough to be safe for another week. She lives to sculpt another day.

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So, how well are you going to sleep tonight? Don’t worry, I’m sure no clowns will attack you before you float off into slumber. Maybe.

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