This week’s Pretty Little Liars recap is going to be (a lot) different than usual because this week’s Pretty Little Liars made it impossible for me not to talk about that thing I said we were going to talk about a couple of weeks ago. Remember when Lucas and Mr. DiLaurentis were traumatized when explaining that Alison was probably raped after she’d been kidnapped? And remember how I said that gave me a weird feeling and that I needed to put a pin in until I had processed it enough to talk smart about it? Well, it’s time to take out the pin.
A quick overview of this week’s episode:
After Ali’s dad announces his plan to go out of town a few days after his wife was dug up in the hole where his daughter had been previously buried alive, Ashley Marin invites Ali to move in with her and Hanna. Hanna is super not fine with it, especially after Ashley offers up her coveted bath salts (which Hanna herself requested to use one million times!). Hanna gets right to work skipping out on her mom and day drankin’ with Caleb. She doesn’t even come home at night anymore, but Ashley can’t be fussed about that at the moment because Ali is sleeping in the closet and worrying about hearing someone trying to break into the house. Because SOMEONE IS TRYING TO BREAK INTO THE HOUSE.
Or rather, someone actually does break into the house, making Hitchcockian shadow puppets on the wall.
Ashley calls the cops and Detective Tanner shows up, trying to poke more and more holes in Alison’s stories. Ashley has understandably had it up to here with the cops in this town so she tells Tanner to stop being a dick and start catching the one thousand predators on the loose out there. Buuuuut, it turns out Alison staged the whole thing. Not for the first time, she asked Noel Kahn to dress up in a disguise and attack her. She did it so the Liars will at least have one adult who can rest comfortably in her web of deceit.
Over a delicious dinner of Cheetos and root beer, Radley Rhonda tells Aria that Mrs. D was super close with Bethany Young. Like “take her upstate and let her adopt a horse” close.
So Aria sends Emily and Spencer to the stables to do recon, but Spencer’s 11 years of English riding lessons are too highfalutin’ for this ranch. They teach Western here. The standard PLL super-muscled, vaguely-20s-ish white guy is not much help, but Emily and Spencer do find Melissa’s riding helmet in one of the stables. They don’t have much time to sleuth it out because a storm comes and an A traps them in the stall and one of the horses kicks Spencer right in the face.
It’s a pretty bad day of spying all around for Emily; she also can’t get Sydney to believe Hanna was too drunk to know what she was saying when she was talking about New York the other night.