Okay, Under The Dome, I gave you a chance. I gave you lots of chances. Remember that time I cried until I got a headache when Alice died? But you have squandered my affection, and judging by your plummeting ratings, I am not the only one who feels this way. You could have been so much more, UTD. You had a perfectly workable post apocalyptic premise, a budget bigger than Dean Norris’ head (I went back and forth between this and “bigger than the Dome” but I actually think Dean Norris’ skull is the larger), and ratings so good you were bumped from a miniseries to a full season. But then you had to go and kill Angie and my beloved Sheriff Linda, and you sent Carolyn to her room for weeks at a time. You keep making your mythology deeper and more elaborate, but it’s like a pyramid scheme where you’re just covering up for the fact that there’s nothing substantial there at all. You were always kind of a dumb show with good actors, but even those actors have started to glance at the camera in silent apology, as if to say “I’m sorry, America. “
“God, I hope my character dies in time for next pilot season.”
Last week, for those of you who had something better to do, Big Jim and Rebecca made a batch of homemade swine flu and planned to release it on the unsuspecting town, in an effort to reduce the population and demand for food. At the last minute they both chickened out, because Under The Dome can never follow through on serious consequences, unless they involve the death of a major female character. Devastating drought? Magical rain! Black skies? Throw an egg in the lake! SUV going like 10 miles per hour? LINDA IS DEAD.
Anyway, Julia exposed both Jim and Rebecca and threw them in jail, all while under the impression that Barbie was involved in their nefarious plot. Not only are she and Barbie broken up, I actually care. The only thing keeping me interested in this show is a ship and it’s not even gay. Someone check me for fever. Also last week we learned that the mysterious lake girl is actually named Melanie and was murdered by either Lyle or Sam back in ’80s. I guess the smart money is on Sam since we just found out it was he who murdered Angie.
So this week, Julia is (finally) the new leader of Chester’s Mill, but the town is divided as to how she should deal with Big Jim. Half of them are like “String the bastard up! Let’s rebuild the gallows!” and the other half are like “Big Jim is our friend and I’m sure he had a perfectly good reason for wanting to kill us.” So already there are no good options here. At a town meeting to decide Jim and Rebecca’s fate, one angry yokel charges at them, and New Sheriff Phil (locked in a as my least favorite character) shoots him dead. The guy wasn’t even armed except for, you know, his literal arms.
OMG THE DOME IS REALLY A MICROCOSM OF AMERICA’S INCREASINGLY MILITARIZED POLICE.
After this incident, Julia gently tries to take his badge.
Julia, meanwhile, tries her very best to keep the town from dissolving into anarchy. First, she proposes an actual trial for Jim and Rebecca, which is great for two reasons:
CAROLYN, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM.
Also, since demand for food is still high, Julia tries to initiate a food bank, which everyone complains about (the crowd scenes in this episode are some of the worst I’ve ever seen. Everyone is literally like “grumble, grumble.”) In spite of their poorly directed grousing, everyone still shows up to contribute their food, until the entire food bank explodes.
NOTHING LEFT TO EAT BUT FEELINGS.