“Orange Is the New Black” recap (2.7): Comic Sans

The ladies of B Dorm are officially open for business, rolling their freshly smuggled contraband tobacco into cigarettes. The women of Vee’s crew are still a little wary, in particular Cindy, who isn’t afraid to voice her concern. Big Boo, who is now on look out duty, warns them of an approaching CO. Once the danger clears, they go back to rolling and Cindy’s constant questioning of Vee’s authority starts to rub Vee the wrong way. Cindy thinks this whole scheme is about making Vee money, but Vee insists it’s about respect and making a space for themselves in the prison world. Suzanne, Vee’s biggest fan, agrees but is disappointed when she’s relegated to rolling duty. Taystee pipes up about how the hell are they going to store and sell these cigarettes without getting caught, but of course, Vee has a plan.

In Caputo’s Masterbatorium and Plant Emporium, he’s reading the riot act to the COs for letting Jimmie wander out and cause a scene at the bar. He’s assigns CO Bell to keep tabs on Jimmie and orders the COs to start giving out at least five SHOTS a week. Six for CO Fisher, because Caputo’s ego is a wee bit fragile. The COs complain but Caputo sends them away.

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Cindy is making her way to count, when one of the COs fresh from his chewing out by Caputo, gives her a SHOT for being late. She’s still got time to make it, so she objects, especially when White Cindy slides by without a SHOT. She accuses him of racism and he orders her on to the floor.

Flashback to Cindy, pre-Litchfield, where she used to be the one giving orders. She’s the world’s worst TSA agent; abusing her authority with passengers, joy riding on a luggage cart, inappropriately feeling people up, and likely the root of her incarceration, stealing valuables from peoples’ luggage. (This sequence is a fine bit of comedic work by Adrienne C Moore, who portrays Cindy like a category 5 hurricane, sweeping up everything in her path.)

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Andrew, the reporter, comes to visit Piper and discuss his intentions for the article exposing the prison’s finances. Piper tells him about the prisoners’ mistreatment by guards and administration, but Andrew doesn’t think that focus is beneficial. Mostly because he doesn’t think people really care. What he can give them is an expose on financial mismanagement, which is something that matters to his readers. Piper explains that she’d be putting herself at tremendous personal risk by trying to get the good, and that’s something she isn’t willing to do.

Sophia preps Gloria for her usual “do”, but can’t resist suggesting a nice faux hawk instead. Gloria’s tells her that her usual do, along with her face, seems to give off a vibe of intimidation all on its own. One of Red’s Golden Girls, Taslitz, pops in to give Sophia a code message about violets.

Nicky and Taystee rendezvous in the women’s bathroom where Taystee has promised to show Nicky something worth her book of stamps. Taystee whips out a tampon box, but Nicky swears she’s all-good. Inside the tampons however, is the Holy Grail. Out slides a cigarette into Nicky’s waiting hand. Taystee produces a special lighter, made with a battery and a gum wrapper, and Nicky lights up. The look of cross-eyed ecstasy on her face, is better than a thousand Soso orgasms.

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Red’s crew are having a spirited discussion on whether or not the rat from Ratatouille had legal and health code permission to open a restaurant, when Sophia shows up inquiring about violets. From her flower pots, Red produces contraband hair products and nail files, and the cu de grace, a large bag of gummy bears. The gummy bears are payment for Red’s dye jobs from now on. It’s hard to say no to delicious gelatinous sugar treats, so Sophia agrees to that and to putting a little dough in Red’s commissary.

Throughout the prison, word is out about the cigarettes, so the great stamp exchange is happening all over. Even Norma gets herself a little smokie smoke.

Blanca is smoking in the walk in cooler (which is totally where the cooks used to smoke at all the restaurants I worked) when Gloria calls out to her. Gloria is not happy with the kitchen staff that day, especially since the rice and beans is for shit. It doesn’t get better when Bennett walks in with his smuggled good for the women. Flacca gets an iPod, which is actually Bennett’s and is full of whiny indie music and not the Smiths as requested. Diaz gets her Yoohoo, but there’s no phone for Blanca. Bennett warns the women that this is the last time he can smuggle anything in, but the women don’t pay him any mind. Since Blanca can’t get her phone, she requests porn. Flacca and Diaz think that’s a genius idea, and Flacca put in a request for gay porn. (How very Kids Are Alright of you, Flacca.) Listen, she doesn’t want to exploit women, ok.

In line for food, Soso complains about the lack of vegetarian options at the cafeteria to Piper. Daya is serving, and stops Piper to ask if she can be a part of the newsletter. Piper is delighted. She takes the opportunity to ask Daya if she knows who the contractor is for the kitchen, but Daya doesn’t have a clue. Sister Ingalls and Rosa sit together as Rosa asks the nun about the priesthood in Africa. The Sister quickly excuses herself, and pockets a slice of cornbread for later on. CO Fisher catches her and reluctantly gives the Sister a SHOT. Rosa swears it’s the end of days. Piper walks by Jimmie, who is unsuccessfully gnawing on a pork chop. Piper sits down and cuts up Jimmie’s food, and Jimmie mistakes Piper for her daughter Roberta.

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In Cindy’s bunk, Angie is on her knees cleaning, in exchange for a cigarette. Diaz stops by with a jar of grape jelly to trade as well. Seems that Cindy is working a little barter system. Vee isn’t going to be pleased.

Flashback to Cindy at her mother’s home, celebrating her little sister’s birthday. Cindy’s mother comments that Cindy hasn’t been around much, but Cindy swears she’s been tied up at work. She gifts her little sister the iPad she stole from a passenger’s luggage. The little sister is thrilled and they celebrate by doing their special little handshake/dance together. Cindy offers to take her sis out for ice cream but her mother objects due to Cindy’s track record with responsibility. Cindy promises to watch out for her sis and Cindy’s mother relents. When they leave, their mother opens up the iPad and sees pictures of a nice Asian family inside, and quickly realizes that the gift has been stolen.

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