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“Orange is the New Black” recap (2.2): Looks Blue, Tastes Red

In the previous episode we caught up with Piper and Alex, and used a little of Lori Petty‘s Vaseline. Ah, it was nice, wasn’t it? But episode two brings us right back home to Litchfield, where we belong. Well, maybe some of us, but you get my drift.

Let’s start with a flashback, shall we? At an adoption fair, a little girl named Tasha is bringing Christina Aguilera realness to a prospective adoptive couple. When another little girl tries to get their attention, little Tasha plays dirrrrrty and tells her to fuck right off and scamper away. This somehow does not impress the couple. Later, a dejected Tasha sits alone on a park bench sipping on what remains of a blue shaved ice. A strange, well-put together woman sits down beside her, and has a little talk with Tasha. The woman cases Tasha pretty quickly, determining that she’s a group home kid. Just then, a young man walks over and hands the woman a roll of money. Turns out the young man lives with her, but only if he continues to bring in the dough. Tasha calls her out right away as a drug dealer. The woman is impressed with Tasha’s keen street smarts and head for numbers. She asks Tasha to join her little army of runners, but Tasha declines. Before the woman leaves, she bestows upon Tasha a nickname that will come into play years later. Taystee. Just like Tasha’s shaved ice that is blue but tastes red.

Back at Litchfield, it’s career day. Dress for Success (which is actually a real and wonderful organization started by Nancy Lublin) has come to give the women some interview prep lessons and aptitude tests. When Flacca brings up the fact that most ex-cons don’t exactly get to launch careers in the corporate world, the DFS woman encourages them to think big.

In the kitchen, the inmates are jealous that Flacca is at the job fair and they are stuck in the kitchen with Luschek, and Luschek’s asscrack. He’s attempting to fix the radiator, while the women tell him about the frozen pipes in the bathroom. Speaking of blocked pipes, Gloria has made a special herbal drink to help Daya, who is constipated as hell. Daya’s mother Aleida buts in, and is upset to find out that Daya turned to Gloria and not her.

Most of Litchfield has assembled to watch the Dress for Success fashion show, as Asst Warden Figueroa gives one of her shellacked smile introductions. The women come out, some looking more appropriate than others. Taystee is confident that she will walk away as the clear winner, but it’s Flacca who gets the seal of approval. Taystee is not pleased.

Flashback to Taystee as a teenager, running off to her shift at Storky’s Bugers. While stopping to chat with a fellow group home kid, Taystee is set upon by Vee and her crew. Vee invites Taystee to dinner, for a price to be paid later, of course. Taystee stands tall, which both intrigues and infuriates Vee. Taystee watches as her friend walks off with Vee to become yet another of her Dickensian troupe of child drug runners.

At the commissary, Red is stocking up on Cup O’ Noodle since she’s still being frozen out of the cafeteria. She looks frazzled and exhausted, her grey roots bursting forth from fading red hair. Unfortunately, her commissary account is bare. Red’s family hasn’t been keeping track and now Red’s about to get very hungry.

In Caputo’s office, he’s feeling the chill of a crumbling infrastructure too. His succulent has frost on it! Luschek bangs around a bit, and Caputo asks what Fig plans to do about the cold. Apparently, buy a space heater for her office and let everyone else freeze.

In the cafeteria line, Red stands defeated near the end. Also in line is Big Boo (hey gurl!!). When Maritza sees Boo, she asks about Little Boo, who is notably absent. Apparently there was an incident with some peanut butter and we shall never speak of it again. When the women on the line see Red, they comment on her fall from grace. She’s so pitiful, the old Red Bear, that they hand her a tray. Red finds her way to a table in the back where she catches the eye of a group of older prisoners. They invite her to join them but she refuses. She’s not ready to come out of hibernation yet, apparently.

Lo and behold, do I see a vision before me? CO Fisher turns the corner with the Prodigal Daughter herself, Pennsatucky. Her mouth is all bruised up and when she opens it, we see that Piper managed to make an even bigger mess of her teeth. She’s pretty much working with two now. Fisher escorts Pennsatucky to Mr. Healy’s office, where we find out she’s spent the last month in the SHU, just like Piper. Healy wants to makes sure they are on the same page about “that night.” And by same page, he means for her to keep her mouth shut about the fact that her gave her carte blanche to kill Piper Chapman. Tucky may be a little fuzzy and not so great with the big words, but she isn’t about to let her silence go without a price.

In Fig’s office, she’s trying to charm a reporter who is seeing through her bullshit like he has x-ray specs. He’s there to uncover where the money granted to the prison is going, but she’s all about the smokescreens. It also turns out that Fig’s husband is running for Senate of the great state of NY, so she’s polishing up her politician’s wife death glare.

In laundry, Leanne, one of Pennsatucky’s former cronies is complaining about how the Dress to Success event went. (She only wanted to swim with dolphins, damnit!) Her buddy Angie tries to calm her nerves just in time to drop the news that Tucky is out of solitary. The two women can’t help but bring up the fact that since they’ve been out from under the thumb of Pennsatucky, that things have been a lot nicer around there.

In a (gay) gym steam room, Larry and his father sit wrapped in nothing but towels, taking a nice shvitz. Larry of course, can’t help but ask about Piper. His father however, is 100% done with Piper. Dad suggests that Larry get laid. (Meanwhile all around them, naked men are making out and getting hand jobs) Larry gets indignant, remarking on how Piper wasn’t a lesbian with him, but it only took a few weeks of prison to bring it out in her again. Well, Larry, first of all, it wasn’t prison. It was Alex. Second, that’s not exactly how lesbianism works dude.

The second phase of the job fair is on, and a friendly gent is helping the ladies craft their resumes. Some far better than others. Nicky’s aptitude test determined that she’d be a perfect prison guard. Taystee is really rolling with the punches. Morello wants to professionally Pinterest. Suzanne “Crazy Eyes” would like to work with round objects. Big Boo thinks she’s make a good women’s softball referee.

Red’s son Vasili comes to visit her, sporting a shiner from his girlfriend. He was drunk and got a face full of laundry change. Red likes the girl. When she asks about her empty commissary, he tells her that no one is coming to the store anymore because they are afraid of the mobsters that lost the prison grocery contract. He promises to get her money next week. Also in the visiting room is Diaz and her little baby. She’s growing up so fast! Diaz’s boyfriend utters a word here or there while she kisses and coos at the baby.

In Black Cindy’s bunk, the girls are hanging out while Taystee works on her interview skills, determined that she’s going to get a real job out of this career fair. She heard that the girl that won the year before landed a sweet gig. Poussey, Cindy and Watson remained unconvinced but promise to root for her.

Flashback to a crying Taystee, begging Vee to let her into the fold. Vee dismisses her until a runner walks in, late with his payment. Taystee quickly figures out how to make the best of the situation, attaching late fees and whatnot but allowing him to make a pickup. Vee is impressed.

Larry shows up at Polly’s house, who is at her wits end with the infant and an absent husband. (Pete’s on a vision quest, because of course he is.) He asks about Piper, but she doesn’t know anymore than he does. Polly says that even though Piper is her best friend, she’s on Larry’s side this time.

Aleida, trying to win her place back in Daya’s heart, steals some yogurt which was guaranteed to give her daughter explosive diarrhea back in the day. She’s beaming with pride. Poor Daya is trying to push one out and begs her mother to let her poop in peace.

In the library, Poussey lends Taystee a hand by letting out her interview outfit a little so she looks even more profesh. Poussey gives her a pep talk and tells Taystee to do her proud. This flashes back to a night at Vee and Taystee’s apartment, with Vee’s right hand man RJ packaging bags of heroine. Taystee comes home from the craft store with some stamps and big ideas about marketing their product. This amuses Vee, but RJ seems to agree with Taystee’s wider vision for their “brand.” Taystee wants a fancy job on Wall Street one day, but Vee makes sure to always knock her aspirations down a few pegs. Vee is making butternut squash soup, and in a way, if you took away all the drugs and threats, they are just like any other family breaking bread. Whole grain flax seed bread.

In the cafeteria, Red sits reading a book by herself when the older inmates from the day before come and sit at her table. She thanks them for the gesture but tries to shoo them away. They tell her they aren’t afraid to be ostracized, and more importantly, they don’t give a shit about the nonsense that got Red in this situation o begin with. She relents and dines with them.

Pennsatucky climbs into the back of Morello’s van with two CO’s, and Morello is surprised to see her. One of the CO’s directs Morello to drive to the Oral Surgeon’s office in town, and Pennsatucky can barely contain her glee. Momma’s getting a new set of chompers.

At the final phase of the career fair, it’s Flacca vs Taystee in a test of wills and skills. Both have to do a mock interview with a representative from Phillip Morris. Poussey is disheartened by the fact that the only company to show an interest in felons is a company that makes lethal products. Black Cindy chimes in about how small potatoes the inmates are compares to the corporate thuggery happening everyday. In the interviews, Flacca gets a little handsy with the guy from Phillip Morris and Taystee nails every step. It’s no surprise when she wins the competition. She’s beaming,

Flashback to a picture of RJ, the kind that hangs inside funeral home memorial services. Taystee sits staring into space, clutching the photo. Vee comes out to gather Taystee, but the young woman is afraid to see RJ in his coffin. Vee tries to comfort Taystee, but she’s too angry and too sad to accept it. RJ was shot by cops, claiming he was armed. Vee laments that she warned him not to carry a gun, for exactly this reason. Vee promises to protect Taystee in a way she couldn’t protect RJ.

Gloria and Aleida wait outside to john to see if Daya has lifted her load. It’s a miracle! Both women try to take credit for the success, but Daya tries to let them both revel in the success. We are talking about a crap here. And just like mothers, they embarrass her in front of Beckett by telling him that she’s finally sunk her battleship.

When it’s announced that Taystee has won the competition, the auditorium erupts with applause! Afterward when Taystee approaches Fig about the job that is supposed to be waiting for her, Fig tells her that there is no such job. Fig goes off on a diatribe but stops herself before she goes too far. She then awards Taystee ten dollars to her commissary. Taystee is disappointed but sucks it up, and takes the prize. When she turns around to leave, in the doorway standing like an orange sentinel, is Vee.

“Oh shit,” Taystee says. Oh shit is right.

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