Previously on Orphan Black, Amelia warned Sarah about Mrs. S with her dying breath, Mrs. S and Kira went missing, Sarah met/kissed Delphine and beat the crap out of Rachel, and the Proletheans stirred up a mess of trouble. Ah yes, and HELENA IS ALIVE!
The doctors, after presumably removing the duct tape Helena used to patch herself up before stumbling into the hospital and kindly asking for assistance, are emptying sugar packets and lollipops out of Helena’s pockets, wondering aloud how the hell she survived a bullet to the chest. Across town, Felix meets Sarah at Art’s place, annoyed that the number of not-clones in Clone Club has grown yet again. Felix takes a call, and when he says, “Kira?” Sarah snatches the phone right out of his hands. Sarah is relieved to hear from her little monkey and asks where she is; Kira doesn’t know, but she’s scared. She’s calling from under a blanket and she says there’s a weird man there. What she doesn’t mention is that by “weird” she means “looks like an axe-murderer.”
Art uses his cop-skills to trace the phone call to a nearby motel. Felix is pretty sure this is a trap, but Sarah doesn’t care, she’s willing to risk it for Kira. Felix says he got new clone phones (bright green…very subtle) and he has one this time, too.
As a reminder of how little time has actually passed, it’s time for Aynsley’s funeral. They talk about her “warmth” and her book club, which she called “full contact reading.” Alison didn’t catch any of that, though. She’s too busy trying to ignore her neighbors and former friends who are throwing shade and blatantly whispering about her. It’s like watching someone stretch a rubber band very slowly. You know it’s either going to flip out or snap any minute, and there’s nothing you can do but flinch.
During the reception, Alison’s theatre friend, Sarah, comes up to her and gives her a big hug, telling her that haters gonna hate and she’s allowed to mourn her friend however she needs to. Theatre Sarah is a very intense person who makes a lot of eye contact and has zero sense of personal space, but she has a big heart. Alison’s children, who haven’t been properly parented in a while, decide to steal some flowers from Aynsley’s arrangements. Donnie, being helpful for once in his life (and probably terrified of Alcohol-free Alison), says he’ll handle it and ushers the kids away. Alison realizes she’s holding Donnie’s coat and finds his phone in the pocket. Donnie has been getting texts from A that say things like “placate her” and “she makes her own decisions.” Alison realizes exactly what this means and chugs the first glass of wine she can get her hands on.
On a farm somewhere, the Proletheans are having a casual conversation about Helena while man-in-charge Pastor Henrick sticks his hand ALL UP INSIDE A COW. I’m a city girl, born and raised, but I used some context clues, and I think he was inseminating the cow. He says God can take it from here. The meeting of science and religion. Anyway, they call Helena “the twin sister of the mother” and task Mark, a young-ish member of the cult of the flying fish, with taking her from the hospital.
At the DYAD, Cosima has been called into the principal’s office. Leekie thinks she was conspiring with Sarah in the events that lead to Rachel Duncan’s beatdown, but Delphine assures him that Sarah is wily enough to do it on her own-she even stole Leekie’s passcard right off him! Cosima forgets her poker face in a moment of sisterly pride. Cosima swears she is not in cahoots with Sarah, and not to worry, she doesn’t even trust her anyway. They change the subject to Cosima’s new lab, where she’ll be working during her stay at the DYAD. Cosima is trying to play it cool, but Delphine is flailing under the pressure of having two of her exes in the same room, both of whom she’s keeping things from. She keeps cheerfully saying things to ease the tension. Lab! Research! Crazy science! When Art and Felix get to the motel Kira’s call came from, the clerk confirms that there was a man and a girl there, but there was no woman with them, which means no Mrs. S. Sarah finds a drawing of Kira’s in the room, so they know they’re on the right track. Somehow, Daniel shows up and crashes the search party, so Art goes out to distract him. Art had told Sarah to stay put, but we all know how good she is at doing what she’s told. Sarah finds a little scarf, then a tiny sock, then another tiny sock, and follows the trail of clothes like breadcrumbs into a laundry/garage situation.
The car in the garage has a popped trunk, so Sarah inches towards it, afraid of what she might see. What she DOESN’T see, however, is the man who sneaks up behind her, covers her mouth, and tells her to shut up and get in. After a bit of driving, the man stops in the middle of the road and lets Sarah out of the trunk, her hands zip-tied, probably regretting that time she shoved Helena in her own trunk. The Werid Man pulls out a knife and she freaks the freak out, kicking and whaling on him until Mrs. S appears and grabs her from behind.
Mrs. S calls the man Benjamin, apologizes for her foster daughter’s behavior, and lets him cut her loose. He bids her adieu as if they just had a cuppa and Sarah and I are very confused. Sarah follows Mrs. S and her rifle down the road and Sarah speaks with the voice of the fandom when she asks her whose side she’s on. Mrs. S says she’s on Sarah’s side. She’s always been on Sarah’s side. And oh how we want to believe her.
At the DYAD, Leekie leads Cosima to her new lab. Cosima is being “cheeky” again aka being her adorable bratty self. She calls the lab “clone jail” and Leekie does not know how to handle the amount of sass he’s being thrown. He can’t get mad, because he needs her, but Rachel sure as hell never gave him this much trouble. Delphine is still trying desperately to be the buffer, bouncing around happily like the puppy she is, saying it will be great, and that they can make it their own. Leekie asks Cosima to keep an open mind, and Cosima says she will, but will hopefully also be keeping an open eye. At least one at all times. At the Glendale Community Theatre rehearsal, Alison and Theatre Sarah sing about death and being “blood buds” and considering recent events (and also her alcohol relapse), Alison is having a hard time keeping up. Her director pulls her aside and tells her that she needs to get rid of her anxiety residue which would have been creepy enough on its own, but got an extra dose of ew when he put his hand on her bum. Luckily, Felix chooses this moment to walk in to deliver the new clone phone and give Alison an update, saving her from more bad touching. Alison takes Felix into a back room and tells Felix that not only is Aynsley dead, but that she kind of indirectly killed her. And what’s worse, she wasn’t even Alison’s real monitor! They now think it’s Donnie, but to prove it, they’re going to have to lay a trap. Mrs. S leads Sarah to a place Sarah recognizes. Mrs. S confirms that it’s where she took Sarah and Felix when they first moved here from the UK. I feel like now is a good time to ask: Why do Sarah and Felix have distinct British accents, while Mrs. S has an Irish accent, but they moved to North America when they were Kira’s age? Kids tend to adopt the accents of their peers over their family’s if they differ, which is why Kira sounds North American, but did Sarah and Felix stay so closed off from other kids, that they fueled each other’s accents growing up? They kept them to keep their connection with each other, with where they came from? It’s possible I’m overthinking this (as I do), or that I have the timeline wrong, but it was obviously a choice that was made, since neither actor has that accent naturally, so I was just curious.
Anywho, Sarah’s trip down memory lane with the birdwatchers is interrupted by Kira, who runs into her arms. Sarah looks like she might never let go. These people, the birdwatchers, helped Mrs. S disappear the first time, and they’re going to do it for them this time, too.
Angie shows up at Art’s apartment, concerned because he’s about to get himself suspended for bringing in Daniel, who has connections up the wazoo. Angie tells him that she found out that the hospital brought in a Jane Doe and shows him Helena’s picture. They have a fifth Beth and Angie is not going to rest until she figures out what the hell is going on. Art begs her to drop it, begs her not to go to the hospital. She says she won’t but of course that’s exactly what she does.
Unfortunately, by the time she gets to the hospital, Helena is missing. The creepy baby Prolethean is already wheeling her right out the front door.
A little girl is told to bring supplies to the newest arrival, and we find out that there aren’t just three or four Proletheans in a barn-there’s a whole damn compound. Pastor Henrik tells Tomas that the reason Helena survived the gunshot is because the bullet didn’t hit her heart. Because her heart is on the wrong side. It turns out Helena and Sarah are mirror twins; yin and yang, lefty and righty, church and state, dark and light. The Pastor tells Tomas that he and Helena are welcome to stay.
Dream Team Felix and Alison stage a phone call that makes it seem like Alison is being sneaky and reluctantly meeting Sarah about something urgent. Donnie takes the bait and calls Leekie while he spies on Alison in the graveyard, about as stealthy as Yogi bear. Alison had called Theatre Sarah to meet her by Aynsley’s grave, and Donnie reveals that he actually has no idea why he’s monitoring Alison. When Leekie asks him what Sarah looks like, Donnie still thinks it could be the Sarah Leekie is looking for; if he had known he was involved in a cloning experiment, he would have said “not like Alison” and that would have been that. Leekie is extremely disappointed tells Donnie to just hang up. Alison finds Donnie hiding behind a gravestone and he tries, poorly, to lie about why he’s there. She pretends to believe him, but all of her worst fears are coming true. Mrs. S and Sarah have a heart-to-heart outside the birdwatchers’ house, and Sarah thinks Mrs. S is sending her and Kira to London, but she misunderstood. It’s Mrs. S that’s taking Kira-thus far, she has a better track record of keeping her safe. Sarah shows Siobhan the Project LEDA picture Amelia gave her, but she feigns ignorance.
In Cosima’s new lab, Team Science Mega Force is taking inventory of everything that needs to be fixed/replaced/added to meet Cosima’s standards. When Cosima decides she’s bored of this task, she turns her flirt on. Well, up. I guess her flirt is always on. Delphine says something dorky and Cosima sidles up all close to her and tells her how cute she is. Unfortunately, before they can make any crazy science, Rachel Duncan strolls in like she owns the place, and Cosima tells her she’s the real Cosima, not the one who kicked her ass. Rachel tells Dr. Cormier that she’ll need to sign a new confidentiality agreement, and also skidaddle. Delphine doesn’t hesitate to scurry out of there real fast. There are a lot of things that could have caused the utter panic on Delphine’s face: one: she’s never been in the same room as two of the clones before, and though she met Sarah, seeing both at once must have been a bit of a mind-meld; two: Rachel Duncan is terrifying and Cheeky Cosima is the type who would tease a cheetah with a laser pointer; three: she already kissed the wrong clone once and didn’t trust herself around yet another incarnation of her girlfriend’s face.
Well, Rachel was intrigued by the sight of her own face kissing a pretty lady. She says, “You’re gay” in a way that is less than a question but more than a statement. Cosima doesn’t bat an eye before responding, “My sexuality’s not the most interesting thing about me.” *mic drop*
Rachel tells her that she has the results from Cosima’s latest blood test and Cosima demands to know what test and I forget what breathing is. Luckily, Rachel says it’s from the last time Cosima saw the doctor at school and doesn’t rat Delphine out. Rachel gives Cosima a few things: Katja’s genome, only as it pertains to her illness, Sarah Manning’s history insofar as they know it, and Sarah’s genome. She is tasked with finding out why Sarah Manning is different from the rest of the clones. More specifically, why she can have a child. (Which begs the question: how do they know none of them can bear natural children? Besides Alison, who tried and failed? Did Rachel?)
Back at the birdwatchers’, Kira asks Sarah about the fight she was having with Mrs. S. She says she saw the picture once before, when Siobhan was rooting around in Amelia’s things. Kira seems a little distrustful of Mrs. S in general, so when Sarah says maybe they should leave, Kira’s on board.
And it seems they were not a moment too soon, because downstairs, Brenda Birdwatcher pulls a gun on Mrs. S., which is just about the worst idea anyone ever had, and it earns Brenda some nice big carving tools through the hands. Brenda’s son tries to get out through the window to get to Kira, but Mrs. S shoots him dead. After exchanging a meaningful look with her foster mother, Sarah drives away.
Inside, Brenda is still pinned to the table by her hands, so Mrs. S asks her who got to her. She confesses that she sold out to the Proletheans and asks who the “cursed children” Siobhan brought her were. She tells them that they’re Project LEDA. Brenda says she doesn’t know what that is, so Mrs. S shoots her right in the face. Alison calls Felix from her craft room, which is currently serving as a panic room. She tells him that Donnie is definitely her monitor, and even though she knows he doesn’t KNOW she knows, she really wants to get out of Dodge. The poor thing is coming apart at the seams, but Sarah is here to pick Felix up, so he can’t come help her right now. Alison heartbreakingly says, “Even my own clones think I’m useless.”
Felix tries to comfort her and tells her to call Cosima, and I really hope she does, or she’s going to end up Beth-ing herself.
Back at the Prolethean compound, the Pastor asks Tomas how long he’s known Helena, and he says he’s been with her since she was twelve. Pastor Henrik asks if he’s considered the fact that, since her twin could conceive, perhaps Helena could, too. Tomas looks horrified (as do I) and says, “Any child of hers would be a monster.” Before they can discuss the matter further, Mark comes up behind Tomas and KILLS HIM. So I don’t think they’re on the same side of Prolethean-ism. Pastor Henrick and his wife bow their heads like someone asked them to say grace as opposed to having just witnessed a MURDER.
Next week, Cosima finds out about Jennifer, and Alison tries to warn her about Delphine.
What did you think of “Governed by Sound Reason and True Religion”?
Here are some of our favorite #clonesbians tweets this week:
My favorite thing about Alison is that not even she knows what she’s going to do from one minute to the next. #clonesbians
– Rowan Stella (@RSMayfair) April 27, 2014
Cosima just swooned her way into the Dyad #clonesbians
– Jen (@iFlipForRizzles) April 27, 2014
“I want to make crazy science with you” and all the #clonesbians are fainting. #OrphanBlack
– Emmalee (@Shipper648) April 27, 2014
Say “cheeky” again, everyone on this show. #OrphanBlack #clonesbians
– Nic (@njnic23) April 27, 2014
I love the way Cosima moves. #OrphanBlack #clonesbians
– Tammy (@tylynn_sings) April 27, 2014
This play is possibly my favorite part of the entire show. Scrubbing brains off walls? Yes. #OrphanBlack #clonesbians
– Emmalee (@Shipper648) April 27, 2014
RACHEL YOU ARE COCKBLOCKING CRAZY SCIENCE #OrphanBlack #clonesbians
– Alyssa (@tvwithapb) April 27, 2014
Oh my god, Rachel, you can’t just call people gay #OrphanBlack #CloneClub #Clonesbians
– Belinda McD (@betterleftbl_nk) April 27, 2014
Cosima’s dress > Allison’s bump-it #OrphanBlack #clonesbians
– Dana Piccoli (@DanaPiccoli) April 27, 2014
#clonesbians If Delphine’s faking it, she’s doing damn good job. Well she had all those years with straight men.
– Corgiluve62 (@Corgiluver62) April 27, 2014
Tatiana Maslany totally clam jammed Tatiana Maslany. #clonesbians #OrphanBlack
– Mary Reiter (@MaryReiter) April 27, 2014
Auntie Alison is super not ok. #clonesbians
– Jenna Lykes (@jennalykes) April 27, 2014
“My sexuality is not the most interesting thing about me” That’s why Cosima is the best #clonesbians #CloneClub #OrphanBlack
– Catherine (@CMeushaw) April 27, 2014
Yes Delphine, please make crazy science with Cosima in the new lab. Repeatedly. I’ll get the popcorn. #OrphanBlack #clonesbians
– BobGrrl (@BobGrrl) April 27, 2014
