Hello Seattle! It’s it a beautiful morning? Why am I so chipper you ask? Why, because it’s Richard Webber’s birthday! The former chief is greeted with well wishes by Bailey and Arizona, and Owen joins the bandwagon. He asks Richard to meet with him later, which Richard assumes is a ruse to get him to a surprise birthday party. As Owen leaves he hands Richard a folder for him to peruse. It’s a retirement packet. Happy fucking birthday indeed.
In the basement of the hospital, is Meredith’s 3D printer and the future of her research lies in the hands of a young bio-engineer named Eric. Eric is a fully capable engineer but Meredith is feeling a tad overprotective of her project, so she assigns Stephanie to stay with him while he reads the enormous printer manual. Fun for all, Meredith.
Shane, meanwhile, is meeting with parents of young children who have had heart conduit failures. He and Cristina are trying to put together a trial for their conduit, and all the parents are desperate to get their ailing children in the study. Cristina eagerly pours over the scans of the potential patients, trying to pick the best candidates, when Owen comes in. She quickly changes focus to something much more pressing than tiny human heart conduits. Owen’s love life. She thinks there should be an algorithm to find him the perfect mate. He tells her there is. It’s called online dating. (Cris, you could try hotforginger.com, which is a for real thing. Just saying.)
Jackson and April are still flying high on a cloud of marital bliss when a cold wind blows through the hospital. Babies cry, and old ladies clutch their pearls, for Hurricane Catherine Avery has arrived in Seattle. Jackson and April tremble. Without an iota of expression, Catherine says, “I hear congratulations are in order.” Man, she’s cold as ice.
Bailey and Leah are working together on a patient named Greg who is complaining of pain in his side. His wife tells the docs that he’s had it for a decade. Bailey runs an ultrasound and she and Leah are shocked at what they see. Bailey plays it cool in front of the patient, but drags Leah into the hall and tells her to speak to no one of their discovery. Meredith runs into the women who spill the beans about the patient, and she instructs them to get Richard involved. OH WHAT COULD IT BE!?
While everyone else is playing Name that Malady, Callie and Owen sit in a conference room waiting for Derek, who is confused why his surgery has been cancelled. Callie explains that the sensors they used in their research are intellectual property, and it might be wise for Derek to lawyer up.
Shane is still conducting interviews with potential patients, when a teenage girl makes her way into the room and plops herself down. He’s confused since the study is for children one-to-four years old, but the young girl named Cheryl tells him proudly that she snuck her way in. He tries to politely tell her that she does not quality for the study, but she cuts him off and breaks out the big guns. She’s hella pregnant.
Richard is still upset about the retirement packet, but the lady docs have something that will cheer him up. They show him scans of Greg’s chest cavity, and inside there is a leg, spine, and OH MY GOD A SMALL PERSON. OK so the technical term is fetus in fetu. By the way, do not Google image that. Trust me. It’s apparently as rare as a unicorn tear, so Richard is all smiles. Happy birthday to him. I can relate Richard. I felt the same way when I got a surprise Blooming Onion sent to my table at Outback two birthday’s ago. Bliss.
Jo has yet to sign the “love contract” that Alex keeps bugging her about because she thinks it’s kind of creepy. It is. Arizona interrupts their conversation to tell Alex about an awesome surgery they get to do. Without Jo. Because she’s banished due to their forbidden love.
Richard, Bailey and Leah go to Greg to explain the twin that is enveloped inside of him. He will need surgery to remove the fetus in fetu, but Greg isn’t trying to hear that, see. He just found out he has a brother. I bet tossing the football around will prove to be a challenge there, Greg.
Shane feels guilty but tells the teenager Cheryl that she doesn’t qualify. Right then, her water breaks. When he offers to contact her parents, she confesses that her parents don’t speak to her anymore because of the pregnancy. She begs him to ask Yang to give her a conduit. When Shane approaches Cristina about it, she refuses to hear any details about the patient because she doesn’t want to be biased. She only wants to know about the heart, and if it doesn’t belong to a one-to-four year old child, then it doesn’t fit the criteria.
The next time Owen sees Cristina, she wants to know how his online dating is going. You know, cuddles and bowling dates, that sort of thing.
Back in the Torres vs Shepard match, Callie comes out swinging. Even Derek’s hair looks bewildered. She tells Derek that the sensors were co-developed with her research. Banning her from them, will end with Derek’s ass in a courtroom. Derek doesn’t think that’s fair, but Owen asks them to play nice and leave it until the board can convene.
In an even more awkward conference room, Jackson, his mother and April sit together to discuss a post nuptial agreement. Catherine doesn’t think April has much character considering she left a man at the alter, humiliating him and Stephanie, and running away to marry Jackson. Jackson has had about enough of his mother’s insults and he storms out, with April behind him. April says she doesn’t care about his Avery money and she’ll sign any dumb old form they put in front of her. Jackson tells her that this is a conversation for the two of them, not one that his mother gets to dictate.
Richard is always in his prime while teaching, and today, he is holding court in Greg’s room. He tells the packed room, and people pressed against the partition, that this fetus in fetu is the Halley’s Comet of their careers. Owen struts in, and Richard throws him some major shade, telling him to get in line. So Owen walks out with his tail between his legs, while Richard triumphs. When Richard begins to explain again how special Greg’s twin is, Greg declares that he isn’t having the surgery. He’s got a Mona Lisa growing out of his ribcage. You can’t destroy a masterpiece.
At lunch, Meredith brags about the fetus in fetu case, while Alex grumbles and Cristina shows them pictures of eligible bachelorettes just waiting to get Owen’s rose. Alex is mad because Jo won’t sign the contract, which means they have to stay away from each other at the hospital. Callie and Arizona join them, and Callie is hating hard on Derek. She doesn’t even care that his wife is sitting right across from her. Cristina finds another match and asks the table if she’s hot. Arizona makes the mistake of answering in the affirmative and gets a taste of Callie’s wrath. Meredith gets paged so she leaves Callie to stew.
Meredith and Bailey respond to the pages that Greg’s surgery is off, and Richard promises he will make him change his mind. The best birthday ever, just took a turn south.
The teenager Cheryl is now in labor and Shane is trying to help her. She tells him that she was supposed to die young, so she ran off to have adventures and she got knocked up in the process. She was resigned to dying, but now with the baby coming, she wants to live.
When Alex approaches Jo over the document again, she tells him that she worries that signing the paperwork will be the kiss of death to their relationship. Alex is just plain frustrated now because instead of doing surgeries and truly learning, Jo is stuck doing grunt work until this situation is resolved. Arizona comes by to grab Alex for surgery, and he openly brags about how cool it will be. He’s not above trying the jealously tactic.
Away from their lawyers, Derek tries to reason with Callie. What he calls “sharing”, she calls “stealing.” He tries to be all teacherly for a moment, showing her examples on the whiteboard, but that only serves to infuriate Callie more. She grabs his marker and drawn a picture of him, being the white hot butthole of the universe. Wait, I combined analogies. Actually, let’s keep it that way.
Shane pages Cristiana to come see Cheryl. When she arrives, she feels set up and yells at him in private. She feels that Shane gets too emotionally involved, and he needs to take a step back and do his job.
Richard, being the brilliant guy his is and perhaps feeling a kinship with Greg’s twin, tries a new tactic. He calls the fetus in fetu a treasure that has great value, and shouldn’t be simply tosses aside. Richard promises that Greg will let him remove the twin, that he can take it home. Now that is a conversations starter at dinner parties. “What’s that?” “Oh, I think you mean, who is that?” Greg agrees to the surgery.
Still at each other’s throats are Callie and Derek. She shouts that her research is just as important as his. He gets all alpha dog in response and tells her flatly that his name is on the patents, and she will never win this battle in court. She softens a bit at this, knowing that Derek isn’t really this kind of guy. He’s not used to having to answer to anyone, and she thinks he’s scared to say no to them. He’s a good guy who feels terrible about this because he knows it’s wrong, and now she can see that.
Cristina is relentless with the online profile for Owen and makes him sit down to fill out the rest of the questions. What does he look for in a woman, for example? Well, she has to be Cristina Yang-shaped, with Cristian Yang’s brain and heart. Oh, and also, she needs to be Cristina Yang. Owen isn’t ready to let Cristina go, and tells her that there is only one person that can be his special someone. Her.
April, Jackson and Catherine meet again with cooler heads to talk about the postnup agreement. April agrees to sign, but that’s not enough to satisfy Catherine. She wants to know how they will raise their future children. The children who will become Avery Foundation Board Members at 18. What religion will they be raised in? How will they be raised to think about abortion, and stem cell research? There are two things you do not fuck with in Catherine’s world. Her son and her foundation. April is toast. Jackson and his mother proceed to scream at each other until April breaks it up. She tells Catherine how much she loves Jackson and how sorry she is for their behavior as of late. She knows they hurt Catherine and she wants to apologize. April tells Jackson to do the same. Catherine finally cries about not being a part of her son’s special day and they hug.
The fetus operation is in full swing and it’s the hottest ticket in town. Bailey is on cloud nine and totally in her element. Stephanie walks in to ask Meredith’s permission to stop babysitting Eric and observe. Permission denied! Richard comments that a find like this is of great medical importance and should be shared, not stuck on a shelf and left to molder. Projecting much?
Cheryl is about to have her baby and calls out to Shane to reach out to her mother. She can’t do this alone, and needs her family badly. Shane knows they can’t be there for her now, so he stays with her and helps support her through the delivery.
Derek brings Callie into his office where he sets up a call with Lloyd from NIDS and the White House Project. The Skype is still not working correctly, so Lloyd can’t see Derek but Derek can see him. Lloyd turns to camera to show Derek that he’s assembled an impressive and intimidating group of people to join in on the call. Derek knows what’s the what, and places a little sticky note that says “No Bullies” on his monitor. Derek explains that by pulling the sensors from his and Callie’s previous project, they would be “thwarting innovation” which is all kinds of messed up. Derek agrees to share the sensors only if Callie’s project can continue. Lloyd starts to balk, but Derek tells him he will walk if this condition isn’t met. The committee agrees to find a way to make it work. Callie is thrilled and does a little dance for all the lesbians out there.
Greg is recovering nicely from his surgery, so Richard presents him with the removed twin in a bucket. When Greg opens it, expecting some sort of profound experience, he finds something horrifying. He screams and gives it back to Richard. Richard wins again! He sees Bailey in the hall and asks her about his party. She swears there isn’t one, and he plays it off like he was joking. He does have a fetus in fetu in a bucket, so he’s feeling OK, party or no party.
Stephanie and Eric the bio-engineer are looking over some of his really incredible ideas when Meredith comes in. She’s ready to get down to business. She explains that this project is her baby and nobody puts baby in the corner. So they all get started.
Cheryl and baby are doing well for the time being, but she knows without help, that her child will grow up without a mother. Shane tries to comfort her and explain to her some other options, like organ transplant. He offers to call her mother, because she could use someone to lean on from now on.
Richard and Catherine are all dressed up for a birthday dinner on the town. Catherine is actually proud of her son for going after his true love. Richard tells Catherine about Owen trying to push him toward retirement. She razzes him that he better not because they are just starting their lives together. They kiss and she encourages him to smile and act surprised as she leads him into a huge party. Everyone is there. Bailey, Arizona, Meredith…who the hell is still working at the hospital? Callie and Derek arrive a little late, but triumphant, leaving both their wives confused but happy.
Cristina slides up to Owen at the bar to show him that over 20 women have responded to his online dating profile. He doesn’t care. He wants to go home with Cristina.
Alex tries a new tactic with Jo. He promises not to make her any promises. He just wants to make out with her and stop hiding. She agrees and signs it, and they can finally kiss without fear of disciplinary action.
After all the madness with Jackson’s mother, he and April finally sit down and start discussing some big issues. She wants to raise the kids very Christian, him, not so much. She doesn’t want them at board meetings at 15. She was thinking along the lines of 4H. He brings up boarding schools, she’s shocked. Looks like these two have a lot to hash out.
Owen finds Richard to finally have that conversation, and Richard is on the defensive about retirement. Owen doesn’t want Richard to retire though. In fact, he wants to appoint Richard to Residency Director, since he has made such an impact as a teacher and mentor. Just then, everyone raises their glasses, and Shane proposes a toast to Richard. Richard smiles and tells Owen he will consider the offer.
A huge thank you to my new screencapper Chen Drachman who you should totally follow on Twitter (@shokoshik) and Tumblr. She’s delightful.
Here are some of our favorite #GreysGays tweets from this week’s episode. (Wasn’t the music so on point yet again this week?)
Nerdy Arizona is one of my favourite Arizonas #GreysAnatomy #GreysGays
– Courtney Cole (@MsCourtneyCole) March 21, 2014
Wow. Fast-talking Callie lawyering Derek was hotsome. #greysgays
– Molly (@OnlyForRophy) March 21, 2014
Yeah, if you want to be with me you cannot have a little human in your body, or a jar. #dealbreaker #GreysGays
– Jennifer (@JenKasper81) March 21, 2014
I LOVE WHEN THE LYRIC OF A SONG MATCHES PERFECTLY WITH AN ACTION ON A SHOW #kisskiss #GreysAnatomy #GreysGays
– Valerie Anne (@PunkyStarshine) March 21, 2014
“Tell him it’s a demon!” Sometimes I dislike Leah, but this is seriously not one of those times. #GreysAnatomy #GreysGays
– Nicole Duguay (@nicoleduguay) March 21, 2014
No! This meeting can’t be over until Debbie Allen jumps up on the table & tells Kepner she’s gonna start paying IN SWEAT #GreysGays
– Tippi McCullers (@ali_steventon) March 21, 2014
