“Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.” recap (1.15): Sif Happens

Previously on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Coulson & Co. went searching for the miracle drug that was one puzzle piece of the thousand-piece puzzle that brought him back from the dead after the Battle of New York. They found the drug, blew up a mountain range and killed two innocent agents to secure it, and, as an added bonus, Coulson found the blue alien that was supplying the drug via its own life force. You know, before the mountains came crashing down around its alien ears. Simmons nursed Skye back to health with her TLC (and the aforementioned alien drug), while also confessing that she simply cannot live without her (gaaaaay). And Lorelei of Asgard landed in the desert in California and hijacked some lady’s new husband.

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Due to science and my own experiences, I believe ginger people have 350 percent more persuasive powers than average human beings, but Lorelei of Asgard also has the advantage of superpowers, so she is pretty much unstoppable. After stealing that one husband in the desert, she quickly abandons him for the head of a biker gang (Name: Rooster) because she wants to build herself an army.

On the bus, Simmons is flitting around Skye like a beautiful British butterfly, refusing to let her get out of bed. Skye goes, “It’s like you’ve got a tracker on my fanny or something.” Simmons drops her clipboard and gasps, all, “A what on your what?” And Skye is all, “Fanny. You know, my butt. It’s like every time my butt tries to get out of bed you know about it.” Simmons’ face is red as a sunset. She gulps real big. “Fanny” in England does not mean the same thing as “fanny” in the United States. She scolds herself, silently, for thinking about Skye’s fannies, either one of them. Skye breaks the silence by noting how strict Dr. Simmons is and Simmons fires back that Patient Skye is unruly and stubborn.

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Simmons also draws gallons and gallons of blood from Skye’s body, but no matter how many tests she does, she can’t find any traces of the miracle meds that saved her life, and Coulson refuses to let her send the blood off for Boss S.H.I.E.L.D. to analyze. May tries her hardest to get him to talk about what the heck happened to him down in those mountains, and when he demures, she suggests that he talk to Skye about it, at the very least.

But then! They get orders to check out some big time Asgardian activity in the desert! You’re forgiven if you stay off of Tumblr and Twitter and figured this was just another lame alien helmet situation. But also you are wrong. Because in the desert is The Lady Sif, the number one best part of all the Thor movies! On the downside, she’s in unrequited love with Thor (and any guy who ever gets to wield his hammer, in the books), but on the upside, she is a BAMF whose face is Jaimie Alexander‘s face. S.H.I.E.L.D. is shocked to see her, descending from the heavens like an angel of war, but not as shocked as she is to see Coulson (“Son of Coul,” awww!) alive.

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She’s come to fetch Lorelei, who, it turns out, broke free from her jail cell when the Dark Elves ripped the place up in Thor: The Dark World.

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