The episode starts out with Lauren telling Cory that she is preggers. Cory wrinkles up his nose and goes, “Huh?” Then he pauses and says, “Not from me!”
Lauren tells him she used a condom with the other guy she was schtupping. Cory reminds her that he and she only had sex two days ago. “You know it’s not mine,” he says.
Can Maury move into the house as a roommate? Pretty please?
There is a knock at the door. It is Doug, the hapless random guy in Episode 2 who tried to kiss Jenny but was denied. He arrives bearing flowers for Jenny and asks her out. She rejects him a second time, telling him Brian is now a roommate and she and Brian are working things out. But Doug continues to tag along like a lost puppy.
Cory goes to Lauren and tells her there is no way that the baby is his. He tells her he is really upset.
“But I need you!” she says.
“I can’t,” he says and walks out of the room.
Lauren and Cory’s mutual friend is on the phone with Cory, and Jamie overhears Cory telling their friend that Lauren is pregnant. Armed with this piece of juicy information, Jamie sees Arielle and tells her the news.
As the news spreads around the house, Lauren tells Jenna that she is hurt that Cory is not being supportive, considering all the time he has cheated on her.
You know what’s crazier than lesbian drama? Straight people drama.
Meanwhile, Jenny is trying to shake the Doug the puppy loose. In the last episode Jenny told us that men are like puppies. You only give treats when they do things like bring in newspapers. So she turns away the nice guy bearing gifts and gives the time of day to the other two guys who are pissing all over the house.
Brian comes into the room and Jenny tells him that Doug came by to bring her flowers, but she turned him away because she and Brian are working things out. She tells Brian she was afraid to tell him because she thought he would get mad. Brian, for once, just shrugs. So perhaps Brian is trainable after all? Give him a Milk Bone. Good doggie!
Lauren and Cory talk to one of the producers about whether Lauren should return home. Cory continues to berate Lauren, telling her she should not have put herself in that position. The producer tells him that he isn’t the one going through the situation and to be quiet. Cory, it’s not all about you. Bad doggie!
Brian, still tentative about how things are going with Jenny, has been withholding sex. “I want him to let go of the penis chastity that he has on his penis,” she tells us.
Arielle, who has thus far been the only emotionally intelligent person in the house, approaches Lauren and comforts her. Then Lauren gets on the phone with her friend back home, and they both decide that Lauren going home would be best.
Lauren goes to talk to Cory and reveals that she did not in fact use a condom with the other guy but she used Plan B the day after. Cory becomes incensed, but then Lauren reminds him she stuck by him when he had his first pregnancy scare.
Back story: Cory and a girl back home were seeing each other his freshman year in college, and one day she told him she was pregnant. He moved back home to be there for the kid but then found out that the girl fabricated the entire pregnancy. But Lauren supported him the entire time.
“I can’t be there for you. I’m not like you,” Cory tells her. I think the Dog Whisperer should move in as well.
Through all of this Arielle and Ashley keep acting cute. Arielle tells us that she is always surrounded by cameras and crazy people but when Ashley is around, it is like she is in the eye of the storm, and there is nothing but calm around her.
Later that night the gang goes to a club. Lauren decides to go as well, because she needs to have some fun. While at the club, Cory starts hitting on a girl. Lauren shoves Cory, tells him he hates her and leaves.
Back at the house, Lauren is a mess and out of all people it is Jenny who is comforting her. Cory storms in and insults Jenny, telling him he was the one hurt by all of this and storms off like a child. Jenny tells Lauren that both Cory and Jenny had pregnancy scares, both had done the same thing to each other, i.e. slept with other people while on a break, so Cory has no reason to behave like this.
Jenny and Brian tell us that it is their fifth year anniversary, and they go out to dinner to celebrate. Both of them yammer on about how they eventually want to settle down with kids and just sit around barbecueing and making salads. Brian tells Jenny that he wants to make it happen, so he will go to college, and Jenny tells him she hopes he decides to go somewhere nearby in California.
Tom and Hailey decide to make an internet video together, and Jamie decides to walk around behind them photobombing. Hailey decides to jump up and make faces at the camera too.
“I with y’all knew what was going through my head right now,” Tom says out loud. Well, there’s one guy, two girls who he is attracted to, and they’re both attracted to him, and they are recording an internet video. Perhaps Tom is hearing cheesy porn music in his head.
Segue to Brian and Jenny making brownies in the kitchen. They both say “oooh” and “ahh” and lick the batter off the spatula, as the film editor dials the speed down to slow motion. Then, the sound engineer reaches into Tom’s head and cuts in the cheesy porn music. Brian tells us he has decided it is time to sleep with Jenny, and they climb into bed together. Who knew Betty Crocker was an aphrodisiac. Go, Betty!
Arielle and Jamie go shopping for clothes, and Arielle tells us that before she and Ashley got together she used to dress in a more masculine style. She returns home to see Jay and Cory reading things people have said about the cast on the internet. (Don’t do that, kids. The internet is where trolls go to breed and multiply. Nothing good ever comes out of reading anything anyone said about you on the internet.) Arielle finds out that people are speculating whether she is a transwoman. She wrinkles her forehead at the screen, telling us that she was born a woman and is a woman.
Tom and Cory are lounging in one of the bedrooms. “Bro, you know what this calls for? A dose of maturity. Just be nice,” Tom tells Cory. Cory decides to take Lauren out to dinner, where Cory tells her that he will be there for her because she was there for him with the first pregnancy drama. Then Lauren packs her belongings and gives a tearful farewell to the roommates.
Next the producers ask Ashley how she would like Arielle to dress. Ashley says that she would like Arielle to dress more girly. Arielle borrows some of Tom’s clothes and then everyone goes to a club. At the club, Ashley and Arielle get into an argument about Arielle’s wardrobe. Arielle tells us that she hides her masculine fashion presentation from Ashley, because Ashley doesn’t like it.
Ashley yells at Arielle as they are walking down the street, “You’re wearing Tom’s clothes!” Arielle decides she is going to show Ashley all of her men’s clothes, because at this point, she’s honey badger. She don’t care, and she don’t give a shit. Arielle tosses all her masculine clothes onto the bed, and Ashley starts flipping out.
Then Ashley starts complaining that Arielle has been hiding her desire to dress in a masculine way from her and that she doesn’t like it. Hold up. Wait a minute. First she’s mad when Arielle wears masculine attire, and now she’s mad when Arielle doesn’t wear masculine attire, because then she’s not being real. This doesn’t even make any sense.
Then they make up and are cute again. Ashley decides it is better for Arielle to be herself than to hide her true self from her.
Then Arielle invites some of her local friends over, all of whom are either lesbian or trans*. One of her trans* friends is a transman named Kingston.
Cory, Tom and Jay are amazed that Kingston looks so much like a bio male. Jay immediately tells us that he apologizes in advance if anyone says anything disrespectful because he is still in the process of learning.
Cory is more blunt. “I’m ignorant about this shit.”
In the kitchen, Arielle is dealing with her own fear of being labeled trans*, and she tells her friends that since she was called trans* on the internet, she hasn’t worn a beanie since. Everyone tells her to wear anything she wants.
“You rock that shit,” says Jamie.
Brian tells the room that he believes that trans* people are born knowing the gender that they are, and over time, they complete how they are physically on their own to match how they feel on the inside. Arielle is pleasantly surprised that Brian gets it.
“Celebrate this brother right here,” says Kingston, pointing at Brian.
Arielle tells us that she is an androgynous girl and that she is putting her beanie on immediately.
Then the roommates decides to split off. The guys are going to have a boys’ night, and the ladies are all going to a lesbian bar. Brian and Jenny decide that neither of them will dance up on women while they are out. Jenny is a good girl, but Brian decides to hit on a girl and make out with her. Bad doggie! Bad doggie!
“Damn, I’m in trouble,” Brian tells us. “If she finds out, she’s going to go crazy. She’s going to beat my ass.”
Right, she’s never going to find out when you’re being filmed 24-7. Sleep with one eye open, Brian.