At the end of the last episode, the stink bomb that was advertised all season finally landed in the Real World house – the exes moved in. First, everyone thinks their exes are just there to visit for a couple of days, but then the exes tell them that they are there to stay.
No one is amused, except Arielle, who is seen blissfully rolling around on the floor with Ashley. After coming up for air, she realizes that the rest of the house is experiencing emotions that are the exact opposite of bliss.
“I’m jumping with joy because my girl is moving in with me, and I look around and notice everyone is not as happy as I am,” she tells us. U-hauls. Lesbians. You know the drill.
As the rest of the house wanders around in a state of shock befuddlement, Arielle starts giggling. “It’s about to go down!” she blurts out, and she collapses on the floor in uncontrollable laughter. Drama. Lesbians. You know the drill.
Hailey, Thomas’ ex, assures Thomas that she will respect his relationship with Jamie. She tells him that it wasn’t her choice to come to the house and she will make the best out of the situation. So, the producers kidnapped everyone against their will? Am I missing something?
Jamie realizes that everyone’s ex is there except hers and just to make sure she will not be surprised by him jumping out of a trash can unannounced, she calls her friends back home, who assure her that he and his mousy hair will not be showing up in San Francisco. Thomas is upset that Jamie is freaking out about her ex, and he thinks that this is because she may still have feelings for her ex.
Meanwhile, Brian has discovered that he is severely allergic to cats, if cats were personal trainers named Cory. Cory isn’t a fan of Brian either. “It’s because you guys are both buff dudes and you guys have anger issues,” concludes Jenny.
Brian goes off to play pool with Jay and Thomas. He is still steamed about Cory’s existence, and Thomas tells us that if Brian has a problem with Cory, then he also has a problem with Jay and Thomas, and “That will not be good for his pretty boy face.”
Cory decides to jump in the shower to cool off, and Lauren, his ex, decides that she will join him. He doesn’t object, and Jay wanders into the bathroom, sees the two of them inspecting each other’s private parts. “Oh, this is how your friendship works? Nice friendship!” he exclaims, before shaking his head and scooting out of the bathroom. Then Jenny walks in and immediately walks out, telling us that she and Cory will be severing ties.
Later, Thomas tells us that Jamie and Hailey will probably rip each other’s faces off. Hailey tells Lauren she can see herself getting back together with Thomas. Thomas says that Hailey and Lauren can get belligerent while drunk, and when that happens, there could be drama. And since The Real World is all about getting sloshed, there is no way Hailey and Lauren will not have drama.
Jenny and Brian are having their own issues. Brian tells Jenny he will flirt with as many girls that he wants, and this spurs Jenny to call a pow wow with Arielle and Jamie. They agree to vote Brian out of the house if he disrespects Jenny. So, is this The Real World or Survivor?
Later on. Jenny and Brian make up. “We love hard and hate hard,” Jenny explains.
Thomas is in over his head with Hailey and Jamie. He tries to talk to Hailey about Jamie, and Hailey decides to cut him off, and he walks off, confused. Later on, Hailey “finds” an old photo of her and Thomas when they were all cute and lovey dovey and finds a way to show it to him. Meanwhile, Jamie has picked up on Hailey’s intentions. Thomas is like one of those toddlers in the Star Wars movies who are just beginning to learn how to use the force, whereas Hailey and Jamie are full blown Jedi Masters.
To illustrate this point, Jamie decides to act as a wingwoman for Hailey to see if it gets a rise out of Thomas. She gets to act like a friend to Hailey, which makes her look like the better person, but in reality, she wants to see where she stands with Thomas. Sneaky sneaky.
The housemates go to a park, and Thomas sits around looking confused. He likes Jamie. He likes Hailey. They’re running circles around him, and he’s getting dizzy. Then Thomas has an idea. He tells us that if he and Jamie lose the title of boyfriend and girlfriend then Jamie cannot get mad if he tries to do anything with Hailey. This is great it theory, but this is not how women work. You have much to learn, padawan.