Kimmie is lamenting that some people do things that seem like a good idea but end up not so much. Like adopting a box of kittens. It didn’t work out so well. Marika once got a whole scuba-outfit because it was on sale.
At work Kimmie tells Richard she’s breaking in a new bra and some woman comes in and says “Rolls,” to which Kimmie says “Rolls? Bitch, I Don’t even know you.” Respect! This British bitch in a fur is Richard’s ex Lucinda and wants to get drinks with him at 10. (“The stabbing hour” according to Helen-Alice.) Richard wants Kimmie to come with him because he needs an out. (Side note: Why the hell would Richard want to date cold bitches and why do cold bitches want to date him?)
Marika is in a tracksuit at the gym with her male friend Ruby. Marika intros him to a hot tennis skirt named Jenn, and Ruby gets an idea: Marika could be an excellent wingman/woman. He asks what she’s up to Saturday. (“Same old same old. Watch a Chuck Norris movie, wash out the sports bras, bake a ham, not necessarily in that order.”) When Ruby asks her to come out with him instead, they high five. It’s a date! (Or is it?)
At drinks that night, Lucinda is all over Richard and it’s super awkward. (Was Kendall unavailable for this episode so they brought in some other terrible person?) Kimmie keeps trying to help Richard as he asked her to, but then he decides to join Lucinda for a nightcap.
Oh yay, there’s Kendall! In the elevator the next day, Kimmie starts telling her what happened with Lucinda, and Kendall has a natural response: “Is she pretty? Who is skinnier, her or me?” Kimmie confirms that she’s prettier, skinnier and she’d win the final Bachelor rose from God. (This is a real convo.) Now that she knows she’s won, Kendall tells Kimmie to leave Richard be. He’s a big boy and can handle himself. Except he can’t. He’s late to a meeting because he’s passed out in his office, and I’m mostly amazed he even made it in. He’s wearing last night’s clothes and a lot of lipstick smeared on his face. Kimmie tells Kendall they need to take “that British bitch down.” Because everyone knows that the problem is always a BITCHY WOMAN.
The next day suddenly Lucinda is interested in hanging out with Kimmie, who has invited her to lunch. Lucinda wants Richard to invite all kinds of rich friends to come to a gallery opening she’s part of. Kimmie and Kendall are waiting for her to join them, and Kendall tells Kimmie she used to be able to stare at a girl and “within 10 seconds make her cry.” She’s proud of this and tells Kimmie to drop her bread just before Lucinda answers and Kimmie refers to her as a slut. (WHY, REBEL WILSON, WHY?)
Marika is shopping for her “date” and ponders a dress. “But what if we end up in the woods? Pant suit. Safer.” Helen-Alice is jealous because she wishes Benji would ask her on a date. Marika offers her friend $250 in cash if she will just call and ask Benji on a date herself. Who could refuse that? Benji is like, “Duh,” and Marika says she was only giving her the money if he said no, which Helen-Alice falls for. But she has a date!
Lucinda is bragging with ample cleavage before Kimmie and Kendall try to have their intervention. “Let me guess,” Lucinda says. “You’re the jealous ex who can’t move on and you’re the chubby girl with bad shoes who thought she had a chance with Prince Charming. Am I wrong?” They don’t argue and she tells them, “Richard is mine and I can do what I want with him.” I am seriously such a lesbian because I have no idea why Richard is some kind of hot piece that all the women on this show drool over.
Like the next night, when Lucinda tells him he’s the sexiest man in the room. Marika is wearing a leather jacket on her date when Ruby asks her to go talk to a hot chick with a braid so he can swoop in on her like the creep in a bad shirt he is. “I thought we were on a date,” Marika says. “What? What do you mean? You’re gay!”
Marika is stunned. “Excuse me? No, no – why would you even say that?”
“I don’t know, you built us a coffee table out of railroad ties.” The man has a point.
“Scavenging lumber for a more majestic rail system does not make me gay, Ruby, it just makes me thrifty! And deeply talented.” Marika also has a point.
Ruby apologizes and Marika is fine with being the Goose to his Maverick. She heads over to chat with the girl, Sidebraid, who was the quiet one in Pitch Perfect. She’s talking about all the people watching she’s doing, and she’s definitely a babe. Her name is Frankie G and Marika compliments her grip. “I coach tennis, no big deal, but yeah.” Then Ruby comes over and Frankie asks if Marika wants to hit the bar.
Kimmie is trying to convince Richard that Lucinda is changing him. “Perhaps most unsettling is the thumb ring,” she tells him. He thinks it’s fun. (It is not fun.) Richard points out that Kimmie tries things too, like a gluten-free diet, which she says was the longest hour of her life. Richard is fine with his new partying lifestyle of drinking and missing work and Kimmie and Kendall need to stop being jealous. “I’d be fine if you just stayed the hell out of my life!” Richard tells them. Take his advice, ladies. He is not all that.
Back at Kimmie’s, they are still obsessing over Richard. That’s a whole scene. Meanwhile, Richard walks in on Lucinda frenching some guy. I’m sure no one saw that coming. Teachable moment in which Richard breaks up with haughty British woman who just wanted his friends with money to buy her art.
In the morning, Ruby comes by to ask Marika on a real date. “I think you’re great, Rubes,” she says, “but I think it’d be better we just be friends.” He tries to add “benefits” to the deal but she was like, “Um, no.” On her iPad, she’s accepting a friend request from Frankie G. Sidebraid and looks a little confused. LESBIAN FEELINGS. Finally.
But Kimmie and Kendall need to smooth things over with Richard so they are in his office apologizing. Kendall has a hard time saying she was wrong about something, but Kimmie is nice and genuine about it. And Richard says sorry too. Everything is fine, except Richard is worried because he keeps “going after the wrong girl” and he wonders why. I do, too. WHY, RICHARD?
There are only three more episodes left and one of them is titles “Lesbihonest.” A little birdie told me that Marika’s sexuality is definitely further explored in the next few episodes, so there’s payoff for all of us watching because of her.