“Black Sails” will premiere on the Starz network January 25, but the first episode was released early online over the weekend. You can watch it here or on Amazon, iTunes, Xbox Video or the Machinima (all for free).
Ahoy, mateys! Shiver me timbers, we’ve caught ourselves one heck of a show here. Beware, below you will find a bit of unsavory language (the phrase “curse like a sailor” exists for a reason).
But I promise to keep the recap PG-13, unlike the show which is surely rated arrrrr.I also promise that’s the last time I’ll ever talk like a pirate. (Though I can’t promise that was my last pirate pun.)
Let’s get to it, we have a lot of people to meet, and only some of them will survive this, the pilot episode of Black Sails.
The scene: 1715 West Indies
A ship is under siege. A member of the crew, who I have dubbed Smee, runs into the Captain’s chambers and rips a very particular page out of the Captain’s Log. A long-haired sailor runs into the room and catches him, but Smee turns the tables and calls the sailor a coward for hiding. The sailor accuses him of being the same, but Smee is just a cook, he has no loyalty, and will gladly join the ranks of their attacker, Captain Flint.
The two men fight, the sailor wanting whatever it was Smee stole from the Captain.
On the upper deck (I’m going to have to learn some ship lingo), the captain of the ship is hiding members of his crew from Captain Flint’s men. Everything goes quiet, and they listen intently. Then they hear a howl and marching. A sailor peeks out the door and sees a barrel slowly roll toward their room. Kaboom. The barrel blows the door to smithereens.
In rush a motley crew of terrifying humans, attacking the hiding men. A man in a turban puts an end to the fighting, the scared captain surrendering. Captain Flint, I presume.
The opening sequence is kind of eerie, but in a beautiful way? I’m a fan.
The pirates raid the ship they’ve conquered, and they end up in the Captain’s quarters, where the long-haired soldier is standing over Smee’s body, claiming he killed himself. He introduces himself as John Silver, and as a great cook.
One pirate, with an extremely scarred face, tells the captive crew that their beef is with the captain, who is now tied to the mast.
Scar wants new recruits, and wants to be captain, so he wants to take on a few of the men from the raided ship. Another pirate tells him that they can only afford to take on one, the “cook.”
Captain Flint approaches the tied up captain and asks for the mission page of the Captain’s Log. The tied up captain, I guess because he figures he has nothing to lose, accuses Flint of not having control of his crew.
Scar, proving the captain’s point, is giving Flint a hard time when someone calls out that they see sails. It’s the Royal Navy, someone who is supposed to be in Boston, so they head for shore.
The First Mate points out to Captain Flint that they’ve had a few lean months, because Captain Flint doesn’t trust them enough to tell them their real purpose, and his men have just been following him blindly. Buzz below deck is that they think Scar would be a better captain.
This doesn’t make Flint very happy, but he has a plan. He’s going to someone named Guthrie, who can help them get the info that was on the missing page– a schedule of some sort.
Before he can go into more detail, the ship docks. They’ve made it “home.”
Home is Nassau, New Providence Island. It is a magical place.
John Silver asks if it’s English soil, but it’s not anymore. It’s pirate soil. A whole pirate island. They unload the cargo they stole on their voyage– it will go to the Guthries, who will then sell it.
A couple of pirates grab John Silver and tell him in hushed, serious tones that Blackbeard wants to meet the new kid. They warn him not to show any fear and shove him into a room to face a pirate surrounded by ladies…and IS a lady. Apparently a pirate hazing ritual is to feed the newbie to an entire brothel. John Silver didn’t seem to upset about it, to be honest.
Downstairs, a blonde woman chases a man out of her office, telling him to stop being such a guppy. She then addresses the room – if anyone else is a scaredy-cat, they can get the fuck out. (Her words, not mine.)
Someone heckles her and tells her to go fuck herself. She struts right up to him, asking one of her men who the heckler is. When she finds out he’s one of their top earners, she looks pleased. She tells him that when she’s near a top earner, she gets wet, so she WILL go fuck herself, thank you very much. As it turns out, she’s a Guthrey.
Captain Flint’s First Mate asks Guthrey for money to help Flint get some more support so he doesn’t get ousted as captain. Guthrie’s advisor says it’s a terrible idea, but Guthrey herself agrees to the loan anyway. Guthrie’s man tells her that her father would not approve, and she says it’s a good thing her father isn’t here. A daddy’s girl, she is not.
Speaking of Master Guthrey, Captain Flint is off to visit the man… who is less than pleased to see him.
John Silver wakes up from his post-brothel haze and finds one of the prostitutes with his missing page. She says he was distracted by it even while having five prostitutes at once, so she knows it must be important. She tries to blackmail him into half of whatever it’s worth, but finally he admits he doesn’t even know what it’s worth. Silver and the prostitute sneak out to the ship to find the book the page goes to.
Meanwhile, Captain Flint tells Master Guthrey the plan they’ve been shadily referring to all day – one of his spies overheard a sailor telling an English merchant about a Spanish ship that holds $5 million worth of treasure. That English merchant is the one Flint and his crew just raided, and found the story written in his Captain’s Log, which is how he knew it to be true (and why he needed the missing page). What Flint needs from Guthrie is an introduction to a man in Havana who can help him figure out the schedule without the page. Guthrey basically laughs in his face.
Billy tries to keep the Captain from breaking all Guthrie’s fingers, but they’re interrupted by Captain Hume who is a big fan of gossip and shame. He tells Guthrey there’s a rumor that his business operates by way of pirates and moves to take the three men into custody.
Guthrey is shot while they’re trying to get away. xoxo Captain Gossip.
Scar approaches a group of sailors to try to win back some of the votes the First Mate had stolen for Captain Flint, but they were interrupted, this time by someone named Captain Vane. Who has a scary-ass ladypirate with him.
A randy ladypirate at that.
Eleanor Guthrie doesn’t take well to random slaughter, so when she catches wise, she punches Captain Vane in the face, who returns her the favor. Once they’re in private, she tells him to make it right, and to stop taking on Captain Flint, their highest earner. Captain Vane points out that Flint isn’t the highest earner anymore, and that the future is his. He also says that if she ever challenges him in front of his crew again (which might only consist of Moustache and Ladypirate?) He may forget he loved her once. It’s okay, Eleanor, you can do better.
Down in the pub, Silver and his prostitute-in-crime are talking strategy when they see Eleanor come down, looking upset. The prostitute goes to her immediately, takes her by the hand, and leads her into a bedroom.
She asks Eleanor who punched her, but knows it’s Vane before the question is even out. She gently tends to Eleanor’s bruise, then straddles her. She tells Eleanor she should have come to her as soon as the waters got choppy, because “Max is your harbor.” Eleanor confesses that it feels like everything is falling apart, becoming out of her control, but Max tells her to stop worrying about the worst. Max…”comforts” her. She tells her that “the world is so full of surprises.” Flint and Billy go off to sea to get rid of Guthrie’s body, on an open rowboat, in broad daylight, right next to their ship.
Billy is sick of all the lying, but Captain Flint says there’s a war coming, that pirates are going to be hunted, that they have to stick together. He also gets crazy-eyes and declares himself king. Surely that won’t go to his head almost immediately.
On their ship, Scar has called for a vote on who should be captain. Flint apologizes to his crew, and admits the truth about their real goals. He accuses Scar of stealing the missing page, and they swordfight.
Unsurprisingly to anyone who has ever seen a television show, Captain Flint wins the fight. He hands Billy a blank piece of paper, and after a moment of consideration, claims to all that it’s the missing page. (Silver checks, he still has the real page, and now has the distinct advantage of knowing the Captain and Billy are lying, even though they don’t KNOW he knows.)
Captain Flint gives an inspirational speech to his men, covered in blood, and they all cheer mightily.
Back on the island, answering a knock on the door, Max sneaks out of the room, leaving a naked Eleanor behind.
Once downstairs, Max sits the lap of one of Captain Vane’s men (Moustache) and says she has something he might want to buy.
What did you think of Black Sails? Are you as enamored with Eleanor Guthrie as I am?
