Last week on The Real World, drama oozed off the screen like pus from a lanced cyst–and the exes haven’t even moved in yet. The biggest troublemaker was Ashley, who quickly solidified herself as the H.A.M. (hot ass mess) of the house. Among other things, she threw hot oil in Arielle’s face, ran into the street half naked shrieking that everyone should get out of San Francisco because it is her city (despite being from West Virginia) and told Jamie and Cory that she is better than they are because her family is rich. Cory and Jenny smushed in bear suits, soiling the confessional with beary juice; Thomas and Jamie scratched each other’s backs and snuggled; and Arielle was normal.
Jenny wakes up after a night of bear suit sex with Cory and tells the camera that she doesn’t really want anyone to know that she slept with Cory, but since she said it on camera, now the entire country knows. If you want to keep things a secret, don’t sign up for a reality show, but if you did, just lie. Say that the blurry humping in the dark in bear suits is just a session of a hot new Bay Area trend: doing acroyoga as your spirit animals. It’s the Bay Area. People will believe it.
Arielle takes Ashley aside for a one on one, where she explains that throwing hot oil on another person’s face is simply not good manners. Ashley is perplexed, so Arielle tries again. She tells Ashley that throwing pillows at someone is one thing, but throwing smoking hot oil from a frying pan could actually hurt someone. “The actions that you take in this house affect everybody,” says Arielle, who is much more gracious than most of us could ever be. Ashley still looks confused, so Arielle decides to take the high road, hugs her and writes her off as mentally challenged.
But since the well being of the other house members is in jeopardy, Arielle decides to hold a team meeting to address Ashley’s behavior. “Let’s use conflict resolution without it resulting in anger and aggression,” says Arielle, ever the diplomat. Ashley starts becoming defensive so to diffuse the tension, Jamie decides that the other housemates don’t need to be present and she can talk to Ashley at a later time.
Later, at the Jamie/Ashley pow wow, Jamie tells Ashley that she is fine while sober, but when she is drunk she becomes a person who is tough to be around. Ashley decides to roll her eyes and spend her energy flat ironing her hair. Jamie realizes that she is talking to a brick wall and says that Ashley isn’t listening. Ashley says that she is perfectly sober at the moment and that Jamie is being a bitch. “Talk, not tell!” she yells, waving her hot pink flat iron like a magic wand as if to make the problem disappear, but she only ends up looking like a petulant child. And the problem does not disappear.
After a tour of San Francisco, the housemates hit a bar, and the first topic of conversation is dating Asian women. Arielle and Thomas both have a thing for Asian women, which is perfectly understandable. What’s not to like? As fellow AfterEllen writer Dara Nai said, “We have lower body fat and higher SATs.” After a bit of ribbing, Thomas tells the group that he has only slept with three women in his life, and everyone looks at him like he just crawled out of the ground like Encino Man.
“I slept with seven girls before I hit seventh grade,” quips Jay.
“You multiply that number time a hundred and you hit me,” says Cory.
“My number right now is like, 19? Something like that?,” says Arielle, who is having trouble remembering.
If what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, is it like if a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound? So did that count?
Later on Cory tells the other two guys that he is known as a player in his hometown. He also tells the camera that the house does not need to know about him and Jenny. Again, there is a camera–into which he is speaking. Sometimes I wonder if people who sign up for reality shows understand what a video camera does.
But sometimes you have so much to drink you don’t even realize that the cameras are there. The producers actually stepped in from behind the camera to interrogate Cory about his antics from last night. Apparently, he and Ashley got cozy, climbed into a cab, where Ashley gave Cory a lap dance.
The producer questions Jay and Ashley as well and the consensus is that Cory and Ashley might have made out. Ashley apologized to Jenny, and Jenny accepts the apology. “She is a sweet girl with bad behavior… like me,” says Jenny.
“The Real World: Ex-Plosion” recap (29.2): Numbers game