Last week on the premiere of Generation Cryo, we were introduced to Breeanna, a 17-year-old Nevadan with two lesbian moms who’s on a mission to meet both her sperm donor and the half-siblings she’s discovered through a website called Donor Sibling Registry. It’s the half-sibling part of this show-or “half-sibs,” as Bree refers to them-that’s the actual heart of it, and in Episode Numero Uno, we watched Bree fly across the country to meet Jonah and Hilit in Atlanta.
Episode Numero Dos starts in more of a whirlwind fashion. First, we see Bree graduating from high school. Aw, proud lesbian moms!
Bree then dashes off to LA, starting her summer vacation of meeting all the half-sibs she can. In LA, we meet Jesse and Jayme, who are the children of a single mother, Janis. Hilit and Jonah also fly in to join them. Hilit, Jonah, Jesse, and Jayme have actually known each other since they were small, as they were some of the first people to connect through the Donor Sibling Registry. Bree has also heard back about the DNA sample she took from Jonah last episode, but she’s waiting to look at it until they are all together. Half-sib DNA LA par-tay!
The situation around the dinner table in Jesse and Jayme’s house is much different than the atmosphere at Hilit and Jonah’s. Janis simply wanted kids and couldn’t find a suitable partner to do it with her, so she did it on her own. She’s always wanted to know who the sperm donor was, as did her kids. There’s no second parent that the donor could be seen to be “replacing” here, as Hilit and Jonah’s dad worried about, so it seems simpler. Although still, let’s take a minute to honor Janis for raising two kids on her own. You go, Mama.
Once the DNA results get busted out, however, it turns out that it’s not a total half-sib party, because Hilit is very uncomfortable with the whole thing. She leaves the room while they search online for who the best possible match might be and send an email to him. The email soon turns out to be a bummer, though, as the man replies that he hasn’t donated sperm and can’t help them. As Bree says, “That was a total boner kill email.”
Janis suggests another way-simply going to the cryobank and asking. So Bree, Jayme, and Jesse hold a meeting with a worker who is surprisingly friendly, where she explains they can send a letter to the donor requesting info, and they just have to wait to see what he says.
Hilit and Jonah, who have no desire to meet the donor, hang back and get ice cream and have an interesting conversation in which Hilit presses Jonah on why he’s so cool with this, and he asks her why she’s not. Jonah explains that he views it all as just helping out a friend, since Bree wants this so badly. Hilit says, but if it becomes real, then it’s NOT just helping out a friend, because it will inherently affect them, too, even if they don’t want to be affected. Jonah takes this in, more somber now, and agrees.
And then boom, Bree is off to Boston. My one complaint about this episode is that it feels like it goes way too fast. I liked watching Bree bond with Jonah and Hilit last week, but now, it feels like we hardly even get to see Jesse and Jayme in LA. But Boston holds big promise for Bree: she has FIVE half-sibs there, from three different families. The one we get to spend the most time with in this episode is yet another Jesse, who greets her at the airport. So many hugs at airports in this show! They could make a Love Actually montage.
They walk around the Common and Public Gardens, Bree rocking some lesbian butch chic, Jesse rocking the skinny Boston Jewish boy look. He shares some of his family background, which is perhaps the most complicated of all so far: he’s a cryo baby, but his younger sister isn’t. His parents tried for four years to have a baby before resorting to a donor for him, and were about to do the same for his sister, when suddenly, miraculously, they conceived. This creates a weird divide in his family, as he clearly feels singled out for being the weird donor baby while his sister isn’t. He mentions that a cousin once called him a bastard.
Jesse and Bree clearly get along from the start: they’re both sweet, slightly awkward, kind and down to earth, but the idea of meeting the donor splits them apart. Jesse feels weird about it, but not necessarily in the way that Hilit does. He doesn’t definitively not want to do it, he just feels weird about it. When Bree meets the rest of his family, I can kind of understand why. Both of his parents, dad included, seem like remarkably open and wonderful people, both completely supportive. His mom says that they are both miracles. But his sister says, “Yeah, but I’m natural.”
All righty, then, sister. Ouch. I mean, I know that at this age-she’s 15, and he’s 18-it’s natural for siblings to be catty to each other, but this whole having-different-bio-dads thing really throws a deeper wrench into it. I sense that Jesse feels that being a cryo baby is an embarrassment, and so Bree’s search in confirming that this dude exists would only be confirmation of a part of himself that he’s already uncomfortable about.
Things get even more uncomfortable when Jesse and Bree then have breakfast with Julian, another half sibling. Julian is a year older and in college, and is clearly more stand offish about the whole thing. He also has that pretentious, arty-boy-in-college air about him, which might be contributing to his indifference. Like the other Jesse and Jayme, he was raised by a single mom who just wanted a kid on her own. He does share that he contacted the cryobank and they sent the donor a letter for him months ago, but he hadn’t heard back yet. This news clearly deflates the hope about the cryobank that Bree had previously been feeling.Julian continues to say, however, that he doesn’t actually care if he writes back or not, and that Bree can continue to pursue him using other means, but that he views it as immoral. The donor wanted to be listed as anonymous for a reason. If he doesn’t want to be found, he doesn’t want to be found. It’s not their place to search him out.
Bree counters that you can’t jerk off into a cup and then not imagine that the offspring you produce will want to find you one day. She can’t understand not wanting to know.
This conversation is really the crux of the controversy around this issue and this show. And while I do think Bree is perhaps a little headstrong in her mission, she has been respectful of other people’s viewpoints. It’s the reverence to the man who jerked off in a cup that’s alive in Julian’s argument, and which I have seen expressed online many times since this show premiered, that bothers me and seems somehow almost misogynistic.
A man jerks off in a cup and is suddenly seen in an almost holy light. God bless his soul for giving life! And how dare Bree even be curious about him. Julian says, flippantly, “He was just making money. And that’s fine.” When a man does something with his body, and when a man asks for privacy, the world will fight to the death to defend it. Meanwhile, a woman’s right to regulate her own body is increasingly becoming illegal in many states, and already is illegal around the world. There are apparently moral implications tied to a woman’s body that are not tied to a man’s.
Yes, he asked for anonymity, and so far, nothing in this show has violated that. Bree is not pounding at his door while he shouts from the other side to be left alone. (If she does, yes, I will also feel weird about that.) He’s not even a real person right now, but an idea. The show is not about him; it’s about Bree. She’s 17, and has lots of questions about who she is, as we all do when we are 17. To call Julian out slightly on his moral superiority, if he really didn’t care at all, why would he have contacted the cryobank himself? Bree is curious, and it’s a curiosity that makes sense to me. Why do the feelings of the donor matter more than the feelings of a 17-year-old girl? They are both valid.
Jesse, while not being totally on board with Bree’s mission previously, is also put off by Julian’s black and white judgments on morals. When they get back in the car, he actually says that he feels Bree was too nice to him. Bree clearly doesn’t hold any grudges against Julian; she just doesn’t get it. And she’s coming on so strong that then Jesse starts to feel slightly attacked, too. If Julian is on one side of the spectrum, then Bree is on the other, and Jesse is stuck in between.
Back at Jesse’s house, his mom shows Bree photos of when Jesse met Hilit, Jonah, and other half-sibs when they were kids. “Look at you guys!” Bree cooes. “Everybody’s happy,” his mom says. Jesse cynically responds, “Are they?”
The next day, Jesse and Bree head out on a hike. As they leave the house, Bree says, “I shaved my armpits for this hike.” Hahaha. Jesse, this is a mark of lesbian respect. As they walk down the trail, Jesse remarks that hiking is fun. Bree says, “Yeah, I guess if you really like to be out in nature and feel like you’re dying.” Which is pretty much accurate. Bree is pretty great at breaking the tension.
Previous to this, Bree had also shown Jesse the donor information pamphlet that Mystery Man #1069 filled out at the time of donation, which Jesse had never seen before and which he was leery of at first. But as he started to learn more about his athletic, Jewish, cornet-playing donor, he saw likenesses that seemed to make him feel both comforted and more curious.
So when Jesse and Bree reach the top of the hill in their hike and rest on a rock overlooking the trees, Jesse opens up more than he has before. He’ll help Bree in her search. They head to a pizza place and try to do some research online, all of which seems maybe far fetched but makes them feel a little more accomplished somehow.
The episode ends with Jesse and his dad hitting some golf balls at the driving range, having this wonderful conversation. His mom had mentioned to his dad previously that maybe it’s Jesse’s love of him, and his worry about how all of this will affect his dad’s feelings, that is also making him feel hesitant. Jesse’s dad tells him that he thinks finding out more information about the donor is all good, if it’s what Jesse wants. Him actually being part of the family? Maybe not. Jesse’s like, geez, I don’t want that either. Jesse’s dad’s like, you don’t? Well, okay.
Jesse then asks his dad if he’s disappointed he doesn’t have a blood son. His dad doesn’t hesitate even a single beat before saying, “No, absolutely not.” He says that Jesse is amazing. You guys. Jesse and his dad are THE BEST.
Back at the house, Bree packs up to leave and Jesse tells her he doesn’t want her to go, which is ridiculously adorable. She takes another family video portrait and then she and Jesse head out to meet their other half siblings that live in the Boston area.Everything in this episode with Jesse was great, but I did feel like everything went too fast, and focused maybe too much on the donor issue. I want to know about these kids, and watch them bond with each other not just over their mystery donor, but just as people and as siblings. What are your thoughts?
