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“Last Tango in Halifax” recap (2.1): Are we cool, Vincent?

One of the things about Last Tango in Halifax that I had forgotten in all the months since the first season is how almost deceptive it is in its brilliance. The first episode of the second season, for instance, starts right where we left off, with Alan recovering in hospital from a heart attack. Everyone is happy about his alive-ness; Gillian’s crying a little; they make somewhat fussy arrangements about his return home; he and Celia are still clearly head over heels. And it’s all very nice, and the English countryside scenery is as comforting as ever, but it’s not necessarily full of action or overwhelmingly exciting.

But then over the course of the next 50 minutes, everything about these characters and their lives seeps into you, and you wonder if you ever really left the world of Halifax and Harrogate in the first place, and the end of the episode comes as a shock, because you don’t want to go, and you need it to be Tuesday again right now.

A lot of this episode’s drama revolves, in one way or another, around the classic bumbling fool of John and his inability to use his brain or his penis properly. When Caroline returns home to gather some clothes for her mother, who’s going to be staying in Halifax with Alan for a while, she regards John in the perfectly dismissive way that he deserves until he mentions that he should apologize to Celia and Alan. When Caroline asks what for, he says that the heart attack was essentially his fault, because if he hadn’t told Celia about Caroline being a big dyke, and if Celia hadn’t gotten so upset about it, then Alan wouldn’t have become so verklempt about Celia’s bigotry and his heart wouldn’t have gone boom. Basically, lesbianism causes heart attacks, everyone. This does afford us Caroline’s first “Are you effing kidding me?” face of the episode, though, which is always enjoyable. She replies, “But it really is all about you, isn’t it?”

“Well, yeah.”

Caroline’s like byeeeeeee, and drives off to Halifax, canceling plans with Kate over the phone on the way. Kate’s disappointed face is heartbreaking, but Caroline assures her they’ll do something tomorrow, yeah? And Kate smiles and the world rights itselfs again.

With Caroline gone, John’s next act of buffoonery is to harass Gillian about how in love with her he is after their one night of drunken sex, taking her DO NOT TEXT ME text as an invitation to repeatedly text her and then make her get on the phone with him via a sneaky call to Celia. In his defense, DO NOT TEXT ME is pretty vague, right? Thus proceeds a hilarious conversation wherein he professes his adoration and whines like a little boy while Gillian talks to him in an artificially cheery voice as if he’s an irritating telemarketer. After she finally succeeds in hanging up on him, he takes only a few seconds to process the rejection before giving a call to Judith. Good plan, my man.

At the hospital, Caroline and Gillian share a heart to heart in the cafeteria, talking softly and intimately, and it all seems warm and fuzzy at first. After sharing some vulnerable thoughts about their dads, Gillian asks how Kate is. Caroline smiles to herself, but then says that it’s all kind of strange, that suddenly everyone knows, and she didn’t want it to be like that. Because they don’t even know exactly what they are yet themselves. Gillian nods. “And everybody’s gawking at you, like they’re expecting you to make an announcement.” Caroline says, exactly! Gillian shrugs. “Sod ’em. Let them deal with it.” Caroline smiles. “Yeah.” And once more, to reassure herself: “Yeah.”

Gillian takes this moment of what seems to be solid friendship to take a deep breath and steer the conversation in a much different direction, gathering herself up to admit something to Caroline. After a rambly preamble, Caroline sticks her fork in her cake and says gaily, “So you’ve slept with John.” Gillian blanches, talks about how they were both pissed, and she doesn’t regret it because she makes it a point in her life to not regret anything, but it meant nothing, and-Caroline looks up, still holding her fork. “Oh, so you really have slept with John?” While Gillian continues to explain herself, Caroline laughs and smiles in a kind of amused shock, which is reassuring to Gillian, although she keeps asking if Caroline hates her. At one point Gillian says, “You’re thinking, brain dead, low life trailer trash, aren’t you?” Caroline responds with a smirk, “Yeah. But that’s ’cause I’m a snotty bitch.” PERFECT ALL THE AWARDS.

Things appear to descend into an awkward zone from there, as Gillian nervously references Pulp Fiction. “Are we cool, Vincent?” Caroline, obviously, doesn’t get it, and Gillian explains, “I’m Samuel L. Jackson. You’re John Travolta.” Caroline continues to scrape around her plate, looking at Gillian less and less now, and all she can think to say is “Blimey.”

You have to forgive me, Aidan.

As the two women accompany Celia back to Gillian’s farm, the awkwardness thickens, and Caroline quickly decides to head back to her own place even though she’d previously planned to stay the night. When Celia walks her out to her car, Caroline shares the news she’s just heard, probably because she feels like she needs to tell somebody, and while she seems befuddled about Gillian’s casual sexual behavior, she’s clearly much more disturbed about John’s.

But when Celia walks back into the farmhouse, her ugly, judgmental head rears itself again as she regards Gillian somewhat coldly, at least in comparison to how they had been acting merely minutes and hours before. They had been brought closer by Alan’s near death experience, the man that means more to both of them than anything else in the world, and you can see Gillian now understanding that the woman who was actually beginning to feel mother-like is suddenly slipping away from her. She anxiously offers her tea, which Celia takes before quickly retreating from the room. Gillian’s shoulders slump and she closes her eyes, as if she’s resigned to the mess she’s made at the same time that she wants to wish it away.

The next day, Alan is finally released from the hospital, and he and Celia promptly go to visit a rock at the top of the world, where they sit and look out at the cars passing below them, the vast green hills. After Alan gives a little speech about how he’s really going to live now that he’s got another chance to, they start talking about old friends they used to have, who they used to come to this same rock with, the things they’d done in the past, how some of those friends have passed away. And while the conversation between Caroline and Gillian in the hospital cafe was award worthy, there is something about this entire scene that is perfect, that wraps itself all the way around my heart.

The friends and family they talk about are names that mean nothing to us, names that we will probably never hear again, and so as a viewer, it seems like trivial information that shouldn’t make an impact. But the way they laugh nostalgically about it all seems so genuine, and their whole conversation is so natural that it reminds you of the way you’d like to be with your best mate when you are old, sitting on top of a rock in the countryside, or sitting in a grimy diner in a city, it doesn’t matter where, really, except for the fact that the memories are good, albeit bittersweet sometimes, and the conversation is natural and warm and meaningful, like a worn out sweater, like a life well lived.

Alan ends the conversation the way all such conversations should come to an end, with this question: “Do you fancy a pint?” Celia isn’t so sure about that, so instead they head to the city registrar’s office. Because with life being so short and all, they’ve decided to get this marriage thing over with, and to have it be just them-no pomp, no pressure, not even any daughters. They get assigned a date to come back in a fortnight, because people in England use words like fortnight.

Afterwards, they finally head back to the farm, where they present Gillian with yet another piece of news: they’ve decided Alan will move into Celia’s flat at Caroline’s. There are too many steps at the farmhouse, and at Celia’s she can keep an eye on him at all times. While it just makes more sense, clearly it breaks Gillian’s heart. My need to reach through the screen and hug Gillian forever increases.

Back at Caroline’s, Caroline and Kate waltz into the kitchen where John is sitting with his computer, being a putz, and Caroline cheerfully informs him that Kate is moving in. Well! Insert joke about U-Haul here. John sputters about how she has her own house and doesn’t understand why she would be want to be here. We can explain that to you in more detail if you need, John. Caroline says that after Saturday night, he has nothing to say. More on this Saturday night business in a moment.

First, Caroline and Kate share some googly eyes with each other. Kate asks how permanent this is. Caroline says they have to sit down and have a real conversation about it soon. That is, if it’s what Kate wants. Kate says, “Do you have to ask?”

At the same moment, Celia and Alan are rolling up outside to move Alan in, with Gillian behind them to see him off. In the car ride over, however, Celia has spilled the beans about Gillian and John to Alan, and Alan is not. happy. And strangely and horribly, he is the meanest to her of all. When they all arrive in Celia’s cottage, Alan goes on a slut shaming parade, calling Gillian a longstanding disappointment. He then decides to inform Celia that Gillian got pregnant when she was 15. It broke her mother’s heart, he says. Gillian stands, slack jawed.

Before this happy scene can go any further, Caroline bursts in, still glowing from her lovely dovey eyes with Kate, and informs everyone about why Kate will be living at the house, at least for now. It seems that when she had turned up Saturday night after her awkward departure from Gillian’s cottage, she entered through the door just in time to see Judith tumbling down her stairs and landing in a heap of bathrobe and pale skin. John soon followed, rumply and drunk, and Caroline glances into the kitchen, full of empty wine bottles and greasy handprints on the walls. The boys burst out the living room and the angsty gay one that I love complains that Judith and John have been loud and annoying all night. Caroline calmly tells them to get in her car.

Poor Lawrence.

Caroline tells John that he’s traumatized their children, and that she’s leaving to give him time to clean up the kitchen, somehow. He says that whatever trauma he’s done doesn’t compare to what she’s forced on them by being a “mad old dyke.” He then continues to stomp his foot about the house being his, not hers, because it was mostly paid for by his profits when he was on the best seller’s list. Writers, man. Then Judith pukes. Curtain!

The universal “Whatever, dyke,” hand signal.

Back in Celia’s cottage, Caroline explains that that’s why Kate’s here-as an effort to push John out of the house, which he is still refusing to do. Oh, Caroline, Caroline, Caroline. Those googly eyes you were giving Kate felt genuine, but just using your girlfriend as a ploy to get your annoying husband out of the way is definitely against the rules in the lesbian playbook. You know Kate will do anything you ask. Don’t mess with her heart, Caroline.

Even though Caroline also says she’s made everyone dinner, Gillian takes the opportunity to excuse herself. Caroline follows her out, to see why she’s in such bad shape, and Gillian fills in a few more of the holes: her dad’s mad at her for sleeping with John, and she broke her mother’s heart she was 15 and got pregnant, had an abortion, and never finished school.

My desire to hug her is now fit to bursting, but after Caroline says sorry a few times and Gillian walks to her car, Caroline says to herself, “Why am I apologizing?” Gillian smiles back at her through her windshield and mutters under her breath, “Sanctimonious bitch.” Aww, things are getting back to normal!

As she backs out the driveway, John bolts out of the house and chases her down, because having a chat with John is just what Gillian needs. She shouts, “Get out of my Land Rover!,” which is an amazing line. He, shockingly, refuses. Yet as John whines about his pathetic life, it at least gives Gillian a chance to laugh at someone worse off than her, and to not be treated like she’s a horrible person for a few moments.

Fast forward two weeks, and we see Gillian and Caroline at their parallel, yet entirely different every day tasks: Gillian herds sheep; Caroline herds students.

Sheepies!

As Gillian then cleans her living room, under a couch cushion she discovers the card from the reigstrar’s office, scheduling Celia and Alan’s marriage-for that morning at 11:00. She rings up Caroline, who seems just as bewildered by this secret wedding as Gillian, although Gillian is clearly more flustered by it. They both come to the conclusion, though, that their parents must not have wanted them there. Caroline says that she has to go back to her meeting, and Gillian hangs up on her and then grabs her coat, heading out the door. Meanwhile, Alan and Celia are rolling down the road towards Halifax in their Lexus, grinning at each other without a care in the world.

Next week promises more tough times for Gillian, and Kate informing Caroline that she wants a baby.

What were your thoughts on the beginning of the second season? What do you hope the next five episodes have in store?

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