Welcome to your Rizzoli & Isles summer finale. Please, pour yourself a nice glass of Chardonnay and break out the cheese doodles. It’s me time, ladies. Hell, why not slip into a hot tub and let the day’s cares soak away in the soothing bubbles. Oh, wait, here’s why. Someone will try to electrocute you with your retro ’90s boom box and then drown you, just for good measure. Must you ruin everything, show, must you?
Back in the office Jane is feverishly finishing her paperwork. She gets it done quickly so she can take two days off to break up properly with Lt. Col. Beard Force. So that’s one day to end it and one day to celebrate with Maura, as it should be. Jane and Korsak then compare notes about who has the most stored vacation days. Jane: 116, Korsak: 243.
Frost, being sane and liking his secret vacation time with Frankie, asks why they’re both crazy workaholics. Jane answers with the most true truth to ever be uttered truthfully. “Because we’re studs.” Yep, you heard that right. Det. Jane Clementine Rizzoli – board certified stud.
Just then, as if called by Jane’s Stud Signal, Maura rushes in. She’s brandishing a letter from federal prison. It’s from her Papa Paddy. He has sent her seven letters in the last five days. Jane rightfully throws it into the recycling bin. Recycling paper, eating seitan, practicing yoga – there is truly nothing Jane will not do to make Maura happy.
Two things about that letter, though: 1) Look how short Maura’s nails are. Maura’s neat-and-trim nails bring all the girls to the yard, damn right, they’re better than yours. And 2) There is no 5801 Pickney Street in Boston, I Googled it. But, there is a Pinckney Street in Boston’s tony Beacon Hill neighborhood and it’s a dead-ringer for Maura’s block.
Now that I’m done stalking fictional characters, shall we return to the plot? Naturally, we haven’t begun to discuss the actual murder yet because it’s not like this is supposed to be a crime show or anything. Instead, Maura is overcome with curiosity over what her biological imprisoned mob boss father (Do you have an appropriate Father’s Day card for that, Hallmark?) could possibly want from her. Maybe to belatedly congratulate her on the Supreme Court decisions which clear the path for Jane and her to wed legally in the eyes of the federal government? I imagine news travels slowly in the pokey. I mean it’s called the pokey.
Maura rips open the letter, and while it’s not his blessing it is a reaffirmation of family ties. Paddy’s own papa is being released from prison and needs a place to stay. So naturally he thinks of his long-lost, totally estranged biological daughter. Really, there’s no half-way house for geriatric mobsters? This is why you don’t go into crime, kids. Terrible retirement plans.
Somehow Maura is overcome with familial guilt about not helping her bio-gramps. I think the writers may have forgotten that Maura has an actual family with actual parents. Adoptive parents are real parents, folks. I mean, sure, we’ve never seen her dad – ever. But she has one, right – I think? And, sure, we haven’t seen her mom since the first episode of the third season. But she exists, right? It wasn’t just some mass dream we all had, right?
The complicated parental drama is interrupted, at long last, by murder. The woman in the hot tub has been found. Jane and Korsak (and Maura, but that’s a given because I said “Jane”) go to investigate leaving Frost to handle a fatal shooting victim with Frankie. Aw, everyone’s paired off as they should be. Now go forth, solve crimes and bicker like old married couples just like we like it. It’s exciting for everyone, I know.