“The Fosters” recap (1.10): “She Keeps Me Warm”

Previously on The Fosters, Stef proposed to Lena, Jude returned from Out of Town, and we all wished that we could have thirty-seven more episodes just about the early days of Lena and Stef’s relationship.

To shake things up this episode we’re starting in, oh hell, we’re starting in the kitchen. Jesus has been pressed into silver polishing duties. Welcome to every holiday at our house, kid. If you want to get out of you can try my brothers’ trick, go to the bathroom and don’t come back until it’s all done. Stef’s mom, the incomparable Annie Potts, tells Jesus to shove it and Stef wanders in carrying a large box. Lena flips because Stef had, you know, a bullet in her gut (or chest, it was a migrating bullet) the last time we saw her and for once should leave the heavy lifting to other people. Stef stomps over to the coffee pot and grumbles about going nuts from inactivity. I can think of an excellent way to combat inactivity, it’s a two person activity, you should ask Lena to join you, Stef.

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Stef’s mom wants to know when she’s going back to work. Stef glances at Lena and says “oh when I get cleared…we’re not sure” and Lena glides over and says that all Stef needs to worry about is walking down the aisle. Stef says “and we’re not even doing that?” Lena’s gives Stef an indulgent look that says “you got shot and I’m high on silver polish fumes, so I’ll let it slide this time.” Stef apparently missed the look. Annie Potts is aghast. How could you possibly be getting married without walking down the aisle or having your fathers give you away? This reminds me of my wedding when my mom got all worked up about the ushers being male because of tradition. She was not persuaded by my “tradition? There’s no groom, mother.” argument.

Stef really winds up for this pitch. How silly to have two brides walk down the aisle, there’d be no one waiting. Ha! Oh and why are we being given away and to whom are we being given. It’s just so silly this matrimony stuff. Lena takes her next look up a notch and says “I’m not sure it’s silly, but it’s not really us.” Stef, you may have gotten shot a couple weeks ago but it’s not going to get you out of trouble forever. Annie knows, and she gives the mom look. Don’t propose and then be a dick about the wedding, Stef.

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Stef tries to clear a cereal bowl and gets shooed away by her mom. Lena cracks that she’s not the only one who gets tense around her mom (there are proven methods for relieving tension, ladies) and Stef admits that she’s more nervous about the conversation they have to have with Callie. Callie bounces down the steps and they ask to talk to her about Liam.

At Anchors Aweigh charter school for the gifted and lesbian parented, Wyatt hops over to chat with Callie about how lame it is that Brandon and Talya are back together. Oh and another thing, he’s moving to Indiana because when they lost the house his mom thought maybe not being homeless would be a good plan. So pack your UHaul and point it East. Hoosiers ho! He’s driving their car to the midwest on Sunday. Callie tells the Flying Tomato that it sucks and she’ll miss him and they have a weird lingering cheek kiss.

Talya is roping Brandon into a very exciting adventure to the mall to pick out a wedding gift for his moms. She says, “candlesticks always make a nice gift” and he agrees, then peels off to go to talk to Callie who is looking sad on a bench. Talya say Brandon should invite her to Registries R Us because nothing helps a case of the Mondays like a third wheel shopping trip. He sits down and she tells him that while his girlfriend is worrying about picking out a chafing dish for his mothers, she needs to decide what to do with the pretrial hearing for man who raped her. The moms told her it would come down to her word against his and those things never go her way. Isn’t enough that Sarah is safe?  Brandon puts on his Ross Gellar pouty face and says what she did for Sarah was great but that doesn’t she deserve a little justice too?

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And this one goes out to all the ladies who love a lady in a tank top. Stef has her shirt pulled up and is checking out her migrating bullet wound in the mirror. Lena walks in a pauses as she sees it in the mirror then apologizes for making Stef self-conscious. Stef says she’s not self-conscious, she’s not the one who is bothered by the scar. Lena says it’s not that she’s bothered it just a constant reminder of her near death and being left to raise five unruly teens on her own. Lena is not thrilled that Stef will be going back to work soon but Stef says she can’t stay home forever, love. It’s a sweetly tense scene but I have to admit being a bit distracted by these gorgeous ladies in their tanks.

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Annie Potts is giving Stef’s dad shit about the wallpaper in his kitchen. While she’s throwing out dead plants and cleaning up his mess, she drops some gossip about Ezra Fitz loving his student so hard that he took a bat to the car of a boy who dared smear her name. She segues into telling him that Lena’s dad got ordained by the internet Church of Vanderjesus and how different the world is now that anyone can get ordained and save you the trip to Vegas. Yes, the world has changed and gays can get married now but not in Vegas because of, you know, moral reasons. She steamrolls on about how everyone is so excited about it and so glad that he’ll be there. You are coming aren’t you? She tells him that he better get over whatever bullshit it holding him back from RSVPing to his only daughter’s wedding because if he doesn’t he may lose her for good, which, hello have you see the wound in her, let’s just say torso to be safe, from the gunshot that nearly killed her a month ago? She tells him, put on a nice shirt and get his saggy ass to the wedding. She storms out with so much sass and fire and I love her so much.

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